The Little Blue Door

by Francesca Catlow

  ‘Well, I think I’d say…’ then he proceeded to continue in Greek, starting off with a laugh as I threw my head back in a joking frustration but then he changed as he spoke, the muscles in his face changed. They become softer, with no sign of laughter, he picked my hand up from the counter and kissed it lightly.

  ‘Well?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘You know, you look good naked,’ he said with a shrug. Turning away his shoulders were giving away his laughter yet again. I picked up a cloth napkin and threw it at him making him laugh out loud.

  ‘I’m sorry, don’t hurt me!’ He put his hands up in faux surrender.

  ‘Silly bloody man!’

  ‘Okay, well, I’d say to her that it started with looks and intrigue as these things so often do. But then I got to know an independent, vulnerable, slightly bizarre girl who I enjoy sharing my time with. Sometimes you can’t explain attraction. It’s gravity. You know it’s there, and it just, it just is.’ He pushed a plate in my direction and we sat at the breakfast bar quietly eating while I contemplated just how right he was.

  After dinner Anton suggested a walk on the beach. We came to rest a short distance from the sea. Everything burned gold as the sun began to set. Even in the evening haze it was possible to see across the water to Albania. It was so peaceful, with only one or two people much further along the beach. I dug my toes into the soft sand to delight in its cool moist underbelly as the waves unfolded in front of us. I was sat in front of Anton, snuggled into his cocoon. We were watching the sea leave marks in the sand as it melted through the grains. My back pressed against his chest as though he were my own personal armchair and his arms were a hairy blanket.

  ‘When’s your flight home?’ His voice was low and warm on the tip of my ear.

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe ten or twelve days. I’ve lost track of it all. Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?’

  ‘No, I don’t want you to leave,’ he said, then he pressed his chin gently on top of my head. I inhaled the sea air deep into my lungs and tried to exhale the thought of leaving. However I looked at it, I would need to leave eventually. Anton brushed my hair to one side and kissed my neck. His left hands started to trace my body, across my arms and my legs, a touch as light as the breeze on my cheek. I pressed my back harder against his broad chest, solid and strong. The hand crept up my top and settled itself causing a low, satisfied noise to vibrate from his chest.

  ‘Naughty,’ I said, and closed my eyes to absorb his touch. It all felt completely natural but with the thrill of new beginnings. I felt as though my blood pressure had increased in anticipation. As though every blood vessel in my body contained double its normal volume. I could feel every blood cell racing along carrying a backpack full of hormones and lust. His right hand swept across my abdomen caressing, teasing then finding a button to undo…two, three and it disappeared.

  ‘What are you doing…?’ My words trailed off and dissolved into the sand with the sea. He didn’t answer, and I didn’t protest. I didn’t even think to glance around the beach. I was in a new moment; one I hadn’t seen coming but relished none the less. My mind was blank and then suddenly fully of colour as my head fell back onto his shoulder arching at his rhythm. I had to bite my own thumb to stop myself from crying out. He held me as I relaxed still inhaling deeply. Then I could feel his torso bounce under mine, he was laughing! Suddenly self-conscious, I whipped my head to look over my shoulder and confront him.

  ‘What are you laughing about?’ My skin was already washed with a rose tint, but it flushed deeper, even though I didn’t know why he was giggling.

  ‘You said it had been a while, but that was much too easy.’ He bit his lips together in a playful line.

  ‘Shut up you arse!’ All this did was to make him laugh harder, almost throwing me off of his bouncing chest.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just happy. It’s been a long time for me too you know.’ There was a jovial suggestion in his tone.

  ‘Well if you keep that up it’ll be a lot longer too.’ He fell backwards into the sand in his smug little laugh joggling me back too. I arranged myself and staggered to my feet then turned around to face him with my fists pressed into my hips. ‘Right, I think you should go home now. What are you doing tomorrow?’ I offered my hand to help him up but he grabbed my forearm and pulled me on top of him pressing me firmly to his body.

  ‘Seeing you? Wait, I do have some work lined up tomorrow. Just driving some stuff back and forth.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Agios Stefanos again.’

  ‘Can I have a lift please? I might just hang out at some of the old haunts.’

  ‘Get to mine at nine, I’m taking Gaia too.’

  After he left I decided to stay on the beach. Clouds gathered into a leathery navy and grey swathe over the sea. As they rolled across, the breeze was firmer in its touch, with added lashes of sand. Another storm was growing about me, only this time it was different. I didn’t feel alone anymore; I was part of a family again. As lightning flashed over the sea, I smiled. I did miss Anton’s presence, his incessant giggling, our little conversations – all of him. He gave me confidence to turn my back on the storm, unafraid of its strength. I strolled back to the house in a light rain with him lingering in my thoughts, filling them, taking them over. I packed a bag for the next day, just in case I could stay with him again. I sent him a simple message:

  Dream well x

  Chapter 12

  Anton dropped Gaia and I off on the corner next to Silver Star where only days before we were drinking milkshakes together.

  ‘Are you in a rush to be anywhere?’ I asked her, hopeful to have my milkshake partner again.

  ‘Not particularly.’

  ‘Would you like a milkshake?’

  ‘I don’t think I would be comfortable saying no.’ She shrugged and flashed a cheeky grin as we crossed the road. We gave a wave to the owner before Gaia sat at the same table; I hoped it would bring better luck this time.

  ‘So, what’s on your agenda today?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m going to Natalia’s, before we help in the taverna again, washing up.’ She exhaled and leant her face on her hand swishing her mouth to one side with a cartoon-like pout.

  ‘Well at least it’s money!’

  ‘True. What are you doing? Dad said something about a frame?’

  ‘I need to look for a photo frame for my mother. Your dad has kindly printed out a photo for me so now I need a frame,’ I told her.

  ‘I’m glad you’re trying again with your mum. What’s the worst that could happen? If you don’t like her at least you can say you tried,’ she said with a shrug, as though my feelings were so easy to set aside.

  ‘Kalimera.’ A loud voice was being aimed in our direction.

  ‘Nico!’ We spoke in unison, only I was rolling my eyes and Gaia’s were wide and attentive. Our heads snapped round to look at each other, mouths open. We mirrored each other in surprise.

  ‘Boró na kathíso?’ he said. Gaia quickly turned her attention back to him, nodded frantically and translated that he had asked to sit down. She wasn’t looking at me though and her eyelashes were working overtime. He pulled out a chair and sat back placing his long foot onto the opposite knee. I was surprised he was able to sit in such away, his black chino shorts were so tight on his slim thighs. ‘How are the most beautiful girls in Agios Stefanos?’ He was very close to Gaia, who, to my horror, was swooning. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for her, the attention felt like a game aimed at me. He was watching me as he put his arm over the back of her wicker chair.

  ‘We’re good Nico. How do you know Melodie?’ she asked – she knew we knew each other, she must as she’d seen us talking to Ant only days ago. She’d turned herself into a mannequin as she positioned herself on the tip of her chair, crossing her l
egs and lightly placing her hands on her knee, head tilted on the side waiting for his response.

  ‘Melo? We go far back, don’t we Melo?’

  ‘Yes, all of a week. He is a friend of a friend,’ I snapped.

  ‘Oh.’ The poor girl looked bewildered and was blushing at having him so close to her. She started fiddling with the menu, eyes scanning across the road. I was also turning red but for a different reason. ‘Can we help you with anything Nico?’ I was flaring my nostrils and pressing my lips tightly together. Unlike Gaia, my hands were pressed firmly into the table. It wasn’t going to help the situation; he took pleasure in winding me up.

  ‘I saw you and I want to become the luckiest man in Corfu. So… I sit here.’

  ‘Mmm.’ I almost growled my little hum. Gaia on the other hand started to look a little bit like she was watching a tennis match back and forth, eyes wide and curious.

  ‘How do you two know each other?’ I tilted my head and sipped my milkshake waiting to hear an answer I approved off. ‘Everyone knows Nico!’ Gaia was grinning at him, long lashes still on form. Most of which was going unnoticed by Nico.

  ‘Everyone knows Nico!’ he repeated with a grin then drew his thin fingers through his thick hair. ‘I must leave, I’m sorry. Tha milisouma argotera.’ With that he was up and walking away but I jumped up to follow him, tapping frantically on his shoulder.

  ‘Melo, I did not know you were very desperate, well, I did.’

  Electricity jolted through my right arm to my fingertips. I carefully pressed each fingernail into my thumbs, one by one, to keep my hands busy. ‘You know she is thirteen! Ten years younger than you!’ I said in my most aggressive hushed tone.

  ‘Really, well, I thought she is sixteen at least. I’ll have to wait a couple of years, no?’ He laughed and turned to walk away.

  ‘This is no joke,’ I almost shouted. ‘I don’t want to see you leading her on again. Or you’ll have me to answer to!’

  ‘What are you? Her mother? I’m having fun. She’s a kid. It’s not her I have any interest in. Is it?’ He pulled my hand from my side and kissed it. This time when he walked away, I let him. When I sat back at the table, Gaia was almost purple with questions and words.

  ‘Serious, how do you know Nico? He is so gorgeous!’

  ‘Really?’ I suppose his boyish looks and arrogance was a perfect storm for the hormones of any thirteen-year-old girl.

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘He is ten years older than you, so maybe focus on Finn instead.’ Anton would hit the roof if he found out, I was pretty sure. I started aggressively scratching a bite on my ankle with my other foot.

  ‘You sound worse than my dad!’ Her top lip curled up.

  ‘Sorry if I was a bit touchy about Nico. He can be a sarcastic little shit and he rubs me up the wrong way. That’s not your fault. He is a handsome enough man…’ She snorted when I said “shit” forgetting her age; luckily I did a passable job of side stepping it. Her phone buzzed.

  ‘Sorry Melo, I should go,’ she snorted again. ‘I told Natalia I’d be late but she keeps texting.’

  ‘That’s fine, it was nice to hang out, just, please don’t call me Melo again.’

  She gave a laugh as she swung her bag up from under the table and onto her back. ‘I won’t. Thank you for the drink. I’m glad you can finish this time! See you later!’

  I tapped my straw into the bottom of my half-empty glass. In all of Nico’s nonsense, there was something that had really caught in my mind. He’d said, ‘What are you? Her mother?’ It hadn’t occurred to me at the time, that I was being over-protective. Anton could protect her in many ways, but she needed female guidance and it had meant a lot that she had spoken to me. She meant a lot to me, which was ridiculous.

  I decided to have another milkshake and watch the world go by before bothering to move. It was quite empty until a family of four came in and sat a few yellow tables down from mine. There was a boy, perhaps only two or three, and a baby daughter. They’d been dressed in matching navy and white stripes. They were some of the most adorable children I’d ever seen; pretty little pixi faces with big eyes and glowing with holiday excitement. I watched them behind my sunglasses. The little boy kept trying to make his sister jump by making shouting ‘boo’. It didn’t alter if he succeeded or not, he would let out a high-pitched squeal of a laugh. His baby sister would go from surprised to gurgling and giggling, jumping and wriggling in her mother’s arms. Each time the blonde woman, their mother, would attempt to shh the little boy, to try to curb his excitement, to no avail. The long-haired man, clearly their father, based on looks alone, chatted to the owner about different ice cream flavours. I wanted that. Whatever it was that they had. That everyday stuff of being a family and bringing up children, the good, the bad, the crazy. Even spending time with Gaia, who was far from a baby, gave me a sense of purpose. She made me want to become worthy of being looked up to, instead of the lonesome hermit I’d become.

  ‘Nanny-Grandad! Look I’m getting this one! Look!’ The little boy suddenly squeaked with joy. My throat closed tightly around my tongue as the pair approached the table and sat down. My mama and papa would never know any children I may have, but, perhaps my mother and even my father might. With that I knew I had to leave before tears appeared from under my glasses.

  I meandered back to the supermarket, where I had previously bumped into Gaia, to look for a photo frame. They had a selection but most were indeed very touristy with ‘Corfu’ or ‘San Stefanos’ written on. This wasn’t the right style for someone living on the island. Plus ‘San Stef’ wasn’t the proper name of the resort but one made up by a tour company so it wouldn’t get confused with another Agios Stefanos on the island. Definitely not an appropriate gift for my mother. It suddenly struck me, there was a little shop, Taste Of Life, only a short march along the road; so off I went. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner. As soon as I stepped inside, I was surrounded by hand-crafted, unique little knick-knacks, and some not so little ones. It had the smell of freshly carved wood and olive soap. It was the kind of place that was so full, you would have to be careful that nothing attached itself to you without your knowledge. A breeze came in through the door behind me setting off lots of the wind chimes around the shop, a plethora of wood and metal harmonies.

  I took my time eyeing all of the treasures. I came across some frames and looked eagerly through them, settling on a one with shells. It wasn’t as though it would have anything to clash with in her living room, and it was rather sweet. I kept walking around, most of the gifts were locally sourced and handmade: from driftwood signs to olive wood sculptures. I found myself gently touching the curve of a wooded salad spoon, wondering if it were the type of thing my mother would like or needed when I saw it. There, on a higher shelf, in amongst a whole wall of olive wood delights was the most beautiful, hand-crafted photo frame. I put down the one in my hand and reached for it. Perfectly smooth to the touch with naturally dark lines running through it. Two of the corners had been brought to points and the other two curved. The imperfectly perfect lines made it feel beautiful yet awkward. Just like my mother. I knew it was the right one. I pressed it against my chest. I had been worrying about finding the right sort of thing and now I could relax that I’d made the right decision. It just felt right.

  My second decision was to lie on the beach for the rest of the morning, hiring a sun lounger and snoozing. Other than being woken up by the resident fruit seller, shouting about selling his grapes or “gripes”, it was a peaceful time. One filled with a salted breeze that whipped me into a dream of Mama and Papa snoozing on the loungers next to mine. In that moment I believed they were there with me. I could hear Papa whisper, “gripes” at me in response to the fruit man. Then Mama tutted saying, “Oh Pete,” and I could smell her peony perfume twist in the air, dancing with the salt. My dozing left me feeling hollow, one moment they were close enough to
touch then I awoke without them.

  I took a walk along the beach to Waves for lunch. I settled myself on the edge of their terrace looking out across the sand and the sea. A perfect position for occupying the mind with people watching. I had a craving for something comforting and they made a delicious deep-fried cheese ball thing. I can never remember the name of it but it was perfectly stringy, salty and yummy. I favourite of mine and Papa’s. I decided to text Anton:

  When you’re done, come and be a tourist with me. I’m on the beach near Mango Bar – bring swim shorts (for a change)! x

  I was waiting on the beach catching up on Instagram behind my sunglasses when I heard a familiar tone: ‘Hello tourist.’

  ‘Well, hello, I’m so glad you’re not the fruit man again,’ I said, rolling my eyes beneath my sunglasses as Anton sat on the lounger next to mine. ‘You’re in luck, I paid for that sun bed too.’

  ‘I have a small…or large problem, depending on how you look at it.’

  ‘Okay…’ I sat up to face him, lifting my sunglasses onto my head.

  ‘Unsurprisingly I don’t keep swimwear in my van. I went to some of the supermarkets to see if I could find anything. The only thing near my size was still small for me.’ He pulled out some tiny hot pants sending me into a frenzy of belly laughs.

  ‘Oh my,’ I could barely breath, ‘you have to go and put them on! Go! Go!’ With some protest he got up like a sulky teenager who had been told to clean their room. He came out again in his normal clothes. ‘Aww, where are they?’ I pulled an over-exaggerated sad face. ‘I’m in a bikini, it’s no worse.’ I waved my hand across my blue bikini top.

  ‘They’re underneath,’ he said looking down.

  ‘Come on then, let’s go for a swim!’ I jumped up eager to see his new purchase. The smile on my face was likely manic while I tried to suppress more giddy laughter. Anton shrugged off his clothes until he was down to his see-it-all pale green swim shorts. I was biting back my laughter.