Changed

by E. M. Leya

  Mark looked away, which didn't leave me feeling very hopeful that this was going to be easy.

  I refused to be one of those wolves who lived without their mate. If we were meant to be together, then I had to find a way to show Mark that. How he couldn't feel what I was feeling shocked me. I loved him. He was the most important person in my life. It was an instant feeling. Something that hit me the moment I caught his scent. I wasn't sure if it was because he was a new wolf or if there was another reason he was fighting this, but I needed to find a way to get him over his hesitation. I could give him a good life. I had money. We could do anything he wanted, go anywhere. No one would ever love him the way I did.

  While I understood that such an instant love was confusing to his human mind, to a wolf it was something we were born understanding. Our mate was everything to us and from a young age, we looked forward to finding them. I just hoped that Mark would come to understand what a gift it was to be lucky enough to find your mate.

  "You'll both have time to work things out." Kurt sent a jolt of compassionate energy to me, letting me know he understood the pain I was feeling at my mate not responding to me.

  "We will. First, we need to make sure Mark's comfortable with everything else. I sense how restless his wolf is. We won't forget him or close him out. Late tonight or tomorrow, if there are no problems, you can shift back for a few hours. The more you shift, the easier it will be and it will build the trust between you and your wolf." I watched Mark as I reached for another sandwich, wishing I had more than words to reassure him.

  "I'm only a phone call away if you need me." Kurt stood. "I'm taking one for the road." He grabbed another sandwich. "You three take things slow and everything should be okay. Mark's wolf is strong, and once he finds his place, he'll be able to deal with things better. Right now, it's a power struggle between the three of you. That will work itself out. When the time comes, bring him to the pack house so he can get a better understanding of how normal things will be. A few beers and a couple of games of pool while he talks to the others might be just what he needs."

  Mark wasn't even old enough to legally drink, not that it would matter to any of the pack.

  "I'll see you all soon. Call me if there are problems." Kurt gripped Mark's shoulder. "Trust these two. They aren't here to hurt you, just show you how things are done. You couldn't have two better men beside you to go through all of this. If things get to the point you have to get away, you can come stay with me for a few days."

  "Thanks." Mark glanced up at Kurt, but also sent a scent of fear out that filled the room.

  I didn't like that he feared us, but I had to remember everything he was going through.

  Once Kurt was gone, I stood. "I need to work on some music. You're welcome to join me if you want. You any good at writing songs?" I was desperate to find something to bring us together.

  "Never tried." Mark shrugged.

  "Well, if you want to, I could use the help. I have three new songs unfinished. If you have lyrics, I'm up for trying them out. Come see what I've got started and it might spark something."

  Mark glanced at Justice.

  "I'm fine with that. I have work to do as well. You can yell for me if you need me." Justice took the empty plates to the sink and rinsed them.

  "Come on." I jerked my head toward the stairs.

  Mark followed, but I didn't get the impression that he was happy about it. It didn't dull the excitement that I was about to be alone with my mate. Even if we didn't touch, just having him with me was enough for now.

  "Do you write all the songs?" Mark asked as we headed into the room that held my equipment.

  I sat back in one of the comfortable chairs and reached for my guitar. "Not all, but a lot of them. The other guys all help, but I enjoy writing, so I tend to do more of it. How well do you know the band?"

  Mark sank down in a bean bag that was off to the side of the room. "Not well. I've heard of you, heard some of your stuff, but never paid much attention." He picked at a string on his shirt sleeve. "I never had the chance to really worry about music. I was always trying to survive. I've never been to a concert or anything."

  "We'll change that. Not only can you attend any of my concerts, but if there are others you want to see, just say the word and I'll have Will get us tickets." I strummed my guitar softly. "Do you have a type of music you like most?"

  He shrugged.

  "Well, I mostly play rock, but I enjoy about anything. I grew up listening to country, and my best friend growing up loved rap, so I've been around it all. If you're like me, you might find that in human form, you like one kind of music, but in wolf, you like another. My wolf doesn't like the loud, heavy, metal stuff, but enjoys country. My human side wants hard rock and metal."

  "How does that happen? You're the same person, so wouldn't you like the same stuff?"

  "That's just it. You're not the same person. You wolf is its own being. While you think alike and share a body, you both think in different ways. When Justice says we are trying to teach you things now, part of that is how to work with your wolf so you aren't at odds with each other all the time. Most of the time, your wolf is content to let you deal with human things in your human form. They don't interest him, but there are times when you are angry, hungry, and horny where your wolf wants control. Those are things he understands. Hunting, feeding, fighting, and sex are things your wolf loves. He will be most alert at those times and want to come forward. You need to learn when it's okay to let him out and have his way and when you can't. Like if some guy at the store pisses you off and starts a fight, your wolf's reaction is to come forward and fight to defend you, but your human side knows it can't do that, and that it's not right, so you have to learn how to hold your wolf back. Then later, once you are in a place that is safe, you let him out to run to work off the agitation he felt earlier. It's a balancing act that both sides of you will have to learn. It's not easy. There are times when I struggle to hold my wolf back, but we both know that shifting in public would get us killed and that is a pretty strong deterrent in keeping us under control."

  "What if I like being a wolf more?"

  "Most of us probably do, but that's not how we are meant to live. It's a give and take, accepting both sides. Your human life will be different now. I promise. You haven't had a chance to experience the world since you've shifted. Your senses are so much stronger now, and with the pack behind you, supporting you, you can do anything you want. The pack is like having a huge extended family who is always there to help you. Don't try and judge what your life is going to be like this soon. Give it time. Explore it. You might find you like it." I played one of my newer songs softly on the guitar as we talked. "In time, once you learn to trust your wolf and your wolf trusts you, he'll be silent in your mind most of the time and you'll be silent in his when he comes out. You lean on each other for the skills each has, but you also allow the other half to be who they are when the time is right."

  Mark sighed. "I feel like I'm about to lose control. He's right there in my mind, watching and waiting for the chance to escape. I won't be able to stop him if he forces things."

  "You will. This is what we expected. It takes time to get used to. That's why Justice is around for several weeks after your shift. We know how strong the urge to let your wolf take control is. We understand how easy it would be to run in the forest and forget your human life. Trust me, some days when things go wrong, it's all I want too. That's when I call my friends and plan a night of hunting so that my wolf can get his time and relax too."

  "I have no friends to call."

  "You'd be surprised at how many you'll have once you meet the pack, and you will always have Justice and me when you need us. I'm not going anywhere."

  A scent of anger flowed from Mark.

  I raised a brow. "Why does that make you mad?"

  "This whole mating thing pisses me off. I don't have a choice. I don't want to belong to anyone. I don't want anyone telling me what to do, when
to do it. I've spent my life being what everyone else needs me to be so I could survive. I finally hoped I'd have a chance to find my own way for once." Mark closed his eyes, arching his head back as he took a deep breath. "This isn't how it was supposed to be. First, I can't do anything because Justice is in control, but once he's done with me, he's just passing me on to you."

  Shocked to hear how he was viewing things, I set my guitar down and moved off the chair to kneel beside him. "No, that isn't at all what is happening. No one is trying to control you. Well, maybe a bit right now, but that's only because you're newly shifted. It would be like this with anyone for the first few weeks, but once that is done, you're free to do what you want, be who you are. No one, especially me, wants you to feel trapped or forced into anything. I get that you didn't get a choice on becoming one of us and I'm sorry for that. I wasn't here to know everything that happened. All I do know is you are now one of us and you're my mate. That doesn't mean I want to control you. It means I love you just the way you are. I want you no matter the flaws or imperfections. We're connected on a level that few ever get to share. I know you have to feel the pull between us."

  "I do, and I hate it. I can't get you off my mind. I want to be near you all the time. It's driving me crazy. When I try to ignore it, I'm still aware of it. You can't love me. You don't even know me. We've fucked, that's it. There is no relationship, no love. We haven't known each other long enough." Mark bit his lip and leaned back in the bean bag.

  "You're thinking like a human, but that's not how it is for wolves. As a wolf, we sense our soulmate. We catch the scent of them and it's instant. We know we connect. Know we are compatible. I loved you the moment I caught your scent. The feeling of wanting to be close is normal. It won't fade."

  "Don't you see, I have no choice."

  "You do. You can refuse the bond, but it's not easy if you do. We'll both always feel the pull, the longing, the desire for one another. There is a mating ceremony that the bonded go through, it's sexual. It binds us together, makes our link stronger. Once we do that, parting is near impossible, but before the ceremony is done, you can still walk away and learn to live with the feelings you'll still have."

  Mark stared at me, then shook his head. "What if your mate is abusive? Are you telling me you can't leave someone once this ceremony is done, even if it's in your best interest?"

  "It's rare, but it happens. The thing about being mates is I will always put your safety and protection before my own. I'd lay down my life for you, do anything to protect you. I couldn't hurt you. It would kill me to do so. In the very rare case that a mating turns abusive, there are laws that the alpha can use to end the mating, but that usually means the abuser's death. Wolves don't put up with abuse. Domestic violence is almost unheard of between mates. Non-mates who choose to live together are a different story, but as mates, it's almost impossible for mates to hurt each other."

  "I don't know you," Mark insisted.

  "No, not yet, but you will if you give us a chance. I have no secrets between us. I'm an open book to you. The bond we share is stronger than any I share with another, even my twin. It will take time to learn about each other, but I know in my heart that I will love everything I learn about you. I will accept and cherish everything."

  "Isn't that naïve to think that you can accept everything about me? I'm hardly perfect. I've done things in my past. I have secrets."

  "So have I." I reached out and took his hand, caressing my thumb over his palm. "But not with you. In time, you'll know everything. I hear that once the ceremony is done, we are almost able to read each other's minds. It's not as if you'll know my every thought, but you'll feel my emotions through our link so strongly that you'll know me in a way that only a mate can. I don't care about your past or what you've done. I care about what happens now and from here on out. Our future together is the only thing that matters."

  "So I'm expected to just drop everything and go on tour with you and forget my life here?"

  "No, not at all. If you don't like me touring, I'll quit."

  Mark blinked several times as he stared at me, a shocked expression on his face. "You'd quit. You'd give up what you love because I didn't like it?"

  "I love you more than my music, more than the band. If you truly hated me touring and asked me to give it up, I would in a moment."

  "How can you say that so easily? We just met."

  "You're my mate. It's a simple choice. I choose you over everything."

  "That's not right."

  "It's how things are. Still, I believe that we were chosen to be mates because we could work through anything. You know I love my music, so you wouldn't ask me to quit. You might ask me to cut back, but you wouldn't take what I love away from me. The same with whatever it is you love. I'd never ask you to stop doing whatever your passion is. We're a team now, and we work together to make our lives work together. We put whatever it takes into finding a path into the future where we are both happy."

  "There is nothing I love. I have nothing to offer a relationship or a mating. I lived on the streets, barely living. I don't have a career, a job, any passions."

  "I think you have passions, but haven't been able to enjoy them because life has been so hard for you. I don't care about where you've been. It made you the man you are and if the Powers that Be are saying we belong together I'm not going to argue. Our pasts are just that, the past. We make our future together."

  "This is insane."

  "Maybe, but it's right. I have no doubt that we belong together. I want my future to be with you." I held his hand tightly in my own. "I want you just as you are."

  Mark shook his head and pulled his hand from mine. "It's too much too soon." He pushed up, standing. "I need time."

  Hoping the pain those words caused didn't show on my face, I nodded. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

  "I'm sorry," Mark said before leaving the room.

  Let down, but not about to give up, I watched him go. Somehow this would all work out. I only needed to give him time.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Mark

  It seemed as if I'd been trapped in the house for years. Restless and angry, I wondered if there was any escaping the babysitters I was stuck with. To be fair, Justice and Tavish had been nice enough, but I really wanted to get out and just breathe some fresh air for a change without anyone with me.

  In the four days since I'd shifted, Justice had barely let me out of his sight. I did as I was told and shifted back and forth several times a day, finding it easier each time I did it. I was slowly starting to understand my wolf and how the two of us would work together to survive. I still liked being in wolf form more, but that was probably because I wasn't forced to communicate with anyone.

  "Feel like getting outside for a bit?" Tavish asked from behind me as I sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.

  "Seriously?" My eyes went wide.

  "Yeah. I thought we could run through the forest a bit. Work off some stress." He came over and sat beside me.

  Like always when he was near, an electrical kind of energy surged through me and I longed to move closer and feel his arms around me. So far, I'd been able to resist doing that, but it was getting harder. I hated the obsession I seemed to have for Tavish. He consumed my thoughts and even my dreams. I'd wake up in the morning hard from all the erotic things we'd done in my mind while I slept.

  "I'd love to. You mean as a wolf, right?"

  He nodded. "As long as you promise to stay close and not dart off without us. Your wolf is going to want to hunt, but we need you to stay with us. If we see a deer or anything, we'll hunt, but you can't go off on your own searching, okay?"

  "Yeah, of course." I was so excited to finally get out of the house. Justice didn't trust me at all. That much was obvious. He'd watched over me as if he thought the moment I had a chance I was going to light the house on fire. While I wouldn't go that far, I have to admit that up until today, the urge to escape and
leave them had been strong. Slowly, I was starting to understand how that was my wolf trying to push me into giving him full control.

  I was finding that my wolf was sneaky and I didn't fully trust him. At first, I was scared and happy to stay in wolf form. It was easier, but now, I was scared to death that I wouldn't be able to shift back. My wolf wanted nothing more than to run and fuck, which also made being around Tavish harder. My wolf was constantly watching him, smelling him, seeking him out no matter where in the room he was. It was distracting. As a human, I was able to remind myself of all the reasons being with him was crazy, but none of those reasons mattered to my wolf. He just wanted Tavish any way he could have him.

  "Justice is on the phone. When he's done, we'll go. You'll want to strip in the house unless you want to leave your clothes in the dirt outside." Tavish started to pull his shirt over his head.

  I watched in awe, remembering his naked body hovering over me when we'd had sex. I'd been in such a daze at the time I hadn't taken the time to enjoy it, but now, I longed to touch him, and feel those muscles under my hands. I wanted to do things with him that we hadn't taken the time to do when I'd been so crazy with need.

  As if he knew what I was thinking, Tavish smiled.

  I blushed and looked away, trying not to be self-conscious that I was going to have to strip in front of him as well. It wasn't as if Justice and Tavish hadn't seen me naked already, but this seemed different.

  "You'll get used to it." Tavish folded his pants and set them on a chair. He was fully naked as he turned to face me. "Justice and I were born wolf so being naked is normal to us. We don't think about it. Wolves shift in front of each other all the time, and it's impossible not to be naked around others. It will take time to get used to, but nakedness isn't taboo for wolves the way it is for humans."

  I wasn't sure I'd ever be comfortable with it, but he'd already seen me naked, so it shouldn't matter. I stood and stripped off my clothes, folding them and setting them on the couch. When I glanced up, Tavish stared at me with a heated gaze.