Trusting Again

by Lo'Ren A Mayler

  “Oh, Sam. She is my assistant coach. There is nothing going on. She just tries to get me out more.”

  Nikki didn’t think Mia needed to know that Sam had been hitting on her for years. For some reason, Mia still wouldn’t look at her. It’s not like I’m lying to her. We never dated. It isn’t pertinent for her to know about Sam’s flirting. Most importantly Nikki didn’t want to think about Sam while she was looking at Mia.

  “So…how about it?”

  “What?” Mia asked. Her mind was such a jumble she couldn’t remember the question.

  “Dinner? We could maybe even go somewhere with alcohol. You know since it isn’t a school night,” Nikki winked conspiratorially. Mia couldn’t think. Nikki was smiling down at her and she couldn’t take her eyes away. She had the kind of dazzling smile that melted girl’s hearts. A narrow aristocratic nose, high cheek bones and charm out the wazoo. You shouldn’t go. You should go inside and stay away from her. She is trouble and clearly a player. You already saw her making plans with another woman this afternoon. She has been nothing but a nuisance since you arrived. Mia’s head and mouth seemed to be on separate wave lengths, because she heard herself saying, “A drink sounds good.”

  Before Mia could change her mind, Nikki opened the door to her truck. Surprisingly, she watched as Mia turned and headed towards her apartment instead. Didn’t she say yes? Or is that my hopeful ear?

  “Where are you going? I thought…”

  “I just want to change. A suit is not exactly comfortable to hang out in. Do you want to come in while you wait?”

  YES! Anything with you. Nikki shook her head to keep from saying anything dumb. She is just getting changed, then you will go to dinner, maybe get to know her a little and bring her back home. There is no reason to be so excited. But there is, she said yes. Stop it! Don’t run, she will know you’re excited. Deep breath. Nikki considered shuffling her feet to slow her walk, but then was concerned Mia would think that was her normal walk. The ramblings in her overactive mind momentarily got derailed by the sway of Mia’s hips.

  Mia let them into the too small apartment and wished she hadn’t invited Nikki in. Stop that. Coach Reed not Nikki. Keep it professional. Why didn’t I have her wait outside? She could have stayed by the truck. Then I could have had time to talk myself out of this. While a night out was well over due, why did she agree to go with Reed?

  “Why don’t you have a beer while you wait? I’ll just be a minute.”

  Mia headed towards the bedroom feeling Nikki’s eyes following her.

  Once the door was closed, Mia mentally kicked herself. What is she going to wear? Where are they going? Why is she going out with Nikki? Not going out. No, it is for work. Why does she always have to look so good? Mia started looking through her closet for anything to wear. She couldn’t stop thinking of the cologne Nikki wore, a woodsy, cedar like smell. No button up shirts. You wear that every day. No dress, it isn’t a date. Come on, just pick something. Jeans and a black blouse won out. She freshened her makeup and switched her day earrings for some dangly ones. She took her hair down and was shaking it out. What am I doing? Mia asked herself as she stared into the mirror. It isn’t a date. She doesn’t care what you look like. It’s just a drink with a co-worker. Right?

  Nikki painfully watched Mia close the bedroom door. She got a beer out of the refrigerator and went into the living room to take a closer look at the pictures hanging on the wall. They looked like students of Mia’s. Each person was of a different nationality. Maybe they were her success stories. Kids she was proud to have helped. Or maybe she came from a very diverse family. Who knows? Nikki felt like she was always making assumptions about Mia’s life. Tonight was her chance to actually get to know her. She could finally solve the mystery. Or at least gain one piece to what seemed to be an intricate puzzle. When Nikki heard the door open she turned towards it. What she found took her breath away. A gorgeous five foot four Hispanic woman in three inch knee high black boots, tight fitting jeans and a black shirt that showed just enough cleavage to leave you wanting more. Mia’s curly hair hung down to the middle of her back.

  “Ready to go?” Mia asked.

  Nikki was mesmerized by the woman in front of her. It was like witnessing a work of art for the first time.

  When there was no response, Mia smiled as she walked towards Nikki. She stopped close enough to smell her cologne again and whisper in Nikki’s ear.

  “Cat got your tongue?”

  Nikki shivered, but didn’t respond except to close her mouth and smile. Well, that was definitely worth it. If it was a date, Nikki gets an A+. Stop that! It is not a date! Nevertheless, Mia was happy to know that she had an effect on Nikki. That the attraction didn’t go one way. She grabbed a jacket out of the closet and walked towards the door. Mia felt Nikki’s eyes on her backside all the way to the truck. At some point she will speak again right?

  Nikki opened the truck door and this time watched Mia climb in. God I love having a truck. Maybe I should get it raised so I can help her up. Nikki mentally slapped herself, like a fat kid wanting cake. Behave! She crossed to her door and tried not to seem too eager to be sitting next to Mia. As they left the complex Nikki contemplated where to go. Why don’t you ever think ahead? You ask her to dinner multiple times and never think of where to go if she ever said yes. What is wrong with you? Unfortunately there were not a lot of options to choose from in a small town and lesbians anywhere stood out.

  “How far is okay? You probably noticed there isn’t a lot in town, but if you want to drive a ways we can open the options a little. Of course there isn’t a gay bar for at least an hour.”

  Nikki waited to see if Mia would agree to the drive. At least then she would know for sure. I mean, do you dress like that to go out with a coworker? Maybe if you’re going out with girlfriends. Nikki knew she definitely did not fit into that category. Don’t look at her. Keep your eyes on the road! But it was too late, Nikki was sitting at a red light staring into Mia’s green eyes. The most beautiful shade of emerald. I’m in trouble.

  “No let’s stay close to town. I’m not big on crowds or cities these days.”

  Besides, Mia thought, if going out with Nikki is a bad idea, it would not take long to get home. Of course, if the night went well, it was probably not wise to be close to home. Stop! It is NOT a DATE!!! Nikki headed for Monahan’s. It was a small food joint that had live music at night. One of about four bar and grills located in town.

  Even though it was early, Nikki was hoping this would go well and they would be here longer than for just one drink. She needed more time with Mia than that. One drink isn’t long enough to learn anything about her. They pulled into the parking lot in less than five minutes. The lot was filling quickly. It was still early, but obviously in the middle of dinner rush. Don’t mess this up!

  Chapter Seven

  Once inside the bar, they chose a high-top table that was available in the back. The bar was already crowded. Nikki followed Mia to the table, staring at her ass the entire way. A server came to take their drinks orders, Stacy. Mia was looking at the menu while Stacy talked about their specials for the day, but Nikki couldn’t keep her eyes off Mia. Nikki was completely hypnotized. Not able to think of anything, but how amazing she looked. They ordered a long island and a beer.

  “Do you always drink beer?” Mia asked.

  “Usually.”

  “Doesn’t that get boring? Always the same taste. Like if you drank water all day every day and never tried anything new.”

  “No, not boring. I tried other things when I was younger. Besides, if I have beer, you do not have to worry about me getting drunk and saying something stupid or telling any of my secrets.” No. I’m stupid enough sober.

  “I see. So you are telling me I have to get you drunk,” Mia said with a smile. Finally a smile. What an amazing smile. Cute, flirtatious, a little teasing and completely infectious. No, where did it go? Answer her dummy!

  “Depends on what kind of se
crets you’re searching for. I think I’m pretty much an open book. I’ll probably just end up spewing nonsense.”

  Mia couldn’t resist, “That sounds like a challenge.”

  Nikki panicked a little. She did not think Mia would want to put up with her once she was drunk. Nikki searched for a way to change the subject away from drinking.

  “Maybe we should start with dinner first. You said you wanted to talk to me about the students. Is something wrong?”

  Mia was more than a little confused by the shift in topic, but she let it go. Maybe Reed was concerned about the eligibility of her players.

  “Well there isn’t anything wrong. I just thought you would have checked in. You know, see how they are doing. Let me know how the reports are working. You also said there were weekly conferences, guessing I was not actually invited to attend them.”

  “I think the reports are working, it’s a little early to know for sure. I’m hoping having to report in about their grades and holding the students responsible will make them pay closer attention to their academics. We did have a meeting. The first one was more about what type of disciplinary action to take should any grades start to decline. You didn’t really miss anything.”

  “Well I for one want it to work out.”

  Nikki sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. Baffled by Mia’s response, “I thought you didn’t want to do the progress reports.”

  “Exactly. If they don’t work out, then you are just wasting my time. I would prefer that all this was not for nothing.”

  “I see. We can always debate whether or not they are working at school Monday.”

  First she changes the topic to school to get off personal, like I wouldn’t notice. Then she doesn’t to want to talk about school either. Why am I here? I thought I was here to discuss the players. To figure this out. Mia was searching Nikki’s face. Looking for some clue to explain her odd behavior. What’s next, square dancing? Mia acknowledged that she was in the middle of nowhere and country music was an inevitability, but square dancing was definitely off the table.

  “Nikki, are you okay?”

  A smile lit Nikki face as she responded, “Of course, I’m here with the most beautiful woman in town. What makes you think something is wrong?”

  She was avoiding eye contact for the first time since they had met. Keeping her focus on the drink menu instead of Mia. If she always drinks beer, why would she ever look at the menu?

  Their drinks arrived and allowed Nikki time to try to get her head on straight. The idea of drinking heavily with Mia worried her more than she wanted to admit. What if I did something stupid like tell Mia I like her or kiss her? What if she isn’t gay? Worse yet, I could be such an ass that she never speaks to me again. Maybe this was a bad idea. Nikki understood that if she kept shutting down every conversation, she wouldn’t have to get drunk to push Mia away. Now what? Nikki had dated before, but never seriously. Mutually beneficial encounters at bars in unnamed cities. Usually when she was at a conference or random trips to the city in the summer. If she treated Mia like those women, she would be gone. More importantly, Nikki didn’t want it to end that way. It wasn’t enough.

  They drank in silence. Mia attempted to give Nikki a couple minutes to gather her wits. She looked around the small restaurant. There was a stuffed deer mounted at the end of the mahogany bar. The walls were painted a dark color, somewhere between brown and maroon. It was difficult to see the precise color in the dimly lit room. A stuffed duck hung on the far wall. Clearly the bar was geared towards hunters. There were even antlers on the lights. The table they sat at had bullet casing under the finish. She was shocked there weren’t antlers on the back of the chairs as well. Stacy returned with their food, drawing Mia’s attention back to the woman sitting in front of her. Something seemed off, but she didn’t understand the shift. Guess it really wasn’t a date. Not that it ever was. Astonished that she was disappointed, Mia resolved to keep the conversation simple.

  “So…how long have you been at Greenville High?”

  So lame. Definitely not the questions I really wanted to ask. Such as: Is there something between you and Sam; do you come to this bar often; what are you worried I will find out if you get drunk?

  “I’ve worked here six years.”

  “Are you from here? Did you always want to coach at a small school?”

  “Not here, but close by. I have always lived in a small town. I went to state school and got hired here right after. Guess I just assumed I would wind up in a small school. What about you? What brought you to our small piece of nowhere?”

  “Just needed a change,” Mia stated vaguely as she took a large gulp of her drink. How did this get turned around on me? I was asking about her. Why did I have to ask where she was from? Why couldn’t I have asked about her parents or college? That would be less painful.

  “You came from a bigger school, right? I think Richard said somewhere near Philadelphia. This must be quite a change.”

  Mia wanted to roll her eyes, “Yeah. Big change. I just needed something quieter.”

  Hadn’t I already told her that I don’t want to talk about myself at school? That I was tired of the same conversations. Mia didn’t want to think about Philly or the circumstances that led to her current location. She couldn’t stop the flash of events that ran through her mind. Images and faces scorched her from the inside. Headlines from the newspaper she had read a hundred times. She would never be able to erase the pain that strained Shantel’s voice.

  Nikki sat quietly waiting for Mia to continue. She seemed lost in a different time. Like she was seeing the past instead of the increasingly noisy bar. Nikki wondered what had caused the pain that painted Mia’s face.

  “I grew up in Philly. It is a big city with lots of people, but also lots of problems: gangs, drugs, violence. I became a counselor because I wanted to help the people around me. Make a difference. I soon learned that no matter how hard one person tried to reach the students there; the street was what they went home to. It was the students’ family, friends and neighbors. There was no way to compete with that. I just... I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

  Mia looked disheartened. How hard it must have been to reach out to so many and feel like you could help so few. Nikki remembered the pictures on Mia’s wall. The curiosity proved to be too great and she heard herself ask, “I saw the pictures at your apartment. Who are they?”

  Nikki waited a long time. She was hoping the pictures would have been a happier memory for Mia, but the creases in her face seemed to deepen. Her eyes tightened and her jaw clenched. She didn’t think Mia could find the words to answer and about accepted that she wouldn’t.

  “They are the students that I lost, couldn’t reach. Some were kicked out of school. Others were lost in their addiction to drugs. Students that were involved in gangs. A few were killed.”

  “But there are so many. You were only there a couple years right? Weren’t you in a Middle School? How could it be so many?”

  Nikki was taken aback by her response. There were like twenty pictures hanging. There couldn’t be that many.

  “That is what I thought. I believed, if I got to the students before high school, I could make a difference. I had no idea how many would be lost so young. There was one student I thought I had actually made a difference with. I helped find a job for her, she turned her grades around. She was gonna go to college. I thought Shantel really had a chance to get out. Her parents were fighting all the time and I think it pushed her to want a different life.”

  Mia got quiet and Nikki could see the tear that ran down her face. Nikki placed her hand on Mia’s, but she didn’t look up from her drink, “What happened to Shantel?”

  Mia straightened up in her chair, wiped away the tears and finished her drink.

  “Nothing, sorry this isn’t great conversation. You said you went to state school, was that in PA?”

  Nikki tried to take her hand again, but Mia moved it off the table. She struggled not
to let Mia’s withdraw get to her. Nikki sat watching her intently.

  “Mia, what happened?”

  “She’s gone. I came here. End of story.”

  Obviously it was still too painful to talk about and Nikki did not push for more details. Whatever happened was still weighing on Mia pretty heavily. The evidence apparent on her face. Mia was looking around the room again. Seemingly lost in thought.

  The waitress must have thought they were waiting for her and she arrived promptly to refill drinks.

  “Actually I’ll take a rum and coke. Another Long Island?” Nikki asked. Mia’s eyebrows shot up giving away her surprise at Nikki’s change in drink order.

  “What? I decided something different isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Though if I do get drunk, you have to accept the consequences. Oh yeah, and we will have to get a ride home,” Nikki said.

  The corner of Mia’s mouth turned up in a half smile as she said, “Deal.”

  “So, did you leave anyone behind when you came here or were they smart and came with you?”

  Nikki couldn’t help but ask. Especially if she was going to be drinking. Better to know now if she even stood a chance.

  “No I don’t live with anyone, if that is what you’re asking. You were at my apartment, you couldn’t tell?”

  Her curiosity was not satisfied with the answer. Nikki tried again, hoping she chose the appropriate wording.

  “Well it didn’t look like you were entirely unpacked. I didn’t know if maybe you went ahead and your girlfriend would be joining you later.”

  Mia’s smile finally returned, obviously amused at the direction of Nikki thoughts.

  “Are you trying to ask if I’m single?”

  “No, I was simply taking an interest in your life. I thought the point of having drinks together was to get to know one another. I could imagine it being really hard for her to be away from you, even for a few days. I know it would be hard for me.”

  Nikki had a confidant smile, but on the inside she was a wreck. Give me something! Anything. Any hint.