Friar Tuck

by Robert Alexander Wason

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  HAPPY'S NEW AMBITION

  Ol' Tank Williams allus maintained that I had a memory like the Lord;but this ain't so. What I do remember, I actually see in pictures,just like I told you; but what my memory chooses to discard is as farout o' my reach as the smoke o' last year's fire. I've worked at mymemory from the day I was weaned, not bein' enough edicated to know'at the proper way is to put your memory in a book--and then not losethe book. I've missed a lot through not gettin' on friendly terms withbooks earlier in life; but then I've had a lot o' fun with my memoryto even things up.

  This part about the Friar, though, isn't a fair test. Horace'svestry-man friend was what is known as a short-hand reporter.Short-hand writin' is merely a lot o' dabs and slips which'd strain aChinaman; but Horace said it was as plain to read as print letters,and as fast to write as spoke words. Hugo took it down right as it wasgiven; and Horace had a copy which I made him go over with me until Ihad scratched it into the hardest part o' my memory; and now it isjust the same as if I had seen it with my own eyes--me knowin' everytone in the Friar's voice, and the way his eyes shine; yes, and theway his jaws snap off the words when he's puttin' his heart into athing.

  Horace sat thinkin', before he started on with his tale; and I satwatchin' his face. It was just all I could do to make out the oldlines which had give me the creeps a few weeks before. Now, it had afine, solid tan, the eyes were full o' fire, and he looked as freefrom nerves as a line buckskin. The Friar sez we're all just bits o'glass through which the spirit shines; and now that I had cleanedHorace up with my nerve treatment, the' was a right smart of spiritshinin' out through him, and I warmed my hands at it. He simply couldnot learn to roll a cigarette with one hand; but in most things, hewas as able a little chap as ever I took the kinks out of.

  "I'm sorry I didn't belong to that vestry," sez Horace, after a bit."When I look back at all the sportin' chances I've missed, I feel likekickin' myself up to the North Pole and back. From now on I intend tomix into every bloomin' jambaree 'at exposes itself to the vision ofmy gaze. I'm goin' to ride an' shoot an' wrestle an' box an' gamblean' fight, and get every last sensation I'm entitled to--but I'llnever have another chance at a vestry-meetin' like the one I'm aboutto tell you of.

  "You saw how toppy Carmichael got this afternoon; so you can guesspurty close how he looked when he lined up this vestry."

  "Oh, I've seen the Friar in action," sez I; "and you can't tell meanything about his style. All you can tell is the details. So go to'em without wastin' any more time."

  "How comes it you call such a man as him Friar Tuck?" asked Horace,who allus was as hard to drive as an only son burro.

  "Well, I don't approve of it," sez I, "and I kicked about it to theFriar; but he only laughed, and said 'at one name was as good asanother. A bettin' barber over at Boggs give it to him for admonishin'a gambler from Cheyenne."

  "Was he severe?" asked Horace.

  "Depends on how you look at it," sez I. "He took a club away from thegambler an' spanked him with it; but he didn't injure him a mite."

  "Humph," sez Horace, "I guess the name won't rust much while it's inhis keepin'. He took other methods at this vestry meetin', though Idon't say they were any more befittin'. Hugo--such was the name of myfriend--said it was the quietest, but the most dramatic thing he eversaw.

  "They started in by treatin' him like the boy he was, gave him a loto' copy-book advice, especially as to the value o' patience, how thatPaul was to do the plantin', Appolinaris, the waterin'; but that thesize an' time o' the harvest depended on the Lord, Himself; and thatit was vanity to think 'at a young boy just out o' college could rushthings through the way he was tryin' to.

  "The' was a hurt look about Carmichael's eyes; but the hurt had comefrom the letter, not from them, so he sat quiet and smiled down at 'emin a sort of super-human calmness. They thought he was bluffedspeechless, so they girded up their loins, an' tied into him a littleharder, tellin' him that his conduct in walkin' home nights with acafe-singer was little short of immoral, although they wouldn't makeno pointed charge again' the woman herself. Then they wound up bysayin' 'at they feared he was too young to spend so much time amid theenvirons o' sin, and that they would put an older man in charge o' theannex, and this would leave him free to attend strictly to cu-ratin'.

  "When they had spoke their piece, they were all beamin' with theupliftin' effect of it; and they settled back with beautiful smiles o'satisfaction to listen to Carmichael's thanks and repentance. He satthere smilin' too--not smilin' the brand o' smiles 'at they were, butstill smilin'. It would strain a dictionary to tell all there is insome smiles.

  "Presently he rose up, swept his eyes over 'em for a time, and said ina low tone: 'Then I am to understand that I am to follow in theMaster's footsteps only as far as personal chastity goes?' said he.'That I may respectably pity the weak and sinful from a distance; butmust not dismount from my exalted pedestal to take 'em by the hand an'lift 'em up--Is that what you mean?' sez he.

  "They still thought he was whipped, so one of 'em pulled a littlesarcasm on him: 'Takin' the weak an' sinful by the hand an' liftin''em up is all right,' said he; 'but it's not necessary to go home with'em after midnight.'

  "Carmichael bit his lips; he tried to hold himself down, he honestlytried for some time; but he wasn't quite able. His hands trembled an'his lip trembled while he was fightin' himself; but when he kicked offhis hobbles an' sailed into 'em, his tremblin' stopped an' the wordsshot forth, clear an' hot an' bitish. Hugo sat back in a corner durin'this meetin', without speakin' a single word; and he was glad of it.It saved him from gettin' his feelin's kicked into flinders about him,an' interferin' with the view; and it gave him a chance to take hisnotes.

  "'As a matter o' faith,' said Carmichael, 'we believe that Jesus neversinned; but we cannot know this as a matter of fact. Yet we can know,and we do know, as a matter of history, that He mingled an' hadfellowship with the fallen, the sinful, the outcast, and thedisreputable. With these He lived, and with these and for these Heleft the power and the life and the glory of His religion--and you saythat I must live in a glass case, may only look in holy dignity downat the weak and sinful; but that I mustn't go home with 'em aftermidnight. With God, a thousand years is but as a day--and yet it wouldbe wrong for me to be in a sinner's company after midnight!'

  "Carmichael paused here to give 'em a comeback at him; but theirmouths were dry, and they only hemmed an' hawed. 'Every Sunday, in theservice of this refined an' respectable church, hunderds of you admitthat you have no health because of your sins--and yet, because of myyouth, you say I must remain with you where sin is robed in silk andbroadcloth, and not risk my soul where sin is robed in rags.'

  "He paused again, and this time his eyes began to shootjerk-lightning, an' when he started to speak his deep voice shook theroom like the low notes of a big organ. 'No,' he said, 'I am notcontent to walk with the Lord, only on the day of His triumph--Thevery ones who strewed the pathway of His majesty with palms, andfilled the air with hosaners, deserted Him at the cross--but I mustwalk with Him every step of the way. I do not pray that my earthlygarments be spotless, I do not pray that my sandals be unworn an' freefrom mud; but I do pray that when I stand on my own Calvery I maystand with those who bear crosses, not with those who have spent theirlives in learnin' to wear crowns.'

  "Carmichael had discarded that entire vestry by this time, and hedidn't care a blue-bottle fly what they thought of him. He toweredabove them with his face shinin', and his voice rolled down over 'emlike a Norther sweepin' through the hills. 'Many there were,' he wenton, 'who cried to Him, Lord, Lord; but after the tomb was sealed, itwas the Magdalene whose faith never faltered, it was to her He firstappeared; and on the final resurrection morning, I hope the lesserMagdalenes of all the ages, and from all the nasty corners of theworld into which man's greed has crowded 'em, will know that I amtheir brother, and, save for a lovin' hand at the right moment, one ofthem to the last sordid detail.'

  "
Carmichael stopped after this, and the room was so quiet you couldhear the consciences o' that vestry floppin' up and down again' theirpocketbooks. When he began again his voice was soft, an' thebitterness had given way to sadness. 'The old way was best, afterall,' he said. 'When you pay a priest a salary, you hire him and hebecomes your servant. The custom is, for masters to dictate to theirservants; it is an old, old custom, and hard to break. I think I couldsuit you; but I do not think I shall try. The roots of my own lifelead back to the gutter, and through these roots shall I draw strengthto lift others from the gutter. I do not value my voice as a means toamuse those already weary of amusement: I look upon it as a tool tohelp clean up the world. You are already so clean that you fear I maydefile you by contagion. You do not need me; and with all your carefulbusiness methods, you have not money enough to hire me.

  "'What you need here, is a diplomat; while I yearn to be on the firm'line. I care little for the etiquette of religion, I want to get downwhere the fightin' is fierce an' primitive--so I hereby resign.

  "'This girl whom you have driven out of my life, needs no defence fromme or any man. I have known her since she was a little child; povertywas her lot, and self-sacrifice has become her second nature. We areforbidden to judge; so I judge neither her nor you; but I will saythat often I have stood silent before the beauty of her character, andoften my face has burned at the tainted money you have put on theplate. Part of this money comes from the rental of dives. I have seenthe dives themselves, I have seen their fearful product; and I cannotbelieve that profit wrung from a helpless slave can find its way toGod--even on the contribution plate.

  "'I love the music an' the service an' the vestments o' this church;and I hope I need not give them up; but my heart is in rebellion, andfrom this time on I take the full responsibility of my acts. I shallnot choose my path; but will go as the spirit moves me; and if ever Ifind one single spot which seems too dark for the Light of the worldto enter, then shall the soul in me shrivel and die, and I shallbecome a beast, howling in the jungle.'"

  Horace said that after the Friar had left the room, those vestryfellers sat in a sort of daze for some time, and then got up an'sneaked out one at a time, lookin' exceeding thoughtful; while Hugohad hustled around to his room to read off his notes.

  We sat there on the hill until dark, me tryin' to pump him for moredetails, but he didn't have 'em. He said the Friar had started to workin the slums; but was soon lost sight of, and the first he had heardof him for years was when he had come up the pass, singin' hismarchin' song. Course, I'd liked it some better if the Friar hadknocked their heads together; but still, takin' his eyes an' voiceinto consideration, it must 'a' been a fine sight; and if ever I getthe chance, I'm goin' to take on as a vestry-man, myself, for at leastone term.