by E. M. Leya
Tavish gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. "I'll be with you the whole time."
"Thanks." I hated how close I was allowing myself to be with Tavish, but it was as if I couldn't stop it. I was drawn to him. As much as I hated waking up in his arms after our nap, I'd slept better than I could ever remember. I wasn't ready to give myself to him and mate him, but I was done trying to keep my distance from him. It was too hard. Whatever this bond was between us, my wolf was restless without Tavish close, and I needed my wolf calm, so I could earn the trust I needed to be on my own again.
"Good, then let's plan on leaving here at six. If you two are okay, I'm going to head back outside and get some more work done. I have a crew coming tomorrow so we can get this done quickly. Yell if you need me." Justice grabbed a bottle of water and headed out the door.
I sighed. "Thanks for trying."
"It wasn't a total bust. Once he sees that you can control your wolf around others, then he'll be more willing to let you go out more. You've come a long way. When you first shifted, I wasn't sure you'd ever settle down and accept what you are now." Tavish still had his hand on my leg and it was all I could do not to reach down and cover it with my own.
"It's getting easier. My wolf still wants out all the time. The runs through the forest help, but sometimes I struggle to keep him in. Justice is probably right to worry."
"Time helps, but you're right, giving him his freedom as often as you can will help more. The pack does group hunts from time to time. We'll find out when the next one is and join them. I also have some of the band coming by next week to work on some new songs, and they'll join us if we ask."
"You haven't got the songs done?"
"No, I have a few ideas, even one almost finished, but my mind isn't on music right now."
"I'm distracting you?" I hated that. Part of me hoped he'd forget about me, but then another part wanted him with me all of the time.
"Yes, but it's a distraction I've waited my entire life to find. I want to be with you. Once we go through the mating ceremony, it will make it easier. Right now, my wolf doesn't understand why we haven't completed the ceremony. In his mind, it's simple, black and white. Find your mate, do the ceremony, and fuck."
I smiled because I was beginning to understand how my own wolf thought, and it really was that simplistic. "What happens if we do the ceremony? What will it be like after that? You have to tour, right?"
"I do, but I hope you'd come with me. Being apart would suck. Once we do the ceremony, we won't be as restless when we're apart, but the longing to be together is still strong. If you don't come with me, then I might consider not touring as often. I'd want to be here with you. It's something we'd discuss more once it happens. If you wanted me here, I'd be here. I'd give up the band to be with you."
I was shocked. "I wouldn't ask you to do that."
Tavish shrugged. "I'd do it if you wanted me to. As my mate, you're my first priority. Even without the ceremony, there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you happy and safe." He turned so he was facing me. "Are you considering the ceremony?"
I bit my lip, unsure of how to answer. I honestly wasn't sure I was strong enough to keep from doing it. I was thinking about it all of the time. I wanted that closeness with him, well, my wolf wanted it. My human thinking didn't want the attachment as much, but even in human form, I was finding it harder and harder to deny the feelings that I had for Tavish. "It scares me. It's unbreakable, right?"
"It's hard to walk away from a mating bond, but it has been done. We'd have to live as far apart from one another as we could. Join different packs. There would always be a sense of loss, of something missing. It would be painful. We'd never love anyone else from what I hear. Once you have found your mate, nobody else compares. Wolves can fall in love with someone who isn't their mate, but that's before you find your mate. Once that mating bond kicks in, you don't stand a chance. It's a risk to fall in love without the bond. My parents made it work, but they had to live with the risk that at any given time, one of their mates could show up and that would put an end to their relationship. Back then, finding a mate wasn't as common. It's happening more and more. Kurt seems to think it's because we are free to travel now, meet people from other areas. Years ago, people hardly traveled away from home. They didn't go off to college, didn't have the internet, didn't have cheap flights across the country. Times are changing."
"I guess that's true. If I'd never come to Montana, I'd never have met you, but then again, I'd have never gotten into trouble here and been forced to become a wolf either."
"And I'd have never found my mate if you hadn't." Tavish touched my cheek softly, then let his hand drop. "Where are you from?"
"Denver. I tried living on the streets there, but it was too close to home. I went north. I spent time in Cheyenne and then moved up to Casper for over a year before coming here. I'd been in Montana a little over two months before all of this happened, but was going to move to Seattle for the winter since I never knew if I had a place to sleep and didn't want to be stuck here in the snow."
"You'll never have to worry about where you live again. You've always got a home here, and there is always the pack house. There are plenty of rooms there if you don't want to be here with me." Tavish frowned. "But I hope that won't happen."
"I like it here, but sometimes I feel like I'm in the way."
"You're not. Right now, Justice has to keep an eye on you, but soon, you'll be on your own and able to come and go as you want. If in time, we decide we want to live alone, I'll buy or build our own home. I don't expect us to live with Justice forever. It worked when I was single, but with a mate, I'm not sure I want Justice around all the time bothering us." Tavish took my hand. "I have a home in California that I use to distract the media so they don't bother me here. I'd like you to see it sometime."
I stared at our joined hands. "It's not fair that you have so much to give me, but I have nothing to share with you."
"We're a team now. What's mine is yours. Once the mating ceremony happens, it won't be yours and mine, everything will be ours. The moment we accept our mating, you'll never worry about any of that again. It's hard to understand unless you've seen it happen to others, but it will be like we were never apart. We just join together in every way possible. There is no worry about give and take or who owns what. It's just us."
"It just doesn't feel right." I sighed. "I wish I was stronger."
Tavish gripped my chin gently and forced me to look at him. "Think about what you've been through over the last few weeks. You faced changing into a wolf. That isn't something anyone who is weak would live through. You were brave and strong through all of it. Some die from the change. Things might not have always been easy for you, but you're a survivor. You lived to escape an abusive father, you managed to live on the streets and keep yourself alive, and you came here and went through the change. I think you're pretty damn strong."
I wanted to believe him, but I still felt like that little kid, cowering from my father, hoping I'd live to see the morning. "Thanks, but it's hard to see myself that way."
"Mate with me and you'll be able to see yourself as I see you." Tavish released my chin, but not before dropping a soft kiss to my lips.
Just the soft brush of his mouth against mine sent a wave of desire through me. I closed my eyes, trying to resist the urge to draw him back and kiss him again. Memories of us in bed never left my mind, and I wanted us there again. "If we have sex, does that mean we'll mate?"
Tavish's eyes widened. "You want us to have sex?"
I blushed.
"No, having sex won't be enough to complete the mating ceremony. It takes us both saying certain words during sex, right before orgasm, then doing a partial shift and biting each other's shoulder. Because those words have to be said, there is no way one person can force another to go through the ceremony. It takes both of us wanting it for it to work." Tavish tilted his head to the side. "So you want me?"
My cheeks heated even more.
"I liked sex with you, but I was so crazy with need that I don't remember a lot of it."
"When we make love, it won't be anything like what we did when you needed me. There is so much more we'll do. What we did was hard, raw sex. It was to ease your pain, but when we do it again, I'll be able to do it right. I want to touch you, tease you, taste you, and bring you pleasure in ways that drive me nuts thinking about at night. We've never even really kissed."
I thought about that. "We did after shifting that day." But other than a brushing of his lips with mine, we hadn't kissed since. During sex, he'd brushed his lips over my shoulder, down my back, but we hadn't done anything soft and gentle. "Do you want to kiss me?"
"More than I want my next breath." Tavish's eyes seemed to flash and I sensed his wolf close.
"Is it safe? We won't go nuts and end up in bed?"
"I can promise you we won't end up in bed until you're ready, but I can't promise that the urge to go there won't be strong and hard to ignore." Tavish reached up again, cupping his palm over my cheek. "Can I kiss you?"
My pulse raced as I nodded. I hated the lack of control I had to resist Tavish. I'd sworn I wouldn't let this happen, but the more I was with him, the more I wanted him.
"I love you." Tavish's voice was almost a whisper as he slid his hand behind my head, his fingers brushing through the short hair as he pulled me closer. He bent his head and took my mouth with his own, kissing me softly.
Fire exploded through my blood as I kissed him back. It was as if everything inside me had been electrocuted. My cock went instantly hard, and I fought the urge to climb onto his lap so we could be closer.
His lips were soft against mine, but the kiss was firm, teasing my lips with his as his tongue licked then pressed into my mouth. He tasted like berries, and the scent that seemed to grow around us reminded me of the forest after a rainstorm. I breathed through my nose, loving the smell.
Tavish's arms came around me and he moved me to his lap, drawing me over him until my legs were over his, our chests flush, our hardened cocks against each other. I groaned into his mouth as I held on to his shoulders, unable to keep from moving just enough to press our cocks against each other.
I hated the clothes that kept us apart and had visions of him pressing me over the table and taking me hard, letting me feel him inside me again.
Tavish broke the kiss. "We have to stop." He continued to brush his mouth over my jaw even as he spoke.
"I don't want to." I moved over his lap again, smiling at the harsh intake of breath that came from him.
"You didn't want us having sex. You're not thinking straight right now. I warned you it would happen."
He was right, I didn't want sex, at least in my mind. My body was more than ready for him. I'd kissed other men, but none of them had ever made me feel what Tavish was making me feel. Whatever this was between us was crazy. "If we have sex, I might burn up with what you make me feel."
Tavish grunted as his teeth bit down against my earlobe, then released it. "When we make love, it's going to be unlike anything either of us has ever experienced. The sex we had before was amazing, but to have you aware of what we're doing, to have you touching me as well, we'll be lucky if the whole house doesn't go up in flames."
"Tonight?" I asked, still wanting him with a need that scared me.
"You need to be sure." He pulled back and stared at me. "I won't do this if you have any doubts."
I couldn't fight this, at least not the physical side of things. I wasn't ready to go through the mating ceremony, but I needed him close, wanted us together in any way we could be. The mating scared me, but nothing in my life ever felt so right. "Sex, but I can't do the mating ceremony yet. I'm not ready."
"Holding and loving you will be enough for now, but once won't be enough. If we do this, I need you in my bed every night. I don't want to sleep alone. I need you by my side."
I thought about that. It was giving up more of my independence than I wanted, but I'd slept so well in his arms. It was just sex, just sleeping together. I could handle it. "Okay." I still gripped his shoulders. "This is crazy."
Tavish nodded. "I always heard that finding your mate was unlike anything with anyone else. It's true. I've never felt anything like what you make me feel."
"That's not possible. You're famous. You've had to have been with a lot of other people." I hated thinking about him in anyone else's arms.
"I'm not going to lie to you. There's no point since once we do the mating ceremony, you'll pretty much be able to know everything about me since we'll be so connected to each other. I've had a lot of sex, both men and women, but trust me when I tell you that none of them compared to what just holding you in my arms feels like. You are the only person I will ever be with again."
"Don't say that." It scared me that he was so ready to commit and give himself to me completely.
"Don't tell you the truth? We're mates. Even if you reject me, the pain it would cause me to be with anyone else wouldn't be worth it. If you choose to walk away from this, life will go on, but sex, dating, love, that won't be part of it. It's you, Mark. I know that is overwhelming to hear, but it's true. For a wolf, there is no one else after we find our mate." He brushed a kiss over my lips, then lifted me from his lap. "Let's get ready to go to the pack house. Talking about all this doesn't change anything."
I frowned. Nothing like more stress on me to be with him. Was he serious that I was it for him even if I didn't stick around? I had to admit that the thought of being with anyone but him caused a pain in my chest, but that was just because he was here in front of me, wasn't it? Too many thoughts were rushing through my mind. I couldn't think about it all now.
Determined to enjoy a night away from the house, I followed him upstairs. Once in my room, I refused to get nervous about being around the pack. I needed to get used to this life, it was the only way I'd ever be allowed to be on my own again, and that was what I wanted more than anything. At least that's what I was trying to convince myself.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Mark
Tavish and Justice stood on either side of me as we walked into the pack house. The place was huge. It looked like a lodge that would sit near a ski resort. The cabin-like structure had a long front porch with chairs and tables along it. Huge windows looked out over the parking lot, then to the forest that surrounded the place. It was amazing.
What I didn't like, and was having trouble handling, were the scents of so many other wolves. I was too new at this to process them all. Some were sweet, others almost sour smelling. I couldn't help wondering if coming here so soon was a huge mistake.
"Tavish, you're back!" A large man approached us the moment we walked through the door.
I took a step back, but Tavish's hand on my arm kept me in place by his side.
"Conner, good to see you." Tavish gave the guy a nod and smile. "The bands back for a few weeks to work on new material." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "I'd like to introduce you to my mate, Mark."
I swallowed hard, reminding myself that wolves could smell fear. I tried to force it back and be strong. "Hi." I tried to smile.
"Holy shit. You found your mate?" Conner's eyes went wide. "Hey, everyone, Tavish has found his mate!" the man yelled so everyone in the building could hear him.
A cheer went up through the crowd as everyone turned to stare at us. Then a silence fell over the room as several people recognized me from when I'd been held prisoner. A soft whisper traveled around as people were reminded just who I was.
I tensed, ready to die. These people hated me and they had every right to. I was there when one of theirs was killed and several others attacked.
Justice stepped forward. "Mark is under my protection. He was sentenced by Kurt and that sentence has been handed out. The past is now behind us. If anyone has an issue with Mark, they can take it up with me as the one who bit him or with Tavish, his mate."
I wanted to tell them I could handle my own fights, but that was
n't going to happen. I didn't know how to fight, let alone with a pack of wolves. I wouldn't stand a chance.
"No. If anyone has an issue with Mark, they can deal with me." Kurt was suddenly standing in front of us, facing the crowd. "He is under my protection and soon he will be part of the pack. I expect him to be welcomed and treated with the respect we always show pack members. Mark's actions have been dealt with and are to be forgotten. He is now one of us. He is Tavish's mate, and in time, will be part of Terrin Pass Pack. If anyone has issues with this, they will bring those issues to me." Kurt gave a final look over the crowd, a light surge of his power filling the room before he turned and smiled at us. "Good to see you three. Come get something to drink. Have you eaten?"
"We thought we'd bring Mark to experience Corta's cooking." Justice smiled.
Kurt laughed. "Right, and it had nothing to do with you wanting some of her roast beef for yourself?"
"Is it roast beef night?" Tavish asked as we followed Kurt through a maze of people. Some were playing pool, others sat at a long bar, and even more lounged on couches and chairs watching a game on TV.
"It is. You picked a good night to show up." Kurt grinned as he led us into a large kitchen.
"Tavish, you're finally home." A gray-haired woman turned from the stove and rushed to Tavish where she gave him a tight hug. "It's about time."
"Hey, Corta. I've missed you." He gave her a light kiss on the cheek.
"You've missed my cooking." She narrowed her eyes. "Now who is this?" She glanced at me.
"This is my mate, Mark." The pride in Tavish's voice caught me off guard. Maybe finding your mate was a much bigger deal than I'd considered it.
"Oh, that is fantastic. It warms my heart to see so many of you finding your mate." She placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so happy for you two. My name is Corta, and I live here at the pack house. If you ever need anything, just let me know." She kissed my cheek, smiled, then turned to Justice. "And you…" She pointed a finger at his chest. "I know you've been in town. How come you haven't been by to say hello?"