Truly, Madly, Deeply

by Marian Tee

  Oh God.

  His name came out in whimpers and gasps as he suddenly hauled her up to position Diana on all fours.

  Oh God.

  Was this what they called doggie---

  The professor shoved his member inside of her from behind.

  And so it was...and it felt so, so good.

  He began fucking her. Hard and good. Enough to make her breasts jiggle and create slapping sounds every time his hips hit the back of her legs. It was beyond erotic and embarrassing, but even as she felt her face heat up, she knew she would never in a million of years want it to stop. This was the professor fucking her, finally. She would always---

  AAAAAAAAH!

  All sensible thoughts disappeared the moment the professor reached down to pinch her nipple.

  Oh God.

  Pinch. Thrust. Pinch. Thrust. Pinch. Thrust.

  She tried to hold on to her sanity, tried to make it last, but when his fingers latched one last time to her nipple and never let go, it was just too, too much once more, and she gasped his name out.

  "Matthijs!"

  She sobbed as she came, and a moment later, she heard him growl her name as he started cumming, his fingers digging hard into the cheeks of her butt.

  When she woke again, it was to the smell of something awesome.

  Steak.

  Mac & cheese.

  Buttered corn.

  She was already licking her lips even before she could open her eyes, and she heard a rich, lazy chuckle play in the air.

  Oops?

  Diana pushed herself up and turned towards the sound, her gaze already sheepish as it collided with the professor's golden eyes, which were gleaming with amusement. He was sprawled on the La-Z-Boy, dressed only in lounge pants and nothing else. He looked simply gorgeous, and her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

  This man was hers.

  Hers.

  And her heart skipped another beat.

  The professor's gaze narrowed. "What is it?"

  "H-Huh?"

  He studied her for another moment before a smirk slowly slashed over his lips. "Let me guess."

  Please don't let him guess.

  "You were thinking you can't believe I'm all yours."

  Oh Saint M, how could you!

  "I don't know what you're talking about." Diana tried to act blasé as she uttered her lie.

  "But I think you do. And---" The professor rose to his feet. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, is there?"

  Diana let out a gasp as he scooped her off the bed.

  "Because it's true."

  Oh.

  "I am yours." He raised one challenging brow at her. "But if you don't want me then---"

  Even knowing that the words were nothing but a teasing joke, she still couldn't help reacting instinctively, shaking her head as she said fervently, "I want you."

  The professor chuckled. "Say it then."

  She swallowed hard, but his gaze remained intently on hers, calm and patient but at the same time arrogant and commanding---

  Irresistible.

  That was him in one word.

  And she heard herself say, "You're mine." And after that, she couldn't stop saying it, her arms going around his neck. "You're mine, Matthijs de Graaf."

  He answered with a brush of his lips against her hair. Yes.

  For the rest of the evening, the professor kept her curled in his lap, and in between feeding her slices of steak and spoonfuls of sides, he outlined what he predicted her life would shape out to be for the next few weeks.

  Expect a wide variety of reactions from other students.

  Those who know you and truly care will stand by your side.

  And this would later turn out to be true, with Magnolia and Amine taking on the role of her staunch supporters and firmly defending Diana and Matthijs' relationship to those silly enough to criticize the couple in their hearing.

  Those who hated you from the start will only hate you more.

  And so it would be with Pepper Lowell, who right away submitted an official complaint in view of Diana's relationship with the professor and the possibility of his favorable bias towards her. But because the other girl hadn't done her due diligence, the Registrar's office had very coolly pointed out that such concerns were made negligible. 'They've already submitted a declaration form to acknowledge conflict of interest, and as such, Ms. Leventis now has a new adviser and her work from hereon will be graded by said person.'

  And when Diana had asked the professor about the people in between, those who might know her a little or might not know her at all...

  There will be those who'd disappoint you.

  And so it had been with Lars, whom Diana sincerely thought was a friend, but because he had wanted more with her, the other student was unable to get past his resentment. And as he also knew he could never win against someone like the professor, the younger man chose instead to start spreading harmless but hurtful insinuations. 'Diana was a gullible fool...Professor de Graaf was a sex maniac...The two of them had threesomes with the professor's former students.'

  The professor had given her a look of resignation afterwards, adding rather dryly, And knowing you, my darling, rather than wanting to get even, learning the truth about them will just make you feel sad.

  And so it had.

  When that time comes, I want you to remember that you have me and that you will always have me. You only have to call me, and I'll come fucking running. I'll never let you feel sad or alone.

  And when said time had indeed come, and the regrets were too much to bear on her own, she had gone knocking on his office door, and the professor, after taking just one look at her face, had hauled her inside, locked the door, and proceeded to make love to her right then and there.

  Her mouth crushed under his, her back against the wall, her legs around his waist while his cock slammed into her again and again---

  I'll fuck you so hard you'll see stars, the professor whispered to her ear, and after that, you can cry on my shoulder.

  Which she had.

  Because when I told you I love you, it wasn't just an expression of my feelings. It was a promise. You're my life now. For better or for worse. Through all the ups and downs, you will always be everything for me and to me, and nothing will ever be more important.

  That night he had said those words, she hadn't really quite understood him. Because she had been young and naïve, stupid and inexperienced, the worst had to happen, and she ended up hurting the professor just to know what his love truly meant.

  It had been about two weeks since they started living together when she told him her best friend was coming to visit her. I want to meet her first, she had told him hesitantly. And if it's okay with you, I was hoping I could also let her know...

  And when all she had gotten was silence, she had started stammering nervously. I just thought, since you were okay with me telling Magnolia and Amine about you, it would be okay for me to tell Katya...

  She had waited and waited, and in the end, the professor had said quietly, If that's what you think is best.

  The conversation had haunted her throughout the day, to the point that she had almost succumbed to calling their couples’ therapist just so she could ask what the big deal was. Katya was a big part of her life, and didn't she owe the truth to her best friend? Shouldn't Katya be given a choice about whether or not she still wanted to be in Diana's life, once she knew of Matthijs' condition?

  She had gone as far as calling the therapist's office number, but the moment it started ringing on the other line, she had found herself ending the call, cold and shaking in the backseat of the professor's car and unable to get rid of the feeling that she had almost betrayed him.

  I love you, I love you, I love you.

  She had a sudden, desperate urge to say the words, and it had her rushing back home. And when she found him alone in their bedroom, the dull look in his eyes had her falling to her knees in front of him.

  I'm sorry.
She had no idea what she was apologizing for; she only knew that she had done something wrong, and she had hurt him. I'm so, so sorry.

  Are you ashamed of me?

  And she had started to cry. No. Of course not.

  Because it's alright if you are.

  The words had her crying harder. I'm not ashamed. I swear. But when she had tried reaching for his hands, he had shaken his head, and she could only cry, seeing that refusing her touch had hurt him just as much.

  I'm so sorry, she had whispered.

  There's a reason why there isn't any law that requires full and immediate disclosure of my condition. The only way I can kill someone is when I have my dick in that person's hole, and I've stopped taking medications.

  And when he looked at her, the bleakness was back in his eyes, and this time it was because of her.

  It will never work if being with me makes you feel guilty and you have the constant need to tell everyone what I have. I won't stop loving you for it, but I wouldn't be able to bear it either, knowing how I make you feel---

  She had cut him off by throwing herself in his arms. Had cut him off because it was then she had finally understood, just what this very special man meant, when he had told her 'I love you.'

  That night, she had loved him with all she had, using her mouth and her hands to beg for his forgiveness and ask for another chance. And after, with Matthijs sleeping beside her, his arms around her, she had let the tears fall as she prayed.

  Please God. Please Saint M. Please.

  She prayed that the time would never come and he might think he had to push her away again.

  She prayed that the time would never come and she would be so weak as to leave him.

  She prayed and prayed, prayed for everything that had to do with her failings.

  But not once did she remember to pray that the day would never come...and it would be her love for him that would spell their end, and she would find herself leaving, not because of him, but for him.

  Him

  The professor was no sentimental fool.

  For every cause of joy, there would be pain. It had always been this way, and he knew his life would be no exception, not even when he had his own beautiful saint to love. For every day in his life that she changed, for every day that she made good and happy, he knew there would be a corresponding effect, that one day life would inevitably come to collect.

  He knew this.

  He believed in this.

  But such was the power of love that he refused to let this govern him.

  He loved her, and she him, and he began to live according to these two principles. His work, his attitude towards other people, virtually every aspect of his life reflected the changes loving Diana wrought in him, and the results were as he expected.

  He had colleagues ridiculing him, saying that whereas his essays once delivered great insights, they were now nothing but a disastrous mix of spiritual gibberish and emotional rubbish.

  Professor Matthijs de Graaf has clearly lost it, one peer scathingly wrote in his review, to even dare think we would let him get away with quoting the bible in a scientific journal.

  A number of invitations had also been rescinded ever since knowledge of his relationship with Diana came about, some of them politely worded while a few had been openly malignant and bordered on libel.

  It is my responsibility to protect the reputation of my university and ensure the well-being of my students. If I have you lecture them, I might as well have the Devil corrupt their souls.

  Added together, the incidents should have taken a toll on the professor, but it did not. Not once did it make him regret his decision, and he knew it would always be so. For when one faced the stakes that he did, the trivialities of life ceased to matter, and one learned to appreciate what truly made each day worth living.

  And for him, it was her.

  The way she was always there, waiting and smiling to welcome him home.

  The way she took him in her arms and loved him without fear or hesitation.

  All of these things and more were the reasons he loved her and why, later on, the status quo was no longer enough.

  He was at the airport in Frankfurt, waiting for his private jet to be refueled, when he found himself stopping in his tracks. Before him was the display window of a famous jewelry chain, and catching his eye was a pair of platinum bands lying in a bed of white silk.

  The last time he bought a ring, the professor thought, his life had fallen apart soon after.

  Was there any reason to think it would end differently this time?

  The question lingered in his mind even well after he had boarded the jet, and it persisted in haunting him even as he made his way to the back entrance of his home.

  Because he had arrived two hours earlier than expected, he was hoping to surprise Diana. But as soon as he made it near enough to hear and see her moving about in the kitchen, it was the professor who had a bombshell dropped on him instead.

  One moment she was by the stove, cooking and humming as her hips swayed in gentle rhythm.

  My Girl by The Temptations, the professor managed to identify in spite of being distracted by the way her butt had started wriggling, almost as if it was begging for a spank.

  He was about to go in and do just right that...when history repeated itself.

  And life threatened to fall apart once more.

  Diana suddenly rushed to the sink and started throwing up.

  Fuck.

  He managed to get past his shock and already had his phone whipped out when, just as he was about to dial 911, he heard the retching sounds stop. His frantic gaze snapped back to her, and the first thing he saw was her pale face as her fingers fumbled for the phone lying on the countertop.

  She was calling someone, and he tensed, somehow unable to make himself move as he waited for his phone to ring.

  But it didn't.

  Instead, he heard her start to speak, voice wobbling as her shoulders started to shake in silent sobs.

  "D-Doctor Olsen?"

  Matthijs whitened.

  "This is Diana Leventis. I thought I'd leave you a voice mail in case..."

  He watched her inhale, all the while thinking, this was it. He knew it in his guts. This was life coming to collect.

  "Anyway, it's, um, Day 24. The nausea's still bad, and the vomiting...it's gotten worse."

  And so it was.

  "I think I'll go ahead with the kidney checkup you mentioned, and if the side effects still persist...we'll do it your way. We'll change medications then, but---"

  He heard her voice break, and his own chest caved in with it.

  "Matthijs...he still doesn't know, and I'd like to keep it that way. Please. Him knowing won't change my condition, but what it will change is him worrying about me even more...and I just...I just don't want him to have any reason to push me away again."

  The professor closed his eyes.

  "So please..."

  The sound of her voice faded as he slowly retraced his steps back to the front door.

  FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

  He struggled to breathe.

  I just don't want him to have any reason to push me away again.

  Matthijs slowly raised his hand to press the doorbell.

  He heard footsteps and a murmur of voices, Diana asking Oskar why the butler still hadn't opened the door. He listened to the other man make excuses, listened to Diana answer in exasperation, and then she was opening the door---

  "Professor?"

  And just as before, she threw herself at him, and he caught her in his arms. Her face lifted up for a kiss, but try as he might, he couldn't make himself devour her mouth.

  God.

  What the fuck am I doing?

  God.

  Tell me if I should leave.

  Tell me.

  Diana pulled back, her doe eyes turning uncertain. "What's wrong?"

  The ring he had in his pocket seemed to burn all the way to his flesh, and his guts twisted
inside of him.

  Was that it then?

  The compromise.

  The sacrifice.

  He could be with her but not marry her?

  Diana touched his cheek. "Matthijs?"

  So be it, God.

  So fucking be it.

  Anything was fine as long as she remained safe.

  He forced himself to smile. "Nothing. I was just thinking I've forgotten how beautiful you are."

  She smacked his shoulder. "Ha!"

  Lowering Diana back to her feet, he asked casually, "Anything happen while I was gone?"

  "Nope." She looked up at him. "You?"

  "Nothing either, except for me missing you."

  Her cheeks turned pink, but her smile was blinding and her gaze soft with tenderness. "It's the same for me."

  And so it was, with both of them missing each other, both of them lying to each other.

  He followed her inside, but even before the door had swept shut behind him, he was unable to help himself, reaching to spin her around and causing Diana to gasp in surprise as he yanked her to his arms.

  "Matthijs?"

  But he could only hold on to her tightly.

  God.

  I don't want her sick because of me.

  Please.

  His arms tightened around her even more, and he said fiercely, "I love you."

  She started to struggle in his arms, wanting to look up, but she was no match for his strength, and she eventually subsided, her head falling back against her chest.

  "I love you, too," she finally whispered. "Always. You know that, right?"

  He closed his eyes.

  "Please, Matthijs. Can't you tell me what's wrong?"

  "Nothing." Because they would get through this. "Nothing's wrong." But no matter how much the professor willed this to be true, he had a feeling he was fighting against what was already destined.

  Together

  Diana had never been the type to believe in omens.

  If she had been, maybe things would've been different and she would've been better prepared. Maybe, if she had been the type to believe, she wouldn't have so quickly disregarded the notification on her phone, popping up from nowhere with a Verse of the Day from her bible app.