The Little Blue Door

by Francesca Catlow

  ‘And why not?’ I sounded like a schoolmarm.

  ‘I’m only twenty-three.’

  After what felt like hours more of shots, I couldn’t feel my toes. Which was nice for the one with a cut, but I knew it meant I was pretty drunk. Nico walked around the table and grabbed my hand.

  ‘Let’s go to the beach,’ or beetz, as the alcohol made his accent more pronounced. We left Maria and Harry having a little debate about guests at their wedding and how many they were allowed. We were stumbling along hand in hand, swinging them like children.

  ‘You look eighteen not twenty-three you know.’

  ‘Oh yeah? I hope I always do.’ I was back at the shore, in the moonlight with a man, or perhaps a boy. He was very slight and only just taller than me. His t-shirt looked too big for him and I pulled at it absentmindedly as he faced me. I hadn’t noticed how he was looking at me. I still had a laugh across my face at his boyish frame. He grabbed me and kissed me hard, groping at my arse like he was desperately searching for money in a back pocket. I didn’t stop him, not at first. Then I managed to pull myself from his surprisingly firm grip.

  ‘Look, you, I’m not that kind of girl. Didn’t you get that from truth or shot?’ I slurred my words a little but at least they made sense. They even came out with an over-exaggerated shrug.

  ‘We can still have fun?’ He gently pulled me to him, this time by my protruding elbows. Apparently, I had left them accessible post shrug. He kissed me again. I was finding it hard to contain a laugh, I had to stop him again.

  ‘I’m sorry Nico. You’re a very arrogant little boy. You’re nice too, but pretty bloody arrogant. Don’t worry, you can still sleep in the spare room, that’s where the arrogance can stay.’ I ran up the beach, my sides hurting from laughter. At least this time I was happy to leave a man standing there. I said goodnight to Maria and Harry on the way past and left them all to sort themselves out. I just wanted to sleep off the stupidity of the night.

  By the time I woke up they had all gone. Maria had left me a note:

  Thank you for inviting us (me) over. I promise next time it will just be me! Sorry about any mess. Speak to you soon. xx

  I sat on the sofa more confused than ever, tightly gripping the scrap of paper. It’s hard to make changes when your moral compass is dead. I imagined it was how Pinocchio felt when he lost Jiminy Cricket. Suddenly you’re just alone one day and you don’t know how it came to be. Pushing away people who were kind might not be the way forward though. Too late now, I had no way to find Anton. I shivered as the aircon came on and tickled the hairs about my neck.

  Chapter 6

  I spent the next couple of days tanning and healing my wounds. Both emotional and physical at that point. I had been in Corfu for almost two weeks and it had been a lot more eventful than I had intended. I was still unsure if it was exactly what I needed or if I should just go home early. To decide I would drive the thirty minutes to Agios Stefanos that afternoon. If it soothed me, I would stay; if I felt like putting my head back under the water, I would go.

  It was quiet walking the main road. Mostly because it was early afternoon and tourists were eating or sheltering from the sun near the sea. I thought I would grab a milkshake to cool off, better than starting on the ouzo. On my way, I popped into one of the small supermarkets to pick up some little soaps and treats, just in case I did leave in the next few days. The smell inside was reminiscent of a greenhouse. Bursting with fresh fruit and veg that was being slightly steamed in the humidity. Picking up a basket, I hesitated in front of the shelves of gifts, spotting a stand with delicate bracelets and keyrings. It was pointless to stop, as I couldn’t think of anyone to buy for. I moved along and stood mindlessly adding soap to my basket, when I heard Greek voices coming up next to me. I glanced and stepped out of their way, only to double take, twist and knock over half of the soap collection with my basket. It was Gaia. She took one look at me and snapped into English, similar to her father she only had a hint of a Greek accent, only on certain words, you would hardly be able to guess her mother tongue.

  ‘Are you okay?’ She seemed softer than before and started grabbing at soaps with her friend in way of help. I didn’t answer her straightaway I just joined in with the game of catch the soap while starring at her. Getting my own back for her ogling on the plane.

  ‘I’m okay. How are you Gaia?’ The words slowly escaping my lips. She looked at me properly then smiled, not a big broad smile, a low one with quizzical eyes.

  ‘It’s you.’ She went into Greek to her friend who smiled at me and then left us alone in amongst the soap.

  ‘Which ones will you buy?’ She pointed into my basket then snapped her eyes back to mine. She just seemed so intense.

  ‘I’m not sure. My name’s Melodie by the way. I don’t think I said before.’

  ‘Nice to formally meet you.’ She gave a wide smile, her straight teeth shining with a clear retainer.

  ‘I think I’ll just get these ones,’ I said, indicating towards my basket. ‘It was nice to see you again.’

  ‘I’ll walk with you.’ I did think it was strange; what was with her and her father elbowing into my quiet life? I paid for the soap and she stood watching me before starting to chat to the woman behind the counter in Greek. I just looked from one to the other pressing my lips together into a smile.

  ‘It was nice to see you again. Thanks for helping with the soap.’

  ‘That’s okay. Where are you going now?’

  ‘Erm’ – I hesitated unsure if I should say – ‘Silver Star, for a milkshake.’

  ‘Perfect. I need a drink.’ It suddenly dawned on me that she might know about my interactions with her father. A cold chill radiated around the back of my neck, piercing through the heat of the sun. My mind was playing in a loop while we walked along together in silence. I told myself to act my age and make conversation instead of replaying details of her father. She was, after all, only a thirteen-year-old girl.

  ‘How’s your father?’

  ‘Odd. But I think most men are.’

  ‘You’re not wrong there,’ I noted under my breath. ‘So how come you’re in Agios Stefanos? It’s a bit touristy for a local girl, I’d have thought?’

  ‘How do you know I don’t live here?’

  A shred of panic soaked into my mind, I needed a sensible answer to how I knew she didn’t actually live there. ‘Well…most people don’t live here do they, I thought most people lived in a nearby village?’

  ‘Yes. That is true. My best friend actually does live here though. Her family have a taverna and sometimes I help with the washing-up to earn some money. My dad does works here too sometimes.’

  ‘Oh really? What does he do?’ I hadn’t spoken to Ant about work at all. I was intrigued; I’d been in his van but it didn’t offer an obvious job title or logo.

  ‘Well, mostly he does whatever he wants,’ she laughed. ‘Him and Mum did up properties in England and Corfu. Some to sell, some holiday homes. Dad gets bored so he helps with deliveries or acts as a local handyman. Nothing very special.’

  ‘Do you live far from here then?’

  ‘Karousades, I don’t suppose you know it? It’s about thirty minutes in the car.’ I shook my head. At least now I knew roughly where he lived, which was only fair as he knew exactly where to find me.

  The bar had stairs leading up onto a stone terrace that over looked the point where two roads met on a bend. It was fenced in with short pillars in a row with a ledge running along. A fantastic vantage point for people watching. I followed Gaia to a table at the front, next to the pillar wall under a large red umbrella. We both ordered strawberry milkshakes and she was back at it. Looking at me, flattening her brows into slim lines, face squished as she leant on her hand. Even so she was a very beautiful girl. Long thick dark hair, her father’s striking eyes and a delicate, almost turned up version of his nose. Her mo
uth was unfamiliar, wider, perhaps finer in the corners than Anton’s, and holding more of a feminine, youthful pout. Perhaps like her mother’s.

  ‘I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. But I’m Greek and I remember names and faces. I feel like I should know you. I don’t recognise your name. Your face I know! It’s driving me mad.’ The mystery was resolved. She’d likely seen me here before. I sat back into my chair, and felt some of the tension I’d been feeling lift from round my neck.

  ‘I’ve been coming here on and off for years. You have probably seen me around the resort when you were younger.’

  ‘That can’t be it. We only moved to this end of the island about six or eight months before lockdown. I’ve only been spending more time here this summer helping my friend’s family. Unless you also visit other parts of the island?’

  ‘No, when we visit Corfu, we always come to Agios Stefanos.’

  ‘Who’s we?’ she said, then leaned in to sip at her straw. There are always those moments where you forget yourself, forget your loss. Perhaps thinking they’re in the other room, getting a drink, in the loo…but they’re not. They’re gone.

  ‘Oh, I used to come with my grandparents. But they died.’

  ‘I’m sorry about that. I understand loss. My mum died when I was three.’

  I already knew of course. I did not think that was the time to tell her I’d kissed her father and wanted him more than I wanted to breath.

  ‘That must have been really hard.’

  ‘It was.’ Maybe that’s why she seemed older and more confident than the average thirteen. Perhaps it all forced her to just grow up. I wondered if I’d ever find out the full story.

  ‘I still need to work out how I could recognise your face so strongly.’ She took a longer sip through her straw while watching my face. I felt like I should pull some kind of awkward, silly expression but I side-stepped the urge and just tilted my face to the side.

  ‘I wish I could help. I always thought I looked a lot like my grandmama. But she was much prettier than me.’

  ‘Wow, then she must have been truly incredible or you’re very modest.’

  I looked down at my ring and twisted it between my fingers. ‘Well thank you, you’re too kind.’

  She was still intently watching me when her phone buzzed. She looked at it, quickly typed out a message and sent it. Then she was back to studying my face. Her phone buzzed again, and she repeated the actions, back to me and another message, reply and back to me.

  ‘Anyone interesting?’ I smiled. I wasn’t used to hanging out with teenage girls. Not since I was one myself.

  ‘Just my dad.’

  Unfortunately, I had been taking a sip of milkshake. It caught in my throat and danced on my trachea, then across the table in an insane splutter and manic coughing.

  ‘What on earth! Are you okay?’ Just like her father before her, she jumped up knocking her chair flying to come to stand next to my embarrassment. People often say I wish the ground would open and swallow me up. There wasn’t enough soil in the world to cover the glow of my cheeks.

  ‘I’m fine.’ My voice came out almost an octave lower than normal. I made a mental note to stop choking on my beverages and to generally drink slower. It would save my embarrassment and the planet in way of napkin waste. ‘Sorry, my drink went the wrong way.’

  We we’re both wiping up my mess and I was wiping my chin when I saw him walking towards the bar. He hadn’t seen me though. I had the rush of fight or flight adrenaline hot through my chest.

  I ran, like a fool, I ran. This particular bar had two entrances. One with stairs, next to where we sat, and a second at the side that came out at street level due to the undulations of the resort. He was nearest to the stairs entrance, as he was crossing the road from that direction. The other entrance meant going across the whole terrace to come out of the other side.

  ‘I’m so sorry, I’ve got to go.’ Groping into my purse I threw down some money, grabbed my things and ran. I stayed stooped over in an attempt not to be seen over the very low wall. The wall made of pillars that had gaps between them. At least I was wearing shorts, not a skirt. As I stepped out, I did so right in front of Nico.

  ‘Woah! Oh Melo, throwing yourself at me. I’m not surprised.’ He pulled up his sunglasses to his head to display his puppy eyes and gave his signature child smile. I hoped that by facing Nico, Ant wouldn’t notice me.

  ‘Melodie?’ No such luck. Needless to say, the pillars were my new enemy. Why did I suddenly think my life could move on from its normal farcical ways? I edged round to face him. Well, his chest anyway.

  ‘Anton,’ I smiled but still didn’t look further than the expanse of his chest. ‘Nico, Ant, Ant, Nico.’ Silence suddenly seemed very loud and it was like the world had stopped dead to stare at us, like a cheap sit-com that wasn’t all that funny. I could’ve guessed who would speak first.

  ‘So how do you know beautiful Melo?’ Nico said. He threw one arm around my shoulders and gave a squeeze. He wasn’t that much taller than me which made me feel like we were two naughty children looking up at our father. I quickly shrugged him off but I was left with his woody scent lingering around my head.

  ‘I don’t really.’ That hurt. He was looking right at me too. During our one evening together we had opened up. We had told each other so much. It had meant something. I didn’t know how to respond.

  ‘Well I…’

  ‘It was nice to see you again.’ His tone was flat. He attempted a smile but most of his face looked numb and didn’t move. Assuming he wasn’t coming from a Botox appointment it was safe to say, that was that. He walked off towards Gaia, who had watched the whole thing with her mouth half open.

  ‘See you around Nico,’ Anton said with a nod.

  ‘Do you know each other?’ I looked from Anton’s back to Nico’s arrogant face.

  ‘Melo, it’s a small tourist resort, what do you think?’

  I started to scurry away wishing myself to be as invisible as one of the stray cats, just part of the scenery.

  ‘Going so soon?’ Nico called in my wake. I started marching while desperately trying to stop my flip-flops from loudly slapping the scorching pavement. I had to march past the front entrance. I stayed close to the wall so they probably couldn’t see me. I was mortified by the whole experience. That was it, I hadn’t gained the peace I had been looking for. I’d had enough. I was going home.

  Chapter 7

  I had managed to book another flight but it didn’t leave for a few days. There were still less people flying in the world, so less flights to hop on. I decided to spend the evening thrusting clothes into my suitcase while drinking limoncello on ice. I froze, I was sure I heard something. Then again, definitely a little knock. I twisted at my opal ring with my thumb as I crept down the stairs. The door wasn’t locked, I had no real protection.

  ‘Hello?’ I called as I edged towards the door. There was no answer, I pressed my back to the cool white wall looking around for a weapon better than my phone.

  ‘It’s me. Anton.’

  I was suddenly moving, darting around the room. A couple of paces in each direction like a caged predator. There was nothing to do but invite him in and calm down. Remember to sip drinks not spit drinks.

  ‘Come in!’ The door opened and there he was. It felt like his only purpose in life was to make my heart feel like it was going to implode under its own weight. His stubble was a little more beard and his emerald eyes were just that, cold stones. He was looking through me.

  ‘Gaia said these are yours.’ He walked into the room further and carefully placed my sunglasses onto the coffee table. He turned to leave but I couldn’t let him this time. I needed to know him more and I didn’t care about logic.

  ‘Wait, please, I can’t stop thinking about you! Please!’ He turned to face me but his stone eyes hadn’t changed.

 
‘I thought I was a complication?’

  ‘You are.’ Half of my mouth curled up. ‘Apparently I’m drawn to complexity.’ I shrugged a little trying to seem cute and not tipsy from the limoncello.

  ‘I have a daughter and I don’t like you using us. I hadn’t told her about our…whatever it was. After this afternoon, after you ran away from her, I had to tell her something. You ran away from her! I haven’t told her about anyone I’ve seen since her mother died.’ There was heat in his voice and his hands were the only part of him that was animated. Going from tense and flat to giant fists. I could feel my throat closing up. I wanted to let excuses overflow. I wanted to pour them out of me. Anything to get him to look at me the way he had before. I also wanted to know exactly how many women he had seen.

  ‘She followed me to Silver Star. I didn’t ask her… She’s a credit to you by the way.’

  ‘Do you know what the worst part is?’ His heavy brows were drawn together. I shook my head frightened to find the answer. ‘She liked you.’ I swallowed back my urge to cry. I knew I had no right to cry. I was wishing I hadn’t drunk so much.

  ‘I’m sorry. I like her too.’ I hadn’t thought I would. After the air had been cleared, she was quirky and charismatic. I could have easily spent the day in her company. ‘Would you like a drink? I have limoncello, I think.’ He hesitated, got his phone out of his pocket, presumably to check the time, then looked back to me.

  ‘Okay.’ As soon as he agreed I darted towards the kitchen portion of the open plan space. This had the advantage of being able to keep my eyes on him while I made his drink. I was afraid if I left the room, he would disappear and this would all be an alcohol-induced apparition.

  ‘Here,’ I said. He had sat on one of the sofas. They were red, yellow and navy check dotted with round navy cushions. The one he sat on was large enough to sit next to him and still feel like I was giving him space. Like a kneading cat, I rubbed my fingers into the worn material.