Standstill

by Nicole Dykes

  Fuck no. “Ugh, I swear. I tried to tell her I don’t even have any friends, but she insisted.” Erin said it’s bad luck not to have a housewarming party. I’m merely moving into a studio apartment. But still, who am I to argue? She’s been so amazing, and she’s pregnant. Maybe a teensy bit hormonal.

  “Don’t mess with the pregnant lady.” I laugh. I swear the man can always read my mind.

  I press my naked chest against his and kiss his lips. “She invited Garrett.”

  I wait for a response. Surprise. Anger. Jealousy? None of it comes. “Yeah, she told me she was going to. I think it’s a good idea.”

  I sit up, staring down at him. “You what?”

  He tugs me back down and into his arms. “When you moved out, you told Garrett you would still be friends, right?” I suddenly hate that I told him every single detail about that night, but I wanted to go all-in with Archer. And leaving things out was not the way to do it.

  “I did.”

  “Right. But you haven’t kept that promise.”

  I’m sulking like a child. “He hasn’t either. I tried.” I cross my arms over my belly and tip my head up to look at him. “And you’re my boyfriend. Shouldn’t you want me to stay far away from him?”

  “No.” He sits up straighter against the headboard, my body still tucked into his. “I’m a man, not a child. And I’ve done the jealous, toxic relationship thing before. I’m never doing that again.”

  I examine his eyes. “No jealousy?”

  He laughs, his smile is so fucking beautiful. “Well, don’t get me wrong. I’m not sharing you with anyone.” I smile at that, pleased. I kiss his lips softly, giving them a quick pec. “I had a girlfriend where all we fucking did was fight. I was jealous all the fucking time.”

  “Did you have a reason to be?”

  He shrugs. “In the end, we both did.”

  “You cheated on her?” I’m shocked. That’s definitely not the type of guy I thought he was.

  “I was a different person back then. Young and angry. We got in a huge fucking fight at a party we never should have been at, and we both fucked other people in a kind of Ross and Rachel bullshit fuck-up. But I finally realized we needed to be apart.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “She’s married. Happily. Has two kids. I’ve been around them, they never fucking fight. Like ever. It’s mind-blowing.”

  I laugh and lay my head back down on his shoulder. “I guess some people really are just toxic together.”

  My heart stings when I think about the bitter end with Garrett.

  “Yeah, and some people are better off friends. You and Garrett were friends for a really fucking long time. I think you’ll hate yourself if you don’t at least try.”

  I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth at the thought of seeing him. Reed has been in contact with him, but out of loyalty to Garrett, he doesn’t tell me much.

  “I don’t know if I can face him.”

  “You can. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you think, Ashlyn.”

  I hope he’s right, because when it comes to Garrett, the only instinct I have now is to run.

  “Seriously man, get your ass out of bed. This is fucking pathetic.”

  I groan and pry my eyes open. I’m starting to really fucking hate Reed’s voice.

  “And cover your ass up. No one needs to see that shit.”

  “My ass is fucking fantastic.” I force my tired arms to push myself up in a sitting position, looking around for the chick I sort of remember bringing home last night.

  “She’s gone. Hauled ass when I told her I was your husband and I was fucking furious that you were back on the pussy train.”

  I groan again and sit on the edge of my bed, pulling the sheet over my junk. “You’re a real motherfucker.”

  He shrugs and sits on the edge of the bed. “You’re the one cheating.”

  “You have a baby on the way, man. You gotta stop coming to check on me. I’m fucking fine.”

  “You are far from fine.”

  I run my fingers through my hair that really needs to be washed. “I’m not going.”

  “Yes. You are.” He stands up, walking over to my closet and grabbing a button-down shirt, that I’m not going to wear. “Even if I have to knock your ass out and drag you there, you’re fucking going.”

  I grab a whiskey bottle from my nightstand and take a swig. “I’m not going to Ashlyn’s new place and watch her be with another fucking guy. No fucking way.”

  He yanks the bottle from my hand. “You had your fucking chance. I told you to grow a pair and tell her how you feel. You fucked it up. But she’s happy. Erin planned this party, and the guest list is pathetic. You need to go and face Ashlyn and try to be civil because Erin and I are bringing a beautiful little girl into this world that needs you both.”

  I smile. “You’re having a girl? I thought you guys were waiting to find out.”

  “Fuck.” He huffs and puts the bottle on my dresser. “Don’t tell Erin. We couldn’t hold out, but she wanted to at least wait to tell everyone else. But yes, a girl.”

  “I’ll be there to watch you fuck it all up, man. I don’t have to do it with Ashlyn.”

  “That’s where you’re completely wrong. There will be birthdays and holidays and shit, you’re going to have to be in the same place. So now is a good start.”

  I cringe, thinking about going through all of that. Watching her with him while I’m finding comfort in a bottle.

  “She’s happy. She’s really happy, and she deserves to be happy.”

  My stomach tightens with pain. She’s happy with another man.

  “So don’t be a dick tonight. I mean it. Let her be happy.”

  My voice cracks in a sad, desperate plea that makes me hate myself a little more. “Reed, I can’t do this.”

  “Yeah you can, man. You can’t live like this. None of us wants this for you. I want you to be happy.”

  “This baby is already making you a pussy,” I joke, but I don’t mean it. He clearly has more strength every day. Strength I envy.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard they do that. Now go shower. You fucking reek.”

  I grin. “I smell like roses, motherfucker.”

  He laughs at that and leaves me alone to get ready for a fucking party I would give anything not to go to.

  I want to be happy for her. I know deep down Archer is a good dude who treats her the way she deserves.

  I should be happy for her, but I’m not.

  I cling to Archer’s arm as I watch in horror as Erin welcomes Margo, Veronica, and Whitney into my new apartment. They remove their coats, looking around my new home. I watch as they look down their noses at the new place and make their way over to me.

  Really Erin? I would have been completely fine with my party only consisting of her, Reed and Archer, but she insisted on inviting her parents, who are actually really nice. And my coworkers from hell . . . I think she did that to fuck with me, probably Reed’s idea. And then a couple of my neighbors who I haven’t even met yet, but Erin invited them as we carried things upstairs for the party.

  I wanted to be mad. But that’s just Erin, she wants this to be a good party.

  The only thing I insisted on was it not be a formal affair, which she amended to be formal wear optional. But whatever, I’m happy in my jeans and an oversized black sweatshirt with a large wide neck that falls down one shoulder and says “All I need is coffee and mascara” across the front.

  And Erin just smiled when she walked in, dressed in a beautiful red dress and heels. Even pregnant, the woman is fabulous. She just laughed when she read my shirt and moved on to setting up for the party.

  No judgment.

  “Well, this is um . . . cute,” Veronica finally settles on saying, and then her eyes slide up Archer from feet all the way to his head. “Well, hello handsome. Who’s your friend, Ashlyn?”

  “This is my boyfriend, Archer.” He’s polite and shakes all of their hands with a smile w
hile they cackle to themselves.

  “Wow, you really know how to keep yourself in good company,” Whitney adds.

  Margo pipes up as she looks around the room. “Where is that hot as hell roommate of yours?” She then looks to Archer. “Sorry. You’re equally as hot, so I’m going to assume you aren’t threatened.”

  God, they are awful.

  Archer just laughs it off easily. “I was wondering the same thing.”

  “Oh? You guys are friends?” Veronica asks, and I want to smack her.

  A sly smile forms on Archer’s ridiculously gorgeous face, and I nudge him, answering before he can. “I’m not sure if Garrett will be here.”

  They don’t need to know my business.

  But of course, right then, because my luck is fucking terrible, Garrett walks in with Reed pretty much pushing him inside.

  Fuck my life. He looks like shit. And he also looks way too good all at once. He’s dressed in a plain black t-shirt and jeans. His face has few days of stubble over his chin and cheeks, but his hair is freshly washed and tousled oh, so perfectly.

  My hand finds Archer’s, and I squeeze it tightly. Reed and Garrett make their way over to us, and I think I may stop breathing completely.

  Reed holds his hand out for Archer and then nudges Garrett who does the same. “Hey.”

  Garrett’s greeting is a curt grunt at best, but at least it’s not a nasty remark.

  “Good to see you again, man.” Archer actually means it. I don’t get him.

  Garrett just nods his head, and Reed looks around the room whistling. “Quite the turnout, Ash.”

  The hens cackle, and Reed offers to show them to the food and alcohol, which they willingly accept.

  “Hey, Ashlyn.”

  God, his voice sends a shiver through me, cutting deep to my soul. “Hi.” I barely squeak out a reply.

  Archer squeezes my hand. “I think I’m gonna go grab some of that food, too.”

  Before I can argue, he’s already across the room. I turn to look back at Garrett. Not even a hint of smile on his devastatingly handsome face.

  “So, you’re still with him.”

  It’s not a question. “Yes. He’s been really great, and he’s good for me.”

  His gaze slides across the room to land on Archer as he assesses him and then turns back to me. “Yeah. So I’ve heard.”

  I don’t owe him any explanation, but I offer one anyway. “I’ve started taking film classes, and he’s helped a lot. And he lost a friend, so he’s taught me a lot about grief, too.”

  Okay. Maybe I should just shut up. He doesn’t want to hear this.

  “That’s good. I’m glad.” He runs his hand through his hair nervously and slides it behind to grasp his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls.”

  My eyes light up with the surprise I feel, and I gnaw on my bottom lip. Maybe there is hope for us being friends again. Lord knows, I’ve missed him desperately. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  But then, the same bitter look and fire in his eyes show at my statement, and my hope is extinguished. “If you’re really happy with him, there’s no reason for you to be concerned with me.”

  My eyebrows bunch together. “We’re friends.”

  He laughs bitterly. “We were never just friends, and you know it.”

  I shake my head, glancing back at Reed, Archer, and Erin, who are all watching us. “That’s not true. We were friends when you and Paige were dating.”

  His head moves from side to side as my eyes lock on his, and then he looks up to ceiling. “No, not even then.”

  I swallow tightly and shake my head.

  His body moves closer to me, his masculine scent invading my senses as he leans down to my ear, his voice a harsh whisper. “You still think about me when you come. I know you do.”

  My throat goes dry, and I feel dizzy at his words. His husky voice is imprinted on my mind before he strolls away from me in a confident stride.

  Asshole.

  Not surprisingly, I haven’t seen Ashlyn since the night of her housewarming party. Believe it or not, I went there with the plan to behave, but it just didn’t work out that way.

  Why the hell did she have to be even more beautiful and fucking sexy?

  As if then I wouldn’t have been such a dick.

  Seeing her with him, their hands intertwined and hearing how good he is for her was, as I expected, way too much for my apparently immature brain to handle.

  I’ve been in hell since she left, and I have no idea how to climb out of it.

  At this point, I’m not sure if I ever will.

  My phone rings in my pocket as I sit in my quiet living room, and I grab it, seeing that it’s Reed. “What’s up, man?”

  “Hey, I’m about to be a father! Get your ass down here!”

  “What? Erin’s having the baby?”

  “Yes, asshole! Come on!” The excitement in his voice makes me smile, and I’m glad tonight I actually avoided the alcohol, knowing I need to cool it.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  He tells me the hospital and the vague location before hanging up. I grab my car keys and lock up before I drive there to witness my friends becoming parents.

  When I get there, Ashlyn and Archer are already in the waiting room, and I clench my fists at my side, trying to fucking breathe and keep it together.

  Archer nods his head in a greeting as Ash folds her arms over her chest.

  “Hey, any baby news yet?”

  Archer answers. Ash is still clearly pissed. “Reed hasn’t been out to give an update for a bit, but they don’t think it should be too much longer.”

  I nod, pissed that this guy has insight into my friends’ lives, and I take a seat.

  Ashlyn stands from hers and only addresses Archer. “I’m going to get something to snack on. You want anything?”

  He smiles at her and shakes his head. “No. Thanks.”

  She walks past us and goes in search of a vending machine, and Archer turns to me. “You ready for this?”

  “Of course, I am.” Not that it will really change my life in a huge way.

  “Yeah, Ashlyn is really excited.” I give a curt nod, not really wanting to hear her name come out of his mouth. “You hear Ashlyn was accepted into art school?”

  That definitely gets my attention. “What? Where?”

  “Here in KC. She’s really fucking talented.”

  I want to hate this motherfucker, but this is amazing. “That’s great.”

  He nods his head, leaning back in his chair, completely chill. “It is.” He shrugs his shoulders and then sits forward, leaning more in my direction. “She misses you, you know.”

  Fuuuuck. “What?”

  “Come on, man. I’m not an idiot, and neither are you. She misses her best friend.” He looks toward the white double doors labeled “Labor Unit.” “There’s about to be an innocent little baby in the mix. You two need to squash the bullshit between you.”

  I cock my right eyebrow. “Are you telling me to take your girl?”

  He laughs at that, way too easily, which only sends fury though my blood. “Fuck, no. And good luck trying. What I am telling you is pull your head out of your ass and be her friend.”

  Goddamn it. I don’t know if I want to fucking kill him or if I like him. This asshole is confusing as shit.

  Both of our eyes are drawn to the other door as Ash walks back in, eyeing us both suspiciously. “Everything okay?”

  He nods and welcomes her back to the seat next to him, wrapping an arm over her shoulder. “Yup. Just waiting for more baby news.”

  Smooth, motherfucker.

  I nod my head. “Heard you got into art school.”

  Ashlyn looks to her little boyfriend first and then nods her head. “Yeah. I just found out I was accepted.”

  “That’s really fucking cool, Ash.”

  I hope my voice was sincere enough, and it must be because she gives me a slight smile.

&
nbsp; Reed bursts through the door, a goofy fucking smile on his face and completely on top of the world. “I’m a fucking dad!” We all jump up walking over to him, and he pulls Ash into an excited hug before gesturing to us all. “Come on, let’s go meet my daughter.”

  “What’s her name, asshole?” I ask as we walk with him to the room.

  “I’ll let Erin answer that.”

  We make it to the room. I smile when I see Erin, beaming with pride, a beautiful baby girl with chubby cheeks in her arms. She lifts her slightly to show us her cute face, and with tears in her eyes, she introduces us. “Guys, this is Emma Paige.”

  Something catches in my throat at the announcement, and my chest clenches tightly. Paige.

  I walk to the bed and smile at my friend. “She would love that.” I take her hand in mine and give it a slight squeeze.

  She smiles and looks down at her beautiful daughter. “It seemed fitting.”

  Ash walks closer and swipes her hand over the baby’s head, covered in a knitted hat. “She is absolutely beautiful.”

  She leans in and gives Erin a kiss on the cheek, and I see they are both tearing up. “I’m so happy you guys are here.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” I mean it as I give her hand one last squeeze and release her to walk next to Reed, wrapping my arm around his shoulder. “Damn, aren’t you relieved she looks nothing like you? Or were you a little worried?”

  He laughs and shoves me away. “Please, she definitely has my adorable nose.”

  I laugh, and he shoves my arms again while Ashlyn holds Emma for the first time, and Archer walks closer to the girls. “She really does have your nose.”

  He grins like the proud papa he is. “I know.”

  “Everything else is Erin.”

  He nods in agreement. “I’m cool with that.”

  I smile at the sight before me, and for the first time in a long time, I really believe it’s time to make an effort to move forward.

  Maybe the baby did change my life already.

  Fuck this day.

  Though somehow, it doesn’t seem as godawful as the other anniversaries of the accident have been. At least not yet. I actually pulled my ass out of bed and went to work, even managed to be a halfway decent human being.