Truly, Madly, Deeply

by Marian Tee

  And when she was finally standing in front of him, this one man she wanted to please and pleasure, in the way she had never yearned to do so for any other man---

  "Tell me what to do, Professor."

  Desire like he had never known slithered into Matthijs at Diana's soft appeal. It was raw and uncontrollable, threatening to steal his control and overwhelm his judgment.

  And it was all because of her.

  This girl with eyes that enslaved and sylph-like curves that left him enraptured. This girl whose words substantiated what his subconscious had recognized the very first moment he saw her.

  Diana Leventis was his temptation turned flesh, a natural-born seductress whose virginity every starving inch of him craved to breach. He wanted to be the one - the only fucking one - to violate and corrupt her, destroy every barrier of innocence until she was drowning in the carnality of his lust.

  And maybe, just maybe, she could be dirty - sinful - enough for him to deserve her.

  "Take off your clothes, mijn obsessie." His voice was harsh, the professor not wanting the girl to misunderstand in any way who between them was calling the shots. "I want to watch you touch yourself."

  The professor's words enveloped her in a sensual daze, leaving Diana's body trembling in anticipation at what could and would happen. Her fingers shook a little as she reached for the hem of her sweater, and the way the professor only had eyes for her made her ache and tingle all over. The voice of caution inside her mind was faint but patently desperate. It begged her to reconsider, cried for her to see the dangers, the sheer insanity of what she was doing.

  I'm sorry, but it's too late.

  The glitter of desire in the professor's leonine gaze leaving no space for awkwardness or timidity, Diana found herself carefully setting her shoes aside and slowly peeling her clothing off, layers of fabrics and inhibitions swept away by the strength of her need. She took her time unclipping the front clasp of her bra, and when her breasts were finally bare to his gaze---

  "Yes." The professor's voice was a hungry growl, and she could feel herself blossoming at the realization. Feminine wiles she had not known were in her possession were put into play as she bent down and deliberately made her breasts jiggle while wriggling out of her leggings. His growl of approval was her reward, and she took even more time in discarding her panties.

  "Stand straight," the professor commanded thickly. "I want to see all of you."

  Diana could feel her whole body blushing as she straightened to her full height. It felt deliciously sinful, having his eyes feast on her, and before she knew what she was doing, she was already reaching up to cup her own breasts.

  "Fuck." The expletive came out in a hiss as the professor watched the girl start toying with her nipples.

  Diana's mouth dried when she saw that the professor's hand had started moving.

  Matthijs' gaze narrowed at her reaction. "You like seeing me pleasure myself."

  "Y-Yes." It was pointless to deny this, with the way her body had started to writhe at the sight of his hand stroking his member. It was just the most fascinating sight, and when she saw his movements become jerky, her fingers instinctively mirrored his rhythm, plucking her nipples with undue haste.

  The unfamiliar scent of arousal tinged the air as she saw the professor squeeze his eyes shut. He began to jack off, and her whole body tightened. His pleasure mingled with hers, her breath coming out in little gasps when she heard his breath turn short and choppy.

  Oh God.

  She watched the professor throw his head back, and she wanted to cry out with him.

  And then he was coming.

  Hard. Fast. Loud.

  And it was beautiful.

  Him

  The professor wanted to give himself a good, hard kick to the head.

  With his dick finally finding respite, his mind was lucid again, and the enormity of his mistake had just hit him like a punch to the guts.

  What the fuck had he been thinking?

  His gaze strayed to where she stood, and the sight of her naked and smiling at him with innocence and optimism made Matthijs feel murderous with self-loathing.

  Ah, if only one could kill himself without committing a mortal sin...

  Turning away, he said brusquely, "Cover yourself, will you?"

  Diana was stunned and confused, the callousness of the professor's words making her feel cheap and stupid. She could feel her eyes stinging at having to pick up her underwear from the floor, and getting dressed became an exercise of excruciating agony. She found herself scrambling for some sense of control as she slipped into her sweater.

  Stay calm. Don't overreact. See if you've misunderstood.

  But when Diana finally mustered the courage to meet his gaze, what she found had her feeling sick. His beautiful face was cold and unsmiling, but it was his eyes that sliced into her.

  They were the eyes of a stranger, and bile rose to her throat.

  No. It can't be. It just can't.

  She couldn't have misread.

  She couldn't have misjudged.

  She couldn't have been such a fool.

  "P-Professor?" Please. Please. Please.

  It had to be a mistake.

  What she saw - no, what she thought she saw...

  It wasn't real.

  It just had to be a mistake.

  But hope continued to drain out of her as she watched the professor zip his pants and walk to his desk. He moved with languid grace, something she would've admired before, but now it just seemed like a vicious attempt to draw blood. He was deliberately making her wait as if it were to draw a point home.

  And what point was that, Diana wondered numbly. Could it be that he had only been having fun with her because she had been so obviously infatuated with him?

  Matthijs unfolded his length into his chair, his casual movement effectively masking his tension. He met her gaze, his lips twisting in a purposely crude smile even as his chest clenched at the brightness of her eyes.

  "Your assistance was much appreciated, Ms. Leventis."

  "M-My assistance?"

  "I can only commend your willingness to go to such extraordinary lengths to keep your place in my class."

  The insinuation behind his words finally became clear, and Diana felt faint.

  "If you still wish me to be your adviser, I am of course at your dispo---"

  "Why are you being like this?" she whispered.

  Dazed, dark eyes pleaded with him, but he hardened himself against the sight, burying his guilt under a sardonic expression. "Barring a possible episode of senility, but have I made you any promises that I've failed to recall?"

  He waited for her to speak, but this time she was silent, and it was as he expected.

  "In the interest of making things absolutely clear - what happened earlier was a one-off thing." He spoke with insolence that was as much an attack as a way to protect himself, and his reward-slash-punishment was the way she flinched.

  Her eyes begged him to stop, but he couldn't.

  Just fucking couldn't, not with parts of her heart still intact.

  "I won't lie, Ms. Leventis. I find you extremely attractive, and I've been driving myself crazy wondering how you would look naked since the first time I saw you. Even so, I hadn't any plans to act on it...until you or rather this happened. Not that I'm complaining, of course. The whole thing was kinky as hell---"

  "Please stop."

  "But ultimately, the whole encounter---"

  Diana could barely breathe. "P-Please---"

  "Was a matter of favors being exchanged. That's all there is to it." The professor leaned back against his seat. "I hope that clears things enough, Ms. Leventis?" No answer yet again, nothing except a pair of eyes that had become dull with the absence of hope and life, and his chest almost caved in,

  God. Damn. This. Life.

  God fucking damn this life.

  He had the craziest urge to sink to his knees and beg for her forgiveness and barely managed
to restrain himself from doing so. One act of stupidity for this day was already one too many, and it wasn't like he was doing this just to hurt her.

  More than anything else, he was doing this for her, and he had to fucking remember that.

  Even if it was a truth she wasn't to know, it was enough that he knew.

  You're doing this for her, goddammit.

  So stick to the fucking plan.

  "If you've nothing else to say, Ms. Leventis---" The professor gestured towards the door with a pleasant smile. "I'll see you in class."

  Her

  I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself by Nicky Holland

  Diana couldn't stop crying.

  "I can't believe I was such a fool, Kat. I was such a stupid, stupid fool."

  Kat was her best friend, but more than that, she was someone Diana had known her entire life, one of the rare few whom she trusted to never judge her.

  And so it was to the other girl that Diana had only been able to confess the entire sordid story.

  Magnolia and Amine had been concerned as well, of course, and they had naturally wanted to know what could've happened to cause Diana to break down.

  But all she had been able to do was shake her head, too ashamed of how stupid and gullible she had been.

  Such a fool.

  Stupid, stupid fool.

  Panic clutched at her chest as Diana suddenly realized the many ways things could get worse. "What if he has a hidden camera in his office?" Her voice started to rise. "What if he's got pictures and---"

  The cry of hysteria Katya heard from the other end of the line had her silently cursing Professor Asshole for breaking her friend's heart. Diana had the sweetest, gentlest soul, and only the worst kind of asshole could have stomached the idea of causing her friend to shed even a single tear.

  "Listen to me." Katya spoke in a purposely sharp voice, needing to distract Diana from entertaining pointlessly destructive thoughts. "I've looked the guy up, and while he's obviously shit when it comes to how he treats women, everything I've read tells me he's not the kind of asshole to extort women that way." She stopped speaking, letting the words sink in for a moment before adding quietly, "I know you're hurting. But you aren't doing yourself any favors by worrying things about you're both uncertain of and unable to control."

  "It's just so hard, Kat." Another ragged sob shook Diana's form. "It just hurts so much."

  "You're the one with the psychology degree between us, Di. So you tell me," Katya pressed. "Do you really think he's that kind of person?"

  Diana dug her nails into her palm, seeing but not really seeing the way they left red crescent marks on her skin.

  Do you really think he's that kind of person?

  She dug harder, but the pain just wasn't enough.

  Do you really think he's that kind of person?

  Something splattered against her fingers, and it was only then she realized she was crying.

  "You're right." Diana closed her eyes, and the tears fell harder. "He's not that kind of asshole." He was just someone who thought she was good enough for a ten-minute sex game...and nothing else.

  Him

  The professor couldn't believe what he was seeing.

  A pale, stiff figure sat on the front row, dark bags under her eyes, and hands tightly clasped over her desk.

  Diana.

  It had been two days since she had stood naked in his office, two days since he had done his best to humiliate her into wanting to despise the mere thought of him. Two days. Two fucking days he hadn't been able to get the sight of her dull, lifeless eyes out of his mind, and when he wasn't fucking thinking of her, he was fucking dreaming of her.

  In the past forty-eight hours, there had been countless times he had almost succumbed to his desperation and guilt. Countless times he had already punched in her number on his phone, and all he had to do was hit the Call button.

  But he hadn't.

  Because for once in his goddamned life, he was doing his best to be good.

  And the only good thing to do where she was concerned was to stay the fuck away.

  So why the fuck are you still in my class, mijn obsessie?

  With hell's greatest temptation seated just a few damn feet away, his sacrifice was turned into ashes, and a stampede of emotions he hadn't felt a long time was threatening to make his chest explode from within.

  Fear. Helplessness. Despair.

  But none of it was as terrifying as the hope that had started to flicker, and he was now internally scrambling to extinguish.

  Because of her, he was weak again, and the truth made him furious. With her. With himself. With the whole fucking world. Damn her. Goddamn her for making him weak and forcing his hand.

  Goddamn her for leaving him no choice, with only one way for him to be strong again.

  Her

  Diana was finding it impossible to breathe and not scream.

  Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?

  (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)

  They were one of Jesus' last words on the cross, and she could practically see her guardian saint frowning in silent censure, could practically hear him reproach her for making light of the Son of God's suffering by comparing her predicament to His.

  Everything that was happening now was her doing, not God's, Saint M lectured her. It was your decision to play deaf to the voice of reason. Your decision to come here despite knowing you're not ready. Your decision.

  And so it was, hence this blurry world of anguish and desolation, with her nerves stretched so tautly she was terrified just meeting the professor's eyes would break her.

  Coming here was such a big mistake.

  She knew that now.

  And yet Diana was unable to make herself leave, unable to even take her eyes off the professor despite the worrying impact of his presence, her body stirring in awareness even as her heart cracked into pieces.

  She watched the professor remove his trench coat, and the whole thing just made her recall the impressive breadth of his shoulders. She watched him drape the coat over the back of his seat, and God, oh God, it only had the most foolish part of her dwelling at the graceful efficiency in his movements.

  It was just crazy how she couldn't stop obsessing over every little thing he did.

  Just so frighteningly crazy how the knowledge that he was a first-rate scoundrel still wasn't enough to break his spell on her.

  Just so crazy...that when the professor finally began speaking, Diana automatically ducked her head, not wanting to risk meeting his gaze.

  "Before we proceed to hearing out your proposals, I'd like to hear your thoughts on what this class is supposed to achieve."

  Diana kept her head bowed, her only concern to get through class without embarrassing herself by bursting into tears.

  Meanwhile, the redhead seated next to her - Pepper, with the pointy orchid-colored nails - quickly raised her hand and tossed her hair over her shoulder when the professor nodded for her to speak.

  "It's to emphasize the need for and benefits of breakthrough discoveries for smaller groups rather than focusing on treating the human population as a whole," the redhead declared with a kind of confidence that bordered on obnoxious. "For Novel Therapy courses under Professor de Graaf, the demographic we're focusing on are Catholics---"

  "Perfectly elucidated, Ms. Lowell." The professor's firm tone had Pepper reluctantly returning to her seat although she still had a good number of things to say. She even had a quote prepared to end her spiel. A small step for man, a leap for mankind!

  Pepper suppressed a sigh.

  Oh, what a finale would that have been, if she had just thirty seconds more of limelight.

  "In addition to what Ms. Lowell has shared..." It was the professor speaking again, and Diana found herself shrinking back at the sound.

  "I'd like to make one other thing clear, for the express purpose of keeping any of us from wasting each other's time."

  The deep timbre of his words was more
than enough to threaten her equilibrium, and her chest rose and fell at a more rapid fashion as staying calm remained an uphill battle.

  Overcome existing and preconceived boundaries...inhibit creative or divergent thinking...impede the potential for growth and advancement...

  She strove to concentrate on the professor's words, but they kept going over her head.

  Speak and explore ideas freely...no place for snowflakes...won't get anything done if all of us have to waste time tiptoeing...worrying about verbally fragile egos...

  Diana noticed a couple of students stiffening in their seats and wondered if she had missed something rather important.

  For those inclined to stay in this class, what I can promise you...we will all be bound to observe rules of civility and common courtesy...anyone found guilty of bullying...dealt accordingly."

  The sudden sound of clapping around her startled Diana, and she unthinkingly lifted her head in bemusement, all thoughts of clear and present danger forgotten until it was too late.

  No, no, no---

  But what was done was done, and what she had been avoiding had happened.

  Leonine eyes collided with her gaze, and they were as cold and furious as she dreaded. But more than that was the ruthless contempt which questioned her very existence in the room---

  YOU DON'T FUCKING LEARN, DO YOU?

  A choking sound escaped Diana, and silence fell in the room as all eyes turned to her.

  Together

  The professor was, once again, reduced to cursing the girl in his mind.

  Damn her for coming here, thinking she could escape unscathed, and damn him, for letting the sight of her big scared eyes get to him.

  "Do you have something to say, Ms. Leventis?" he asked icily.

  "No." The answer was barely audible.

  "Then I can only surmise your unreasonable interruption is either due to your vanity or brain needing attending to. Whichever the case may be, I'd strongly advise against making the same mistake."