by E. M. Leya
"I thought you were used to nakedness," I said softly, trying not to become aroused by the way his gaze traveled over me.
"That doesn't mean I don't enjoy seeing my mate naked." He stepped closer.
I held up a hand. "Don't. I don't have the control to keep something from happening if you get close." I hated wanting him the way I did. "I'm trying hard to ignore whatever this feeling is."
"Ignoring it isn't going to make it go away." Tavish didn't move any closer, but he still stared at me.
"I shouldn't want you this badly."
"It's the mating bond. It's powerful. If it helps, I've never felt anything like it before either. I want you so bad it hurts. Remembering us in bed only makes it worse."
I swallowed hard, refusing to react.
"Ready?" Justice ran down the stairs, also naked. He paused as his nostrils flared and he looked back and forth between Tavish and me. "Oh, hell no. You two start fucking and I'm off. I'm not into watching."
I rolled my eyes. "It's not going to happen."
Tavish raised a brow as if questioning me.
"Just saying, if it does, I'll meet you two back here."
"We'll be in wolf form, we wouldn't…" I bit my lip, unable to finish. Would we have sex as wolves? Of course we would. Our wolves were mated. It would be the normal thing to do. I brushed my fingers through my hair. "Well, fuck."
Justice laughed. "You might like it. It's rough and violent."
I blushed, not needing to imagine.
Tavish smiled slyly. "If it happens, we'll meet you back here."
Justice sighed. "Watch him. Don't let him run on you."
I hated them talking as if I wasn't standing by them. "I won't run. I'm starting to understand my wolf better. He might want to, but I think I can stop him."
Justice nodded. "Good. For now, let's just go run and have some fun. There's a couple of ponds in the area. If we get lucky, we'll find a couple of rabbits or a deer."
The thought of fresh meat had my mouth watering as I followed Tavish and Justice outside. It was strange walking out naked. I wondered what anyone would think if they suddenly drove up. While the house was back far enough, there was still a chance someone could drop by, but I figured if someone did, they'd probably be a shifter also. I had to trust Tavish and Justice to know what they were doing.
"You ready to shift?" Tavish asked.
"Yeah." My wolf was restless and ready.
"Tavish, you shift first, then I'll wait until Mark's done before I do. We'll take that south trail back and go from there."
Tavish nodded before winking at me and shifting.
I watched as he fell to the ground in wolf form. His wolf was beautiful. I loved the way he looked. The sight of him caused my own wolf to become even more restless. I glanced up at Justice, and at his nod, I shifted, allowing my wolf to come free.
Shifting was getting easier. While I didn't do it with the speed Tavish had, it didn't take long. I panted several times before shaking my coat and turning to find my mate. Unlike in human form, my wolf didn't hesitate to go to Tavish and rub up against him, playfully nipping at him as Tavish did the same back.
I loved Tavish's scent and buried my nose into his fur to smother myself with it. As a wolf, there was no hesitation to being mates. I accepted it. I even wanted it, but in my human mind, sitting back and watching things happen, I still argued that it wasn't normal to want someone this way. My wolf ignored me. All I could do was settle back and let my wolf have his time with Tavish, then once we shifted back, bring common sense back into play.
Justice let out a howl to get our attention, and I turned, finding a large black wolf standing off to the side watching us. He yipped once and took off for the tree line. The urge to give chase was strong and with a glance at Tavish, I took off after Justice.
The three of us barked and howled, communicating with each other as we raced down a worn trail into the trees. I loved this. The cool air rushing over my fur, the scents and smells of the forest, the joy of racing with other wolves, it was something unlike anything I'd felt before. This was the life.
I'd thought being in wolf form and running for the first time might be strange and awkward, but I found I knew everything and understood everything. It was instinctual. I understood the other wolves, I knew how to do things, I focused on different scents and knew exactly what it was.
Justice stopped, then leaped and tackled Tavish, the two wolves wrestling across the dirt, nipping and biting playfully at each other. I watched until Justice bit Tavish too hard, causing him to wince back and yelp. Without any warning, a protective need filled me and I crashed into Justice, ready to fight. It was only his power and energy that kept me from following through and tearing my fangs into him. He seemed to understand what I was about to do and used the power to warn me back.
I hesitated, still not liking that he'd hurt my mate, but nervous to push forward to fight him. Tavish bumped my side, licked my ear, then bumped me again, pulling my attention from Justice. He was telling me he was okay and Justice hadn't hurt him. I still glared for a moment at Justice, our eyes locking, but finally stepped back, turned to Tavish, and pressed up against him.
My mate's touch soothed me in a way nothing ever had. Just being close to him, my wolf was relaxed. For once in my life, I was happy and content with everything. If we could stay this way, curled up together in the shade, I would have never needed for anything else.
Justice made a soft sound and lifted his snout into the air.
I did the same, taking in a strange scent coming from down the trail. Excitement flowed through me as I realized it was a deer. Somehow, I knew the scent. My mouth watered and I glanced at Tavish, giving him a nudge.
The three of us stood silent, then Justice started to move, stalking forward quietly. I watched, excitement and hunger growing. It was all I could do not to take off after the deer. I wanted to hunt it down, but both Tavish and Justice moved slowly, cautiously. Each time I started to move faster, Tavish nipped at me, forcing me to stay back with him. It was so hard not to ignore them and take off on my own.
It seemed to take forever, but as we came around a crop of bushes, I saw the deer. It was a buck with a huge rack. I was reminded of the trophy deer mounted in the den of my childhood home. My father bragged about killing that deer. I never understood the need to hunt, but now, I wanted nothing but to jump out of the shadows, land on that deer's back, and take him to the ground.
There was a moment of complete stillness, then Justice took off fast, giving chase. The deer paused for only a second before it started to run. Tavish and I followed, running with Justice. I loved this. It was a rush of adrenalin as I tasted the dust the deer kicked up, pushed closer, then weaved to avoid running into Tavish.
The deer was fast, but we were faster. Justice's strong jaw gripped one hind leg while Tavish bit into a front leg. Somehow, instinctively I knew what to do. I jumped, finding the soft flesh of the deer's neck and sank my teeth into it. I clung there, biting down hard as Tavish and Justice worked to bring the deer to the ground.
It was probably only seconds, but the battle felt as if it went on forever, but once the deer dropped and I was able to thrash my head, tearing open the neck, the hunt was over. Blood coated my tongue, the taste filling my mouth. I held onto his neck until he didn't move, then stepped back after releasing him and howled.
Tavish licked the blood from my mouth as Justice watched over the deer. I focused for a moment on my mate, somehow feeling his pride in me through some strange, faint connection. I tilted my head at him, trying to understand if what I was feeling was real. Could I honestly feel what he was feeling? He'd said we could do that after the ceremony, but we hadn't done that. His pride in me had me so happy. I couldn't remember when anyone had ever been proud of me for something I'd done. I was always the loser in the background. The one who everyone avoided and expected to fail. I liked this new feeling.
Justice barked at us and I turned. From his actions,
I could tell he was offering to let me eat first. I was honored. I gave Tavish another brush by before going over and without hesitation tearing at deer's belly, opening it to a smorgasbord of delicious scents. I didn't know where to start.
We ate our fill, then all eased down in the shade to digest our food. I was content to curl up beside Tavish and have his warm body against mine. Justice stayed close, but gave us our privacy.
I must have fallen asleep because when I woke, I found Tavish and Justice eating again. Sluggishly, I joined them, not really hungry, but enjoying being a part of something for a change. I'd never been so full. When I couldn't eat anymore, I stepped back, watching them eat until they both turned to me. I brushed up against each of them, thanking them for the experience. When Justice started back down the path toward home, Tavish and I followed behind him, casually brushing against each other, nipping at each other, and sharing something that we hadn't been able to share in human form.
Was that my fault? Was I overthinking things? Was it this easy? Today, as wolves I never once felt them try to control me. There were moments they made me pause, take my time, and slow down, but I never felt as if we weren't equals. I was new at this. I understood that, and I welcomed their lessons. It wasn't a power trip or some kind of master-servant kind of thing. Things were simpler in wolf form. I didn't have to think about so much. The worries, doubts, and insecurities weren't there. All of that was in my human thinking. My wolf just wanted to live and the things he needed to do that were simple things. Again, I wished I could stay in this form all of the time.
Too soon, we were back at the house, and Justice was shifting. I watched him with sadness, not wanting this to end. Once back in the house, I'd feel stifled again. Still, I didn't have a choice. I couldn't risk them calling Kurt back to force me to shift. I never wanted to feel that again. Once was enough.
Tavish playfully jumped on my back, then brushed against me before circling me several times. He touched his nose to mine, then stepped back and shifted. I stared at him, taking in his naked human form. There was nothing about him I didn't like. It was odd. He was identical to Justice, but I found nothing about Justice attractive. He was handsome enough, but just one look at Tavish and something stirred deep inside me. I felt nothing for Justice outside of a very casual friendship. It had to be the mating bond.
"Time to shift," Justice said.
I whined an argument, but didn't push my luck. I focused, taking my time to work with my wolf in my mind. I gave him a mental push back as I came forward. The shift was slow, but it didn't take as much fight with my wolf as it usually did. I got the impression he was full, tired, and content. Maybe if I kept him happy, he'd quit fighting me so much.
I knelt on the ground in human form, my body dampened by sweat from the energy it took me to shift. I took several deep breaths before looking up to find Tavish offering his hand to me.
Nervously, I took it, allowing him to help me to my feet. "Thank you."
Without warning, he pulled me into his arms and his mouth came down on mine. For a moment I hesitated, then I gave in, kissing him back with every bit of passion that had built while we were on the trail. The longer we kissed and more aroused we became the stronger our scents were. I inhaled through my nose, the smell causing my cock to harden and I wondered how I'd missed all this when we'd had sex before.
"If we don't stop, I'm going to take you right here where anyone can see." Tavish brushed his nose down my jaw.
I almost didn't care. Justice was the only one around and I was sure he wouldn't watch. Still, I needed time. As aroused and turned on as I was, I was scared of this mating stuff. I knew the mating ceremony took place during sex. If I gave in, could it happen without me knowing? I needed more information. More time. I pulled away. "I can't. Not yet."
Tavish nodded, not looking let down at all. "When you're ready."
I licked his taste from my lips. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I won't rush you. It's new to you. This is enough until you come to me." He slid his hand down my arm, catching my hand in his. "Let's go inside. I could use a shower and a long nap. How about you?"
Giving his hand a soft squeeze I nodded. "That's exactly what I need."
As he led me inside, I wondered how much longer I'd be able to resist him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Tavish
"You need to get these songs done, Tav. We're scheduled for studio time and we have several tour dates after that. If you don't get them down now, you aren't going to have time," Will said.
"I know. I've just had a lot going on." I ran my fingers through my hair, trying not to let my manager's attitude get to me. Will was right. I needed to get the songs written so the rest of the band could hear them and give their approval. Time was running out, but I couldn't make myself care. The last thing I wanted to think about right now was the band, or going out on the road.
"Like your mate?" Will sighed.
"Yes, like my mate. He's more important than anything else is. I'd give everything up for him, so don't push me. I'm trying to help him adapt to things. It's not like this happens all the time. Give me a break."
"You've had a break. Several weeks of it." Will's voice was filled with irritation. "I get finding your mate is a big deal, but the band is under contract and the other guys are depending on you. Jackson's been great about picking up your slack, but he can only do so much. Theo and Mitch got back from Alaska the other day and are ready to work on things. I've kept them up to date about your issues, but they need time to learn the songs. This is all on you, Tavish."
"Finding my mate is not an issue," I growled.
"What's the problem then? He's your mate. He has to understand how important this is to you. As your mate, he should be willing to do anything to help you out, and that includes giving you the time you need to write new songs."
"He's newly turned. It's not that easy. He's fighting the mating. He doesn't want it." I hated admitting it to anyone, but Will needed to know what was going on and why I was taking more time than he wanted to get things done. My focus was on helping Mark adjust to everything, not on music.
"I can hold off the record company for a little while, but they aren't going to be happy. You need to get this done. I'll give you a call later this week and see where we are. In the meantime, expect Theo and Mitch to be dropping by. They were anxious to see what you've come up with and start learning the new stuff. Hell, hopefully one of them has something to run by you. Theo's come up with some good stuff the last year or so."
It was true. Theo had written two of their last three number one songs. If I could convince him to write more, maybe I could take the time I needed with Mark. "When's Jackson back?"
"Friday. He says you owe him for all this. The radio station in Houston grilled him. Don't expect him to be in a good mood when you see him. He claims he's done with the media."
"If only we could all be done with them." I hated the interviews, hated the cameras, hated the intrusion into our lives. It was bad enough just being famous, but with the band being shifters, we had even more secrets to hide from the world. I was constantly watching over my shoulder, afraid someone would be hiding in the trees, trying to spy on me. I had an address in California to a nice home on the beach that I claimed publicly as my house, but I was never there. Home was here in Montana.
"I know, but they're part of the package. Listen, I need to go, but get your shit together. I know your mate is important, but so is the band. You're going to have to learn how to juggle both. We've come too far to lose everything now." Will sighed.
Grimacing, I wondered how much of this was Will's selfish nature. Without us, he didn't get paid, and because of us, he was making a lot of money. He would push no matter what was going on in our lives just so his paychecks kept coming. At times, I just wanted to throw it all away and live a quiet normal life. "I'll do my best."
"Good. Talk to you soon." The line went dead.
I tossed my cell phone on the
counter and reached for my beer. Taking several swallows, I tried to motivate myself to go upstairs and write, but every time I'd tried, my mind was on Mark, not on the music.
The only time Mark seemed interested in me was when we were in wolf form. His wolf seemed to accept our mating, but the man, not so much. I didn't know what to do to change that. It wasn't supposed to be a challenge. The feelings were just supposed to be there. I wanted to take him out on a date, let him get to know me better, but Justice wasn't ready to release Mark on the world yet. I couldn't blame him. While Mark was accepting things better, there were still moments I could sense his hostility and feared that he might run. Then there were times I worried that he still wished to stay a wolf and if we weren't careful, he'd lose himself in the forest and let his wolf have complete control. I didn't know how to make this transition easier for him.
"You okay?" Justice walked into the kitchen giving me a sympathetic look.
I wasn't shocked that he could tell I was troubled. Being twins, we often caught on to each other's emotions easily, even when we were hundreds of miles apart. "I'm fine. Will's on my ass to get songs finished, but I can't focus with all this going on." I waved my hand toward the ceiling to imply Mark since he was upstairs in his room.
Justice sat down at the table. "You've always been good about writing about your emotions. Have you tried writing about this situation? Maybe writing about Mark will help."
"We'd end up with a ton of depressing ballads." I rolled my eyes. Our usual music was hard and heavy, talking about taking on life, being on the hunt, fighting to win. We'd tossed in a few ballads, but they weren't our normal stuff.
"Maybe that's what this album will be. Slow it down a bit. Give your fans something different. You can see how the rest of the band likes it. At least you'd be writing. If nothing else, you will have ballads for future albums. Jackson and Theo are great at writing. Have you asked them for help?"