These Is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901

by Nancy E. Turner

  Well, they just practically twittered like little birds at that, and made eyes at each other and then this other much older lady sitting across the aisle said to me, Where do you live? So I told her about my ranch and tried not to seem proud, although they all said it must be vast and how nice to have all those acres and family with other holdings as they called it.

  Yes, I said, and we have good neighbors too, and I told them about our friends and they seemed fairly shocked that we lived near Mexican people, but I said, For a fact, they are fine folks and good and generous. I’m proud to know them. They just smiled at each other and winked their eyes, and offered me cake.

  Then they began to tell me about their families, as if they had a list written down to recount, and all the fine things they do and the fine houses they live in with a thousand acres around them. I wanted to be polite, and I listened and admired all the things they said. Then Mrs. Faulkner said her son went to West Point and her youngest daughter Persephone had married an Army officer who went to West Point, and did Captain Elliot go to West Point, and did I know she was such a beautiful girl and had already given her a grandchild, and did I know that Persephone was an ancient Roman name for the goddess of beauty?

  It was a tangled knot of questions all at once, and I tried to remember them all. So I said, I am sure you are happy for your daughter, and I will ask the Captain if he went there since I didn’t know if she meant the west point of the Rio Grande or some other river, and then I said, Actually, Persephone is a Greek name for the daughter of Zeus and she was not a goddess she was a prisoner of Hades.

  They just all clapped their hands over their mouths kind of shocked, and I could see Mrs. Faulkner had got riled up as her jaw got tight and her lips pinched together. The old lady, Mrs. Dunn, she said her name was, sort of chuckled, and said Where did you get your education, deary? How ingenious of you, how quaintly unsophisticated! Then she announced she was tired, and thanked me for coming but it was time to rest before luncheon.

  I was being invited to leave!

  Just at that minute, everything got quiet, and suddenly I saw Jack with April holding his hand coming down the aisle looking for me.

  He took off his hat to the ladies, and said to me, Pardon us, but the Colonel here was disturbed at your absence, Mrs. Elliot, and ordered me to dispatch and find you immediately. April buried herself in my skirts, and I could feel her trembling.

  Oh, oh, they exclaimed over April, How darling! they all said, blushing and fanning themselves at my husband as he bowed and smiled at them. I thought he looked pretty silly, and had a look in his eyes like he was making fun of them, but they just tee-heed about him and said, What a nice man to take care of the baby.

  Then Mrs. Blankenship, who is a mousy grey little woman, said, But my dear, I thought you were just married?

  My first husband was killed right after she was born, I said. Thank you for the coffee.

  And I rose and left them without another word, although I could hear Jack saying goodbye to them or some other such nonsense and they were all twittering again.

  Captain Elliot, I whispered, I wish I had my dictionary with me. And then I said to him, what does it mean, quaintly unsophisticated?

  I don’t know, he said, and we sat for a while quietly.

  I think they were insulting me, I said.

  He just shrugged, and said, Foolish old biddy hens, I was going to tell them April was mine and we married yesterday, and see the look on their faces. You spoiled it.

  Jack! that’s awful. But he smiled that smile he has, and I felt quietly pleased.

  December 25, 1885

  Christmas morning. The day started dark and cloudy and cold, and it seems to be snowing now and then, the flakes brush past the window and do not settle. April slept bundled in her own bunk last night, and I woke early, wrapped in Jack’s strong arms, comfortable. As he lay with me we watched out the little window and saw the snow skittering across the glass, and he said to me, I’m glad you’re here, I dreamed last night that I woke up and I had dreamed all of it, and I was back in the barracks alone.

  We are anxious to be done with traveling, but Jack has talked more today, and we are good company for each other, and never seemed to tire of something to discuss.

  I felt happy until today at dinner someone in the Dining car reminded me it is Christmas day, and started to hum a Christmas carol, and someone else joined in, until the whole car was singing Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Jack and April listened, but I just stared hard out the window. It feels like there is a hard knot in my chest. This is the first Christmas I have ever been away from my family, and nothing here is familiar, and I am gone away with a stranger and my baby, and I felt like I wanted to go back to bed and cry.

  Sing, Papa, she said to Jack, and he looked up startled and opened up his eyes wide. Then I saw a look of warmth spread across his face like she had said the sweetest words he had ever heard.

  He smiled at her and said, Well, I can’t sing right now, Mama has an owey and needs a sugar. April obediently kissed my cheek. Why don’t you tell her about Christmas? he said. I have to ask about the horses and take care of something, and I’ll be right back. Stay here and wait for me, okay? So I nodded. He kissed April’s head as he left.

  April sat and listened like she was much older than two, as I told her about Mary and Joseph, traveling far away from their homes and being cold and lonely and scared. And my voice choked up, and I brushed away tears quick so she couldn’t see them. So I rushed the story ahead to the Baby’s birth, and the angels singing, and the kings from the east.

  Jack came back looking worried. One of the foals is down. Hard to tell if it’s sick or just cold, right now, he said.

  Is there anything we can do? I asked him.

  He shook his head. Christmas carols continued all around us, covering our conversation.

  Jack said, Do you know what good little girls get on Christmas? No? Good girls get presents from Saint Nick. Look here what I found back on your bed. He brought out a little wooden box, and April took it timidly. Open it, he coaxed.

  She reached into the shredded wood stuffing and brought out a beautiful little doll with a china head and hands and feet, all dressed in a little dress, with real, soft hair on its head in tiny curls. Oh! she said, Oh! Look, Mama, a Mrs. Lady! She picked up the doll and hugged it tight.

  You are a rascal, I said to him. My lips hurt from holding back my tears, so that I had to wait a moment. Then I whispered, I love you.

  The train pulled into the Austin station at 4:45, held up some by a snow storm that made the engineer slow down far out of town. By the time we arrived, however, the snow had turned to rain, and all looked dismal and gray.

  There was no sign around of anyone looking for us, so we found a place out of the stream of people to sit on our trunks and huddle warmly together. April held her dolly proudly to her, feeling important to be the protector of so beautiful a thing. Mrs. Lady is ’fraid, she said to me.

  Well, I said, we will keep her safe won’t we?

  Through the people then, I saw Jack leading the string of horses through the downpour, and I counted them, still five, so the little one had made it alive. He was talking to a man, and shaking his hand, slapping shoulders and all the way men do when they are glad to meet each other. Then they disappeared around the side of the building.

  Here came those three ladies, the ones who thought they wanted to meet me and then made fun of me. I sat very straight and proud, and tried not to look at them, but they were coming this way, and I could hardly avoid them.

  Oh, Mrs. Elliot! called Mrs. Faulkner, We just wanted you to know what a lovely time we had meeting you and your lovely family.

  Just lovely, echoed Mrs. Blankenship.

  Do pay a call while you are in town, dearie, said old Mrs. Dunn, Here is my card. Ask anyone in town, we are in the big white house. Merry Christmas!

  I was about to tell her I would rather walk barefooted to Boston than visit her for Ch
ristmas, but April held up her baby and said, Christmas! Papa gave me Mrs. Lady!

  The ladies all looked at each other and twittered again, and left with their noses in the air, and I heard Mrs. Dunn say, You know he came from, and, Oh, we’ve just made it for the other train! Then I couldn’t hear any more.

  They went to where another train was coming in from the east, and I watched them for a bit. They were across the platform and in a little crowd of people who all seemed to hang on every word they said. They were talking loud so folks would hear how important they were, about Mrs. Faulkner’s son who was arriving on this train all the way from West Point Academy, and how he was high in his class, and an honor student or some such. Well, here came a young looking soldier, so thin his uniform swung around him, up to them, and politely said Hello, and Now, mother, this is not the place for such things, when Mrs. Faulkner tried to hug him and kiss him on the depot steps.

  Just then he caught sight of Jack in his uniform, and that boy snapped to attention stiffer than I have ever seen, and cracked his elbow up in a salute and looked like a tin soldier toy I saw in a store window in town.

  Jack saluted him back, and said At ease, son, to him.

  Yes, sir! the boy said, and made a funny posture with his feet apart, but he still looked stiff enough to knock over with a blade of grass. Then I heard Jack talk to him, and the boy said how he was in his last year, and Jack nodded, and introduced himself, and an odd look came on that boy’s face. Lieutenant John Edward Elliot? he said, Sir, pleased to make your acquaintance, sir. Honored, I mean, sir.

  Jack shook his hand then and asked was Colonel Hargrave still teaching mathematics?

  No, sir, said the boy. Lieutenant Elliot, sir, I have requested to be assigned to your post, when I graduate, Sir.

  Mrs. Faulkner had stood there watching all this, and her eyes ran over me while her son was busy saluting and praising my husband, so I just smiled politely at her.

  Jack said, Well, Cadet Faulkner, go have Christmas with your mother, I’m sure she’s cold out here. They exchanged salutes again, and the Cadet walked away.

  Mrs. Faulkner had sidled up to me and said Good day, Mrs. Elliot?

  I just looked at her, and I saw in her eyes that she was wanting some kind of approval for her boy because of his career ahead, and she suddenly just looked like an old lady, not fancy and rich and frightening. An old lady whose son admired my husband, and who herself would be as helpless in the Territories as a newborn calf and not nearly as useful. Good day, I said back. It is a funny thing how much more proud people can be of themselves if they never step back and take a good look in a glass.

  In just a few minutes more, there was a man joined us and introduced himself as Jack’s Papa, shaking my hand and talking a blue streak, and I was amazed at how little the two men looked alike. Charles Elliot, or Chess, as he proclaimed everyone called him, was straight talking and to the point, a man not as tall as his son, and obviously used to hard work in the sun by the lines deeply grooved in his face.

  He loaded us into a beautiful four-seated buggy pulled by four horses all the same size and weight, and we rode for at least an hour, maybe more, through open, rolling hills dotted here and there with dark shapes of trees. I wished it was a clear day so I could see it all. It gave me a nervous spell to think there are all those trees to hide behind and we were driving directly through any kind of ambush that might await us, but Chess seemed not to care a bit.

  We finally came to a stop, nearly frozen and wet despite the hood of the buggy. From outside in the rain I had no idea whether we were entering a castle or a cave, but in the house, warm with fires and brightly lit in every corner with lamps, I felt I had come inside a dreamland. It was a grand house, and its rooms rambled on and on, and the large parlor where we came in was lined with rich looking wood and hung with paintings, and there was real carpets on the floors with fringe on them.

  A Christmas tree stood in the center and lent its smell to the place, but the smell of pine did not cover the other smells that came to me. Ham and turkey and goose, and dressings and bread, and spiced pies of apple and mince and sweet potato. I found I was dreadfully hungry, and when we were sent to a room outfitted for us, we all changed clothes quickly.

  April was to have her own room, a beautiful place with a little bed with lace coverlets, like a princess. I have never in my days even imagined such a room, and it was wondrous but my first thought was it will spoil her rotten, and now she will never be satisfied with her plain things. It was more beautiful than the hotel we had stayed in. I put our wet things by the fire hung over the backs of chairs, but I was still exploring the room when Jack said, Mrs. Elliot? Are you aware you are holding up Christmas dinner?

  I said over my shoulder, Jack, where’s my pistol? I can’t find it.

  It’s on top of that wardrobe, out of the reach of Little Bitty. I promise you won’t need it during supper, come on.

  December 26, 1885

  Chess is a friendly man, and not given to long periods of silent thought like his son Jack. Last night when I got to the table he held out a chair for me, and his eyes fell on the brooch Jack gave me, and I saw something faraway flicker across his face. It made me feel odd inside, like I wasn’t worthy of the brooch, but still proud it had been given to me.

  All the food was wondrous and just as good as it was plenty. He had laid a table like he was expecting an Army, though, and there was just the three of us, plus he had also invited an old gentleman friend of his, a Mr. Arlington who struggled to eat it with false teeth. They talked about old times and told stories of the war that I know Harland would love to hear. The men all talked at once, sometimes forgetting I was there, laughing about things and now and then saying something I didn’t understand and chuckling over it. Jack acted mad when his Papa said the Army was full of lace panties nowadays, and he actually raised his voice to his father in a way that would have got my brothers a whipping no matter how old they were.

  But Chess just looked at me curiously and asked me, What do you think of that?

  I wasn’t sure if he meant his comment or Jack’s, so I thought a bit, and said, Well, sir, no one in the Territories wears lace panties that I know of, and he and Mr. Arlington just about split their sides laughing. I was real embarrassed, and I stood up to leave the table, but Jack had his hand on my arm.

  Don’t let him bother you, he said. He’s just trying to see how far he can go before you call him out.

  Well, I said, sitting again, the acorn never falls far from the tree, does it?

  I thought I had made Chess angry when I offered to help with the dishes to the lady who had served it all. He called her Lupy and said she was his cook and housekeeper, but he didn’t even offer her to sit with us and eat, she just served and cleared, served and cleared. I thought this was mighty unfair, and when I talked to her she didn’t answer at first, so I tried in Mexican, and lo and behold, she just talked a blue streak.

  Her name is Lupe, but she didn’t mind the gringo boss, she said, as he is a good man and kind to her and her family, and her husband is a cattle hand and they have a good life. She insisted I shouldn’t do dishes, as I was a guest. So I said to her, I hope I am not a guest, I am family. And I just got up after dinner and helped out.

  Finally, she shooed me out of the kitchen, saying, they would be waiting on me to have Christmas, and she was going home. As I came from the kitchen I stopped at the door to roll my sleeves back into place, and I heard the men talking and it was about me.

  Jack’s voice came through like he was answering a question that had been put to him, Well, I’d rather be back to back with her than in a troop of soldiers, when push comes to shove. That made me feel good for sure.

  Mr. Arlington said, There’s no real ladies any more, just fluffy priss and hard stuff.

  Jack sounded angry then, and said, You wouldn’t know a real woman if she ran over you with a flatbed, old man!

  Mr. Arlington and Chess both laughed, and Chess’ vo
ice said, Look at him, Bobby! He’s fit to take you on, crutch and all. You poked him in a nerve that time. He’s bad all right!

  Mr. Arlington said, Yep, he’s bad. Sickern’ I ever saw over a pretty little…

  I didn’t want to hear any more and I burst through the door making a loud bang.

  They all three stood, nodding to me, and Chess said loudly, sweeping his arm toward me, And here she is, my new daughter! But I could tell there was something mocking in his voice, and he was making me feel edgy, and I could see it in Jack’s eyes too. Like there was some reason to keep my eyes open and my powder dry. Did you get Lupy straightened out? Chess asked.

  No, sir, I said. I was getting real fed up with his mocking tone. Lupe is doing the best she can considering the characters in this room.

  Ah-hah! he said. Look at her eyes. The flint emerges! You are wrong Bobby, here at last, is a real lady! and he took my hand and kissed it softly, and said, Welcome to the family, Miss Sarah. Let’s have Christmas!

  Chess had gifts for all, even Lupe, but she had left for home and would have to get her lace shawl later. He gave Jack a beautiful saddle, shiny with polished leather, and I admired it along with him. April got a most wonderful little dress and coat, and although it was too big for her, I said I will take it up a bit, and then when she grows I’ll let it out. It was just too beautiful, and I am only sorry that someday she will outgrow it.

  Chess just looked at me funny and said, Well, pass it down to the next one, honey, if it’s a girl, of course. Then he grinned real hard at me and I finally saw some of Jack’s looks in his face, in that smile and those straight white teeth.

  Then he handed me a large box, and a small one. Open the little one first, he said. Jack tells me you’re a hand with a gun, but you’re fond of a long barrel?

  Well, I said, my hand on the lid of the box, I take all the caliber I can get, and I like a repeater with a smooth pull.