Strands of My Winding Cloth

by G Lawrence

  The insults about his family are your fault, Elizabeth, I told myself. Had I not, after all, recently questioned Robin’s loyalty because of his lineage? The thought that I had allowed others, such as John, the means to insult Robin was uncomfortable. Guilt had prompted me to banish John. I had not elevated Robin, but that did not mean anyone was allowed to cause disruption at my court, nor insult my friends! It seemed everyone about me believed they knew better than I did on what to do with my life, my court, and my country. I was going to set them all straight on that matter! I tugged viciously at a rosemary bush, trying to pluck a stalk, and succeeded in slicing my finger open. Cursing, and sucking my rosemary-flavoured blood, I marched on. My shoulder ached, my finger hurt now too… Robin and I were still not right with each other, and even my loyal servants were acting against my wishes. Oh… I was in a foul temper that day!

  I was not keen to talk with Kat, but when she came to me, a few days later, she was wearing an expression I recognised. She knew something she was not supposed to. ”What is it?” I asked waspishly, my ill-temper still obvious.

  “I overheard something, Majesty,” she replied, twisting her hands awkwardly. Kat knew my temper. She did not want to bring me further ill news.

  “What?”

  She breathed in. “Majesty, Lord Robin has sent his brother-in-law, Henry Sidney, to meet with ambassador de Quadra.”

  “For what purpose?”

  “To gain the support of Phillip of Spain.” Her eyes were guarded as she tried to gauge my mood.

  “In what matter?”

  “In the matter, Majesty… of your marriage to Robin Dudley.”

  I stared at Kat, hearing her words clink through my mind. “There is no matter of marriage between Robin and me,” I said slowly. “And certainly no matter between us that would concern Spain or de Quadra.” I did not like the direction this conversation was heading. What was Robin up to?

  “But Lord Robert believes there may be hope, if he can gain support from a foreign prince, Your Majesty,” Kat explained. “I heard Dudley and Sidney talking in whispers near the stables. I went to talk to Lord Dudley to ask him to intercede with you for John, but found him with Sidney…” she paused, her eyes steady upon mine. “And, there is more, Majesty.”

  “More I will not like, given your obvious reluctance to tell me.”

  She inclined her head in agreement. “I heard Sidney ask Robin why Phillip of Spain should support him. What gain was there for the Hapsburgs if Robin should marry the Queen?”

  “And?”

  “And Lord Robert said the offering would be the restoration of the faith in England, Majesty.” Kat held up her hands as my eyebrows shot up. “I would not lie about this, Majesty, no matter what troubles there are between my John and Dudley. I would not try to deceive you. Dudley told Sidney he would serve and obey the King of Spain, in return for Phillip’s support. And saying he would work to restore the faith… that can only mean one thing, surely.” Kat sighed, her face miserable. She knew she had made me unhappy. “I thought you should know, Majesty… There is something ill growing here, and Lord Robin is right in its rotten core.”

  I felt nauseous. My Robin, my friend, the man I loved, was willing to offer his fealty and fidelity to another monarch in order to gain the crown? He was willing to make promises to restore the Catholic faith? To go against my decrees, my plans for England, which had been so hard fought, and which I was still perfecting even to this day? Robin was willing to betray me, and become vassal to another king? And not just any king, but Phillip, the man who, when I was a princess, would have had me kidnapped and forcibly wed to one of his minions, had I not tricked him into believing I would give him my hand in marriage? No matter what Robin wanted, this was unacceptable. In many ways, it was treason.

  Men had died for less.

  It struck me then how far Robin and I had grown apart. There was a time when all he thought of was my happiness, and now he was working against me, playing games in the shadows. Robin must indeed be desperate, and desperation makes men do strange and foolish things. He was gambling with my love and affection; gambling in the hope of winning a crown. Was the throne more important to him than I was? Before, I would have been sure the answer would have been no… Now, I was not sure of anything.

  By the faith, I was alone in that moment. I felt I knew my love not at all.

  In my father’s day, Robin’s actions would have been quite enough to ensure his head parted company with his shoulders. Although anger caused me to linger over this possibility for a moment, I knew I could not go through with it. I could not kill Robin, although I was sorely tempted by the idea of having him arrested. But to do so would mean he would lose his post, and I would lose him. Had I already lost him? Lost him to ambition? I knew not. Damn the fool! What was he thinking? That if Phillip of Spain offered support, I would forget all that was stacked against this match and fall, fainting, into Robin’s open arms with a sigh? Did he think this attempt to hoodwink me, by working with my enemies, was romantic? Did he think flaunting my laws, forgetting his loyalty, and conspiring to trick me was a sure way to secure my heart?

  Halfwit! Pernicious, insidious wretch! Traitorous, wily serpent nestled at my breast! And Robin had proved himself even more foolish by allowing himself to be overheard. I remembered the remorse I had felt when I cut up his patents of nobility… I should have burned them and thrown him in my prisons instead!

  But then, even as rage threatened to envelop me, I wondered how much of this was as it seemed. I had no doubt Kat had overheard this, but were Robin’s promises to de Quadra true or were they simply a ruse to get the Spanish to support him as my suitor? Was he really promising to serve Phillip? Robin had been long at my side. Had he noted how I toyed with ambassadors and my Council, confusing and bamboozling each side by promising a great deal, delivering little, evading much and thereby usually getting my own way? Perhaps Robin was using de Quadra to get Phillip’s support, but had no intention of fulfilling any promises made. Whether Robin was seeking to play de Quadra and Phillip, or if he sought to play all three of us, I was not happy. I liked better the idea that he was fooling de Quadra and Phillip, for then at least Robin was not actually a traitor, but simply a liar.

  Whether he was a true traitor, or a reckless liar, I was enraged. Robin had learnt nothing. He had not looked inside himself for fault when I refused to ennoble him. Rather than trying to restore our friendship, he sought instead to trick me! Robin was not done with his schooling. Since he played now in the dark shadows and dim light of subterfuge, my next lesson would be taught there. I had tried open censure and that had not worked, but if Robin wanted to play games, he would find me an able opponent. Had I not been trained in this sport since I was a child? He would regret this; that I swore. I would not kill him. I would not take his head, but my heart was bitter with spite. He was not going to get away with this.

  “And you are sure all this is true?” I asked. I did not truly doubt Kat. She was not about to bring me false tales. She was not fool enough to try to play me, as Robin, it seemed, was. But I wanted this to be false. I did not want to believe the worst of Robin, even though I knew he was capable of such. The Dudleys had all been like that. Whenever a Dudley thought something, he strove to try and make it so, often flouting the monarch he was supposed to serve. Arrogance was in their blood. I had believed Robin would never do such to me, because he loved me. Apparently I was mistaken. Damn him!

  “I swear, Majesty, this is what I heard.”

  I swallowed. “And I believe you, Kat.”

  “What will you do?”

  I ran a finger over my lips. “I will let this unfold and see the truth as it is laid bare to me,” I said, and then smiled without humour. “Besides, no matter if they are to be disappointed in the end, it never hurts to have Spain and the Hapsburgs flirting with the idea of alliance, and this offer of Robin’s, if it goes ahead, will pull them closer to us.” I gazed steadily at Kat. “You will tell no one of t
his, Kat,” I instructed. “I will deal with Robin.”

  “Of course, Majesty.” Kat looked relieved to be excused. I sat on my chair, my mind flooded with desire for revenge.

  As for you, Robin, my voice was low and dangerous in my mind. You will find me prepared… You have not learnt your lesson yet, my lord? Allow me to become your tutor once again.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Richmond Palace

  Winter 1561

  It transpired that Robin had indeed sent his brother-in-law, Henry Sidney, to de Quadra. Paying a man in de Quadra’s household for information, I discovered all.

  Robin sent Sidney to promise many things to the Spanish ambassador: Robin would work to restore the faith in England; he would secure an invitation for the papal nuncio, Abbot Martinego, to come to England and give me an invitation to the Council of Trent; Robin would do service to Phillip as one of his vassals, and would do all he could to keep peace and friendship between England and Spain should his suit be supported by Phillip. All of this was deeply disturbing. The Council of Trent was one of the Catholic Church’s most important councils. They had started to meet in 1545, in response to the rise of Protestantism, and worked to bring about counter-reformation of all states that were now Protestant in an effort to stamp out heresy, as they saw it. Getting me, the leader of the Church of England, a heretic queen and rebel daughter of a rebel king, to attend the Council would be most advantageous for them. They believed if they could get me there, they could persuade me to return England to the Catholic fold, or could threaten me with papal-endorsed invasion should I resist. I had no intention of resisting, as I had no intention of ever attending the Council of Trent, or allowing any of my men to do so. If I never attended, I could avoid conflict with the Catholic Church.

  I also had no wish for this nuncio to come to England. If he did not arrive here, I did not have to insult the Bishop of Rome by refusing to attend. If Robin, by his scheming, brought this Martinego to England, then England could be put in jeopardy. England was surrounded by Catholic nations. We could not afford to transform them from wary allies into hostile foes.

  I seethed against Robin. He would risk the safety of England for his ambition? Even if he had no intention of following through with these promises, he was still playing with fire, and putting me in a most awkward political position. I was only more resolved never to marry Robin when I heard this. Had I not always said I would only marry one who put England above all other considerations? And here he was, using her as a pawn in his game!

  Fortunately for Robin, I discovered that neither Robin nor Sidney had expressly said they would work to restore the Catholic faith, only the faith. The implication was still obvious, but at least Robin had had the sense to be ambiguous so he could wriggle out of his promises when the time came. Sending Sidney was clever too. Perhaps borrowing the idea from me, when I had sent Mary Sidney to de Quadra to pretend interest in the Archduke Charles as a suitor, Robin had sent Sidney. This meant Robin had the option to deny that any of this had been his idea, and blame Sidney for it. I wondered if Sidney was aware Robin’s mind might be tending this way.

  It consoled me somewhat to know Robin was seeking to play the Hapsburgs. This, at least, meant there was a chance he did not intend to go through with any of these promises. What did not please me, however, was everything else.

  “Apparently, you were blamed, Spirit,” I said to Cecil. He stood near the fire, his face grim, after listening to all I had uncovered. “Sidney informed de Quadra I was tired of your tyranny, and wanted to move back to a form of religion where my heart truly rested.”

  “I am well-known for my tyrannical ways, of course, Majesty,” Cecil said with a perfectly blank face which made me chuckle. My humour did not last long.

  “Robin promised to serve Phillip of Spain ‘as one of his own vassals’,” I said bitterly. That part had been the hardest to swallow.

  Cecil let out a long whistle. “You could have him arrested, Majesty,” he suggested and then shook his head. “But I know you would not want that.”

  “I am well aware of the seriousness of the situation, Cecil,” I said. “I never thought that Robin would go so far as this… To offer his loyalty to another king? To promise I would accept a papal envoy? To promise to restore the Catholic faith? He has betrayed me. What would make him turn from me so?”

  “He loves you, Majesty,” Cecil replied. “But he also loves his ambition, and the two together do not make for a man who is honestly deliberating on his actions. I believe he is reacting, as a man may do when he sees fire in his house. He is not thinking, just acting.” Cecil rolled his eyes. “He probably thinks himself clever.”

  “If he loves me, Cecil, he should not be betraying me, nor be attempting to trick me into marriage. I do not believe he will truly do any of the things he has promised de Quadra. But all the same, Robin has gone too far, he forgets himself. He seeks to use me, use me against my own self! I will not stand for such.”

  “I say, again, Majesty, you could have him arrested. His actions are treasonous. Your father would not have hesitated.”

  “Unless it was a thing unknown to me, Cecil, my father did not love Robin Dudley.”

  “Your father understood there comes a time when even those we love can be dangerous to us,” Cecil said. I stared at him until he realised he had just vindicated the execution of my mother. Cecil flushed. “But perhaps, there are other ways of dealing with such a situation.”

  I breathed in, long and deep, trying to centre my thoughts. “And we will find them, Cecil. I will not make my heart a graveyard as my father’s became.” I rubbed at my forehead. This situation had brought on headaches which had made a home in my head. Little gnawing worms rummaged through my brain and it was not only my head which hurt. My feelings for Robin were affected, it could not be denied. Although I knew that deep within me I still loved him, I did not know if I trusted him. I had lied to him, but did that excuse his actions? I thought not. I would not take his head, or send him to the Tower. I would not reproach him in public, or take his lands, but I would have my revenge.

  I was hurt too, about other comments I had heard from de Quadra’s servant. Henry Sidney had told de Quadra that England was in a state of flux in terms of religion, and my ‘experiment’ in making a settlement which accommodated all was not working. Was this really what people thought? That the middle path I had made, that the moderate way I had approached religion, was not successful? There had been no burnings of the kind seen in my sister’s reign, none of the mass destruction of religious idols and churches in my brother’s time. I had worked so hard to make my way work for my people. To hear Robin, who should have been one of my greatest supporters, use another to spout vile words about my efforts, and even seek to speak for me, was unbearable. I had ever been a touch vain about my intelligence as it was something I prided myself on. Robin clearly believed I was a dullard. He added insult to betrayal.

  “Can we use this, Cecil?” I asked eventually.

  Cecil inspected a fingernail. “The Hapsburgs have been distant of late, Majesty,” he said. “Since the last round of discussions about marriage to the Archduke Charles faltered. Perhaps, if you were willing to play along, then this may bring them back into talks with us? We may be able to gain something from Lord Dudley’s plotting.”

  “I will talk to de Quadra,” I agreed. “And pretend I know nothing of Robin’s plans with him. I will find out how deep Robin is into this mess. And you will find a way to prevent me getting an invitation to the Council of Trent, Cecil. If we receive an invitation, with no way to refuse it without insult, England will be placed in danger. The Pope has been conciliatory towards England and me. I hardly want him to change his attitude and demand restoration of the Catholic faith. He could sanction Catholic nations to invade England, or force hidden Catholics in my realm to choose between their Queen and their faith. I believe secret Catholics can be loyal to me, but not if the Pope issues an ultimatum, or excommunication.”
I sighed. “Find a way to stop this, Cecil, in secret, and I will deal with de Quadra and Spain.”

  “And Robin Dudley, my lady?”

  I glowered at the wall. “Robert Dudley will learn who is sovereign and who is servant,” I said and then grinned at Cecil. “He thinks to play me. I will show him who is master of this game.”

  The anger within me turned to relish at the thought of the pleasure I would gain when my arrogant favourite found his plans thwarted. There was great spite within my heart towards Robin, I do not deny it. Spite is not a healthy emotion, and yet it can bring such pleasure. The game was begun. Robin had made the first move and it was up to me now to counter him.

  De Quadra was brought to me later that day. I had never liked him. Slippery and slimy, oily, duplicitous, and often foolish, he possessed all the traits I disliked in large measures. He liked me about as much as I did him, so our meetings were often interesting. De Quadra had been often in close contact with my cousin, Margaret Lennox, and I knew he considered her, a Catholic, to have a better claim to the throne than me… and now he was including Robin in his plans. Since we had learned of his connections to the Lennoxes, Margaret’s house had been infiltrated by Cecil’s men. But now it seemed de Quadra had moved on from merely conspiring with my troublesome cousin, and had aspirations to corrupt my favourite as well.