Final Act

by A R Steele

  Now he knew how Austin felt about him. He was good enough to blow Austin. Barely good enough for Austin to blow him. Not good enough to spend the night with.

  He’d just been so turned on being dominated like that. Strange fantasies of Austin holding him down had started to go through Lev’s head. And then there was the way Austin talked dirty to him…

  He had to admit it now – he liked it when Austin told him to shut up. He liked that Austin was mean to him. Austin didn’t put up with his crap. As much as Lev enjoyed being himself, sometimes he needed someone to tell him to stop the shit.

  Austin was a good guy, or he made himself out to be one… but in reality, was he any better than Peyton? Austin wanted to get something out of Lev and then leave him, too.

  A streetlight made Lev stop and he stood with one foot on the board, panting. The worst part was that he made an exception to his rule for Austin. His one-time-only policy would have kept him from feeling this pain.

  He should have known better than to go back. He did know better, but he’d done it anyway. The whole point of his policy was to not get hurt, so why was he surprised when breaking his rule got him hurt?

  Of course Austin would be like Peyton. Austin just wanted to use him. Even if he’d gotten off this time, that didn’t make up for the way Austin had made him feel.

  When Lev got to his aunt’s house, he slammed the door open. Half of him wanted to put on some Rage Against the Machine and scream until his lungs got sore. The other half wanted to get in bed and beat his fists on the pillow. For the moment, all he could do was let out a strangled sob. He shut the door behind him, trying to breathe at a normal rate.

  Again he asked himself why he didn’t stick to the rule. Why? Was it because Austin was so intimidating? Had he been afraid to tell him no that second time? Maybe Austin was so attractive, he’d been too weak to turn him down. Or it could simply be Austin’s persistence. Most other guys were fine with a one-time thing and never pursued him for more.

  But no, Lev knew none of those were the real reason. Austin was in his head now. He craved being around him. He longed to touch him. He was falling for Austin, dammit. Falling for his blunt, protective, uniquely Austin-like ways. Fantasies of being a real couple with him had wormed their way into Lev’s head. And Austin had crushed those dreams with one blow of his massive fist.

  Lev hoped his aunt would still be asleep, but as he dragged himself up the stairs, he found her standing at the top. She was in a cotton nightgown, her face wrinkled with the imprint of a pillow.

  “Go back to bed,” he said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “I’m up now,” she said. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” Lev said.

  His aunt came closer, taking his chin in her hand and looking at him worriedly. She knew him too well to believe him.

  “It’ll be okay,” she said, putting one arm around him. She held him close, and the gesture was so comforting that he let out another sob. “Everything will be okay.”

  His eyes were teary as he looked at her and shook his head.

  “Come on, I’ll make you some tea.”

  Aunt Sandra had this idea that tea made everything better. Tea could solve all the problems of the universe. Tea for colds, flus, allergies… heartbreak. Well, Lev would find out whether it was effective for that last one.

  He sat down at the table as she put the kettle on. He dropped his head into his hands, wondering if he was overreacting. Austin didn’t say he didn’t like him, but actions did speak louder than words. Why would Austin want him to leave after such an intense moment? The only possible reason was that it didn’t mean anything to him.

  After a moment of bustling around, Aunt Sandra placed a steaming mug in front of Lev. “There you go,” she said. “Do you want to talk about it now?”

  Lev cupped the mug, and the heat gave him a little more comfort. “No,” he said. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  He wasn’t even going to think about it. He’d fooled himself into thinking Austin was different from every other guy. Dwelling on that mistake would only make him feel worse.

  “Seems like there might be something.” Aunt Sandra’s hand made small circles on Lev’s back. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

  “Sure, yeah,” Lev said. “You’re not like my mom.”

  “Exactly.” She took her mug with both hands and blew on it, making mist rise. “Not that you have to be so harsh about her. She did the best she could with you.”

  “Yeah, up to when she failed to pay the rent and got both of us kicked out.”

  “She had her own problems,” Sandra said softly. “Everyone does. You have to work with what you’re given.”

  “I know, I know.” Lev wished this conversation could be over.

  But his aunt wasn’t done. “You’ve been living with me for a while now, and I know you don’t tell me everything that goes on in your life. But I want you to know that I’m always here for you. I’ll take care of you in any way that I can.”

  Her sincerity was making Lev uncomfortable. “I can take care of myself,” he snapped.

  “Now, now.” Sandra’s face hardened. “You can use someone to look out for you. We all can.”

  Seeing how his aunt just wanted to help, Lev regretted talking back. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Your mother wasn’t always perfect,” she said, running a finger along the rim of her mug. “I remember visiting the two of you once, not long after your father left – you must have been about six.”

  Lev leaned in, a frown coming onto his face.

  “You were asking her to play with you,” Sandra said. “To do some sort of dance, if I recall. You asked politely a few times. She was trying to talk to me, and she paid you no mind. Then you raised your voice and you began to whine. And, Lev, she gave you exactly what you wanted.”

  “Okay.” Lev held himself back from asking what her point was.

  Luckily, Sandra explained what she meant anyway. “When you’re a child, you learn certain patterns of how to act. You find out what gets you results, and you do that over and over. But once you’re an adult, you can think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. You can break free of those patterns.”

  Hmm. Lev fidgeted in his chair.

  “So with that in mind, I’m going to ask again if you want to talk about what’s wrong.”

  Lev stared into the steaming liquid in front of him. “Not much to say,” he said quietly. “I made the same stupid mistake as I did before. Now I’ve learned my lesson for real.”

  Nineteen

  As loud as Austin called, Lev didn’t seem to hear him – or he didn’t want to. Austin ran after him for a few minutes, but not fast enough to catch up to him. Lev’s slight frame and his skateboard disappeared into the night.

  Fists clenching and unclenching, Austin headed back to his car. Damn, that had gone from amazing to horrible in about ten seconds flat. Where had he gone wrong? He finally had Lev exactly where he wanted him, and then suddenly Lev was pissed off and hurt.

  He got in his car, analyzing the events for where exactly he’d fucked up. Maybe he should have let Lev come over. That seemed to be what he wanted, but surely it was too soon. More importantly, Lev asking to come was such a one-eighty from what he’d always said. It was “one and done,” not spending the night. Why had Lev suddenly changed his mind?

  When Austin got home and got into bed, he was still hard. Somehow he couldn’t convince himself to take care of his urges. All he could see was Lev’s injured face looking up at him, and then his shaggy hair flying behind him as he spun and fled away.

  Lev was definitely hurt, and Austin wondered if it was because Lev was finally letting him in. He had to mean something to Lev in order to injure him. But now he might not have another chance to make this right.

  It was ironic, he thought as he closed his eyes and pressed the back of his head into the pillow. He’d been so concerned about keep
ing Lev from pain. In the end, he’d inflicted more on him.

  At the MMA gym the next day, he took out his frustration on a punching bag. He counted his punches, sweat beading on the back of his neck and dripping down his spine. After each blow, he saw Lev’s disappointed face in his mind. He wished he could fight himself instead of an inanimate object.

  Taking a step back, he laid into the bag with one jumping kick after another. This kid was going to be the death of him. He needed to stop obsessing over Lev. He couldn’t control him, no matter how much he wanted to. And it would be slightly illegal to club him over the head and drag him into Austin’s bed.

  As he got in his car and buckled the seatbelt, he remembered the conversation he’d had with his brother. Now was as good a time as any to call his mom and see what was up. Maybe he could talk her into deleting that dating site profile.

  “Hello?” she said after the fourth ring.

  “Hey, Mom. It’s me.” Austin fiddled with the phone, putting her on speaker.

  “Trenton?”

  “Guess again.” Restraining his laughter, Austin spun the steering wheel. “It’s your other son.”

  “Which one? I would think you were Austin, but I haven’t heard from that son in so long, he must have forgotten I even exist.”

  “It’s been about two days!” Austin protested.

  “Two days too long,” his mom said, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “How are you?”

  “Good,” Austin said, stepping lightly on the brake when the light ahead turned yellow. “Nothing exciting with me. I heard you’ve been up to no good, though.”

  His mom coughed a few times. “What exactly did Trenton tell you?”

  “Not a lot,” Austin said. “He said you’re doing some more online dating, and that you seem to be pretty popular.”

  “Well, neither of you needs to concern yourselves with that. How was the fighting gym, dear? You must just be leaving.”

  “Don’t you try to change the subject,” Austin warned. “We’re talking about you.”

  “You’re not driving right now, are you? That’s not like you.”

  She had him there. “I have you on speakerphone,” he said.

  “That’s still not safe! Call me later. And forget about worrying about me. I’m doing fine.”

  Austin let it go and hung up, although he wondered about her secretiveness. It wasn’t like her to end phone conversations. She was usually the one who wanted to talk on and on.

  That night, he got to the strip club before anyone else. He greeted everyone as they headed inside. Lev didn’t appear until it was right on the brink of nine-thirty. “Hey,” he said, wanting to reach out and touch Lev as he brushed by him.

  Lev stopped short halfway inside the door, puffing himself up as per usual. “What do you want?”

  Austin had to smile a little at his attempt to be tough. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know you weren’t happy when you left last night.”

  “Of course I was happy,” Lev said, standing taller. “I got exactly what I wanted. You sucked my dick. What else would I want? You thought I wanted to spend time with you or something? That’s a laugh.”

  Austin blinked at him. “I think that might be what you wanted, actually.”

  Lev took a step toward him, letting the door close behind him. “Well, think again, bitch.” He poked Austin in the chest, then drew his finger back, looking at it as if it hurt.

  Now Austin laughed out loud. Lev simply couldn’t be serious.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Lev said, his face contorting. “You’re going to stand there and laugh at me? You are such an asshole. I knew that from the start, and I shouldn’t have let myself forget. I should have stuck to my rule.”

  The smile disappeared from Austin’s lips. He was getting a better sense of why Lev was pissed. Lev glared at him and put one hand on the door again.

  Austin couldn’t let him go like this. “Hey,” he said before Lev swung the door open. “Promise me something, okay?”

  “What?”

  “Tell me you won’t see your ex again.” The words fell from Austin’s lips and hung in the air. Austin wasn’t even sure where they had come from, or why he feared that Lev would go back to that man.

  “I don’t need any advice from you,” Lev said in a low hiss. “I don’t need any sympathy, either.”

  More irony. Lev had finally dropped his puffed-up, overly brave act… and it was only now that Austin felt chilled by him.

  “I can take care of myself,” Lev spat.

  And then he was gone.

  Twenty

  Lev stood on the side stage, his hips moving in the infinity symbol. Yorick was killing it with the music selection tonight. Every single song had been a good one, and normally this one would have put him in a good mood. Getting to dance to Sexy and I Know It was always a treat.

  But in this moment, no song on earth could have made him feel better. Even if this club had lost its mind and started playing Broadway show tunes, Lev still would have felt like snarling.

  His shoulders were tight, and he forced himself to relax them. There was no way he could dance properly with so much tension in his body. He needed to be loose, to let himself go. But that was a struggle when Austin’s smirking face was front and center in his mind.

  A customer walked up from one of the tables, and he glanced at her. He felt her eyes sweep over his body, taking in his sinewy muscles and the studded jock strap that was all he wore. He tried to give her a smile, but his eyes strayed to the dollar bill within her hand. Her lips tightened. Instead of stopping, she took a few more steps to the main stage.

  Ace and Gabriel were up there, the two of them winding back and forth around each other. They barely took their eyes off each other as the customer approached. Even when Ace stepped forward to bend and pull the tip from her cleavage with his mouth, Lev could still feel the red-hot connection between him and Gabriel, who stood back a few steps behind him.

  As soon as Ace had the money, he dropped it on the stage and looked at Gabriel again. The love in his glance shone through the entire room.

  The two of them were going to give away this club’s secret. There was no way these customers weren’t going to pick up on this. If it wasn’t them, it would be Cooper and Owen, or Jesse and Shade.

  At the moment, Lev didn’t even give a fuck. Let the women figure it out. Let them be turned off and walk away. Let the rumors spread, let the club close, let the whole thing burn to the ground. He didn’t care about any of it.

  The night went by, and Lev was still in a bad mood when he flung himself into his bed at four in the morning. He was still pissed as he got up, ignored his aunt’s attempts at talking to him, and went out for a jog.

  He normally hated to be alone, but on a day like this he didn’t feel like talking to anybody. Aunt Sandra meant well, and he appreciated that, but her care for him put him on edge.

  Somewhere over the course of the jog, he began to feel better. The Wicked soundtrack always picked him up. The lyrics of Defying Gravity seemed to especially resonate with him today, and he decided to at least try to act like himself again.

  “Hey,” he said to his aunt when he got home. “You’re not working today?”

  “Not today. I’m trying to have a relaxing day today. It’s not too often that I get the whole day off. I don’t even want to go to the store.” Sandra pointed at the tea with a questioning look on her face.

  “That’s okay, thanks. Is there something you need at the store?”

  “We could use some milk,” she said thoughtfully. “We can make it until tomorrow, unless you feel like going out.”

  “I don’t mind at all.”

  Lev was actually smiling as he skateboarded toward the grocery store. He was finally able to think about something other than Austin.

  But as he walked through the produce section, a familiar face shattered his complacency.

  He stopped short, sweat pooling under his
arms. From here, he could only see part of the man’s profile. There was a chance it wasn’t him, especially with the baseball cap obscuring part of his face. But Lev would never forget the lips that always told him so many lies, or the eyes that had stared into his own with icy cruelty.

  His heart pounded. Even knowing Peyton was back, he wasn’t prepared for this. Peyton was standing there comparing eggplants like a normal person. If Lev hadn’t known better, he would have assumed he was like anyone else.

  Still frozen, Lev only realized a woman was beside Peyton when she spoke. “Honey, do you know that man? He’s staring at you.”

  Peyton turned. Shock appeared on his face, replaced almost instantly with that charming grin Lev used to love. Lev had to look somewhere else. His eyes fell on the woman – Peyton’s fiancée? She was a curvaceous brunette with a gentle face. Lev’s stomach turned. He’d wronged her so terribly without even knowing it.

  “Wow, it’s so good to see you,” Peyton said to Lev. He turned to the woman. “Would you go grab the cereal? I want to catch up with an old buddy.”

  Lev could almost believe Peyton’s warmth was genuine, but he knew him too well. “I don’t want to talk to you,” he said in a low hiss.

  “Is that any way to greet me?” Peyton looked as disarmingly handsome as he ever had. He picked up another eggplant, weighing it in his hand. “Am I really that bad? We used to be friends.”

  From looking at him, Lev would never have guessed what kind of malice lay under that smiling face. How could he ever trust his own judgment if he couldn’t even see past Peyton’s surface? He knew Peyton was the worst person he’d ever met, yet if they were meeting for the first time, he wouldn’t have had a clue.

  “We used to be more than friends,” Lev corrected. “You said you were my boyfriend. Then you told me that you were actually engaged to somebody else and I never meant anything to you.”

  Peyton didn’t miss a beat as he dropped the eggplant into his cart. “If that’s the way you remember it,” he said. “But we knew each other, and now that I’ve run into you again, I’d like to be able to talk in a civil manner. How are you doing these days?”