Oopsy Daisy
Page 10
Katie-Rose was proud of her song, and thought for sure that Yaz would call her back. She didn’t. Then it got to be eight o’clock, and Katie-Rose knew she wouldn’t, because of her dad’s strict rules.
Hence the video camera this morning, a.k.a. her shield. If for some nutso reason Yaz is still mad, Katie-Rose might accidentally get teary, and NO WAY does she plan on parading her tears in front of the other fifth graders. She is to be known as tough Katie-Rose, not wah-wah babyish Katie-Rose.
During art, the right moment for approaching Yaz presents itself. Ten minutes into class, Ms. Viney steps out to take one of her many breaks, and since no teacher equals no chance of adult interference, Katie-Rose seizes the moment.
FADE IN:
INTERIOR RIVENDELL ELEMENTARY—MS. VINEY’S ART CLASS—MORNING
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Hey, people! I am filming you guys, just so you know! I’m not going to make you sign releases. Don’t worry. Just act normal and pretend I’m not here!
Quin glances up from a long table covered with brown paper. The class is working on a mural called Nature Is Beautiful, and Quin is drawing what looks like a giraffe-hippopotamus hybrid.
QUIN
Not a problem. Already was.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Oh, aren’t you the comedian. Hardy hardy har. But guess what?
QUIN
What?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
You’re not ignoring me. You’re looking straight at me.
Quin sticks out her tongue, then returns to her drawing. She adds a tail to her … giraffamus. She really isn’t the best artist.
Katie-Rose swings her Cybershot around, getting a panoramic shot of Ava, Melody, and Preston, who mugs for the camera by doing a cheesy point-and-wink combination.
PRESTON
Well he-e-e-y there, television audience, and yes, I am that good-looking, aren’t I? Ah, sorry, no time for autographs. Ouch, I know. But we television stars don’t interact with the riffraff. It’s a matter of policy. I hope you—
Katie-Rose keeps the camera moving. Shelves and bins stocked with art supplies fill the revolving shot until finally the image grows still. Katie-Rose has found her subject.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
(gulping)
Hi there, Yasaman. Hi there, old-buddy-old-pal.
Yasaman is drawing butterflies around a green bush with purple blossoms. She pauses and gives Katie-Rose a small smile, which could be read as a positive sign, except it’s a things-are-fine-but-not-quite-right smile.
YASAMAN
Hi, Katie-Rose.
The image jiggles as Katie-Rose walks toward her. She could use the zoom function, but Katie-Rose isn’t after a close-up. What Katie-Rose wants is privacy. Well, from behind the safety of the camera, that is.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
That’s a good drawing. Is it a butterfly bush?
Yasaman picks up an orange marker and colors in a butterfly’s wings.
YASAMAN
Mmm-hmm.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Well, it’s really pretty. And I’m sorry again about … you know. Hey, did you hear my song last night? On your answering machine?
YASAMAN
I did. We all did. Nigar hit “play” over and over again, until my dad said, “Durma! I can’t take it anymore!” and marched over and hit “delete.”
She glances at Katie-Rose, and her lips twitch, a sign she might be thawing.
YASAMAN (CONT’D)
You’re a strange person, you know.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
I do know! I’m also a very delightful person, with a multitude of delightful personality traits.
She grips the camera more tightly.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen) (CONT’D)
I’m, uh, also a very very sorry person, about … um … the thing I’m sorry about. Although I still don’t understand why you don’t want to.
Yasaman sighs.
YASAMAN
It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just complicated. My dad …
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
What? Doesn’t believe in trapeze lessons?
YASAMAN
It’s not that—although I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t. But don’t you remember what a big deal it was to get him to let me go to the Lock-In?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Yeah. So?
YASAMAN
So trapeze lessons would be even worse, in his mind. Because of the boys, and doing stuff like flipping upside down—
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
(interrupting)
He doesn’t want anyone seeing your underwear?!
YASAMAN
No! It’s not that. It’s just complicated, like I said.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
So he does want people seeing your underwear?
YASAMAN
(frustrated)
No!
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
(snortling)
I guess not, since he only agreed to the Lock-In on the condition that you wouldn’t wear pajamas. You’re going to be the only kid not wearing pajamas, you know. That still makes me laugh.
YASAMAN
Great. Thanks.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Omigosh. Oh, Yasaman, I’m a total jerk, aren’t I?
The image jiggles as Katie-Rose thwacks herself on the head.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen) (CONT’D)
Seriously, sometimes even I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am so sorry, Yaz. I’m sorry for being a jerk about the pj’s, I’m sorry for bugging you about your dad, and most of all I’m sorry for the whole trapeze fiasco.
She holds out her arm, a bit of which shows up in the shot.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen) (CONT’D)
You can hit me if you want. Do you want to hit me?
YASAMAN
I don’t want to hit you, Katie-Rose. And you don’t have to keep apologizing. You talked to Josie and told her to take my name off the list, right? So stop worrying.
For a moment, Katie-Rose is overjoyed. Yasaman forgives her! She can stop worrying! Then her stomach does a twisty-turvy thing, because of something she’d rather not mention. Though Katie-Rose did call Josie last night, she didn’t exactly talk to her, not in the way Yasaman probably thinks. As in, there was no conversation, per se. As in, only one person did the talking, and it was Katie-Rose, and it was after Josie’s phone said, “Beep! Leave a message!”
YASAMAN (CONT’D)
Anyway, I was a complete spaz about it, so I’m sorry. I totally overreacted.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
No, you didn’t.
YASAMAN
Yes, I did.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
No, no, no.
YASAMAN
Yes, yes, yes.
Yasaman giggles, and Katie-Rose allows herself to giggle back, even though there’s kinda sorta something else Katie-Rose didn’t mention when she e-mailed Yaz last night.
The something else she didn’t mention isn’t a big deal, though. Katie-Rose really doesn’t think it is. It’s just that in addition to reaching Josie’s voicemail instead of the real Josie, the voicemail thingie might possibly have cut Katie-Rose off before she was done leaving her message. A weird staticky sound blared into Katie-Rose’s ear soon after she started talking, and then the phone died and a dial tone came on. When Katie-Rose called back, a computer-generated voice said, “This mailbox is full. Please try again. This mailbox is full. Please try again.”
But. For now, she can’t try again. She can only try to appease sweet Yaz.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
You weren’t the spaz. I was. And if you keep arguing with me, then we will just have to agree to disagree.
Yasaman finally gives Katie-Rose a genuine smile.
YASAMAN
If you insist.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
> (beaming)
I do. So … we’re good?
YASAMAN
Yeah, we’re good. Hey, did you read the Big Begonia I posted to LuvYaBunches.com?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Um … yes! And it was awesome. Yay, butterflies!
YASAMAN
What about Project Teacherly Lurve? Are you up for it? Violet and Milla both are.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
(hemming and hawing)
Well, I would be, but I’m just … I’m kind of not into romance at this particular juncture in my life. You know?
Yasaman pulls her eyebrows together.
YASAMAN
What particular juncture in your life? What does that even mean? Anyway, don’t you want you-know-who to make a love connection?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Listen. It’s not you; it’s me.
YASAMAN
That makes no sense, either! Katie-Rose, c’mon. This really means a lot to me.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
I know, I know. I’m just not in a lovey-dovey space right now. You can understand that, right?
Preston’s face suddenly fills the screen, and it is so surprising—and so huge—that Katie-Rose squeals.
PRESTON
Hello, ladies. You might want to evacuate the area, because I just let one rip.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Gross, Preston. Thanks for sharing.
PRESTON
(grinning)
Sharing means caring. Uh-oh, here comes another one.
A loud fart makes Yasaman recoil. She delicately sniffs the air and makes a horrible face.
YASAMAN
Ewww! Please stop, I beg of you!
PRESTON
Hey, all I can do is let nature take its course.
That’s the way I roll, lady.
He gestures at the mural, which is of random animals and banana trees and vines. The mural started off as plain old nature, but somehow morphed into Costa Rica or Brazil or some other jungle-y place.
PRESTON (CONT’D)
And remember: Nature Is Beautiful.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Gross, Preston.
Ava gags. Katie-Rose shifts the camera’s focus to capture not only her reaction, but the reaction of everyone else in the class. Grossed out though she is, she knows this is great footage. Plus, she has two brothers. It’s not as if this is new territory. In fact, she’s actually not as grossed out as she pretends to be … not that she’s planning on telling Preston that.
AVA
(turning green)
Oh my God, Preston. What did you have for breakfast?
PRESTON
Sausage, sausage, and more sausage. Mmmm.
He lifts his eyebrows.
PRESTON (CONT’D)
Uh-oh. Here comes another.
He shifts his focus, as if concentrating on something invisible and inward. A long, rippling bbbbbppppffffff sound is heard.
PRESTON (CONT’D)
Ahhhhh.
Brannen appears in the shot and gives Preston a high five.
BRANNEN
Nice one, dude.
AVA
I am seriously going to barf. I mean it, you guys!
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Please don’t. Or if you do, not on me.
PRESTON
Why? Are you afraid of barf?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
(sarcastically)
Yes, Preston, I’m afraid of barf. I’m so afraid, I have nightmares about it.
Preston looks delighted.
PRESTON
Really? You have nightmares about barf?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Geez Louise. No, I just don’t want it on my camera.
PRESTON
For her barf to reach your camera, she’d have to projectile vomit. Ava, can you make yourself projectile vomit?
AVA
Please stop talking about it. I mean it.
QUIN
Remember that time in second grade? When we had a substitute, and Chance threw up all over the place? And then Ava threw up, and then everybody in the whole class threw up?
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
I wasn’t in that class. I had Mr. Chomsky for second grade.
PRESTON
I remember. It was awesome.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
More like awesome sauce, you mean.
Preston laughs, and when he holds up his hand to her for a high five, she slaps her palm against his. She tells herself it would be rude not to.
Ava stumbles backward, finds the wall, and sinks down until she’s sitting on the floor. She closes her eyes and moans.
QUIN
Somebody better get her a bucket.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
Why don’t you get her a bucket?
QUIN
Because I don’t know where a bucket is.
Brannen raises his hand, despite the fact that Ms. Viney isn’t there to call on him.
BRANNEN
Ooo! Ooo! I know where a bucket is. Mrs. Gundeck keeps one in her room just in case, because she is afraid of vomit. For real!
PRESTON
Dude, I know. That one day when you hacked up that glob of spit—
BRANNEN
(interrupting)
It wasn’t spit. It was a scab, from having my tonsils taken out.
Ava moans more loudly. She rests her arms on her knees and her forehead on her arms. Her long hair falls in a curtain over her face.
AVA
(muffled)
Do not bring up that scab. If you bring up that scab—
PRESTON
(interrupting gleefully)
And you said, “Hey, Ava! Look!” And Ava said—
AVA
(still muffled but more desperate)
I’m going to throw up. Not kidding.
BRANNEN
And Mrs. Gundeck ended class and sent us outside. It rocked.
PRESTON
It did indeed. And all because Mrs. Gundeck is afraid of barf, just like Katie-Rose.
Katie-Rose zooms in on Preston’s face. Katie-Rose has Mrs. Gundeck for German just like all the other fifth graders, but she isn’t in the same German class as Preston.
KATIE-ROSE (off-screen)
I am not afraid of barf, and I am nothing like Mrs. Gundeck. Take it back.
PRESTON
No, thanks.
He turns sideways and slaps his butt.
PRESTON (CONT’D)
I’m about to let another one rip. Wanna get a close-up?
The girls in the class protest and say “ewwwww.” Ava gags and hangs her head so low that her hair grazes the floor.
YASAMAN
Turn off the camera, Katie-Rose. Stop encouraging him.
PRESTON
Yeah, stop encouraging me, Katie-Rose. Unless you want to encourage me.
He squats, pulls in his fists, and waggles his fanny suggestively. Yasaman covers her eyes, then separates her fingers and peeks up at Katie-Rose. She makes a funny expression that only Katie-Rose can see.
YASAMAN
(mouthing the words dramatically)
Turn. Off. The. Camera!
Katie-Rose’s heart lifts. This is the Yasaman she missed, and with things back to normal, she’s happy to turn off the camera. Heck, she doesn’t need it anymore. It’s true that the trapeze issue still hangs over her head, but she tells herself that surely her message to Josie went through.