The Broken One

by Cardello, Ruth

  “Ava—” I hadn’t gone on more than first dates since bringing Ava home; they didn’t meet her. Normally she was shy around men, but not this one.

  Of course, no one else had ever returned Wolfie to her.

  His nod was all she needed. Still holding Wolfie, she wrapped her arms around the man’s neck in a way that mussed his hair. I half expected him to set her back from him as he’d done with me, but he just stood there, hands on his knees until she released him.

  “My name is Ava.”

  “Hello, Ava. My name is Sebastian,” he said in a decadently deep voice.

  “Sebastian.” She said his name slowly. “My hero.”

  He straightened, looking strangled in a way that pulled at my heart. He wasn’t angry. He was hurting. I put a hand on Ava’s shoulder and moved her back from him.

  “Thank you,” I said, giving him the out he wanted.

  Erica stepped forward. “What a nice thing—to deliver Wolfie yourself. You don’t look like someone who would want the reward, though.”

  “The reward,” I said in a rush. “Of course. Oh my God. I don’t have cash on me, but I could write you a check. Hang on.”

  “No,” he said with such authority I stopped. “No reward necessary.” He looked down at Ava, who was hugging Wolfie happily again, then back up at me. “Good night.”

  “Wait,” Erica said. “Are you married?”

  I gasped and shot a look at my friend. Stop.

  She shrugged, shamelessly delighted. She was constantly trying to find a man for me, but we didn’t have the same taste. Her husband was a mechanic. Hardworking. Jean-wearing, barbecue-making kind of guy. My type was . . . Okay, on the surface, this guy was my taste, but it was painfully apparent that I was not his.

  Kevin came running up with the replica of Wolfie I’d brought home. “Look what I found! Ava, you have two Wolfies.”

  Ava spun, accepted the second wolf, and held them up to compare them, then pulled them both to her chest for a hug. “Mommy, Wolfie wasn’t lost; he went looking for a girlfriend. I’ll call you Wolfina.” She smiled up at Sebastian. “We’re going to have puppies. Wolf puppies.”

  He almost smiled. “Cute.” He stepped back. He looked like he was about to turn and leave when Kevin and Tyler burst by him, nearly knocking him off his feet.

  “Mom, Tyler took my doll,” Charlotte yelled as she also sped past Sebastian.

  “That’s my cue to go as well,” Erica said, chasing after them. She stopped just behind Sebastian long enough to shoot me a double thumbs-up, then disappeared down the stairs.

  Ava lost interest in Sebastian and brought the two stuffed animals to the rug where she’d been playing. He watched the children go, then turned back to me. The heat to his look sent my heart racing. My hand tightened on the doorknob.

  I couldn’t invite him in.

  I wasn’t about to try out my rusty flirting skills on someone like him.

  So I did what any woman would do when she found herself with a gorgeous man at her door who didn’t look like he knew if he was coming or going. I just stared at him.

  He looked back as if lost in his thoughts.

  When the silence dragged on to an awkward length, I said, “Thank you again for bringing Wolfie back. Where did you find him?”

  My question seemed to shake him back to the present. “He was on the side of the road near an empty lot.”

  “You have no idea how much his return means to us. We’re so grateful.” When he frowned, I joked, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hug you again.”

  A flush spread up the man’s neck. “Whether I’m married or not doesn’t matter. There’s nothing here I want.”

  It was my turn to flush. Thanks, Erica, for making him think I’m desperate enough for a man that he has to clarify that. “Okay. Good talk. Thanks again.”

  I closed the door in his face and leaned against it.

  Asshole.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  * * *

  SEBASTIAN

  I’m an asshole.

  I stood on the porch of the woman I’d insulted for doing nothing more than thanking me for returning something to her child, reasonably certain that wasn’t how my mother had imagined that going.

  It wasn’t how I’d thought of it either.

  Ditch and run. That had been my plan.

  No conversation. No real engagement.

  Nothing stupid coming out of my mouth.

  My hand hovered over the doorbell. I should apologize. And say what?

  You’re a beautiful woman with an adorable child and a house full of laughter. I almost had that. Neighbors dropping in. Children underfoot. That was how I once pictured my life.

  I don’t want that anymore.

  I turned away and walked down the steps to my car. My driver opened the door for me. I slid in without exchanging a word with him.

  When he was behind the wheel, I barked, “Take me back to my apartment.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  The painfully long ride gave me far too much time to think. I did my best not to. I craved the oblivion I’d allowed myself the day before, but that was a once-a-year indulgence.

  My phone rang. I welcomed the distraction. “Hey, Dad.”

  “Your mother wants to know how it went when you delivered the stuffed animal, but she doesn’t want to ask you in case it didn’t go well. She’s asked me about a hundred times how I think it went. Please, give me something I can tell her.”

  The corner of my mouth curled in a hint of a smile as I pictured my mother hounding my father until he broke down and sneaked off to call me. “I dropped it off. They were very happy to have it back. That’s all there is to know.”

  “Your mother said the woman is not only beautiful but also intelligent. She has her own accounting business. All your mother had to hear was that her little girl was adopted. You know she has a soft spot for anyone who can love someone else’s child as their own. It says a lot about that woman’s character too. You could use someone like that in your life.”

  “I am not short on female companionship.”

  “I’ve seen the women you date. I’m talking about one you could bring to dinner. Someone you could settle down with.”

  “I have zero desire to ever marry again.”

  My father was quiet for a moment. “Do you want company? I could sleep in your guest room.”

  “I’m fine, Dad.”

  “We all loved Therese—”

  “Don’t, Dad.”

  “I worry about you, Sebastian. Nothing that happened was your fault. You made a decision you thought was best for your family. Accidents happen. You didn’t kill your wife.”

  Since there was nowhere for the conversation to go, I changed direction. “So I signed the paperwork to purchase the Durham lot. We’ll be moving forward aggressively with that project over the next few months. I’ve been crunching the numbers. The local competition is a chain store. I see a full buyout or bankruptcy in their future. With potential profit even higher than we saw in Maine.”

  “You know how many stores I had back in Italy?”

  I sighed. Here we go. “One.”

  “Exactly. And I was happy. I had your mother, you kids, and homemade wine. That’s all a man needs.”

  “Well, I don’t exactly have any of that, do I?” I snapped, regretting the words as soon as I voiced them.

  “Because you hold on to the pain, Sebastian. Therese wouldn’t have wanted you to.”

  “No one knows what she would have wanted.”

  “She loved you, Sebastian. When you love someone, their happiness is where you find your own. You have always been a good son. You were a good husband, but you are an awful widower.”

  I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Thanks. I didn’t know there was a rating system.”

  “Was she beautiful, Sebastian?”

  “Who?”

  “This Heather Ellis.”

  “Yes.” Her face was too easy to picture. Big brown e
yes. Long, loose curls—perfect for a man to bury his hands in. Her conservative attire paired with bare feet had made it too easy to imagine how she would have looked sprawled across my desk. Losing Therese didn’t mean I was dead from the waist down. I still found women attractive. I just made sure I chose partners who were okay with nothing beyond sex. Heather didn’t come across as a woman who would agree to those terms.

  Not to mention, I didn’t date anyone with kids.

  No exceptions.

  “And her child? How was she?”

  “Sweet. They seem like a nice family.”

  “Did you get the sense that the woman liked you?”

  I remembered the look of outrage on her face right before she’d slammed the door in mine. “I wouldn’t go as far as to say that.”

  “That’s a shame. She sounded like someone we would have liked to meet.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you, but if you have enough intel for Mom, can we talk about something else? Anything else?”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  * * *

  HEATHER

  Midmorning the next day I pushed back my desk chair and stood. I didn’t like what was distracting me from my work, but it was time to admit to myself that the day before was still very much on my mind.

  Sebastian had gotten into my head. And not in a good way. I walked to the window of my office and decided to face the issue head-on.

  There were certain indisputable truths: I hadn’t had sex in years, and he was gorgeous.

  Anything I may or may not have done with him in my dreams last night was due to that, along with the yogurt I shouldn’t have eaten right before I went to bed. Everyone has sex dreams. Dreams like that are normal. Healthy.

  I closed my eyes as a particular scenario from mine brought heat to my cheeks. Shaking my head, I chuckled. No way he would actually be that good in bed anyway. God had wasted a perfectly good Adonis face and body on a man with no personality.

  I opened my eyes and scanned my office absently while I remembered the way he’d dismissed me, us, as nothing he wanted. That had stung. It still stung.

  Breathe. He didn’t hurt me; he’d hurt my pride. There were thousands, millions, of men in the world who probably didn’t find me attractive, and I didn’t care about them. My self-image wasn’t contingent on male approval.

  He’s not part of my life. He doesn’t matter. Focus on the good that came from last night. Ava happily slept in her own bed with Wolfie and Wolfina in her arms.

  All was back to normal.

  My pep talk didn’t improve my mood, so I dug deeper. I didn’t want to brag, but I’d always been my own best psychologist. I had discovered the skill in college when Brenda had suggested that I needed to shed my anger with my parents before it made me just like them. It was probably the deepest thing Brenda had ever said to me, and though she was stoned when she’d said it, it had resonated.

  Rather than seeking professional counsel, I read books on choosing happiness and changing mental habits. They taught me to judge everyone less—myself and those around me—to forgive if only for my sake, and to keep my focus on the positive I wanted in my life. The philosophy had served me well in my professional as well as my personal life.

  I loved my job. I had a good circle of friends. Ava was my family unit, but I didn’t need more than her, did I?

  Four years without sex. Maybe it’s time to let Erica set me up with someone again. Just because I hadn’t liked the ones she’d suggested so far didn’t mean I couldn’t find someone that way.

  Or I could use . . . Tinder?

  I shuddered. Not my style.

  Get a babysitter and sit in a bar until some guy buys me a drink?

  I tipped my head back and rubbed a hand over my forehead.

  I don’t just want sex.

  I walked back to my desk and sat down.

  What do I want?

  What was it about Ava hugging Sebastian’s neck that kept the scene popping into my thoughts?

  What did it represent?

  What do I feel like I’m missing?

  A happy, successful man who gives me butterflies just by showing up. A man who sees me as his partner in and out of bed.

  Someone who would love my child as much as I do.

  I’m wishing for a unicorn.

  I stretched my arms above my head.

  The positive?

  I had admitted something important to myself: I wanted more than Ava in my life.

  A healthy step.

  It also made Sebastian’s rejection easier to work through. It wasn’t that I cared about him not wanting me. I’d let him represent my ideal, and that had given my exchange with him more importance than it warranted.

  Deep breath.

  Inner peace returned.

  Thank you, Mr. Romano, for returning Wolfie to us. For me, not you, I forgive you for your rude parting comment. I hope you find something today that makes you smile.

  “Knock, knock,” Teri said at my doorway. “Erica is here and asking if you have a moment.”

  “Send her in.”

  Smiling, Erica entered, placed a brightly wrapped package on the corner of my desk and said, “I had an epiphany this morning.”

  Teri hovered near the door. I stood and waved her in. I might need the moral support. “An epiphany. Sounds interesting.”

  Erica turned to Teri. “Did she tell you about the man who brought Ava’s stuffed animal back?”

  “She did not.” Teri’s eyebrows arched in interest.

  I put a hand on one hip. “He was above average in the looks department, but not big on pleasantries.”

  “He was hot,” Erica said, fanning the air. “H. O. T. And she practically wet herself just looking at him.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

  Elbowing Teri, Erica nodded. “You should have seen the look on her face. She wanted to eat him up. And he was looking at her the same way. I should have offered to take Ava with me so they could have gotten it on right there.”

  Hand to heart, Teri said, “How romantic is that? What a great way to meet.”

  I pinched an inch of air. “Erica is exaggerating just a little bit.” I separated my fingers. “By that I mean a lot. He dropped off Wolfie, we barely spoke to each other, then he left. End of romantic story.”

  Laying her hand on the package on my desk, Erica said, “Only if you let it end that way. This morning you said you had Ava write him a thank-you letter. Do you have it with you?”

  I glanced at the pile of paperwork on the corner of my desk. “Yes, but I have no intention of actually sending it to him. I just wanted her to take the time to express her gratitude.”

  Erica tapped the top of the wrapped box. “That’s so wrong. Take her note, add one of your own, and send him this package. I guarantee you’ll have a date with him by the weekend.”

  “Trust me, he doesn’t want to hear from us again.”

  Lifting a shoulder and cocking her head, Erica said, “I never knew you were a coward. Did you know that, Teri?”

  “I’m not in this,” my assistant said wisely.

  Mirroring my stance, Erica continued, “Since I met you, Heather, you’ve described a certain kind of guy you could imagine yourself with—but when he actually shows up at your door? What do you do? Write him off? Do you know who gets married by giving up that easily? Um. No one.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Have you ever heard of false advertising? His packaging might be what I said I wanted, but I’m not bringing anyone into my life—into Ava’s life—who isn’t as together on the inside as he looks on the outside.”

  “You talked to him for two minutes. You don’t know what’s on his inside.”

  “Trust me, I got a glimpse of it. I saw it in his eyes. He’s not happy.”

  Erica looked to Teri, then back at me. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were also looking for perfection in a man. Let me amend my advice. Forget about this guy and stock up on vibrators, because you’re never
going to find someone who doesn’t have some kind of issue.”

  Teri coughed and excused herself from the room.

  I stood taller, temper rising. “He literally looked right at me and said he didn’t want me.”

  Erica’s eyes rounded. “I don’t believe that. Did he use those words?”

  “I’m paraphrasing.”

  “No, you’re reading into what he said because you’re afraid you might actually have met a man you could like. You’re scared. Admit it.”

  I plopped into one of the leather chairs in front of my desk. “Do you think he actually looked like he wanted to eat me up?”

  With a chuckle, Erica took the seat next to me. “Oh, hon, he was a starving man, and you were an all-you-can-eat buffet.”

  I laughed. “It felt like that for a second, but then it didn’t. He did actually say it didn’t matter if he was married or not because there was nothing there he wanted.”

  “That is odd.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  Erica called out. “Teri, can you see if you can find anything online about a Sebastian Romano? Tall. Black hair. Gray eyes. Successful. You’ll know him if you see him. Drop-dead gorgeous. Kinda broody.”

  “That’s not going to work.”

  “Everything is online now. Everything. Just wait.”

  A moment later, Teri called out, “I think I found him. Yee—ow—za. If you don’t want him, could you give him my number?”

  Erica stood. “Let’s go see if this hunk is married.”

  Shaking my head, I went with her to stand behind Teri at her desk.

  There were pages of photos of him, both from groundbreakings for new Romano Superstores and nightclubs with different women hanging on him. Erica nudged Teri’s chair. “Stop drooling and find out if he’s single.”

  “Oh no,” Teri said as she clicked on a link. “He was married, but his wife died in a car accident five years ago.” She covered her mouth with one hand. “And she was four months pregnant. The baby didn’t survive either.”

  “That’s horrible.” My eyes filled with tears. Well, that explained the look in his eyes.