Arabs also were not known in space, but they decided to spread their culture as they traditionally had, in trading, and were already getting ready to start exporting oil out to those who appreciated it as the Universe's finest beverage.
As the first Asiatic Cultural Introduction Team would prepare to leave great parties were held across Asia and the leaders of the various countries met and admitted they only had so many wars because they were so alike and they were now sorry they hadn't bonded earlier. And so it was that the Asian countries were the first on Earth to truly unite in peace.
But that would come later.
***
For now, Jason, Milk and Julianna were in the grotty space port of the city of Ictopia on the planet of Shaller in the Petruthsian galaxy of Jotar. The Petruthsians were a race of slug like creatures who could raise up on their stubby tails to use a number of tentacles. They were vicious traders with a sharp eye to turning a space pound out of anything. Ictopia was a safe haven for illegal goods and illegal peoples. The Petruthsian government didn't care who you were or what you had done just as long as you were putting something into the economy.
"You ever been here?" Milk asked Julianna.
"No, a customer once wanted to bring me for a romantic holiday though."
"Here? Romantic?" Jason asked unsurprisingly surprised.
"And hence I've never been here," she looked around at the huge number of stalls, mostly trying to sell weapons with slogans such as, 'you're gonna need them here and they're cheap'.
"So where now?" asked Milk bewildered by all the seeming confusion.
"Dunno," replied Jason, "this is a new space port; I came in at the old one.
"Brilliant," said Milk.
***
It was late afternoon by the time they were sat in a taxi driven by a Petruthsian who seemed to have a wise word on everything.
"Just drive around, huh? Well, yeah, that's the best way to see a new place, get your bearings and all. Though I've always said the best way is on foot, get lost and find your way back, then you really get the feel for your surroundings. But then you wouldn't want to get lost in Ictopia would you? No, sir, I tell you that now, not a place to get lost!"
"I'm just trying to remember where something is, that's all. Been a long time since I was here last."
"Oh, been here before, huh? And you came back?" the taxi driver chuckled. "Don't get many people returning for a second visit. No, sir, don't get many people leaving so that they could return! And, and if they did leave I doubt they could return without getting their head blown off!" he paused for air. "Hey, you're not gonna get your head blown off, are you? I just got this taxi fixed up."
"You never know," Milk mumbled.
"What was that? Listen I don't want no trouble!"
"If you didn't want trouble you wouldn't be a taxi driver in Ictopia," Chase pointed out.
The taxi driver found this hysterical.
"Oh yeah, yeah," he proclaimed between fits of gurgling laughter, "wouldn't be a taxi driver in Ictopia! That's a good one, that is! I'll tell them down at the rank about that one! Oh, so I will!"
"There," Jason shouted. "Stop the cab, stop here."
The driver pulled to a sharp stop at the curb, much to the annoyance of other drivers. That's right, even in space taxi drivers are annoying.
They paid him and stood in front of a bar that seemed to be open, but looked closed.
"Here," said Jason, "I think."
"You think?" asked Julianna.
"I dunno, it's all still fuzzy, but I am definitely getting feelings from this place, I have been here."
"Well let's go in then," said Milk.
"Do we have to?" asked Jason.
"A little more Chase a little less Jason, mate."
"Right. Yeah. Oh dear."
Inside the bar was dim, dusty, grey and strangely playing ABBA's 'Knowing Me, Knowing You'. Yet there was someone behind the bar.
They didn't get too far in before the bartender spotted them and not a few steps further before he pulled out a shotgun and, considering all three ducked, sent a double laser blast into the wall. Our heroes tipped over tables and hid behind them as they heard the cocking of the shotgun. Which is pointless being a laser gun, but adds more tenseness to the situation than silence.
"No chance of a drink then?" Chase called out and another blast splintered the table he was hiding behind. He stood up with his hands raised.
"I've been waiting for this day for over five years," shouted the barman, a huge elephant-like Merrick.
Milk stood up as the barman cocked the shotgun and aimed it at Chase. He too threw up his hands in surrender.
"Wait! Wait! Before you kill him, I gotta know. What did he do this time?"
"This, this? beast took my daughters virginity!" the barman shouted and Milk sagged.
"Nice one."
"Josephina," called the barman, "Josephina! Look who's back."
The daughter in question came in from a door behind the bar and stood next to her Daddy.
"Oh," she gasped, "Chase."
Julianna jumped up, arms aloft. "Ever think everyone might be happier, and safer, if you just kept it in your pants?" she hissed quietly.
Chase shrugged.
"It's not been an issue for the last five years," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth and then put on a broad grin. "Josephina. It's been too long," he tried.
"Yes. Too long have I waited for our revenge," the barman continued to shout though everyone could hear him clearly in the deserted bar.
He took aim and would have blown Chase's head off if his daughter hadn't knocked the gun upwards leaving a hole in the ceiling.
"What are you doing?" he shouted at her even though she was right next to him.
"Daddy, I know you've been angry, but look at me. No one ever wanted to lay with me before Chase, and no one has wanted to since. I'm happy someone saw something in me enough to want to sleep with me."
"Don't talk nonsense," he continued to shout, "Any man would be lucky to get you."
"So you keep saying, but even if they did want me, they can't have me because you never think anyone is worthy and you keep me locked up here. Anyone who as so much as looks at me is kicked out."
"I'm just trying to protect you from the likes of him," he pointed the gun back at Chase.
"Look, if I may," interrupted Milk and as the gun swung in his direction he thought that maybe he didn't anymore, "I too have a daughter," Chase and Julianna turned to stare at him, "they are creatures that Fathers cannot understand, but can love. You have to let them free so that they can return to you and you can protect them, you can never cage a daughter, sir."
The barman let his gun fall limp and looked at his daughter.
"Time to go," Milk said to the other two.
"You have a daughter?" asked an astonished Julianna.
"Time to go," persisted Milk.
"You have a daughter?" asked an astonished Chase.
"I said, time to go," and he herded them outside.
***
"This going to happen much? demanded Julianna.
"I think what's more important is that Milk has a daughter," Jason returned sharply.
"I think what is important is finding out why we are here," interrupted Milk even more sharply.
"Right. Right," said Jason looking at his shoes. "Sorry about that, wrong memory I guess.
"Oh well that's great," exclaimed Julianna. "Before we go anywhere else we might get killed can you dig around in that barely functioning mind of yours?"
"Hey. Hey, calm down, we told you this wasn't a game, we told you not to come," fumed Milk.
"Wait, wait, that's it. That's it; I know where we're going. Come on, this way," and he walked off before they could argue.
***
It was in Ictopia that Jason got his first look at Laikans. The problem with the oncoming WAR was that it was oncoming, it was undeclared and so all the races that could soon be at war w
ith each other were still happy and able to go to and fro amongst each other. This meant that if the Laikans were going to strike at Jason, and they were, they could easily do so without anyone wondering of their presence on any world.
The Laikans were, as Milk had pointed out, a lot like werewolves, they had the shape of a Human but with paws, and a dog's head with long snout and sharp teeth. And they were entirely covered in hair. Which didn't stop them dressing in clothes, I mean, you may be covered in fur, but that didn't mean you still weren't naked without clothes.
They seemed a gruff lot, but didn't seem particularly hostile in whatever business Jason was watching them partake. He was a bit scared though.
As was Milk who knew any one of these Laikans could be assassins. They weren't, the assassins hadn't arrived yet.
***
They stopped in front of a dusty looking building with a dusty looking door that read, 'Dr. Hendricks' Archaeological Services' on a dusty gold plaque.
"This is it," said Jason proudly.
"This is it?" asked Milk, "An archaeological office? How can this be it?"
"Dunno."
"Well then," interrupted Julianna, "let's go in and find out."
Which they did.
***
And now for a slight detour.
Though the Laikans, after a short war had been pushed back to the edges of the Universe and were generally not the biggest fans of the UTN, they begrudgingly accepted how things were as they controlled most of the Universe's mining. They were exceptional diggers.
There was always worry about if or when the Laikans might cause trouble and their dislike of the UTN was openly admitted.
Some Laikans, however, embraced the UTN, civilised themselves and found places in fields such as the UTN Navy or as archaeologists, in which they were viewed as the best in the Universe.
Dr. Hendricks was one of these.
***
And so our intrepid heroes found themselves in a small, dusty office filled to the brim with artefacts and books and a big desk in the middle, behind which sat the famed Laikan archaeologist, Dr. Hendricks.
"Well, well, the time has finally come, Mr. Darkstaar," he mused looking up from a book.
"After much anticipation on your behalf, no doubt."
"No doubt at all," Dr. Hendricks replied and clamped a pipe between his sharp teeth, lit it and leaned back in his creaking wooden chair.
"But you haven't made it public, have you?" asked Chase.
"No, sir, I am man of my word."
"I believe you are, sir, but now it is time. You have the key?"
Dr. Hendricks opened a deep drawer and started poking around.
"What, may I ask, the hell is going on here?" Milk asked.
"Bit of a long story, that one."
"Well give us the condensed version then," Julianna retorted.
"OK, if we skip the story of how I found the key and then found the ancient treasure store on Peskini, and skip why I didn't loot it? then I found a huge treasure store on Peskini and when it came time to hide the Trimedian it was the only place I knew of that was big enough and secret enough to hide a Vulcan," he looked at them as if to say 'is that enough for you?'
"Your ship?" Milk asked needlessly as he knew exactly what a Vulcan was.
"My ship. And then I came and found Dr. Hendricks and promised him the treasure only after I had retrieved my ship."
"Which may have been never," Julianna pointed out.
"Ahh, we had a five year limit, which is up next month," Hendricks chipped in brandishing what looked like a large stone. "Here it is; when are we going?"
"Right now," said Chase and they turned to leave as Dr. Hendricks came around from his desk and picked up a small suitcase.
"Hello, Ma'am, I don't believe we've met," he introduced as they walked out of the door.
"Sorry, yes, I'm Julianna and this big Indian is Milk."
"Hi there, you have no idea what you've got yourself into," returned Milk as he walked out of the door.
They got out of the door and into a group of Laikan assassins.
"OK, now you have some idea," Milk corrected.
"Darkstaar," said the leader.
He was a big brute wearing, as all five did, a long black trench coat and unlike the others a large eye patch.
"Hello, Trillo how's the eye?" Chase returned
"It grieves me in cold weather," he pulled a pistol and stuck it in Chase's stomach, "but now is my time of revenge," he leered.
Chase looked at his watch. "Now? Now is your time of revenge? Man, I totally forgot, sorry."
"You will mock me no longer after today, where is the Trimedian?"
"Dunno," Chase shrugged.
"No matter, as you are the only one who knows its location, I only have to kill you to stop anyone having it," Trillo grinned, he was going to enjoy this.
"Really? What about them?" Chase asked and nodded backward to his compadres.
"We will kill them too."
"Oh, now why did you have to involve us?" Milk asked exasperated.
"Didn't want you to miss all the fun," he said as he swiftly brought his arm up and knocked Trillo's gun into the air before punching him in the eye patch.
The other Laikans pulled guns as did Milk and Julianna and everyone scattered, diving behind the cover of cars and large rubbish bins, or in doorways, really behind anything that would, or looked like it would, stop a laser blast. Preferably the former.
Chase pulled out his twin pistols, leant out of the doorway to Dr. Hendricks office and fired at a Laikan behind a car, clipping him on the shoulder.
Milk fired from behind another car missing everything; the Laikans fired back from behind cars and then sprinted to the far side of the road. Julianna who was in a recessed doorway with Dr. Hendricks further down the street, shot one retreating Laikan as he crossed, but the others made it safely behind more parked cars from where they sent a volley of shots and Chase had to duck into the office to avoid the whole death thing.
He then ran out and joined Julianna and Hendricks in the relative safety of their doorway.
"I say, this is jolly fun, isn't it?" Hendricks mused wryly. "A habit of yours?"
"It's becoming that way, yes," replied Chase before he and Julianna let out a volley of shots and Milk dashed past them to a doorway further down the road. Ictopia was full of recessed doorways for exactly this reason.
People, as they did, went running to and fro screaming or lying flat on the ground. Milk shot over their heads at the Laikans as the other three ran up and joined him in his spacious doorway.
The Laikans poured back fire.
"May I suggest that, this being the doorway to the Intergalactical Hotel, Ictopia, that there would be a back entrance of some sort?"
"Good thinking, Doc. Everyone inside," Chase ordered and they bundled past the terrified, though unsurprised, doorman.
***
The Intergalatical, despite being syntaxically ignorant, was the biggest, poshest hotel chain in the Universe and even the one in Ictopia was grand. The Ictopian Intergalactical was mainly famous for the big name gangsters, thugs and thieves that had stayed there. Big Ron Ohmee, the famous Merrick crime boss, was arrested there and Arthur Oohnahneg, the Albertine bank robber was gunned down there in a long drawn out gun battle between his gang, the Albertine Suns, and the InterG. He wouldn't remember it, but Chase had assassinated Big Ron Ohmee's number one Laikan hitman not long before Big Ron was arrested. In fact it had been Chase who'd sold the information of Big Ron's whereabouts to the police. Chase himself had nearly been killed at Ictopia's Intergalactical on two separate occasions, both for the same reason of sleeping with someone big and bad's wife.
***
In the lobby Chase decided to split up.
"We should split up," he said, "Milk and I will draw them away, you and the Doc get back to the space port. If we're not there five minutes after you arrive then wait longer. If we're not there in fifteen
go and get to the Vulcan. You've still got the key, Doc?"
"Right here, Chase," the doctor said far too chirpily.
"What will we do if we get to the Vulcan?" asked Julianna.
"Dunno, I'm hoping the computer will know the next step."
"This is not a good plan," Julianna attested.
"It wasn't a good plan to start with," pointed out Milk, "no one really thought it out five years ago, seems to be no need to start now."
"Right," Chase grinned, "so go, go, go."
Julianna dragged the Doctor off to find an exit and disappeared from view as the Laikan assassins, led by a very annoyed Trillo, burst in. Milk and Chase fired wildly and people screamed. A Byfrok woman's cell phone interrupted calls to spread the news.
Chase and Milk headed up the closest set of stairs that gracefully curved around behind the elevators that were at the back of the large lobby. Several shots followed them, but hit the walls as Chase and Milk disappeared.
They found themselves on a mezzanine level that had nothing but another set of plush stairs, this time going straight up to a corridor. They ran up listening to the pursuing Laikans.
"You know, if we keep going up it's just going to be tougher to get back down," Milk pointed out helpfully.
"This is an Intergalactical, they should have some transport on the roof."
"I wouldn't know with my salary."
"Is this the time?" asked Chase as Laikan shadows grew from the stairs. "In here."
They went through a set of double doors and into a large, dark auditorium filled with people. The only lighting was from the large screen at the front showing a pie chart of how much had been wasted in food transportation over the last ten years. Fun stuff.
Chase and Milk crouch walked down the dark aisle to the exit at the back which is traditionally how people escape auditoriums in films and books.
***
Meanwhile, Julianna and Dr. Hendricks had found a kitchen and a back way that is also liberally used as an escape route in books and films. Unsurprisingly it led into an alleyway. The oncoming night made the alley dark and this suited Julianna who didn't know how many other Laikans might be lurking around. They carefully edged to the street and seeing that it seemed as safe as any street in Ictopia could be at night, they joined the crowds as the first police cars pulled up.
They briskly walked along towards the space port looking for a taxi. Good luck there, this was now rush hour and every taxi that passed was full.
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