The Little Blue Door

by Francesca Catlow

  Like a child, my eyes began to tingle and itch. My breath caught in my chest, somewhere between a juddered snuffle and a sniff. I pulled at the wire that had tucked itself into the front of my flip-flop. I tried to throw it with all my force, only for it to whip and float in a delicate swirl. It came to rest no more than a foot away from me. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My palms stung and my knee throbbed. What a fool. What a bloody fool! I rolled onto my bottom and clutched my knee. Pressing hard into the tender flesh to suppress the sensation.

  ‘Are you okay?’ came a voice from above.

  Great. It wasn’t enough to fall over, or to be fighting back tears, but someone had to witness the spectacle. Fantastic.

  ‘I’m fine, thank you,’ I called back without looking up. It was just my luck. I could hear their feet dancing towards me with a swift beat. Just what I didn’t want. ‘Seriously I’m…’ I turned and looked up. It was him. Him from the airport. Him from the van. He was by my side kneeling next to me. His eyes became as wide as mine, his looking almost golden as the evening sun giggled its way across his skin.

  ‘It’s you! Oh well, at least I didn’t knock you over this time.’ His voice had a note of Greek to it and his full lips softly curled up. Large warm hands were on my arms again, helping me up this time. Gently lifting me to my feet, as though I were as hollow as a bird’s bone.

  ‘No Gaia?’ I said, looking past him towards Fantasea. Waiting to see if she were staring down from their restaurant area. His smile got broader at the mention of her name.

  ‘No, no. She is with her friends.’

  ‘Oh.’ I didn’t know what I’d expected. Perhaps that she was practising how to part the sea somewhere. Or something equally ridiculous.

  ‘How’s your knee? Are you okay?’

  ‘I’m fine, honestly.’ I was acutely aware he was still holding my arm. I prayed he would let go before he noticed the breakneck speed of my pulse. I pulled away.

  ‘Thank you though.’ I turned away from him and began to walk. My face twisted, eyes wide and my fingers couldn’t help but cover my mouth.

  ‘Wait, do you need a lift? Your knee is bleeding. I have a first aid kit in my van.’

  I stopped to look down. So it was. What did I have to lose? I had nothing. Nothing worth having. My eyes squinted then fixed back on him, almost a silhouette in the sun. My words came out faint, distant, isolated somewhere far from who I once was.

  ‘That’d be lovely, thank you.’

  Chapter 3

  His van smelt of coffee and damp air conditioning. Both were unsurprising. The doors were littered with single-use coffee cups, crushed ready for the bin. He got in next to me and shut the door with his first aid kit on his lap.

  ‘I didn’t catch your name at the airport. I’m Anton, or Ant for short if you prefer.’ It couldn’t be a more ironic name based on his size. His broad shoulders more than filled his seat and he made his first aid box look like a child’s toy. I gave a snort of disbelief and he was rolling his eyes just as quickly. ‘I know, I know. Ironic. I’ve heard it all before. Stupid name if you ask me.’ The last part he muttered under his breath while continuing his rummaging. His black sleeveless top and shorts looked fresh and clean, which was impressive in the heat and dust. Other than his size and his eyes, he looked pretty Greek. He was rugged with dark hair, thick brows and a little on the hairy side. His strong jaw was hidden beneath his almost-beard. Then his large hands were fiddling, trying desperately to open a little sachet containing an antibacterial wipe.

  ‘Melodie, and I don’t mind the name Anton. It suits you,’ I said while suppressing a giggle. I held out my hand automatically. He took it tentatively.

  ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve shaken someone’s hand.’ Corfu hadn’t been badly hit by the pandemic but social distancing, and other tight rules, had been in place from the start.

  ‘I didn’t even think, it was automatic! Sorry,’ I said and pulled my shoulders up into a little shrug. He managed to prise open the little packet and extract its contents. He carefully passed it to me with a smile.

  ‘That’s okay, I trust you.’ There was more weight to his voice in this comment than I’d expect for something so flippant. Unless it was just my imagination and wishful thinking. ‘Plus I’ve knocked into you, helped you up twice and now you’re sat in my van. It’s a bit late to care.’ After I had wiped my knee, he passed me a rather large plaster, much bigger than required. I carefully placed it on my right knee with a little pat. Even though it dominated my knee with very little sympathy for my vanity, I didn’t want to offend his kindness.

  ‘So?’ His deep green eyes were piercing through me again, down to my soul.

  ‘So?’ I mimicked, vacantly. My heart was still pounding and the air conditioning hadn’t prevented my hands from sweating. The sweat was making my palms sting as the salt tormented my poor little grazes. I absentmindedly wiped them across the material on my thighs. Thankfully it didn’t mark the soft navy chiffon, even with the dirt from the ground still lingering mixed with my sweat. I was looking down wishing I’d worn something a little more impressive. It was a nice dress though, but quite plain. Strappy, not quite a low neckline, short at the front and floating down at the back. That’s when I realised, we were sat in silence while I over-analysed myself and he was just watching me with half a smile across his face.

  ‘Are you not going to tell me where you need to be?’ My face felt like it had gone up another ten degrees or so.

  ‘Oh! Sorry, yes, Vicky’s.’ What an idiot. At least he didn’t dwell on it. He just began to turn his van around. I was grateful not to have his eyes on me.

  ‘Vicky’s is nice. Have you stayed there before?’

  ‘Many times, but not today,’ I said with a smile over my round lips. I lightly touched them wondering how my lipstick was looking.

  ‘Really? Where are you staying then?’

  ‘Astrakeri.’

  ‘Nice area. How long are you staying for?’ Was it just polite conversation or was he actually interested? I hoped he was interested. I was pulling gently at the hem of my dress so as to not stare at him. His hair was neatly cut but a little longer on top, I just wanted to touch it.

  ‘A month, or there abouts.’

  ‘All on your own?’ He gave me a little sideways glance, he definitely seemed interested in what my answer would be.

  ‘Yes, but I’m meeting a friend at Vicky’s.’ We were almost there already. This little meeting was both embarrassing and short. I’d hoped if we interacted again, I’d at least come across mildly elegant, or, at the very least, not a buffoon. Too late for that, I’d already been seen for who I’ve always been: clumsy.

  He drove down the dirt road to the apartment blocks and stopped next to the surrounding wall. He twisted to face me while he drummed his fingers on the wheel absentmindedly. Then I noticed. How had I not noticed before? I obviously didn’t want to notice. A wedding ring. In Greece they wear their wedding ring on the right; I had known that, but up to that point I had conveniently forgotten. Of course he was married. Gaia was clearly his daughter, based on looks alone, there was never a doubt of that. So why hadn’t I thought him to be married? Probably because I didn’t want him to be.

  ‘Thank you for the lift’ – I started to open the door– ‘and the plaster, it was very kind of you.’ Just as I went to slam the door shut, he leant across my seat.

  ‘Wait! Will you be in Agios Stefanos again? Will I see you?’

  ‘I’m not sure your wife would approve.’ I turned on my flip-flops and attempted my sexiest storm-off walk. I’m still not sure if that’s actually a thing, but it’s what I was trying to achieve. I heard the van steadily pull away and my heart promptly sank. Oh well, another little dream crushed. It had been nice while it lasted. I might never understand his daughter’s eyes but I’d understood his and adultery wasn’t a life complica
tion I needed.

  It was nice to laugh. Maria didn’t sit around pitying me. That was not her way. We sat at a table in the bar area after being fed to the brim with delicious souvlaki, feta, tzatziki, more salad, chips and rice! Perhaps not quite the brim, as we still had room for cocktails. Her laugh made me laugh even more, with an out-of-breath snort.

  ‘Come on, let’s go.’ She grabbed my bag off of the floor and started to march off.

  ‘Wait for me then!’ I scrambled to my feet and I was off after her.

  ‘Where are we going then?’

  ‘Condor? I hear Lady Gaga is there tonight.’

  ‘Oh well, we don’t have much choice then, do we?’ Our march advanced at quite the pace and we continued to laugh as we went over the bridge and past all of the cats.

  ‘I think Rihanna should be there tonight too you know,’ Maria stated very matter-of-fact, with a pause before laughing again. When we arrived at the bar it was buzzing. It wasn’t as busy as I’d seen it in the past but everyone was smiling, laughing and many were dancing. Every other person was singing along, or swaying, or pointing their finger to the beat. The bass vibrated my chest. It was early still, maybe around nine thirty, something like that, we were already a little drunk. Maria started flinging her hair from side to side, shoulders bouncing to the music, I went to the bar.

  ‘Two Sexy Greeks please,’ I said with a tiny slur. I got a wink and a smile before he went off to make the cocktails. The tribute act was halfway through “Bad Romance” when I got our drinks. Maria grabbed her drink in one hand and me in the other. We were shouting the words and dancing, limbs were flying everywhere, as were our drinks. When the singer went on her break “Tiger Feet” came on. Maria started jumping up and down laughing and kicking her feet all over the place! She was unstoppable. Suddenly she was up on top of a table and pulling me up with her. I was laughing so hard my sides ached. She was swinging her feet about so frantically to the music, one of her flip-flops flew off of her foot and hit a man square in the back of his bald little head! He spun around, literally not knowing what had hit him! She jumped off the table grabbed at his little shiny head and was kissing it, apologising, almost thrusting the poor man into her bosom – much to the irritation of his wife. I could feel tears streaming down my face with laughter. I climbed down, apologising to the people who had been sat at the table, gulped down my drink and pulled Maria away.

  ‘Athens Bar?’ I shouted over the music and laughter. She grinned with a nod. She was still hurling apologies over her shoulder as we left while clutching her partner in crime: her flip-flop.

  Athens Bar had a live band on, too; it was more loud music and dancing. All ages in together. That’s something I had always loved about Greece. It’s like there is no age gap between people. It’s just people and family. Respect for all. I will always love that. We danced until we could feel our feet aching over the top of the alcohol filter. Sometime in the early hours we found ourselves lying on the beach talking just like we had all those years ago.

  ‘Thank you…’ I paused. ‘It’s nice to be drunk with someone else. It’s been weird,’ I slurred.

  ‘So weird!’ She sat up throwing her arms to the sky. ‘Wait, what’s been weird?’ she said, then burst into fits of giggles.

  ‘You silly arse, the pandemic nonsense and life and stuff.’ I looked up into the sky, trying to focus on the stars above, wishing they would ground me and stop bloody spinning.

  ‘It’s okay’ – she looked over at me – ‘you’re here now. Nothing better than Greek food, booze and people to soothe a soul.’ She gently tapped me on the forehead and laughed again. I closed my eyes because the stars had started to taunt me, and I didn’t appreciate it one bit.

  ‘I can see how sad you are you know, Melo. It’s more than your grandparents, isn’t it?’ She spoke softly through her own little boozy slur.

  ‘Maybe. You’re the first person I’ve spent time with in a long while. The pandemic just made it easier for me to slip away, you know? Easier to shut people out. I’m just sick of being lonely and afraid of people. That’s why I pushed myself to come back here, you know? Make or break or something? You know?’ My eyes were shut but I was frowning as I spoke. It was more than I meant to say, but that’s alcohol.

  ‘I know. I hear you girl,’ she said. ‘You need a boyfriend.’

  She laughed and lay back down next to me. She’d oversimplified my issues somewhat, but in essence she wasn’t wrong. After that, it’s a blur, I don’t remember if we kept on talking or if I just fell asleep in the sand.

  *

  ‘Hello you two.’

  ‘I know that voice,’ I croaked without opening my eyes. The sun was warming my lids as I accepted the fact we had fallen asleep on the beach and stayed there. ‘Hi Harry, do you happen to have any water?’ I sat up slowly and looked across to see Maria still asleep with an arm over her eyes.

  ‘Fun night?’

  ‘Yeah, from what I remember.’ I was looking at him with one eye closed. ‘How are you anyway?’

  ‘Good thanks. I was sorry to hear about your grandparents, they were good people.’ He was still standing over us but dropped his smirk to a more serious nod.

  ‘Help me up, I need to go back to my house.’

  He pulled me up and nearly fell backwards himself. We stumbled to the music of Maria laughing at us. When we came to a stop we were eye to eye, almost the same height. My body was swaying, wanting to falling back down into the warm embrace of the sand. Then my blood pressed into my brain with a harsh throb, like bubbles swelling and popping at my temples.

  ‘Arrrggh,’ was all I could manage. Maria and Harry both laughed. ‘Thanks, you arseholes. I don’t know why you’re laughing, you haven’t stood up yet!’ I started forcefully pointing at Maria who stopped laughing and continued hiding behind her arm.

  Harry offered me a lift and I happily accepted. We left Maria on the beach to find her own way home. As soon as I got into Harry’s little Corsa I felt worse. I hadn’t thought it possible. We both had our windows gaping open. His coiled brown hair bouncing and dancing in the breeze.

  ‘Here.’ He grabbed a bottle of water from the back seat and threw it onto my lap.

  ‘Yes! Thank you so much!’

  ‘So, how’s life in England been?’

  ‘Ermm, to be honest’ – I gulped water frantically – ‘I feel like I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t one of the people going to the pubs when they opened.’ I laughed, but the reality was I’d stayed in months longer than most, other than for essentials. I didn’t want to be with people for a very long time. ‘How’ve you been? Maria seems very happy.’ I sipped the water then hunched forwards to watch huge birds of prey out of the windscreen, circling high above.

  ‘We’re good. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her that hungover though!’ The rest of the journey followed on in polite conversation which still made my head hurt. As soon as I got back to the house I washed and went to bed.

  When I awoke it was abruptly, not knowing where I was. Looking around with that dreadful confused sensation. I’d been dreaming of my grandparents and the girl, Gaia. I sat for a moment clutching my knees. I dreamt they had led me to her and passed me her hand. I didn’t understand it, but I let myself cry.

  Two days until my birthday. I was sat on the beach listening to the waves and staring at the sand, rubbing small quantities between my fingers. Enjoying the crunching before releasing it back to the beach. Thirty-one, wasn’t old but I felt so left behind. I didn’t want to let myself be a cliché but I did want someone to share my time with. Most of my work colleagues and friends from school were married or had children, or both. Not all, but most.

  Chapter 4

  Waking up alone on my birthday without a card or a gift was odd. If I were at home and not in Corfu I’d likely have had quite a few cards at the very least. They would be waiting for me on the
mat at home. As it was, all I had were Facebook messages and Instagram stories containing happy photos from long before the pandemic.

  I knew how I was going to spend the day, I’d planned it months before. Like most days I’d start on the beach, but that night I’d take myself to Yiannis Family Restaurant in Agios Stefanos. It’d be busy enough that I’d be able to happily sit alone without too much fuss and I could people watch too. It was a place we liked to go because, always, without fail, we would get a free slice of Greek orange cake. Everyone did. That was to secretly be my birthday cake and I was very much looking forward to it. The taxi was booked, I just had eleven hours to fill before it arrived. I planned on getting dressed up. My heels were coming out – not the squeaky pair – purple and pink strappy ones. I’d laid out a wraparound dress with spaghetti straps. It was Cadbury’s purple, low cut and emphasised my waist and hips. I was excited to wear it at last. It was nice to be wearing something other than my usual fluffy lounge wear.

  When I arrived back in Agios Stefanos people were already out wandering, deciding where to eat. I stepped out of the taxi and was engulfed by the hubbub pouring out from every bar and restaurant. Every step held something different, as each taverna had its own mouth-watering atmosphere. From loud traditional music with clapping and dancing to the quiet and understated with ornamental pots and the warm smell of chicken in a cream and mushroom sauce, then on to porkchops the size of a forearm.

  I was given a table at the side of the restaurant, outside of course. It was exactly as I had expected. I people watched, had a fragrant moussaka with aubergines topping the scent of lamb and oregano. Then, I waited for my cake. Another “Happy Birthday” message on Facebook popped up on my phone. When I looked up, he was standing across from me. Anton. He was hovering over my table. I looked up with my mouth a little open. I started looking about only to find people glancing at me, the people who I was there to watch. Suddenly this broad dark figure had drawn their attention to me.