by E. M. Leya
"Theo and Mitch just got into town. I'm guessing I'll hear from them today or tomorrow. Jackson's been doing interviews for me. He'll be back Friday. We'll get together this weekend and figure stuff out." I rolled my shoulders. "How's Mark?"
"He's up in his room reading. I asked if he wanted to work outside with me, but he seems to want to be alone. Just when I think he's starting to accept things, he withdraws, and I'll be damned if I can tell if it's being a shifter he's struggling with or your mating."
"I get the feeling it's a bit of both, but mostly the mating. I'll talk to him. He's afraid I'm going to try and control him, but that's the last thing I want. He's so insecure. What do you know about his past?"
Justice shrugged. "Not much. Only what he's told me and what Kurt said when he was taken into custody after his friend attacked the pack. He's lived on the streets, couch hopping with friends when he could. I don't know where he came from. I'm not sure Terrin Pass is even his home. He worked at the coffee shop in town part time, but I get the feeling he'd just started the job. It might pay to find out more about his past. It might answer the questions we have as to why he's so insecure and scared all of the time."
I nodded. "I'll see what he's willing to tell me. I don't want to push him too hard, but I'd like to be able to take him out without worrying he's going to shift in public, or worse, run."
"I thought we could take him to the pack house this weekend. It will give him a chance to see the others and how normal things can be, but it's also a safe place so if he shifts or fights, we have backup." Justice sighed. "I'm glad you found your mate, but I'm sorry it's not going as easy as you always hoped it would."
"Yeah, me too. All I can do is give him time. You know I can't force him to accept our being mates. He has to choose to be with me. Just because a scent tells us we are perfect for each other doesn't mean he has to believe it."
"He feels the pull. It's obvious in wolf form. His wolf is ready to be with you. I'm guessing it's his past that is putting doubts in his mind. If we find out what happened in his past, it might help him accept his future." Justice stood. "You going to be here with him for a bit? I have work to do outside. My crew will be here tomorrow to start laying the foundation for your studio."
"I owe you." Having a studio at home was going to make life so much easier for me. Not having to travel to California for everything all the time was going to be a nice change for the band. Being wolves, we liked being close to home. There weren't many places to run and hunt in the city. Being here, we could let our wolves out and not stress about not being able to shift for weeks at a time.
"Nah, I'll be glad to have you around more often." Justice grinned as he turned and headed outside.
I left the kitchen and headed upstairs, stopping outside Mark's open bedroom door. I knocked softly, but he had to have smelled my scent and known I was there, even if he didn't acknowledge me. "Can I come in?"
"Sure. What's up?" Mark set a paperback on the nightstand.
"Just wanted to make sure you're okay. You've been quiet today." I sat down beside him on the bed, the urge to pull him into my arms so strong that I had to fist my hands in my lap. I missed the sexual need he had before he shifted. At least then, we got to be together.
"I'm okay. Just…" He sighed. "Just trying to make sense of everything. It's hard. I feel like I'm being pulled so many directions right now. My wolf wants out all the time, then there's this attraction to you that makes no sense."
I mocked offense. "Makes no sense? Why wouldn't you want me?" I grinned, letting him know I was teasing. "I get what you're saying. It's hard to understand when you think of it in human terms. Humans date and get to know each other. They take things slow. With wolves, it's instant. You get to know each other after you mate. Once you catch your mate's scent, you trust that they are the right one for you and dive headfirst into being together. I guess in human terms, it would be like getting married on your first date."
"Exactly. I want you so badly, but I hardly know you. I mean, you're attractive, but I don't know anything about you. I googled you and saw what all the articles say about you and the band, but that doesn't tell me anything more than you're famous and a slut."
I blushed. It was the truth. I had been a slut. "I used to be a slut, but the moment I caught your scent, it changed. There will be no one else for me now. You are it."
"How can you say that? You don't know me?"
"Like I said, for wolves, we trust the mating scent. Not to scare you, but I plan on spending the next hundred years with you."
"Hundred?" Mark's eyes went wide.
"Well, if we're lucky. Some of the older wolves are much older than that." I reached over and took his hand in mine. "Is that what bothers you? My past?"
"A bit. I can't imagine why someone like you, someone who could have any man or woman he wanted, would want me. I'm a nobody."
"No, you're my mate. That makes you everything to me." I caressed my thumb over his knuckles. "Those I had before were just a distraction. Just sex. There was no emotion there. Wolves don't let themselves fall in love with others because we know if our mate comes along, we'll have to end things with the other person. Sure, there are friends who I had great sex with from time to time, but we knew it was just sex. Now that you're in my life, you are the only one I want."
"What if I don't want this mating? What will you do then?"
"I'm not sure. I don't think I could be with another now that I've met you. Even if you reject our mating, I would still feel like you were the only one for me. I'm hoping you don't reject me. In time, I'm hoping you'll see how good we are together. I want you to know everything about me. I want you to trust me."
"You don't trust me," Mark pointed out.
"As my mate, I trust you. I trust you with my heart and to never hurt me. The part I don't trust yet is the newly shifted side. The side of you that is still clinging to your human thinking. The part that hasn't accepted what you are yet." I smiled. "I trust you not to hurt me, it's trusting you not to hurt yourself that I'm having problems with. I'm afraid you'll still try to let your wolf takeover or that you'll fight being part of pack."
"What happens if I don't join pack?"
"In your case, because of what happened in the past and the fact that Kurt ruled that you must become wolf and join the pack, I'm guessing he would kill you. Usually, in cases where a wolf doesn't want to be part of the pack and goes off as a lone wolf, they always feel like something is missing. Being part of pack is like having a huge family. You know others care and will always be there for you. It helps to keep you calm and centered, gives you other wolves to run and hunt with. Being a lone wolf isn't an easy life."
"I've been alone for so long, it probably wouldn't be any different." Mark sighed.
"You're not alone anymore. I'm here for you always. So is Justice. And the pack will be as soon as you meet them." I released his hand and caressed my finger down his cheek. "What happened in your past?"
Mark gave a soft shake of his head. "It doesn't matter."
"It does to me. Everything about you matters to me."
Tears filled Mark's eyes, but he glanced away before they could fall.
"What is it?" I asked, moving closer so I could wrap my arms around him. I wanted to take away all his pain. Heal him.
Mark didn't resist my hold. Surprisingly, he leaned into me, burying his face against my shoulder. I smelled the salty scent of his tears as I caressed his back, giving him the time he seemed to need to work through whatever emotions he was feeling.
I couldn't catch a good scent to know what he was thinking. His smell was a mix of sadness and fear, two things I never wanted my mate to feel. "Let me be here for you." All I knew was he'd been living on the streets for a while. I had no clue for how long or why. I guessed it had to be something to do with his parents. Risking him pushing me away, I asked, "tell me about your mom."
Mark pulled back a bit, taking a moment to wipe at his wet cheeks. "I have no memo
ries of her. She died when I was two. There was an accident and she fell down the steps of the back deck. My father said she tripped, but I think he pushed her. He refused to discuss it once I was old enough to ask questions. He said she was clumsy and caught her high heel on the wood somehow. I didn't think much about it until I got older, but then I started asking him about her. He wouldn't talk about her. Said she wasn't around to be part of our life now and that it was pointless to bring her up. He got rid of all of the pictures of her too. I found a copy of her obituary online when I was sixteen. That was the first time I'd ever seen her."
I wanted to swear. My heart broke for Mark. I knew just from the little he told me that his father was probably an abusive man. "Do you look like her?"
Mark smiled a little. "Yeah, I have her dark hair and my eyes are the same color of hers. Dad is blond and green-eyed."
"You're an only child?"
He nodded. "I found out later that my mom was pregnant when she died, but Dad never mentioned that. I overheard him talking about it once when he was with a friend of his, and he said it like he'd been angry about it."
"I'm sorry." I meant it. "Justice and I lost our mother when she gave birth to us. My father had to perform a c-section to save us. She was in a car accident. She lived long enough to tell him to save us. We know how hard it is to grow up without your mother around."
"Did your dad tell you about her?" Mark asked.
"He never stopped talking about her. They weren't mates, but they still loved each other. He made sure Justice and I knew how much she loved us. Our father was a good man, but I think in some ways he was just holding on to get us raised. We were twelve when he was stupid and ran through some rancher's field, killing his sheep. He ended up shot to death." The memory of that time still hurt. "The thing is, as wolves, we are raised from infancy to know not to hunt livestock. Since we shift, the food, the hunting, it's not a necessity. We can go to the pack house for a meal any day we want. Dad knew this. The only reason I can see for him to be going after someone's sheep is in a kind of suicide attempt. I think he missed my mom and wanted to be with her. It could have been some other reason, but that's the excuse I give him."
"What happened with you and Justice when he died?" Mark asked.
"Like I've told you, the pack is family. Kurt and his father brought us to the pack house, and kept us there until he found another shifter family who was willing to let us live with them. Jackson was our best friend back then, he lived next door to us. His parents took us in and let us live there until we were old enough to move back into our father's old house. The band was just starting back then. We played local places for years. Once we hit it big, then Justice and I decided to move farther out and build this place." I liked sharing my past with Mark. It seemed right for him to know everything about me.
"You were lucky." Mark eased back, leaning against the pillows. "My dad was never around. He left me with a nanny most of the time when I was little. By the time I was ten, he fired her, and I was left on my own most days. I had to get up and get myself to school, come home and make my own dinner. Dad would show up late, usually after I was already in bed. He made sure the house was well stocked for me, but it was lonely."
I moved so I was lying beside him. "You had to be pretty brave to get through all that alone. You didn't have aunts or uncles, maybe grandparents?"
"I know there were some, but I never met them. Dad never talked about them much. He never had anything good to say about them."
"What happened to make you leave home?" I hoped I wasn't expecting too much from him too soon, but I was curious.
"When I was about fourteen, he started to hit me. He'd come home drunk at night and drag me out of bed or from wherever I was trying to lay low. He was careful to keep the bruises where I could cover them up for the most part, but it just kept getting worse. One night when I was sixteen, I asked him to sign the papers so I could get my driver's license. It was the first thing I'd ever asked him to do for me. I hoped he'd be glad to have me driving so I could run to the store, maybe get a job…" Mark sighed. "That night, he broke my ribs. He said I wasn't smart enough to drive and that I'd just wreck the car and cause him more problems. He didn't care that I'd passed driver's education in school. He acted as if my asking him for just his simple signature was the worst thing in the world. I hid in my room for the next few days because I simply couldn't move because I hurt so bad. Then, as soon as I was strong enough, I packed a bag and left home. I hitched out of the area and never looked back."
I moved closer, wrapping my arms around Mark as I rested my head against his chest. "I'm sorry. No one should ever have to live through that." I hurt for him. I'd always had such a good life. Even with losing my parents, I always had Justice. My twin was always there for me. I also had good friends, and I had pack. No wonder Mark was fighting this so hard. He didn't like leaning on anyone for help, hell, he probably never had the chance to. This was all new to him. When we talked about being a family, being supportive, and helping each other, it was a concept he didn't understand. Life on the street probably hadn't been much better for him.
I sensed he'd shared enough. I continued to hold him for a while, both of us quiet and lost in our own thoughts. When Mark reached down and settled his hand over my back, it gave me hope that he wasn't fighting things with us as hard as he had been. We shared a connection, and even if that was only because of the mating bond, I was determined to show him that it could be more. It would take time. I wasn't going to rush him, but somehow, I was going to make this man fall in love with me. If the mating bond wasn't enough for him, I'd find whatever it was that would be enough.
Glancing up at him I asked softly, "still want to get your driver's license?"
"Of course, but I don't have the money to get it, let alone a car to drive if I had my license. Once I was on my own, it just didn't matter anymore."
I moved so I was still on his chest, but able to look at him better. "I have money, and there's two extra cars here we don't even use. You can drive one of them. How about I talk to Justice and see if he feels you're ready to go out in public yet? If he agrees, I'll take you to get your license. Then maybe we can stop by someplace and get lunch. You've been trapped here for so long, you have to be going crazy."
"Do you think Justice would let me?"
"If you promised not to shift in public and give away our secrets, and you promise not to run from us." I trailed my fingers over his chest.
"I'm tired of running," Mark said softly.
"Then let me help you have the life you deserve. I don't want to control you. I'm not even talking about the mating bond here, though I do hope in time you'll accept that too. Let me just be your friend. I'll go with you to get your license, and we can grab lunch. If you want, we can hit the pack house and have a few beers and play some pool. It's all up to you. No pressure."
Mark was silent for several minutes, then nodded. "I think I'd like that. Then maybe in time, if Justice thinks I'm okay, I can find a job or something."
I was rich enough he didn't ever have to work again if he didn't want to, but now wasn't the time to bring that up. The best for Mark was to feel some independence. To know he could do it on his own, even if he didn't have to. "That sounds like a good plan." I kissed the soft rise of his chest, then relaxed again. "I'll talk to Justice tonight."
"Thanks." Mark's arm tightened around me as I drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mark
I should have known it wouldn't be as easy as Tavish made it sound. After a short nap, which I didn't want to think about because I woke up tangled around Tavish's body, holding him as if my life depended on him, we found Justice and asked if he would let us leave the next day to go get my license.
It was stupid really. I didn't need my license, but in many ways, it was a symbolic way to leave my past behind. Justice didn't seem to think so.
"No, you can't expect his first experience around others to be in a public pla
ce. He hasn't had a chance to adapt to the way his wolf will react to being around groups of people. We need to take this slow." Justice glared at Tavish, then looked over to me. "I get you're restless and want to get out, but start slow. Let's go as a group to the pack house and let you get a sense of what it's like to have others around. The scents and emotions of others will be overwhelming at first. We can't risk your wolf reacting and you shifting to try and protect yourself. At least at the pack house, if anything happens, we won't have to worry about covering it up. Corta will have food, and we can eat dinner with the pack and see how you do. If things go well, then maybe we can consider going to get your license in a few days."
I understood him being nervous. I was too, but it was a letdown. I took a deep breath and brought up my biggest worry. "I'm scared of going to the pack house. Half the pack wanted me dead. I'm sure that hasn't changed."
"You were human then. You're wolf now. That changes things. Kurt ordered you to become a wolf and the pack will accept that. Wolves take care of one another, so now that you are one of us, I think you'll find that you're considered family now. I get why you're nervous, but as my mate, no one will say a word to you about the past. They won't disrespect me that way. You accepted Kurt's judgment. You're wolf now. That means we all move forward. You'll see how different things are now. You're one of us. You have a mate." Tavish sat beside me, his hand pressed against my thigh in support.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wanted to believe what they were saying, but I was used to being hated. The only experience I had with the pack was when I'd been held in their cells and threatened with death. While they chose not to kill me, I still worried that they hated me.
"How about we head to the pack house tonight for dinner. We can hang out and let you get a feel for things. Then if things go well there, we can consider going out in public and interacting with humans for a bit?" Justice suggested.
I really wanted to get out of the house. I'd been locked up for weeks. I'd been hoping to leave Justice behind. His control over me was tiring, even if he didn't use it often. I felt like a prisoner when he was watching over me all the time. Tavish made me feel protected and cared about, which was a lot nicer. "Okay."