“Oh my”, said Meara, a wide smile lighting her softly lined face.
Bridei was still distracted by thoughts of what he would be doing to Nessa later that evening. “What?”
“Two auras, Bridei. Where there was one, now there are two, one tiny one, barely yet there, nestled inside of the other.”
His gaze snapped to hers. “What do you mean?”
“She is with child.”
Bridei’s heart nearly stopped beating.
A child.
He hadn’t wanted a child, not yet, not before he went to battle. Not when he couldn’t protect it, if he died. But nor had he been able to stop himself from claiming his woman with his body and his seed. He had tried, but he had failed. He steeled himself. He would just have to make sure he survived.
“So soon? It can’t be, Meara. It’s been no time at all since we…”
Meara laughed. “It takes only one time, my King. You know that. It is a life that has only begun, just a tiny spark.”
Meara turned and walked away, the almost gleeful spring in her step belying her age, leaving Bridei standing there wearing a baffled look. A child. His. So soon.
He had never really considered how he would feel if he one day learned he was going to be a father. And so the flood of raw emotion took him completely by surprise. He crashed to his knees. Bent to kiss the Earth. A proud King made humble by yet another unexpected gift from the gods. His heart filled with so much love and gratitude that his chest felt tight with it.
This put everything into a new light. He had to win against Ecgfrith now, more than ever. He had to make a safe and prosperous place for his child to grow up. His heart had never, ever felt so full. This was what love felt like. Domech was telling him the truth when he said it was worth dying to feel it just once. As he headed back to the day’s work, he wondered idly whether he would tell Nessa Meara’s news before or after he made love to her again. Or maybe during? He hoped she would be as happy about it as he was.
The day was beautiful, and Nessa felt almost content as she helped Veda carry a heavy basket between them, waving at Meara as she passed by, then giving Bridei a smile that promised he would have much to look forward to that night. She had spent the previous night wrapped tightly in the arms of a King, woken to his kisses, and now she was helping out as a part of the community. For the first time since she’d emerged trembling and uncertain from that well, Nessa felt hopeful, with the possibility of real happiness not far behind. She realized she was starting to feel included in this life, almost like a member of the tribe. The pain of leaving behind Nathan and her life in the future would one day be balanced by what she had here and now, and in this moment, she felt like she was going to be okay.
Only seconds later, all of that budding peace and hope came crashing down around her in a way that she never, ever would have imagined.
Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of Nathan running towards her, his face awash in joy and relief. She dropped her side of the basket with a thud, and was vaguely aware of cabbages rolling across the ground in all directions. There was a sudden sick feeling in her gut, and shock froze her in place as her past came closer.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, not now…
“Nessa!” he called, running faster now, closing in too quickly for her to think. “Ness!” He collided with her frozen form, nearly knocking her over as he folded her roughly into his arms. “God, I thought I’d never see you again!”
“Nathan,” she said weakly. “Oh my god Nathan…”
Over Nathans’s shoulder, she saw him. Bridei. He was standing stock still, looking at her with a question in his eyes and rage swiftly darkening his features. He had heard her speak Nathan’s name. He knew who he was to her. Her eyes widened as he collected himself and began closing in on them.
“Nessa.” Her name on his lips was ice cold, and her heart flipped and flopped in her chest. Her stomach threatened to empty. Oh god, this wasn’t supposed to happen, she thought again…she wasn’t supposed to have to choose, and she knew in the very next beat of her heart that was exactly what she was going to have to do.
Bridei was looking at Nathan now, and there was death in his eyes. He would kill him, she knew. Kill him for even touching her. She had to do something; she couldn’t let Nathan die just because he had cared enough to find her…oh god! How had he found her?
She stepped away from Nate, putting a careful distance between them, then made a fumbling attempt at introductions because she had no idea what else to do. “Bridei…this is Nathan...I…I…” Further words failed her.
Bridei was still for a long moment as he looked over his opponent with an appraising eye. “The man you love.”
“Bridei…Please, I…I didn’t know…”
Nathan looked confused. He grabbed her arm. “What did you just say to him? You speak their language?”
She shot him a look of warning. Didn’t he know she was trying to save his life here?
As much as she wanted, no needed, to talk to Bridei alone, she knew she couldn’t leave Nathan by himself here. He didn’t even speak Pictish. Didn’t know the first thing about the culture. She could be watching him have his throat slit on the blood-soaked alter within hours if he did the wrong thing, or if someone mistook his intentions. And she couldn’t even be sure Bridei wouldn’t kill him right here where he stood. Just because Nathan was here and had touched her and she had once said that she loved him.
She turned back to Nate, certain that her every emotion must be written on her face. Apparently, she was right.
Nate was no longer smiling. “I saw the way you looked at him just now. You’ve never looked at me that way, Nessa.”
“Nate…I…” Words had become fumbling things that she couldn’t seem to use.
“Tell me…is it over?” Nathan grabbed her, fisting his hand in her hair and pulling her close. He searched her eyes; his were filled with anger and grief. “Is it? Do you know what I went through to get here?” His lips crashed to hers and he kissed her, hard, and ironically, she thought, with more passion than he ever had before. She didn’t dare look over at Bridei. She felt sick to her stomach in a way she had never known was possible.
This was never supposed to happen, she thought yet again.
She pulled away slowly, confused and heart-sick. “No…forgive me…I…I thought I was stranded here forever. I thought I’d lost you. Lost my whole life back home. Everything. I was so scared.”
He searched her face for long seconds before pulling her close and nestling her head under his chin. “Oh Ness, I’m sorry too. I wasn’t thinking about everything you must have gone through.”
“I tried so hard to get home,” she told him. “I tried so hard to get back to you.” Except that she hadn’t been able to, and so she had given her body to another man. And if she was being honest, her heart as well. To the man who was standing right…she looked up, but Bridei wasn’t there anymore. A quick glance around proved that he was only a short distance away, and Domech was with him now, holding his arm. Maybe talking him out of murder. She shuddered, knowing she would want the same, if the situation was reversed.
Suddenly, she remembered, and she had to know. “Gram?”
She could see the answer in his eyes before he said a word, and her heart shattered. “I’m sorry Nessa, she’s gone.”
She couldn’t seem to catch her breath. Gram was gone. She would really never see her again. Suddenly her world shrunk down to the tiny pinpoint of light that had been her life with the one person that had loved her unconditionally since the moment she was born. She felt alone, floundering, desperate. Some part of her knew it was just grief, and that it would pass in time, but in that moment it felt like a weight heavier than she could bear. She wanted to run…just run. She looked up at Nate with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Nate.”
“I know. I know baby. Let me take you home.”
“You know how?” Some strange mix of hope and dread filled her chest. H
ome. Wasn’t that where she needed to be? She would need to make the funeral arrangements…
He nodded, taking her chin in his hand and lifting her gaze. “Aye, of course I do. I made sure of it before I came here. No sense in both of us being stuck here in this godforsaken place, right?”
Godforsaken? No. Beautiful and brutal and life-affirming…but not home. Gram was home. And she had let her die alone.
She looked around again, but this time Bridei was gone. Had he given her up so easily? Without even a fight? Had she been so wrong about his feelings for her? Bridei was gone, and Nathan was here with his arms around her. Warm. Familiar. Gram…
She was shaking. “Aye. Aye, take me home.”
“Of course.” He hugged her tightly for a moment. “Where’s Angus?”
“He’s gone. He…he died.”
“What?” Nathan’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “But how could…”
Nessa pulled at his arm urgently. “Nate, we have to leave before they come after us.”
No one stopped them as they hurried toward the well. At the bottom of the steps, Nathan opened his bag and took out Angus’s little machine. The thought of Uncle Angus made Nessa want to cry even harder than she already was, but she sniffled and made an effort to focus her bleary eyes.
“See this crystal? There’s a bunch of magnets inside. Apparently it somehow disrupts the earth’s magnetic field and something else that I didn’t understand a word of, and it’s aligned to cross the boundary between our time and this one, where they are folded close together. Clough Hill and the well in Burghead, apparently. It makes a kind of door. I never would have believed it until I saw it for myself. Amazing.”
Fresh tears sprang into her eyes, and Nate gathered her into his arms. “There, there. I’m here now. I have no idea how, but I’m here. I’m going to take you home and we’ll get married and have a family and live happily ever after, and none of this will ever touch us again. I promise you.”
He gathered her in his arms, and stepped into the water. Then they were falling…
Domech had a tight grip on his arm, as he talked Bridei down from the immediate and brutal violence he was determined to commit. Wait, he had said. Give her space. Let her talk to the man and explain the situation. Surely then he would go back where he came from, and all would be just as it should be. He could barely see Domech through the haze of red that covered his vision, let alone hear his words, but he had waited. He had given her a moment alone to tell Nathan goodbye, and he had thought he was being extremely generous, considering. He had been certain that she would do just that: explain that she was happy here with him, and tell the man goodbye. He could not have imagined things happening any other way.
But now Bridei watched in stunned disbelief as Nessa and Nathan disappeared down the steps to the well. With his heart in his throat, he ran after her, finally reaching the well and taking the steps two at a time to emerge…in an empty chamber. He jumped into the water, submerging himself, frantically searching every corner. But it was no use…she was gone, and whatever door she had gone through was now closed. A crushing wave of disbelief washed over him, and he knew what it must be like to have a still-beating heart ripped from one’s chest.
Eventually he heaved himself up into the damp stones, shock making his whole body numb. She’s gone. She left me. A slow, sinking despair was stealing his breath, and at the same time, he was battling a rage that threatened to consume him. He wanted to scream, or kill, or…or just cease to exist all together. Never had he felt pain like this. It was cutting him to pieces. It took some time before he finally gathered the will to climb back up into the daylight.
Domech fell into step beside him as he stalked across the yard. “Bridei? What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
“She’s gone.”
“Nessa? Gone where?”
“With him. Gone.”
“But I thought you two were…” He stopped talking when Bridei stopped short and gave him a look that spelled death should he choose to keep talking.
But Domech didn’t heed the warning, only waiting until Bridei began walking again. “But she could be coming back, right? Did she actually tell you goodbye?”
“No. Not a word.”
“Then maybe she expects to be back.”
“She’s not coming back. She loves him.”
“You don’t know that…
“She told me so.”
“But surely what is between you is enough to…
Bridei came to an abrupt halt but did not look at him. “Meara told me this morning that Nessa carries my child, if that was not enough, then nothing is.”
Domech’s face fell. “Oh gods…oh Bridei…”
He shook his head, his features hardening until his face might have been made of iron. “There is nothing I can do. She has made her choice.” His throat felt tight, his eyes stung. He shoved every bit of emotion into one tiny part of his mind, where it throbbed with a constant, dull pain that he knew would be with him for a very long time. “She is dead to me now. I have a battle to prepare for, Domech. One I intend to win. Are you with me?”
Oh god, what have I done?
This was wrong…so very wrong. She was kneeling on a dirt floor and Nathan’s arms were around her, but they were the wrong arms. She knew this with a certainty that sunk into her heart like a deadly weight, dropped on her only moments too late. Bile rose in her throat but she choked it down.
“How…how did you get to me?”
They were in the large chamber of the passage grave on Clough Hill, and at her feet was the little…time machine…that Angus had made.
“When you went missing…” He paused, pacing a few steps before turning back to her. “When you went missing, I was beside myself. I didn’t know what to do, and the police were no help.”
“You called the police?”
“Of course I did, I couldn’t find you anywhere! I thought you might have been dead! God, Nessa, I didn’t know what to do!”
She nodded, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth. He had truly been worried about her, and all the while she had been falling in love with another man.
Nathan continued, jarring her from her guilt-stricken thoughts. “Then Angus just shows up at my door one night, begging me to help him, and I followed him. Did you know Nessa? Did you know what that thing does?” Nathan nodded toward the contraption, which sat in a dusty beam of sunlight as if it were on display. “I thought he was crazy when he told me what it did, but I humored him. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Why didn’t you at least say goodbye?” He was looking at her with eyes full of hurt, and an almost equal amount of anger. Had he really thought she meant to leave?
“No. I didn’t know…I mean, Angus told me that’s what it did, but I didn’t actually believe him! And I never meant to leave, I was following him to keep him out of trouble. I followed him here. I never knew it would actually work, I swear.”
Nathan looked at her a long moment, then sighed. “I’m sorry Ness, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
Then something dawned on her. “Wait…you followed Angus to me? But he was there weeks before you showed up. How could that be?”
“Weeks? Oh my god, he was there that long ago?”
“Aye. He said he’d come back for me. That he went to get help. Then…then he had a heart attack. He died in my arms.”
Nathan’s arms tightened around her. “I’m so sorry Ness. I don’t know what happened. I went in straight after him, but I do remember accidently knocking the machine with my foot. Maybe I shifted it somehow…the time, or whatever.” He looked deep into her eyes, making her uneasy. “Ness, you had no idea he might have been telling the truth? That he had really figured out some ancient way to time travel?”
“No. I guess I should have believed him, huh?” She stood up on wobbly legs. “Let’s go, Nathan. I want to go home.”
“Okay, of course. But Nessa, let’s agree here and now to never tell anyone about this.
I want nothing more than a nice, quiet, average life with you. If anyone found out…well, I’m just afraid it would turn into a circus. And if people got their hands on this thing and started day tripping back and forth in time, which they would, things would turn into a colossal mess very quickly.”
“Oh god, I didn’t even really think about that, but you’re right. It will be our secret forever. Modern man is in no way ready for ancient technology.” Her lips quirked in humor that she absolutely did not feel. Her world had just been turned upside-down. Again.
Walking into the nursing home was even harder than she’d thought it would be, but she wanted to get Gram’s things, including her wedding ring and the necklace she’d worn every single day since Nessa could remember. As she waited at the front desk for someone to retrieve them, Molly, one of the nurses that had cared for Gram, came around the corner carrying a stack of files.
“Nessa?” Her face filled with genuine sympathy. “Oh Nessa, I’m so sorry for your loss, dear.”
Nessa choked back the tears that threatened, and the back of her throat stung with the effort. “Thank you, Molly.”
The nurse put the files down on the desk and enfolded her in a hug, and despite her effort, a few of those tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks. “I wanted…I wanted so much to be here…and I was out of town…and I couldn’t get back in time. Gram must have thought I’d abandoned her.”
“No! No, Nessa, not at all. She knew how much you loved her. In fact she was thinking of you at the end. I was with her, darling. I held her hand. She didn’t die alone if that’s what has you worried.”
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