Accidental Makeovers

by Carol Maloney Scott

  “That’s for sure.” Arthur looks up from his game to zing Grandma. She rolls her eyes and huffs.

  “Anyway, once the baby goes down for his nap, I want to hear all about it. Now off you go upstairs to get cleaned up. Sharon, these scones are delicious.”

  I take this as my escape invitation and head up the stairs. My mother bends down to supervise Mick’s bunny handling. I guess when I get my own place I won’t have to worry about Phoebe, and I’m sure a bunny is a lower maintenance pet than a dog.

  At least Val didn’t get judgmental on me, but she’s right. Why would she? However, I am not going to share the intimate details of my night with Eric with my mother and grandmother.

  “Oh, and Bianca when you come down, I want you to show me how to do that wing thing with my eyeliner. Arthur says I look like a scary Cleopatra when I do it!”

  Oh my God.

  “Okay, Grandma!”

  Maybe that’s because no one over the age of thirty should be attempting winged eyeliner.

  Now where’s the Tylenol and is it too early to drink?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Eric

  “Oh, Jen I’ve missed our witty banter.”

  I slap my leg as I sit perched on the end of the salon manager’s desk. Jennifer and I go way back.

  “Yes, it has been a bit boring here. I’m surrounded by women all day. It’s nice to get a little testosterone in here again.”

  She smiles with all those crazy white teeth, and flicks her shiny blond hair. Most women would kill to look like her at forty.

  “Well, I won’t be staying too long. I’m here to get Bianca settled, and make sure you all don’t eat her alive.”

  Jennifer sighs and licks her hot pink lips. “Now why would you ever worry about that?”

  A sharp knock interrupts us. I don’t think Bianca would be here this early. At least I hope not, because I really need to tell Jennifer…

  “Hey, do you think these balloons are pretty enough? I wanted to find ones with little lipsticks on them, but all I could find was these red lip ones left over from Valentine’s Day at Party City.” Gloria, the senior stylist, looks back and forth between us for confirmation.

  “Eric was just saying that he was worried that Bianca wouldn’t get a warm welcome, and here you’re going to tie balloons to her work station.”

  Jennifer uncrosses and crosses her legs, which go on for miles. She’s a tall woman, and I have to say I did enjoy those legs wrapped…

  “Oh, Eric. Of course we’re going to roll out the red carpet. Oh crap, I actually meant to pick up some carpet. They have those at Party City, too. What time is she coming? Maybe I have time—”

  “Gloria, you’re such a sweet lady. She’ll be here soon, but I’m sure everything you’ve already done will make Bianca feel welcomed.”

  She runs her hands through her perfectly coifed and sprayed bleached blond hair. Gloria is in her mid-fifties, and has been married to the same man since the Reagan administration. A little plump, but in good shape. Jennifer would murder me if she could read my thoughts, but this is how I imagine her looking some day. Of course Gloria actually eats.

  “Thanks, Gloria.” Jennifer widens her eyes, which I guess must be the salon signal for ‘go away, we’re trying to talk in here.’

  “Okay, I’m just going to run back to the kitchen and get the muffins. Do you think she likes coffee…okay, I’m going.”

  She backs out of the office, and wrestles with the balloons on her way. She grins at us one last time and shuts the door.

  Jennifer stands up and smiles in a cunning, feline type of way.

  “She’s probably flustered because she’s worried that we’ll be otherwise occupied when our newest employee arrives.”

  She leans into me and canvasses my body with her shiny blue eyes. I knew I should have pre-empted this issue.

  I take one step back and say, “Jen, listen. Not that I don’t still find you wildly attractive, and the memories of our…time together…very enjoyable to revisit, but I actually have found someone else.”

  She throws back her head and laughs like a sexy, comic book villainess.

  “You found someone? Really?”

  She takes a step back and folds her arms across her chest, intensifying her cleavage.

  “My understanding is that you find lots of women everywhere you go, but you don’t stick around long enough for any of them to…stick. Not that I care. I was just hoping we could pick up where we left off.”

  She sits on the edge of her desk and folds her hands in her lap. “I am intrigued. Who did you find to make you give up this?”

  As she begins unbuttoning her blouse, we are both startled by Gloria’s shrill voice.

  “Bianca’s here! Should I send her in?”

  Bianca

  This place is swanky. I know that no one my age uses that term, but my Great Grandma Phyllis used to say it all the time. Sort of stuck with me.

  I can’t believe that I get to work here. It’s a corny thing to say, but it feels like a dream. I wonder what Max would say if he saw…never mind, who cares what Max thinks? Still, I think he’d be proud of me. If only he could have given this a chance, and not fucked up by wasting all his money on toys...and not caring about what I want.

  But no matter. It’s time to grow up. I can get my own place and pay for it myself. Raven is paying me very well, and I even have the opportunity to earn commissions on bringing in new clients if they use other salon services. I feel so professional.

  I wasn’t sure what to wear, but Eric told me that everyone dresses trendy, but casual. So I opted for a short sleeve royal blue sweater from American Apparel, and high waisted black skinny jeans. The sweater is a mock-neck, so my boobs won’t be on display all day. My clients will be women, but all the better reason not to sex myself up too much.

  Of course Eric is here. That sweet Gloria lady who met me at the door ran back to get him. She said he’s in the manager’s office. She even had balloons for me, and I think she said there’s muffins. What a friendly welcome!

  Eric did give me a little background on the staff (in the middle of giving me a lot of other things I am trying not to think about).

  Gloria is exactly as described. She’ll end up being my ‘work mom.’

  And Amy, the other stylist, isn’t here yet. He said she was more aloof and intense.

  And then they have a shampoo girl/receptionist, Stephanie. She should be in soon, too. Apparently she’s only eighteen, and the daughter of one of their clients. She asked them to hire her spoiled daughter because she refuses to go to college.

  Should be an interesting mix.

  As I look up, I see Eric striding towards me with a flushed looking woman about my mother’s age. Well, she may be younger, but she’s quite put together. She’s wearing a suit. Eric said the manager was professional and a bit tough, but I should get along with her well.

  He didn’t tell me she had legs up to her armpits.

  I admonish myself for thinking any negative thoughts. Jealousy is silly and unproductive. It’s not like Eric works here anyway, and I can hardly lay claim on him after one night together.

  Unfortunately, as I talk myself into this line of thinking, I can see Jennifer is already sizing me up. Hopefully that’s just in a ‘checking out the new employee’ way.

  She extends her hand and says, “You must be Bianca. I’m Jennifer. Welcome to All Tressed Up.” She widens her eyes and glances at her staff. “Wow, your hair certainly is red.”

  Gloria smiles and says, “Yes, my word it is. Do you do that yourself?”

  We go on to discuss my hair coloring regimen, and Eric yawns.

  “Sorry, Ladies. I can’t really join in with the shop talk. Bianca, I am going to leave you in Jennifer’s capable hands. I have to run back downtown for a meeting with the Alexanders.”

  “Oh, is Raven back?” If she is, I’d love to see her.

  If I’m not mistaken, Jennifer bristles at my question. Am I
too lowly to talk to our wealthy shop owner? Or else she’s jealous that I got this job because I was recruited by her boss, and even if she doesn’t like me, she might get stuck with me?

  Until now I hadn’t thought of this political crap.

  Eric ignores the slightly tense moment and says, “No, I think she’s still enjoying herself far away. I’m meeting with her father. I’ll give you a call later to see how your day went.”

  And just like that he’s out the door. I guess it would be ridiculous to expect any more from him in front of business colleagues. I’m sure he hasn’t already announced to Jennifer and her staff that he’s slept with the new employee.

  As time goes on, what happened Saturday night is feeling more and more like a bad decision.

  “So Bianca, let me show you your work area.”

  Gloria’s cheerful voice snaps me out of worry mode. Once I see the beautiful cosmetics station they have set up, I am in makeup la-la land.

  I love makeup, ever since I was a little girl. What is more fun than playing with color? And making yourself look a little different every day?

  When I was about five years old, my mother used to let me do her makeup. I made a complete mess of her face, but she always told me I did a great job and she looked pretty. She was even younger then than I am now. Grandma Valerie wasn’t around much, but I remember Great Grandma Phyllis joining in sometimes.

  It was magical to touch all of those jars and pots of beautiful possibilities. And it still is.

  “It’s beautiful. All of the chairs in here are gorgeous. The pedicure stations look like thrones.”

  “Yes, that’s the idea. We have a pretty ‘royal’ clientele.” Jennifer joins us and smiles. “We ordered standard makeup supplies from one of the bigger vendors. I wasn’t sure what you wanted, but the rep is coming back tomorrow to meet with you.”

  She smiles with her teeth, but not her eyes. Yeah, I think I have some work to do to prove my worth.

  “That sounds great. I’m sure you knew what to order. You’re in the beauty business.”

  Jennifer lays her hands on the back of one of the white leather chairs, so soft and plush looking, with rhinestone rivets and dainty, ornate footrests below.

  “Yes, I know cosmetics. I trained as a makeup artist a long time ago, too. But hair seemed to be the more practical choice. Of course I haven’t been a stylist in years now.”

  She seems overly concerned that I understand her importance.

  “Anyway, it’s all Concrete Jungle Cosmetics. Trendy, high quality, but not insanely pricey.”

  “I can’t wait to take a look at everything.” I am like a kid in a candy store right now, but I can’t help but feel a little uneasy.

  “Why don’t you take a look around? Amy and Stephanie will be in any minute. Gloria, make the introductions, and when you’ve had your muffins, Bianca please come see me in my office. We need to talk marketing strategy.”

  She turns to walk to the back of the salon and adds, “Welcome to Washington Hill.”

  I catch Gloria staring at me. She’s probably glad that Jennifer’s gone so she can continue being nice. Jennifer wasn’t really rude, but I can see she isn’t the warm, fuzzy type. Hopefully the other girls are friendlier.

  After working for my mother for so long, I’m not used to a boss. My last actual boss was at the tattoo shop, and both the management and the clientele were polar opposites from where I’ve landed myself now.

  Reprimanding myself for having doubts, I follow Gloria to the front of the salon to meet the others. Eric said Amy was about my age. It would be nice to have a new work friend.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I self-consciously ignore it.

  “Go ahead and get that, Bianca. You have a little one, don’t you? You need to pay attention to your phone. As long as you’re not with a client, it’s fine to answer it.”

  “Thanks, Gloria. It sounded like a text, so probably nothing important.”

  As I press the power button to light up the screen, I can see it’s Eric who’s texting me.

  I also see a co-worker popping in the front door. That must be Amy. I quickly read his message.

  ‘Sorry I had to run. Please don’t feel like I’m keeping our…intimacy…a secret. Just didn’t want to make it too obvious on your first day. Don’t want the girls to get the wrong idea. I know you’re visiting your friend tonight—let’s plan on tomorrow night? I’ll call you later. Have a great first day!’

  Hmm…that makes sense. I didn’t really want him to kiss me goodbye either, but then how is this going to work? Maybe in time it will be less awkward? Or Eric won’t need to come into the salon at all, so no one will know anything?

  But what if we start dating for any period of time? If these women are going to be co-workers, and at least acquaintances, I don’t want to hide my relationship from them.

  Relationship? Listen to me. Since when do I turn one night stands into relationships in my head?

  He said he wanted more, but what do I want?

  “Bianca, this is Amy, our other stylist.”

  Amy doesn’t smile with her eyes, either. Or her teeth.

  Awesome.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Bianca

  “Hey, are you leaving?”

  Claire emerges from Cassie’s house just as I make my way down the winding path to the front door.

  “Yeah, I popped in early. I need to get home. My mother is seriously losing her last fruit loop with those kids.” She puts her hand up to shield her eyes from the late day sun.

  “Did Max pick Mick up? Are you really worried she can’t handle it?” The last thing I need is a day care implosion my first week on a new job.

  “Yes, he did. No worries there. But she’s getting crazy with it all. She loves it, don’t get me wrong, but she takes on too much. Now she wants to start doing crafts with them. I say at least wait until no one is pooping in their pants. Ruby is the only one who can speak a full sentence and hold a crayon.”

  Now I see why Claire is leaving. Diamond’s car is here. I’m not going to say anything. I’m still not crazy about her, either, and now thankfully I can avoid all of her attempts to be my ‘sister-in-law.’

  “I know this isn’t your favorite topic, but have you given any more consideration to hiring Tatiana?” The Russian nanny may have misbehaved in the past, but her energy level is the perfect complement to Claire’s mother’s experience.

  She sighs and hugs herself. “We’re still talking about it. Brandon is staying out of the negotiations. Listen, I need to run. The baby is precious—you’ll love her. I want to hear all about your new job, though. Why don’t you come by when the band is practicing on Friday? Wait, never mind…well, you could bring Mick and hang out with me upstairs.”

  Poor Claire—reduced to babbling and backtracking.

  “Claire, it’s fine. I have to see Max some time. We have a child together. And I would love to hear the new songs. I’ll think about it.”

  What I’m really thinking about is how I’m going to see Eric this week. Wednesday. That should work.

  Claire and I hug goodbye, and I open the door and announce myself. I can see everyone milling around. Zoe and Katie are sitting on the couch with Cassie, opening gifts. I spot Diamond in the kitchen. She’s holding the baby, cooing and talking to her. I don’t know why Diamond with a baby looks odd to me. She is a mother after all.

  “Hey, Bianca. Look at this cute blanket Zoe got for Sofia.”

  We all exchange greetings and ‘ooh and ahh’ over the blanket and the cute little outfits. I hand Cassie my gift, and she loves the tiny pink sweater with an embroidered baby chick.

  “Aww, look it’s a bird. The baby can be part of the lady birds. Right, Birdie?”

  Cassie and Zoe glare at Katie. “What? Ohhh, that’s right. We can’t be birds anymore because of Max. It sucks.”

  “It’s okay, guys. You can still use your silly bird names. I’m fine, really.”

  We go on t
o discuss the baby, and Diamond comes back into the living room to hand her over to me for my turn at baby ogling and cuddling.

  “So is Jon out with Owen? Oh, and where are your in-laws?” I gaze into Sofia’s eyes. She’s alert for a newborn. And no, I don’t want a baby. Jeez, like I don’t have enough on my plate.

  “Doesn’t she make you want another one, Bianca? It’s such a shame about you and Max. He would have wanted a whole house full of babies. He’s so family oriented. You know just yesterday, he and Rob took the kids to feed the ducks.”

  Cassie ignores Diamond’s interruption and answers my question. “Yes, Jon and his parents took Owen out for the night. He hasn’t been too jealous, but we want to keep it that way. So Bianca, tell us about your job.”

  Diamond is pouting because she can’t get to me in this environment. I know why she’s so pro-Max. His ass is probably parked at her house every day. He needs somewhere to get free meals and maid service. She’s probably dying for me to take him back.

  “The job is great. The salon is beautiful, and I met with my manager this afternoon to go over marketing strategies. You know, to bring in more clients.”

  Zoe chimes in with some advertising ideas for the tattoo shop, which are not really pertinent to our business, but I smile and tell her I’ll look into it. Katie complains about how hard it is to get people to support local theater, and of course Diamond reminds us how easily her breasts secure repeat customers at Hooters.

  “I guess that wouldn’t work in your place since all of your customers are women.” She laughs and continues. “Anyway, I applied for a new job at the lingerie shop just up the street from your salon, Bianca.”

  I bite back my displeasure and say, “That’s great. I bet you can lure some of your Hooters’ patrons there. Maybe you can offer free lingerie modeling.”

  Of course what was meant as a dig is met with enthusiasm by ‘Dirty Bird.’ But I should shut up because I bet she’s probably not sleeping with the Hooters’ manager.