Pamela

by Samuel Richardson

  She says, she was excessively alarmed. She instantly raised the two maids, who lay not far off, and then the Swiss; and finding every door fast, she said, I must be carried away, as St Peter was, out of prison, by some angel.166 It is a wonder she had not a worse thought.

  She says, she wept, wrung her hands, and ran about like a mad woman, little thinking I could have got out of the closet-window, between the iron bars; and indeed I don’t know whether I could do so again. But at last, finding that casement open, they concluded it must be so; and ran out into the garden, and found my footsteps in the mould of the bed which I dropped down upon from the leads: and so speeded away all of them, that is to say, Mrs Jewkes, Col-brand, Nan, and the gardener, who by that time had joined them, towards the back door, to see if that was fast, while the cook was sent to the out-offices to raise the men-servants, and make them get horses ready, to take each a several way to pursue me.

  But it seems, finding that door double-locked and padlocked, and the heel of my shoe, and the broken bricks, they verily concluded I was got away by some means over the wall; and then, they say, Mrs Jewkes seemed like a distracted woman: till at last Nan had the thought to go towards the pond, and there seeing my coat, and cap and handkerchief, in the water, cast almost to the banks by the motion of the waves, she thought it was me, and screaming out, ran to Mrs Jewkes, and said, ‘O madam, madam! here’s a piteous thing! Mrs Pamela lies drowned in the pond! ’

  Thither they all ran; and finding my clothes, doubted not but I was at the bottom; and then they all, Swiss among the rest, beat their breasts, and made most dismal lamentations; and Mrs Jewkes sent Nan to the men, to bid them get the drag-net ready, and leave the horses, and come to try to find the poor innocent, as she, it seems, then called me, beating her breast, and lamenting my hard hap;167 but most what would become of them, and what account they should give to my master.

  While every one was thus differently employed, some weeping and wailing, some running here and there, Nan came into the wood-house; and there lay poor I, so weak, so low, and so dejected, and withal so stiff with my bruises, that I could not stir nor help myself to get upon my feet. And I said, with a low voice, (for I could hardly speak) ‘Mrs Ann, Mrs Ann!’ The creature was sadly frighted, but was taking up a billet168 to knock me on the head, believing I was some thief, as she said; but I cried out, ‘O Mrs Ann, Mrs Ann! help me, for pity’s sake, to Mrs Jewkes! for I cannot get up.’ ‘Bless me!’ said she, ‘what! you, madam! Why our hearts are almost broken, and we were going to drag the pond for you, believing you had drowned yourself. Now,’ said she, ‘shall we be all alive again!’

  Without staying to help me, she ran away to the pond, and brought all the crew to the wood-house. The wicked woman, as she entered, said, ‘Where is she? Plague of her spells, and her witchcrafts! She shall dearly repent of this trick, if my name be Jewkes’; and coming to me, took hold of my arm so roughly, and gave me such a pull, as made me scream out, (my shoulder being bruised on that side) and drew me on my race. ‘O cruel creature!’ said I, ‘if you knew what I have suffered, it would move you to pity me!’

  Even Colbrand seemed to be concerned, and said, ‘Fie, madam, fie! you see she is almost dead! You must not be so rough with her.’ The coachman Robin seemed to be sorry for me too, and said, with sobs, ‘What a scene is here! Don’t you see she is all bloody in her head, and cannot stir?’ ‘Curse of her contrivances!’ said the horrid creature; ‘she has frightened me out of my wits, I’m sure. How the d—I came you here?’ ‘O,’ said I, ‘ask me now no questions, but let the maids carry me up to my prison; and there let me the decently, and in peace!’ Indeed I thought I could not live two hours.

  ‘I suppose,’ said the tygress, ‘you want Mr Williams to pray by you, don’t you? Well, I’ll send for my master this minute! Let him come and watch you himself, for me; for there’s no such thing as a woman’s holding you, I’m sure.’

  The maids took me up between them, and carried me to my chamber; and when the wretch saw how bad I was, she began a little to relent.

  I was so weak, that I fainted away, as soon as they got me up stairs; and they undressed me, and got me to-bed, and Mrs Jewkes ordered Nan to bathe my shoulder, and arm, and ancle, with some old rum warmed; and they cut from the back part of my head, a little of the hair, for it was clotted with blood; and put a family plaster169 to the gash, which was pretty long, but not deep. If this woman has any good quality, it is, it seems, in a readiness and skill to manage in cases where sudden accidents happen in a family.

  After this, I fell into a pretty sound and refreshing sleep, and lay till near twelve o’clock, tolerably easy, yet was feverish, and anguishly inclined. The wretch took a great deal of care of me: but for what end? Why, to fit me to undergo more troubles; for that is the sad case.

  She would have made me rise about twelve; but I was so weak, I could only sit up till the bed was made, and then was helped into it again; and was, as they said, delirious some part of the afternoon. But having a tolerable night on Thursday, I was a good deal better on Friday, and on Saturday my feverishness seeming to be gone, arose. I was so amended by evening, that I begged her to allow me to sit in my closet by myself. I assured her, that all my contrivances to escape were at an end. She had caused it to be double barred the day before; and consented; but first she made me tell her the whole story of my enterprize; which I did very faithfully. She expressed her wonder at my resolution, but told me frankly, that I should have found it a hard matter to get out of my master’s power, let me have escaped to whom I would; for that she was provided with a warrant from my master (who is a justice of peace in this county, as well as in the other) to get me apprehended, on suspicion of wronging him.

  O my dear parents, how deep-laid are the mischiefs designed to fall on my devoted head! Surely, I cannot be worthy of all this contrivance! This shews me that there was too much in what was hinted to me formerly at the other house, that my master swore he would have me! Preserve me, Heaven! from being his, in his own wicked sense of the word!

  I must add, that now this woman sees me recover so fast, she uses me worse, and has abridged me of paper all but one sheet, which I am to produce, written or unwritten, on demand. She has also reduced me to one pen. Yet my hidden stores stand me instead. But she is more and more spiteful and cross; and tauntingly calls me Mrs Williams, and says every thing that she thinks will vex me.

  SUNDAY Afternoon

  Mrs Jewkes has thought fit to give me an airing for three or four hours this afternoon. I am a good deal better; but health is a blessing hardly to be coveted in my circumstances, since that but exposes me to the danger I am in continual apprehensions of; whereas a weak and sickly state might possibly move compassion for me. O how I dread the coming of this angry and incensed master! Yet why is he angry? Why incensed? I am sure I have done him no harm!

  Just now we heard, that he had like to have been drowned in crossing a stream, a few days ago, in pursuing his game. What is the matter, that, with all his ill usage of me, I cannot hate him? To be sure, in this, I am not like other people! He has certainly done enough to make me hate him; but yet when I heard his danger, which was very great, I could not in my heart forbear rejoicing for his safety; though his death would have set me free. Ungenerous master! If you knew this, you surely would not be so much my persecutor! But for my late good lady’s sake, I must wish him well; and O what an angel would he be in my eyes yet, if he would give over his attempts, and reform!

  Well, I hear by Mrs Jewkes, that John Arnold is turned away, being detected in writing to Mr Williams; and that Mr Longman, and Mr Jonathan the butler, have incurred his displeasure, for offering to speak in my behalf. Mrs Jervis too is in danger; for all these three, it seems, went together to beg in my favour; for now it is known where I am.

  Mrs Jewkes has received a letter; but she says the contents are too bad for me to know. They must be bad indeed, if they be worse than what I have already seen.

  Just now the ho
rrid creature tells me, as a secret, that she has reason to think my master has found a way to satisfy my scruples: it is, by marrying me to this dreadful Colbrand, and buying me of him on the wedding-day, for a sum of money! Was ever the like heard? She says it will be my duty to obey my husband; and that Mr Williams, as a punishment, will be forced to marry me to that dreadful wretch: and that when my master has paid for me, and I am surrendered up, the Swiss is to go home again, with the money, to his former wife and children; for, she says, it is the custom of those people to have a wife in every nation.170

  But this, to be sure, is horrid romancing! Yet, improbable as it is, it may possibly serve to introduce some plot now hatching. With what strange perplexities is my mind agitated! Perchance, some sham-marriage may be designed on purpose to ruin me: but can a husband sell his wife against her own consent? And will such a bargain stand good in law? But what is law, what is any thing with the lawless? And if I am bought and sold, and taken away by the vile purchaser, what will a legal punishment for wickedness committed, avail the irretrievable injured!

  MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, the 32nd, 33rd, and 34th Days of my Imprisonment

  Nothing has offered in these days but squabblings between Mrs Jewkes and me. She is worse and worse to me. I vexed her yesterday, because she talked filthily; and told her she talked more like a vile London prostitute, as I had heard them spoke of at the Bedfordshire-house, than a gentleman’s housekeeper; and she thinks she cannot use me bad enough for it. Bless me! she curses and storms at me like a trooper, and can hardly keep her hands off me. You may believe she must talk very wickedly to make me say such words: indeed what she said cannot be repeated; and she is a disgrace to her sex. And then she ridicules me, and laughs at my notions of virtue; and tells me, impudent creature as she is! what a fine bed-fellow I shall make for my master, with such whimsical notions about me! Do you think this is to be borne? And yet she talks worse than this, if possible! Quite abominably. What vile hands am I put into!

  THURSDAY

  I have now the greatest reason, to apprehend my master will be here soon; for the servants are busy in setting the house to rights; and a stable and coach-house are cleaning out, that have not been used some time. I ask Mrs Jewkes, but she tells me nothing, nor will hardly answer me when I ask her a question. Sometimes I think she puts on these airs, purposely to make me wish for, what I most of all things dread, my master’s coming down. But if he does come, where is his promise of not seeing me without I consent to it? But, it seems, his honour owes me nothing! So he tells me in his letter. And why? Because I am willing to keep mine. Indeed, he says, he hates me perfectly; and it is plain he does, or I should not be left to the mercy of this woman.

  FRIDAY, the 36th Day of my Imprisonment

  I took the liberty yesterday afternoon, finding the gates open, to walk out before the house; and ere I was aware, had got to the bottom of the long row of elms; and there I sat myself down upon the steps of a sort of broad stile, which leads into the road that goes towards the town. Seeing myself got thus far from the house, why cannot I now, thought I, get quite off? But I was discouraged on seeing the country on this side quite open as far as the eye could reach. The warrant Mrs Jewkes told me of, also helped to intimidate me. But before I could resolve, or if I had resolved, could get out of sight of pursuers,171 I saw a whole posse of men and women from the house, running towards me, as in a fright. At first I wondered what was the matter, till they came nearer; and I found they were all alarmed, thinking I had attempted to get off. There was first the horrible Colbrand, running with his long legs, well-nigh two yards at a stride; then there was one of the grooms, poor Mr Williams’s robber, a sad fellow! Then I spied Nan, half out of breath; and the cook-maid after her; and, lastly, came, waddling, as fast as she could, Mrs Jewkes, exclaiming most bitterly, as I found, against me. Colbrand said, ‘O how you have frighted us all!’ And went behind me, lest I should run away, as I suppose.

  I sat still, that they might suppose I had no view to get away. When Mrs Jewkes came within hearing, I found she was in a rage, charging me with my contrivances; and when she came up to me, the barbarous creature struck at me with her horrid fist, and, I believe, would have felled me, had not Colbrand interposed and said, He saw me sitting still, looking about me, and not seeming to have the least inclination to get away. But this would not serve: she ordered the two maids to take me each by an arm, and lead me back into the house, and up stairs; and there I have been locked up ever since, without shoes; and last night I was forced to lie between her and Nan. And I find she is resolved to make a handle172 of this against me, and in her own behalf. Indeed, what with her usage, and my own apprehensions of still worse, I am quite weary of my life.

  Just now she has been with me, and given me my shoes, and has laid her insolent commands upon me, to dress myself in a suit of clothes out of the portmanteau, which I have not seen lately, against three or four o’clock; for, she says, she is to have a visit from Lady Darnford’s two daughters, who come purposely to see me. And so she gave me the key of the portmanteau. But I will not obey her; and I told her I would not be made a shew of, nor see the ladies. She left me, saying, It should be worse for me, if I did not. But how can that be?

  Five o’clock is come

  And no young ladies! So that I fancy – But, hold! I hear their coach, I believe. I’ll step to the window. I won’t go down to them, I am resolved.

  Mercy on me! What will become of me! Here is my master come in his fine chariot! What shall I do? Where shall I hide myself? What shall I do? Pray for me! But, oh! you will not see this!

  Seven o’clock

  Though I dread to see him, yet do I wonder I have not. To be sure something is resolving against me, and he stays to hear all her stories. I can hardly write; yet, as I can do nothing else, I know not how to lay down my pen. How crooked and trembling the lines! Why should the guiltless tremble so, when the guilty can possess their minds in peace?

  SATURDAY Morning

  Now let me give you an account of what passed last night; for I had no power to write, nor yet opportunity, till now.

  This vile woman held my master in talk till half an hour after seven; and he came hither about five in the afternoon. And then I heard his voice on the stairs, as he was coming up to me. What he said was about his supper. He ordered a boiled chicken, with parsley and butter. And up he came!

  He put on a stern and haughty air. ‘Well, perverse Pamela, ungrateful creature!’ said he (for my first salutation) ‘you do well, don’t you, to give me all this trouble and vexation?’

  I could not speak; but throwing myself on the floor, hid my face, and was ready to the with grief and apprehension. ‘Well may you hide your face!’ said he, ‘well may you be shamed to see me, vile forward creature, as you are!’ I sobbed, and wept, but could not speak. And he let me lie, and went to the door, and called Mrs Jewkes. ‘There,’ said he, ‘take up that fallen angel! Once I thought her as innocent as an angel of light; but now I have no patience with her. The little hypocrite prostrates herself thus, in hopes to move my compassion, and expects, perhaps, that I will raise her from the floor myself. But I shall not touch her: no,’ said the cruel man, ‘let such fellows as Williams be taken in by her artful wiles! I know her now, and plainly see, that she is for any fool’s turn, that will be caught by her.’

  I sighed, as if my heart would break! And Mrs Jewkes lifted me upon my knees; for I trembled so, I could not stand. ‘Come,’ said she, ‘Mrs Pamela, learn to know your best friend! confess your behaviour, and beg his honour’s forgiveness of all your faults.’

  I was ready to faint; and he said, ‘She is mistress of arts, I assure you; and will mimick a fit, ten to one, in a minute.’

  I was struck to the heart at this; but could not speak presently. I only lifted up my eyes to heaven! And at last made shift to say, ‘God forgive you, sir!’

  He seemed in a great passion, and walked up and down the room, casting sometimes an eye upon me, and s
eeming as if he would have spoken, but checked himself. And at last he said, ‘When she has acted this her first part over, perhaps I will see her again, and she shall soon know what she has to trust to.’

  And so he went out of the room: and I was sick at my very heart! ‘Surely,’ said I, ‘I am the wickedest creature that ever breathed!’ ‘Well,’ said the impertinent, ‘not so wicked as that neither; but I am glad you begin to see your faults. There is nothing like humility! Come, I’ll stand your friend, and plead for you, if you’ll promise to be more dutiful for the future. Come, come,’ added the wretch, ‘this may be all made up by to-morrow morning, if you are not a fool.’ ‘Begone, hideous woman!’ said I; ‘and let not my afflictions be added to by thy inexorable cruelty, and unwomanly wickedness.’

  She gave me a push, and left me in a violent passion, and as I found, made a story of this; and told my master that I had such a spirit, there was no bearing it.

  I laid me down on the floor, and had no power to stir, till the clock struck nine, when the wicked woman came up again. ‘You must come down-stairs,’ said she, ‘to my master; that is, if you please, spirit.’ ‘I believe,’ said I, ‘I cannot stand.’ ‘Then,’ said she,’ I’ll send up Mons. Colbrand to carry you down.’