Everything Changes

by Melanie Hansen

  Their gazes caught and held, awareness and arousal flowing between them. Carey didn’t try to fight it, but let it settle, liquid and hot, low in his belly.

  They stared at each other until shouting from a nearby group of volleyball players broke the spell, and Carey blinked, his pulse throbbing almost painfully hard. He took a deep breath to calm it as Jase snagged his T-shirt from the ground and tucked the hem of it into his waistband.

  The women had disappeared. On to greener pastures, Carey thought with an inward smile, a quivery satisfaction flooding him at the realization he and Jase had just staked their claim on each other.

  In public.

  Instead of scaring him, the satisfaction deepened into a possessiveness Carey had never known himself capable of. He glanced at Jase walking next to him, bare-chested and golden in the late-afternoon sunlight.

  “Tonight,” he thought fiercely. “Tonight, you’re mine.”

  Thirteen

  Jase stared out into the darkness, his palms sweaty on the balcony railing.

  His body felt antsy and hot, eagerness throbbing down low. Behind him, the king-size bed seemed to take up the entire room. He glanced over his shoulder at it, then at the closed door to the bathroom, where Carey was taking his turn in the shower.

  Sighing, he turned back around. It’d been a great day, spent walking and talking with Carey on the beach, the pier. They’d soaked in the beautiful weather, swum in the hotel’s pool, then enjoyed a leisurely, delicious dinner on an outdoor terrace overlooking the ocean.

  Now…

  Jase swallowed against the anticipation and uncertainty chasing themselves around inside his chest. Maybe he should’ve gotten two beds, and not made assumptions. Was he pushing too hard? Was this really what Carey wanted?

  Exhaling slowly, Jase resolved to let him set the tone. Things were changing, and although it was a change he’d longed for, had never dared to hope for, now that it was happening, he was terrified of making the wrong move and messing it up.

  Like getting a king-size bed instead of giving Carey options.

  He gripped the railing harder at the sound of the bathroom door opening, the steamy scent of shampoo and body wash drifting over him.

  “Jase?”

  “Out here,” he rasped, listening to the soft rhythmic creak as Carey crutched his way onto the balcony. “I poured us some wine.”

  “Thanks.” Carey lowered himself into one of the chairs, the wineglass scraping as he pulled it to him. “Mmm, this is delicious.” A pause. “You’re not joining me?”

  Blowing out another breath, Jase turned. Like him, Carey wore a fluffy white hotel robe, his hair damp, skin ruddy from the heat of the shower. Carey raised one eyebrow inquiringly. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just nervous.” The admission slipped out before Jase could stop it, but Carey only laughed softly.

  “Well, you’re not the only one.”

  Plopping down in the other chair, Jase took a fortifying sip of his own wine. “Are you nervous because you’re not sure about this, or—”

  “I’m nervous because of how much I want this.”

  At first Jase thought he hadn’t heard right, and when the words sank in, his heart skipped a beat. Abandoning the wine, he slid off his chair and knelt in front of him, resting his hands on Carey’s terry-clad thighs.

  “It makes you nervous to want me?” he asked quietly. “Why?”

  Carey’s smile was a little shaky. “Because it’s so new.” He reached out and brushed a lock of hair off Jase’s forehead. “I don’t mean new in the same-sex attraction sense, although that’s part of it, but new because—”

  He broke off, and Jase waited him out, his pulse thundering in his ears.

  Finally Carey drifted his fingertips down Jase’s cheek. “New because I didn’t know I could want anyone this much.”

  The simple words were like a match to the fire in Jase’s blood, and the explosion of complicated feelings left him shaking all over. Easing Carey’s thighs apart, Jase stood up on his knees in between them and cupped his face. He brushed their lips together, whispering, “I ache with wanting you. I have since—”

  “Since when?” Carey’s eyes were soft. He pushed the robe off Jase’s shoulders, then glided his palms along the bare skin, making Jase shiver.

  “Since I first saw you on that parade field at Pendleton,” Jase said, kissing him again. “I thought, ‘Jesus Christ, that has to be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.’”

  Huffing out a laugh, Carey draped his arms around Jase’s neck. “You were attracted to my beauty, huh?”

  “At first.” Bending his head, Jase nipped at Carey’s lower lip. “Then I got to know you and…”

  I fell in love.

  Biting the words back, Jase tilted his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue coaxing, teasing. He yanked the lapels of Carey’s robe apart and thrust his hands inside, gliding them along his ribs to brush his fingertips lightly back and forth, his lips gentling until he was sipping at Carey’s mouth.

  Carey gave a soft tug on his hair. “Why are you nervous?”

  Because this is a dream come true and I don’t ever want it to end.

  “Because I want to please you,” he said honestly. “Make it good for you.”

  Because I want to take you to bed and love your body the way I love everything else about you.

  Carey cleared his throat. “I, uh, don’t think you have to worry about pleasing me.” He cast his eyes toward his lap, and the cock that had pushed its way up through the folds of the robe.

  With a low chuckle, Jase bent his head to brush his lips across the tip.

  The breath Carey let out was shaky. “In fact, I was kind of hoping you’d—”

  “I’d—what?” Jase engulfed the head in his mouth and sucked lightly, growling at the salty taste that trickled against his tongue. “Let you come down my throat?”

  “Oh, God.” Carey shifted restlessly in his chair, his fingers still tangled in Jase’s hair. “That, too. I—the last time you said—”

  The light dawned. “Mmm.” Jase mouthed him again. “I remember now. Something about eating your ass?”

  The flush that spread from Carey’s chest up into his cheeks made Jase want to laugh. He buried his face in Carey’s belly to hide it, his chest aching with tenderness. “That, sweetheart, would be my very great pleasure.”

  Carey pulled his head up, their kiss this time messy, carnal, and wet.

  “Hold on to me,” Jase growled, sliding his hands under Carey’s buttocks and pushing to his feet with a grunt. Carey clung to him as he stumbled toward the invitingly turned-down bed, and they collapsed in a heap in the middle of it, laughing.

  Fingers clumsy with desire, Jase stripped off his robe and helped Carey with his, then lay down on his side, sighing at the feel of the deliciously cool sheets against his overheated skin.

  Carey gazed up at him with those fathomless blue eyes, until at last, he brushed his thumb along Jase’s cheekbone. “Show me what it’s like. Make love to me.”

  His heart pounding, yet determined to take it slow, Jase splayed his hand low on Carey’s belly. “Are you comfortable like this? On your back?”

  “Yes.” To his delight, Carey blushed again. “Can you, uh—”

  “You’d better believe I can.” With a wicked smirk, Jase pressed a kiss to his navel. “And this way you can watch.”

  Carey let out a sort of gasping, shivering moan. “W-watch?”

  “Yep.” Jase circled his navel with the tip of his tongue, holding Carey’s eyes with his. “You like to watch?”

  “I—I don’t know.” Carey sounded dazed, breathless.

  Jase chuckled. “Well, I like having you watch me.” Taking Carey’s engorged cock in a firm grasp, Jase stroked him from base to tip, squeezing the head at the end and forcing up a bead of pre-come. Still holding his gaze, Jase licked him clean with long, wet swirls and little moans of enjoyment that made Carey’s mouth go slack.


  “F-fuck, that feels good,” he gasped.

  “Tastes good.” Jase did it again, and again, until Carey’s thighs were shaking, his fists twisted in the sheets.

  “Jase!”

  “Mmm?”

  “Please!”

  Grabbing a couple of pillows, Jase wedged them under Carey’s hips, then hooked his hands behind his knees and pressed them back toward his chest. “God, you’re so beautiful like this,” he growled. “Like a feast.”

  He pushed him back farther, almost in half, before palming Carey’s ass cheeks and spreading them wide. Eager to taste him, Jase licked him from the bottom of his cleft to his balls, wetting him. He blew lightly on the puckered hole and chuckled when it tightened in response.

  “Oh, fuck,” Carey gasped, lifting his head to stare down his body. “That’s so—”

  He groaned when Jase pointed his tongue and circled the sensitive flesh, then kissed it lightly. To his satisfaction, Carey softened and pushed out toward him, his cock bobbing, pre-come dripping.

  With a soft bite to each of Carey’s cheeks, Jase settled in between them, licking, sucking, his tongue alternately lashing and pressing inward. Above him, Carey’s groans rang toward the ceiling, his fingers scrabbling at the sheets.

  At last Jase pulled back and observed his handiwork, his lips throbbing. After mouthing Carey’s tight balls, Jase kissed his way back up his body, until he was hovering over him. He nudged him with the head of his cock, and Carey moaned, his head arching back.

  “I want to be inside you,” Jase murmured in his ear. “But just fingers this time. Okay?”

  “Yes. You inside me,” Carey choked out, his eyes wild. “Please!”

  His own breath coming in pants, Jase grabbed for the bottle of lube he’d put on the nightstand. He slicked up his fingers and rubbed the middle one against Carey’s hole. He pushed against it, a rush of heat suffusing him when he felt it give.

  “Is this what you want?” Jase hissed. “You want this?”

  “God, yes.” Carey’s voice was almost guttural. “I need you.”

  Circling his slippery finger against the puckered skin, Jase eased the tip of it inside, just past the ring of muscle, held it, then slid deeper. He kissed Carey’s neck. “You feel good,” he breathed. “Like tight, hot silk.”

  Carey moaned. “It’s so weird. Like pain, but…not.”

  “It’s the sweetest ache, isn’t it?” He pushed deeper, Carey’s grunts of surprise and discovery arrowing straight to Jase’s balls.

  Gritting his teeth, Jase worked his finger back and forth, in and out, until Carey’s hips started to move, to chase the sensation.

  More lube, and a second finger. Jase stretched him, pumping deep. He brushed his lips over Carey’s cheek, and Carey turned his head to nip at him, breaths sawing in and out. “I need—”

  “I know what you need.” With a twist of his fingers, Jase pressed hard against his inner wall, exulting in Carey’s choked cry.

  “Jase, oh, God!”

  His heart thundering in his ears, Jase took Carey’s dripping cock in a tight grip, jacking him hard, giving him the friction he needed as he continued to massage that spot deep inside.

  “Let go,” Jase crooned. “Come for me, beautiful.”

  Carey’s muscles bunched. “It’s too much—”

  “Let it take you,” Jase whispered. “I’ve got you, love. I’ve got you.”

  At those words, Carey froze. His cock swelled in Jase’s hand a split second before his ass clamped down hard on his fingers and, mouth open in a soundless cry, he spurted across his belly in hot, seemingly endless jets.

  Jase stroked him through it, and when the orgasm eased its grip at last, moved his palm in soothing circles over Carey’s sweaty, sticky chest.

  “Am I dead?” Carey said brokenly. “I think I’m dead.”

  Jase let out a shaky chuckle. “I hope not. I wanted to make you feel good, not kill you.”

  “That was—” Words seemingly failing him, Carey sprawled out. “You were right. My soul left my body.”

  “Told you.” Grinning, Jase bent to kiss him. “There’s nothing like it.”

  Carey dragged his eyes open, his thumb brushing over the hollow of Jase’s throat and the pulse throbbing there. “How can I…?”

  Jase kissed him again. “Just touch me,” he rasped. “I want to feel your hands on me.”

  “C’mere.” Urging Jase to lie down on his back, Carey propped himself up on his elbow next to him and took his cock in a firm grip, thumb circling the slick head, his teeth sinking into his lower lip at Jase’s sharp cry. “That’s it. You’re so close, aren’t you? Come for me. Let me see you come for me.”

  Carey’s touch and the whispered encouragement soon had Jase riding a tide of pure pleasure, one that tossed him wildly about in its relentless current before casting him back to shore, gasping, drained.

  His vision blurry, Jase gazed at Carey, his lips trembling with the words he longed to say. Carey looked dazed, so Jase reached up and pulled him close, his palm running soothingly up and down his back.

  “You okay?” he whispered at last.

  Carey nodded against his shoulder. “I’m—that was amazing.” Lifting his head, he kissed Jase softly. “You’re amazing.”

  Jase waited, but he didn’t say anything more.

  Well, what had he expected? A declaration of undying love?

  “I’m glad I made you feel good,” he said at last, still rubbing his back.

  “You did more than that.” Carey pushed to his elbow to gaze down at him. “You made me feel—cared for. Cherished. The physical pleasure was just a bonus.”

  Jase’s throat closed up. Well, there’s a lifetime of that if you want it. Ruthlessly, he shoved the longing away. “I’m glad,” was all he said, his voice a thread of sound.

  “Thanks for cherishing me,” Carey whispered, feathering a kiss across his lips before curling back against him with a sigh.

  “Easiest thing I’ve ever done,” Jase managed, resting his cheek on Carey’s hair, his chest tight.

  It wasn’t long until Carey’s breathing grew rhythmic, his body heavy and warm. Jase slipped away to use the bathroom and wash his hands, then he drew the covers over both of them and held him close, listening to the roar of the ocean through the screen door of the patio.

  Easiest thing I’ve ever done.

  A pungent, unmistakable smell woke him.

  Dazed with sleep and confusion, Carey sat up and glanced around the unfamiliar room. “Jase?”

  No answer.

  The clock on the nightstand glowed midnight, and he ran his hand over the sheets next to him. Ice cold. Jase had been gone a while.

  Pulling himself to the edge of the mattress, he groped for his crutches, but of course they weren’t there, having been left out on the patio. He stood and hopped to the chair that his prosthetic was leaning against, donned it quickly and yanked on a pair of shorts before going in search of Jase.

  He found him on the balcony, sprawled in a chair and staring out at the ocean, smoke curling lazily around him.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Jase proffered the joint to him, and when Carey shook his head, took another long drag.

  “Can’t sleep?”

  “I did for a while.” Jase leaned back in his chair and blew the smoke up toward the sky. “You were snoring up a storm, though.”

  “Is that why you got up? For future reference, if you nudge me and make me turn over, I’ll usually stop.”

  Jase flicked a glance at him. “I don’t need to know what your other bed partners found helpful when sleeping with you,” he said coolly, “but thanks.”

  Carey blinked. “My other bed partners? What are you talking about? Guys were always throwing shit at me in bootcamp to make me shut up at night. It didn’t bother you when we lived together?”

  After a long pause, Jase said, “No. And it didn’t bother me now. I just—” He shrugged. “I just couldn’t sleep.”
r />   Carey lowered himself into the chair next to him, alarmed at how brittle Jase seemed. “Did you have a nightmare?”

  “No.”

  “Do you ever have them?”

  “Sometimes.” Jase’s voice was terse. “I’m fine, Carey.”

  Their earlier sense of intimacy had almost completely vanished. Jase’s profile was rigid, his body language forbidding, like he’d fly apart if touched.

  Carey’s heart ached. I wish you’d talk to me.

  Determined to wait him out, he linked his fingers over his stomach and settled in, listening to the surf. The night was chilly, and he found himself shivering, but he didn’t move. When Jase abruptly got up and went inside, Carey’s heart sank, but Jase was back a few seconds later.

  “Here,” he said gruffly, as he draped a blanket around Carey’s bare shoulders. He himself was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, sneakers on, and it was obvious he’d been up for a long time, walking, smoking, while Carey slumbered away, oblivious.

  Reaching out, Carey snagged his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thanks for taking such good care of me.”

  “Well, a good medic—” Jase’s voice broke, “always—” He yanked his hand free and flopped back in his chair, his face turned away.

  “You are a good medic, Jase.”

  “Am I?” Pinching out what was left of his joint, Jase surged back to his feet and leaned his elbows against the railing. “There’re some people who’d beg to differ. Or they would, anyway, if they weren’t dead.”

  Despite Jase’s attempt at cynicism, there was a thread of anguish running through his words. An answering sorrow tugged at Carey, made him stand and move over to him. Jase tensed, but allowed Carey to slip his arm around his waist.

  They stared out at the dark, roiling ocean, until slowly, bit by bit, Jase let himself lean against him.

  Carey rested his cheek on his shoulder. “You want to go back to bed?”

  “No.”

  “Should I leave you alone?”

  “No!” The word seemed dragged out of him. “Can’t we just stay out here? Like this?”

  Where the sky is big enough to absorb the pain.