Accidental Makeovers

by Carol Maloney Scott

  Her name is Jade, and she tells me all about her friendship with Cin. Apparently they were childhood friends, and their antics remind me of my stories of wild times with Katie.

  “Let’s just say they don’t call her ‘Cin’ for nothing!”

  Apparently our laughter annoys Amy, who seems to always have a client who is close to comatose in her chair. I am beginning to think they bring her drugged patients from the mental hospital or narcolepsy sufferers.

  Gloria is always talking with her clients about kids, husbands, vacations, and the weather. Normal stuff. Rich people have weather, too, and they are capable of laughter.

  “Have you met Eric? That tall drink of yum comes in here sometimes. I started having my hair done here just to catch a glimpse of him every once in a while. Cin had to meet with him a few times to get this account going, and oh my God, he’s a hottie.”

  Jade fans herself and I keep quiet. Amy is glaring at me. I really need to talk to Eric about our story. I don’t want to lie…to anyone, but I also want to have a pleasant working environment. Jade would fall off the chair if I could tell her the real scoop.

  “Yes, I’ve met him. He helped me get acclimated here.”

  I look in the mirror to see if my nose is growing. Acclimated? Is that what I’m calling it now?

  “Well, between you and me, he had a thing with the chick who owns this place, but it ended badly, so I hear.”

  She swings around and looks me over. “I would say you would be his type. Now I don’t know if he’d bring you home to mother, but who cares, right?”

  I smile, but I know my eyes are not cooperating. Max has always said that I have the worst poker face. He loved bringing me to see his mother. I don’t even know if Eric has a mother. And do I care?

  “Hey, would you like a drink? I was going to grab something. We have champagne? Wine?”

  I gesture towards the kitchen area, and a momentary escape from this conversation. I’m almost done with her makeup. I just need to paint her lips and she’ll be off.

  “You’re not drinking on the job, are you? I’m teasing. I forgot they break out the hard stuff in the afternoon around here. I’d love a little of the bubbly.”

  I jump at the chance to compose myself alone, and head to the back of the salon. We actually keep open champagne on ice. I wish I could have some, but I grab a bottle of water for myself out of the fridge. As soon I close the door, I see a witch standing there with beady eyes…oh, it’s Amy.

  “You startled me. What’s up?”

  She’s wearing a long, shapeless dress with tights and ballet flats. Still not a drop of makeup on her face.

  “You really need to keep it down over there, and think about the topics of discussion when there are other clients in the salon. Mrs. Adamson is not pleased. She finds your language to be offensive.”

  I really do want to get along with everyone, and I am not used to working in this type of environment. And I really want this job to work out.

  But Amy is a flat out bitch and I’m tired of it.

  “Mrs. Adamson…” I peer beyond Amy to get a glimpse of her ‘offended’ client. “…is drooling on her robe because you’ve put her to sleep. Either that or you’ve knocked her out with hair dye fumes.”

  “I am an experienced hair colorist. Certified by Paul Mitchell. You, on the other hand, with your holes in your face and skulls all over your arms…it’s preposterous that Raven hired you. It’s obvious Eric picked you up on one his jaunts to the seedier side of town, and now we’re stuck with you and your…”

  “My what? Style? Glamour? Skill?’

  I close the distance between us and put my finger in her face, lowering my voice. “I have dealt with girls like you before. You think you’re so hot because you’re working in a high-end salon, but you aren’t like these people. You work here. You are their servant. And clearly not a happy one since you walk around here with your face wrinkled up like a prune.”

  “You don’t deserve Eric. I saw you with him!”

  I smirk and step back, pouring Jade’s champagne.

  “It’s always about a guy, isn’t it? Big fucking deal you saw me with him. Who cares? Maybe if you would pull the broom out of your ass, your witch face would return to normal and you could attract a decent man.”

  Her mouth hangs open, and she narrows her eyes to the point of almost closing them. Like Mrs. Adamson.

  “And not that it’s any of your business, but yes, Raven hired me. She’s my friend. I had lunch with her today, so if you had slithered out of here you could have seen us, too.”

  I carefully pick up the glass of champagne and my water bottle. “You should get back to your client. If her hair over processes she may be offended.”

  As I bring Jade her drink, I replay Amy’s words. Jaunts to the seedier side of town? Jade said she’s not sure he would bring me home to his mother.

  That’s ridiculous. Eric doesn’t have some closet trashy whore fetish. He dated Raven, who’s a socialite, for God’s sake.

  I glance at my fully tattooed arm and shake my head. No, Eric is just open-minded, and the type of guy who’s so amazing that he’ll always be the subject of gossip.

  Max

  “Hey, you don’t have to worry about me. I am perfectly cordial to Bianca. And she’s bringing my son, right? I haven’t seen him since Monday.”

  Claire wrings her hands and says, “Yes, and we’ll keep the little ones upstairs once you guys start playing. It’s too loud for them. I wanted to make sure you knew and we won’t have a big brawl on our hands.”

  Brandon looks up from the mixing board controls and says, “Honey, you worry too much. Bianca and Max are both adults, and this has happened before, just not since you’ve known them.”

  “Actually, when I first met them it was here, at your birthday party. Oh, and they were broken up then and getting along fine. Sorry, Max. I guess I think of how things were when I first left my ex.”

  I give her the thumbs up and she scurries back upstairs to her kids.

  I was surprised when Bianca told me she was coming over during band practice. Maybe her night out with the douchebag didn’t go so well, or she knows Mick misses Daddy.

  I plan on finding out about her date this weekend. Keeping our shared mutual friend circle intact will help me prove to Bianca that I’m a changed man. And if I have to be a little devious to do it, oh well. My competition is a little smarter than the usual dirt bag she ends up with, and it’s every man for himself in love and war. And this is a love war.

  I look up and Rob is staring at me. What the hell is his problem? He’s probably also worried that band practice is going to be derailed by Bianca drama.

  Good thing he can’t read my thoughts. A love war? What the hell is wrong with my brain?

  There’s nothing like drumming to ease frustration. Well, that and one other thing.

  Zoe and Brandon are screwing around with the mics, and Rob is talking to Axl, our new bass player, about the songs he supposedly has been practicing.

  I hope Zoe knows what she’s doing. He seems like a good guy, but can he jump in and play with us at our level?

  Freakin’ Jon with his wife and kids. I laugh because I’m not the kind of guy to bash the family man.

  Bianca

  “Well, that went okay.”

  “You just stuck your head down the stairwell and yelled.”

  Claire is feeding baby Aurora a bottle and she’s kicking her little feet.

  “Look. She’s dancing to the music already.” I smile and grab her little toes.

  Claire purses her lips.

  “What? Okay, yes I yelled down to Max and asked him if we could talk on break. And I said hi to everyone else.”

  “That’s hardly the benchmark of success. You still have to actually talk to him.”

  She pulls the bottle out of her daughter’s mouth and places her on her shoulder, tapping her back.

  Mick and Aidan are playing with their little cars on the flo
or, doing the ‘vroom, vroom’ noises.

  Luckily no one sustained any major injuries in the great oil spill of 2016. After we got everyone cleaned up, Claire and her mother agreed to hire Tatiana as a part-time helper here at the Harmon Day Nursery.

  “I’m not worried about talking to him. I just want to go over the visitation schedule, and I think we need some kind of a financial agreement. I’m going ask Eric—”

  “Oh, no. Bad move.”

  “Why? I’m sure he knows a great lawyer.”

  “Do you really want your brand new boyfriend involved in your ‘pseudo divorce’ dealings with your old one? Child support and visitation are not sexy topics, and you’ll only piss Max off even more.”

  “Max isn’t pissed off.”

  Claire takes Aurora’s bib off and lays it on the table. She switches off the huge smile directed at the baby, and glowers at me. “Are you kidding me? He’s like a boiling volcano of anger and pent up rage.”

  I sigh and twist my face. I better be careful or I could end up with Amy’s prune look.

  “Okay, at the very least he’s hurt and jealous. I can’t believe you would think he was over you this fast.”

  “Katie told me he was at O’Malley’s the other night. On a date.”

  “Wow, already? Not that I’m saying that’s bad because you are…but wow, I’m surprised. Brandon told me that he really wants you back and he’s broken up.”

  “Yeah, well I think he’s already found someone to help him put the pieces back where they belong. And I am thrilled to hear it. This way I can bring Eric on the hike Sunday and there will be no problems. Actually, Katie said Max wasn’t going.”

  Claire turns white. Even whiter than Claire normally looks.

  “Oh, I think he is coming now. But we’ll all have a great time. Maybe you and Eric should ride with us.”

  Her psychotic smile tells me that they’ll probably drive to a different mountain and pretend Brandon got lost.

  Why is everyone so worried about volatile behavior? Max and I never…

  Okay, I get it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  Max

  “Thanks for agreeing to come on this hike.”

  I squeeze Amber’s hand, which doubles as a genuinely friendly gesture, as well as one intended to fool my brother and Diamond up front.

  “It will be fun. I just hope I can do the hike.”

  Amber and I spent the afternoon together yesterday. While the kids played, we went over our scheme, I mean, our persuasive plan to help reunite me with the mother of my child.

  When I first got to her place, I told her about my talk with Bianca at band practice on Friday night.

  “She was bummed that she was going to miss the gig last night, and I could tell she was a little worried about me meeting Eric on the hike.”

  “I hope it doesn’t erupt into a big scene. I feel bad for your friends who just want a nice day out together.”

  Amber is so sweet. If I wasn’t in love with Bianca, I would totally be into her. And of course if country music didn’t make me want to off myself.

  “No worries, little lady. I will be the perfect gentleman. I have already assessed his weaknesses.”

  Amber gave me a cute eye roll as she set a tray of snacks on her coffee table. I do wish Bianca would do things like that. Is it so hard to give your man a little something to eat once in a while?

  “And what are his weaknesses?” She switched her expression back to the even cuter devious one.

  I grabbed a big handful of chips and started scooping out the salsa. Which she served in a chili pepper shaped bowl. What a hostess!

  “First, kids. He doesn’t have any, and my guess is they would smear peanut butter on his white furniture.”

  “How do you know what kind of furniture he has?”

  “Believe me, you will understand when you get a load of him. So second, he barely knows Birdie, so he doesn’t know how to appeal to her loves, and avoid the things she hates.”

  “Have you been up all night plotting? This feels like a movie. Like one of those romantic comedies where the plan works perfectly, but then there’s a snafu—”

  “No snafus. My plan is snafu-free. This guy may be book smart, but he has never been on the receiving end of a Buczkowski plot.”

  “So why don’t you pull your brother and his girlfriend in on it, too. They’re on your side, right?”

  “Absolutely, but it’s too soon. The plot is more believable if less people know about it. You’re my wildcard. No one knows if you’re being honest or not. Just play up the cutesy talk about knitting and Garth Brooks, and no one will ever suspect you are a secret love spy.”

  “Hmm, I like the way that sounds. Hey, maybe Bianca’s new guy appreciates hand-crafted sweaters and banjos.”

  That’s what I love about Amber. She’s so funny, but you don’t expect it.

  Now as we sit in the back of Rob’s truck, on the way to the mountains, I jot down a mental note to think of guys to set Amber up with, once our little game is over and I am back with my woman.

  I don’t think she’ll like the suit guy, but who knows? Her husband was almost a lawyer so maybe she goes for that type.

  “So what did you and Bianca talk about Friday, Max?”

  Diamond turns around to face us, and stares at me with those huge eyes. They are so pale it almost looks like she doesn’t have eyes, just some kind of marbles…

  Amber pokes me in the side and I say, “Oh, just stuff about Mick. Visitation. She wants to get a lawyer to draw up an agreement, since we weren’t married and there’s no divorce decree.”

  Diamond pouts, which highlights her other famous feature—her bee-stung lips.

  “She’s really going in for the kill, and so soon? No offense, Amber. You’re very nice and we like you with Max, but I’m shocked that Bianca would be so formal and final about ending things already.”

  “Well, she’s banging the other guy, so no reason why Max can’t get a little action, too.”

  Thanks, Rob. Amber cringes slightly.

  “I agree, Sweetie, but no matter who is fucking who, there are feelings involved.”

  Why can’t they take this opportunity to practice their fake cursing?

  “I think we should mind our own business and concentrate on our own fuc—”

  “Hey, isn’t that the turn we need to take.”

  I motion to the road we just passed, which is not the turn. I am just trying to get them to shut up.

  Is it always like this? I guess it is, but I’m seeing it through Amber’s eyes now.

  Diamond huffs and turns around, after I assure her that I’m fine, and I welcome a lawyer into my private business.

  That’s what I told Bianca on Friday, but I will be damned if I sign any papers ending anything. I will take care of my son without the courts telling me what to do, like some baby daddy. Fuck that.

  Amber pulls out her knitting, and Diamond asks her if she could make a blanket for Ruby’s baby doll carriage.

  Good thing motherhood brings women together. Even ones as opposite as these two.

  Bianca

  “I have done a fair amount of hiking, but not recently. It will be great to be out in nature. Thanks for inviting me.”

  Eric and Brandon are sitting up front in the minivan, while Claire and I sit in the back. Claire offered Eric the front seat because his legs are so long.

  The guys are talking, and in this cavernous family vehicle, it’s hard to hear them. Claire and I are chatting about work, and I am telling her about my run-in with Amy the other day.

  “She sounds so much like Cecilia. Remember the girl at my office who was evil to me because she thought I was dating Justin?”

  She whispers the last part because Brandon has no love for Justin, and reminding him of their rivalry for Claire’s affections won’t make for a pleasant day in nature.

  “Whatever happened to her?”

  “She’s super nice now. Found her spiritual c
alling, or something like that. She was also sleeping with the guy I was really dating at the time. Remember Dr. Nathan? What a freakin’ mess that was.” Claire sighs, adjusts her wedding rings and briefly smiles. “Maybe Amy can become nice.”

  “I strongly doubt it. It’s not just Eric that’s making her act this way. She doesn’t think I belong at All Tressed Up.”

  Eric’s voice raises up a notch, to an audible level. “Excuse me, Brandon. I definitely want you to finish telling me about your tour—”

  “What tour?” Uh oh, now Claire’s ears are perking up. We need that glass they have between the rows in limos.

  “Let Eric talk, Honey. I’ll tell you later. At home.” He should have added, ‘where you can’t humiliate me.’ “Go ahead, Eric.”

  “I couldn’t help but overhear you say something about Amy. She doesn’t want you working at the salon? This is the first I’m hearing of this.”

  He is turned around in his seat and staring at me with a pained look.

  “It’s nothing. I can handle it.”

  Claire shifts in her seat and takes out her phone. Brandon focuses intently on the road and fiddles with the GPS.

  “I’m sure you can. You’re a tough girl, but I can help you handle it. That’s my job. I don’t want you to avoid coming to me with work troubles because of our relationship.”

  This is why dating him is problematic. How can I ask for his help and expect him to be objective? Amy’s behavior is unacceptable, but it would make more sense for me to tell Jennifer first. If I go over her head, she’ll treat me like shit, too.

  I just want to make people look pretty, for God’s sake.

  I end up telling him the whole story because he won’t drop it, and we are all prisoners on this long car ride.

  He reaches back to hold my hand and tells me not to worry.

  Max

  “No, give me all of your stuff. There is no need for you to carry anything heavy in that cute little floral backpack. Did you knit it?”

  I tease Amber and she blushes. I’m not sure if that’s for the benefit of our performance or if she’s that cute. Bianca and Eric have just gotten out of the minivan, which my buddy, Brandon parked right next to us. What a perfect set-up.