‘May I sit down?’
‘I don’t know, what would your wife say?’ My tone was coarse, my lips pulled tight and I narrowed my eyes at him for emphasis.
‘Not much, I’m sure.’ He sat down opposite me as he spoke. He was all in black again but this time a fitted short-sleeve shirt. ‘I hope you don’t mind. I was just dropping off Gaia at her friends when I saw you here.’ I didn’t reply. What was the point? He was married. The waitress placed my cake in front of me and smiled, she said something in Greek to Ant. He returned her smile, shook his head and said what I think was ‘no thank you’ in Greek.
‘What do you want?’ The adrenaline pulsing my body was much higher than it should have been. He was just so beautiful it hurt. I looked down at my cake, inhaled the rich, sticky, orange scent, picked up my fork and took a bite. I wasn’t going to let him ruin the enjoyment of my birthday treat.
‘I’m a widower,’ he said. At that, I sharply inhaled a crumb. Short, raspy coughs came through my teeth as I desperately tried not to spit cake all over him. I pressed my hands to my mouth as my chest jolted to remove the little crumb from its little escapade. Unfortunately for me, Anton jumped up, pushing his chair to the floor and started tapping me on the back. I choked a little harder at this but mostly due to embarrassment.
‘I’m fine,’ I said through gritted teeth and cake before managing to swallow. ‘Please, God, sit down!’ He did as he was told. Picking up his chair and giving dainty looks to our new onlookers. The waitress was also looking to check I was okay, so I snatched the opportunity to ask for another bottle of wine and another glass. I grabbed my handbag, shamelessly slipped out my compact and checked my face. This would not be the time to have dribble on my chin or mascara smudges from watery eyes. Matte pink lipstick, mascara and eyeshadow all still in place. I tried to pull back what damage I had done by offering my sympathy and finding out what had happened.
‘A heart attack. She was outwardly healthy. Apparently, she had a genetic weakness and she just died. Gaia was only three, she was the only one there when it happened.’ I swallowed hard then pressed my teeth into my cheeks. He hadn’t looked me in the eye while saying his words. He was looking at his wedding ring, circling it with his thumb. Luckily the extra wine arrived and the waitress poured Ant a glass.
‘I’m so, so sorry.’
‘I know it’s been ten years’ – I mentally noted Gaia must be thirteen then, my guess hadn’t been too wrong – ‘but I wear the ring for Gaia, to show her that her mother doesn’t go forgotten.’
‘That makes sense, she is lucky to have you.’
‘I don’t know about that.’ He took a deep gulp of wine. I wasn’t the only one with too much weighing on their heart and their mind.
‘So…’ I looked at him over my wine.
‘So?’ he repeated.
‘I’m sorry to intrude on your cake. I just didn’t want you to think I’m some sort of cheat, flirting with you,’ he said, but the word “flirting” lingered in the air between us.
‘You’re actually intruding on my birthday cake. And that’s exactly what I thought.’ I pointed my fork in his direction as I spoke.
‘Birthday cake?’ He raised a thick eyebrow at me in disbelief.
‘Yes, is that a problem?’
‘No, just a surprise. No one to celebrate with?’ I didn’t want to completely step on his cheeky smile so I went with a simple “no” and finished my cake.
‘Do you want me to leave? It’s obviously a choice to be alone.’
‘I wouldn’t say that…no, you’re fine.’ The turmoil in my stomach from seeing him again was settling. I wondered how he felt about me. He had asked to see me again previously, although, for all I knew it was for some crazed or malicious reason. That would be based solely on the way his daughter stared at me in the airport. The way her eyes scanned me like she was going to make a replica of me, as a toy.
‘If you’re sure?’ He seemed timid, which I found very amusing with his imposing stature. He wasn’t overly muscle bound. It looked more natural than that, as though he didn’t have to try or work too hard to be so finely sculpted.
‘I’m sure.’ We sat silently for a moment. Both totally unsure of ourselves.
‘Tell me where you’re from.’ Someone had to start, it may as well be me.
‘Well, my father is English and my mother Greek. I was born in Essex but we moved out here when I was a toddler and we’ve lived between the two on and off.’
‘That makes sense then, that’s why you don’t have a strong accent and go to England on holiday when you already live in paradise.’
‘Exactly. We try to see my parents at least twice a year, they come here, we go there.’
‘What made them name you Anton, do you think?’
He looked down at the table and started playing with a napkin holder, shuffling it back and forth with a smile. ‘Good question! My mother wanted to call me Antis but she didn’t win, there was a compromise involved I believe.’
‘Which do you prefer? Are you glad she didn’t win?’
‘Honestly? Neither would be my choice but I don’t really care, it’s just a bit ironic. I got my dad’s height and I guess they didn’t think about the nickname “Ant” for someone who might be tall.’ He gave a little smirk and a distant look of someone considering something affectionately, then his eyes snapped back to me. ‘So what about you, where are you from?’
‘Oh! Nowhere interesting! I’ve lived in a small village outside of Cambridge my whole life.’ He topped up my glass again. We were both using sipping our wine as a glass wall to hide behind. Alas, as with any glass wall, there was no real hiding, it was obvious.
‘So, what brings you to Corfu for your birthday?’
‘I’m actually a regular to Agios Stefanos. I used to come here all the time with my grandparents. They passed away during the pandemic so I wanted to come and…I don’t know really, escape home. Escape from myself. Which of course is completely impossible!’ The wine was clearly doing its job at last; I was becoming more open with each passing millisecond.
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘You lost your wife, I can’t moan…’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, everyone’s life is different and should be embraced.’ It dawned on me it’d take a lot more wine for him not to feel sensible than it would me. Not that I couldn’t hold my drink. I could. But I was a skinny five-foot-eight woman and he was a bulky six-foot-four man. I had little chance of drinking him under the table anytime soon.
‘I take it you were close to them?’
‘They brought me up. I never knew my parents. My mother, their daughter, left me not long after I was born. She was only a child herself really, just sixteen. She left and never came back.’ I started to twist the silver ring on my right hand with my thumb, a gift from Mama and Papa on my sixteenth birthday. A delicate little ring with a blue-green opal in the centre.
‘That’s dreadful, I can’t imagine.’ His brows drew tightly together, a look I’d seen on people’s faces my entire life; it’s not just a pity look, it’s more than that. I think perhaps shock, he did look a little shocked. It’s there in the dark of people’s eyes.
‘Yep, unwanted then, unwanted now, always alone.’
‘You’re not unwanted and you’re not alone!’ He sat heavily back in his chair shaking his head. Then a shy expression darted across his face, just for a moment, before his fingers touched his beautiful lips. I blushed and quickly called the waitress over to break the fluster and ask for the bill. We were linked in bashfulness if nothing else.
‘You must let me pay, as a birthday gift.’
‘Don’t be silly, I don’t even know you and you didn’t even get any dinner!’
‘Okay, well, where shall we go next? I have to at least buy you another drink?’ I took a moment to study his face. Almost pleadi
ng with me, eyes wide, posture forward and persuasive, not that I needed persuading.
‘Fine. But somewhere that isn’t too loud.’ The bill was paid and we found ourselves walking towards Athen’s bar. It was a lot quieter without live music, more atmospheric as long as we stayed outside. He grabbed my hand as we stepped under the archway, entering the patio area, and walked me to the right, to a table outside. His touch totally threw me and I could feel a throb in my head as desire washed over me.
There was a small round table for two; he pulled out a white director’s style chair for me. I sat down carefully, tucking my dress under me and watched him as he moved around the table. I fluffed up my hair, hoped there was nothing in my teeth, and knew I wanted him. But I also knew I could never have him. I wasn’t a holiday fling type. Particularly with someone who had a young daughter. Especially a young, slightly creepy one. On the other hand, I was happy to indulge in a flirtation, it was my birthday after all.
‘Is Gaia out for the night then?’
‘Yep. Since getting out of lockdown all she wants to do is see her friends. She’s thirteen, so I think it’s normal to enjoy her freedom…and pushing me. I can’t blame her. Lockdown was very hard here. Even to go to the supermarket you would have to text a number about it. She’s at another sleepover tonight. I find it hard to let go, I quite liked hanging out with her in lockdown.’
‘That’s normal, though I would wager having a six-foot-four dad holds the boys at bay at least?’ I shot him a cheeky smile and leant back in my chair. He gave a rugged little chuckle that carried on the bass line of the music.
‘Not as much as I’d like.’ He rubbed his stubbled chin, his smile was wide and endearing. ‘Six foot four and a half actually…’ We were interrupted momentarily to give our drinks order. I looked away as I ordered a Sexy Greek, I wanted to giggle but I managed to hold it in.
‘I can never resist one.’ I didn’t look him in the eye when I said it, it was too silly. He went with a small beer.
‘I have to drive,’ he sighed.
Little by little we both relaxed and opened up. It was nice to have someone new to talk to. His main focus in life was his daughter, which I hugely envied. I wanted children. I think I wanted to make up for my mother somehow. I told him all about it. I never told people about it, about her. About what happened and how I felt about it all. How she never told my grandparents who my father was, how she had left a letter saying she was going, and that was that. I told him how it broke my heart not to know more. He listened with a compassionate ear about how all I knew of her was from photos and school work books, and that she left with only the clothes on her back. How my grandparents didn’t speak of her much, it was always clear the pain she had left them, and I always felt selfish to make that worse. I had no idea if she were alive or dead, why she didn’t take me with her, or if she ever regretted the decision.
‘Regret seems unlikely though, I’ve lived in the same village my whole life, I wouldn’t be hard to find,’ I said.
In turn he opened up for me. He explained that although he cared for his wife greatly, they married because she had fallen pregnant with Gaia. They had been friends since school, best friends. He wanted to do the right thing by his daughter and was continuing to do that every day.
‘She was a Greek beauty, and I did love her. But mostly as Gaia’s mother and a friend. That sounds awful… I’ve never said that out loud to anyone.’
‘If it’s how you felt it’s how you felt. It’d be nice if more people took responsibility for their children and loved them no matter what… Being a fantastic father isn’t something to feel bad about…’ I paused to consider my words carefully. ‘Did you treat your wife well?’
‘Of course, she was my best friend. I miss talking to her. I feel for her every day that she has missed watching Gaia grow.’
I was very curious about Gaia still. Her and her mysterious eyes. ‘Why the name Gaia?’
‘You have an obsession with names.’ He didn’t know it, but he touched on a nerve with accuracy. It hurt not knowing why or how my name was chosen. ‘That was all Katerina. She was very into Ancient Greece and female strength and empowerment. She wanted a name to represent power for her little girl. When she was pregnant, she would touch her belly and talk about how strong our little girl was, and she chose a name to make sure Gaia would always be reminded of that.’
I shivered at the memory of the girl – in spite of the warm night. So warm in fact I could feel droplets of sweat at my hairline. My hair being quite thick didn’t help. I ran my fingers across it to distract me from my new found goosebumps.
‘It’s getting late. I’d best call a taxi otherwise I’ll never make it home!’
‘I’ll take you if you like?’
‘Haven’t you had a little too much to drink?’
‘No,’ he laughed. ‘Look at me, I wish I were that much of a cheap date!’ We walked quietly along the main road. Noise all around us from various bars, and people walking from place to place. But we were in a bubble of silence again, now more comfortable to be so. I could feel his eyes looking down at me as he opened the van door and held it as I got in. I gave him the address to put in his sat nav, and we were off.
‘Thank you for a lovely birthday. I expected to be back and asleep by now if I’m honest.’ I wanted to look at him, to watch him; but staring at someone in a van was pretty obvious. Shame. The whole thing seemed to be a shame, it’s not like it could go anywhere. I really liked him and I was quite sure he liked me too. We had loss in common, which was a funny place to start but it strangely comforted me. Somehow he stopped me feeling like I was still hanging under the water in the middle of the night. It’d been a long time since I’d been attracted to someone. In part because I hadn’t seen anyone in so long, or at least not without a mask on. Even when I’d actively looked, I’d never found anyone nice with an app, so I just avoided them. Then where do you meet someone in your late twenties early thirties? Apparently in another country, which is totally useless.
I was mildly tipsy still when the van stopped, so, I asked him if he’d like a night-time walk on the beach. We took our shoes off at the door, walked along the short dirt path until our feet hit the sand. He placed his hand on the small of my back causing my spine to feel like a wobbly electric eel. We walked down to the sea with only the cushioning sounds of waves between us. He turned to face me, eyes reflecting the moon light. He cupped my face with his free hand and kissed me. Gently, soft full lips against my own. Calm washed over me, my heart beat felt audible but not rushed anymore and I was aware of everything in that brief and beautiful moment. The touch of the waves licking at my feet and the smell of seaweed and Anton’s hot flesh, my hair moving across his fingers in the breeze, the fever from his hand moving across my spine, all of it imprinted itself on my mind. Everything.
I carefully pulled away, placed my hand on his prickly chin and smiled. ‘Goodnight.’ I walked away. Possibly the hardiest thing I’ve ever done; to walk away from a compassionate, handsome, Greek in paradise. I deserved a medal. I went into the house and shut the door. I stood leaning against it for the longest moment. The memory of him on my lips. His handsome masculinity and tender kiss lingering in my mind. Damn my sensibilities and my morals. I wasn’t the holiday romance type. I floated up the stairs and lay down on top of the bed falling soundly asleep in my clothes.
I awoke strangely content and strangely early only to realise I looked like yesterday. I brushed my teeth and decided to go for an early morning swim before my shower. I slipped on my lime green floral bikini. Grabbed a towel and headed for the door. As I went to walk through it, I went flying with a scream. I’d been looking at my phone and hadn’t seen him there. If it hadn’t hurt so much, I might have laughed.
‘What the hell are you doing here? You bloody maniac! Seriously?’ He easily looked as surprised as me. My eyebrows were almost in my hairline they were so
high. His mouth was wide open and gulping air like a fish. ‘Well!’ I demanded. I’d managed to twist as I fell, which saved my knees but left me with rather a painful hip, bottom and wrist. I was trying to scramble to my feet, cover myself with my towel and was secretly wishing I’d washed my face before my swim.
‘I’m so sorry.’ He was repeating it like a mantra at this point. ‘I was putting my shoes on last night and just sat thinking and I must have fallen asleep against the door. I’m not a maniac I promise!’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous! How? Who would do that?’
‘Me! I didn’t mean to. At first I was hoping you’d come back, it was late, I was leaning on the door… I don’t know…me. The answer is me.’ He was clearly telling the truth. He was still on the floor looking completely bewildered like a toddler lost in a supermarket. I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. Really laughing.
‘You are a maniac!’ I managed through my tears. He still looked bewildered as he made it to his feet while rubbing at his face.
‘I really am sorry, are you okay?’
‘Well, my bum hurts fairly.’ I’d managed to pretty much stop laughing but my side now hurt as well as my bottom.
‘Let me have a look…’
‘What! No!’ I screeched and started laughing again.
‘No, no I didn’t mean like that! I just meant, I don’t know, I just wanted to help.’ He then followed this with some phrases in Greek, scruffing up his already mangled-looking hair and waving his arms about. At this, I wrapped my towel about my waist and started walking to the sea. I was still smiling to myself. It was not at all how I anticipated starting the day, yet it was strangely fabulous. I got to see his beautiful rugged face once more. The strong sweeping jaw line, and bright eyes framed by thick black eyelashes. They were so wide that morning he may have been blinding the sun. I threw down my towel and started walking into the sea.
The Little Blue Door Page 4