Love Me

by Quinn Ward

  “It’s fine.”

  “Are you sure?” She dug to the bottom of her nylon bag, pulling out a smudge stick and a lighter. She held it up to me. “This will help cleanse your aura and lift your spirits. But if you’d prefer, I can skip it.”

  “Believe me, if there was ever a day I need that, it’s today,” I blurted out. I held my breath, waiting for her to press me to open up and share my worries with her. Blessedly, she continued with her own ritual. The flame kept going out because of the wind, so I leaned in, cupping my hands to provide a shield. “That should help.”

  “Thank you.” She tried in vain a few more times before giving up and shoving the smudge stick back into her bag. “Oh well, it’s not absolutely necessary.”

  The stranger settled into the sand just to the right of the mailbox post and closed her eyes. Her chest rose and fell steadily for a few seconds. I tried to match my breathing to hers, my eyes slowly drifting closed to the world around me. The sweet melody washed over me, eventually allowing me to forget about everything that was happening on the other side of the bridge from the inn to the beach. Time slowed and I allowed myself to believe everything would be okay.

  When I opened my eyes, the woman was frantically scribbling a note in the book she’d pulled out of the mailbox. It was strange to think that, someday, I might read her words. Although I’d often wondered about the people who stopped by here and left the notes I was so obsessed with, it felt like an invasion of her privacy to know there was a chance I’d put a face with whatever it was she needed to say.

  I picked up my notebook and brushed away the grains of sand that’d been kicked onto the cover. Most days, I opened to a random page and read, but today, I flipped from one page to the next as though I was searching for something specific. My heart clenched when I glimpsed familiar slanted scrawl on a page near the back. I shouldn’t read what he had to say, but I needed to. For now, this was my connection to the man I’d fallen in love with, the man who guarded so much of himself.

  Dear Kindred Spirit,

  It’s safe to say this trip has been nothing like I expected. I love the life I’ve built for myself, but since taking my first steps in the sand along this beach, I’ve felt that life drifting away from me. In its place, I’ve found everything I never thought I’d have. Family. Purpose. Passion. Love.

  And maybe my family isn’t perfect. There are a lot of skeletons I wasn’t aware existed, and I wish like hell I could turn back the clock and shake the old man so we could have reconciled before his death. Now I’m left with an uncle I can’t trust, but I don’t think he’s all bad. I’m just not sure how to get past the things he’s done and the ways he’s threatened everything I’ve come to cherish.

  If you’d told my fifteen-year-old self that I’d eventually move to the beach and take over the family business, I’d have laughed in your face, and yet here I am. And it feels so right it scares the hell out of me. I want to do this. And it’s all because of the man I didn’t know I’ve needed.

  It seems fitting to admit that here, because he’s the reason I even know this mailbox exists. The first time he dragged me down the beach, I was annoyed because it felt like the trip was pointless. There was no destination in sight. But through the trips we’ve made since then, I’ve come to realize you’re much more than just a mailbox filled with notes from random strangers. You give people a sense of connection, even if they’ll never know anyone else who left notes. You’re a safe harbor, a way for people to share their joys and sorrows without feeling like a burden on those they have to face in daily life.

  If I had to share a fear with you, it’s that I’ll never be enough. I’ve grown so used to everyone leaving me that I’m not sure I’m capable of being what he needs. He’s amazing, loves with his whole heart, and in return he gets the pieces of me I can trust him with. No, that’s a lie. I’d trust him with my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m not waiting for him to wake up and realize he deserves someone who isn’t broken. Someone who believes that love can last.

  It’s on me to save the family business right now, and that’s a problem. I can’t do it on my own, which means I have to accept help from others. And I have it, but my love may not accept the way this is possible. It means forever tethering a piece of my past that is painful to my present and future.

  If there’s anything to this kindred spirit stuff, please help me make the man I love see that there’s nothing more important to me than him. I’m doing this because I want to build a life with him, but this is the only way. I’ve never thought much about what my life would look like down the road, but now I can see it. I can see him and me walking down this beach when we’re old men, our bodies aching, but our minds and hearts unwilling to miss a single journey because the mailbox is our place.

  -D

  I closed the notebook and stared at the waves roaring onto shore as storm clouds built on the horizon. The tension I’d released early crashed back into my body as I tried deciphering what Dane meant about tethering a piece of his past to the future. It had to be something big for him to admit on paper that I wasn’t going to like whatever it was, and it frustrated the hell out of me that he hadn’t told me the details of how he planned to save the inn before he left town. I stood, brushing the sand off my legs before stuffing the notebook back at the bottom of the stack. I could sit here all day and I’d never get the answers I needed.

  Rain started falling when I was still nearly a mile from the inn. I curled in on myself, trying to shield my body from the pelting spray. The beach was deserted by the time I got back to the bridge. So was the lobby of the inn. It was eerily quiet when it should be buzzing with guests who’d rushed to shelter from the storm. The phone started ringing, and I slipped on the polished floor as I rushed to answer.

  “Bird Island Inn, this is Brook.” I sucked in a few deep breaths to quell my building anxiety.

  “Brook.” James sounded even worse now than he had when I left. “Listen to me, son. I’m trying to buy some time, but I’m not sure it’ll work. I’m sorry if it’s not enough. I need you to take care of the inn for me. Run it as if it’s your own in my absence. I trust you, Brook.”

  James let out a pained cry, and I wondered where he was and what he was enduring as penance for his decisions. I offered up a quick prayer for his safety, because knowing Dane believed there was something good in him, I couldn’t stand the thought of watching him mourn yet another person he cared about.

  Desperate to do something, I broke Dane’s confidence. “James, ask them for two more days. That’s it. Promise them they’ll get the money you owe them in two days.”

  “No way, Brook. I’ve made too many hollow promises already. They won’t believe me,” James sobbed.

  I paced back and forth behind the counter, biting my lip to keep from saying anything else. Until Dane returned with money in hand, there was no way I could guarantee anything. I straightened, lifting my shoulders as clarity hit me.

  “If they want their money, they’ll wait,” I insisted. They could have taken their payment in blood long ago, but they hadn’t. For once in his miserable life, James had the upper hand, even if he didn’t know it. “If your word isn’t good, tell them you have a buyer.”

  “I’m not lying to them, Brook. They’ll kill me!” His voice pitched up on the last panicked statement.

  “It’s not a lie, James. There is a buyer, but you need them to give you a little more time,” I promised him. “Don’t ask me to go into details because I have none, but I know Dane’s been working on a way to fix this. He won’t fail you.”

  I no longer cared what Dane planned to do. All that mattered was that he find a way to save our home. And this inn was home to us: the apartment on the top floor, the sands on the other side of the bridge, the mailbox, all of it.

  The line cut off before James could respond. As I pulled out my phone to send Dane a frantic text that he needed to get back here as fast as he could, our first new arrivals of the night walked through
the front door. Once they were settled in their room, I sent my SOS.

  19

  Dane

  I was 16. You were 27. You told me I was too young to love you. You said you knew better. You lied. I love you as much now as I did then, and I’m going to find a way to tell you. Even if you send me away again, I will only leave after speaking my truth. -K

  Need you to hurry! They have James, don’t know where. Please, come home.

  My heart raced in my chest as soon as I read the incoming text from Brook. I crumpled onto Grady’s couch, doubling over as I tried to get my breathing under control before I passed out.

  “Hey, you okay?” Jen sat down next to me and rubbed my back. Little Pax reached out and patted my face, although I couldn’t be sure that wasn’t just a reflex of him reaching out for the nearest adult while his mommy was preoccupied.

  Unable to speak, I simply shook my head. I hated James for what he’d done, but knowing he was in danger while I shared a bottle of wine with friends, wishing more than anything that Brook was here with us, made me want to puke.

  She swiped the phone out of my hands and read the message. “Grady! We need you out here.”

  Ugh. I didn’t want to involve him any more than I already had. “What’s going on?”

  “We need to get him home,” Jen told her husband. “Sounds like shit’s gone south in a hurry and he may be running out of time.”

  “I’ll get the flight booked,” Grady said without hesitation. “There’s one leaving at six tomorrow morning.”

  “Not good enough. I could drive faster than that, but I can’t leave yet. Dad needs me here,” I argued. A weight dropped on my chest as I realized that no matter what I did, I’d be letting someone down. Rushing back to Brook would mean not being here when Dad was released and staying here meant leaving Brook to fend for himself. I told him I loved him, but was I showing him how much he meant to me if I let him deal with the mess my family created? “I can’t go anywhere until tomorrow night after he’s out.”

  “Yes, you can,” Grady insisted. “You and Jen leave tonight with Pax. I’ll pick up your dad and we’ll follow.”

  “You want me to take them with me? Are you fucking insane? That’s the most ridiculous possible idea. What if these guys hurt them?” No way in hell was this happening. Against all odds, Grady had forgiven me for what my dad had been accused of doing to his family; we wouldn’t overcome the damage if his family got hurt because of mine. “If I go, I’m going alone.”

  “No you’re not,” Jen argued, already hopping off the couch. “You’ve had a long day already and you’re tired. We go together and we can take turns driving. It’s almost bedtime, so Pax should sleep a good chunk of the trip. Have these guys threatened any of the guests so far?”

  “Well… no.” Their sole focus so far had been on James, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t change tactics if they realized he didn’t have the money to pay them.

  “And they haven’t messed with any of the staff other than being a general nuisance, correct?”

  “Not yet, but we don’t know what they’ll do. Until today, they’d never kidnapped anyone either,” I countered. The situation was escalating and these guys were unpredictable.

  “You don’t know for sure that they took your uncle against his will. There’s a chance he left on his own, trying to keep them from hurting the business.” Grady excused himself to make a phone call, and Jen dumped Pax into my lap and started shoving supplies into the diaper bag.

  I held him close to my chest, deeply inhaling the scent of a freshly bathed baby. I’d always thought people were morons when they claimed simply holding a baby could be relaxing, but as I closed my eyes, I realized they were right. I did feel a bit better.

  “And remember, this isn’t just about you anymore. We have a vested interest in making sure everything turns out.”

  “I know.” I slumped back on the couch, and Pax curled up against me. I slowly rubbed his back. It was wrong of me not to tell Brook that when we realized I didn’t have quite enough assets to liquidate on my own, Jen and Grady suggested buying into the business with me. This was supposed to be our fresh start, and I was kicking it off with a huge lie. No matter how many times I promised Brook that Grady was ancient history, I could tell by the way he quieted whenever I mentioned my friend that our past relationship, if you could even call it that, made him uncomfortable.

  “You keep saying you’re ready to make a change in your life,” Jen reminded me as she shifted to a basket of clean laundry. Without needing to be asked, Grady brought her an empty suitcase. “This is your first big test. It’s time for you to believe that people love you and want to help you. Not everyone is going to lie to you. Those who matter aren’t going to be scared off when times get tough. Let us in.”

  “Do I have much of a choice?” I quirked an eyebrow and glanced down at the already stuffed suitcase.

  “No, you don’t.” This from Grady, who was in the other room. “You should know by now that arguing with Jen is pointless. She will win every time. And in this case, she’s right. Once the paperwork is signed, your uncle gets the money and loses his claim to the inn. Honestly, she should be there since there will be paperwork for her as well. And once the trust clears, we can make the rest official.”

  “But what if something happens?” I repeated.

  “Nothing will happen because even if they have someone watching the inn, I have a plan,” Jen informed me. “You’re going to drop us off on the other side of town, and we’ll get a cab to the inn. As far as anyone else knows, we’re just a mom and her little boy in desperate need of a vacation. And that won’t be a stretch for one of us. Believe me, it’s no hardship to spend time at the beach, especially since Uncle Dane and Uncle Brook are going to show their undying gratitude once this is all done by babysitting so I can have a little me time. I’d be willing to bet Brook even knows of a spa nearby where I can get a little pampering.”

  Hell, at this point, I’d hire someone to come in and give her whatever massages or beauty shit she wanted. She didn’t have to, but she’d saved my ass time and again, and didn’t seem to hold it against me. I handed Pax to Grady, excusing myself to the guest room that’d always been mine when I visited. As I shuffled through the hall, I chuckled, thinking about how similar tonight was to the last time I’d seen Grady and Jen.

  I stared at my cell phone for a few minutes, trying to build up the courage to call Brook and come clean. It wasn’t fair to him to be left in the dark, and if Grady being my business partner was a sticking point for our relationship, I needed to know that sooner rather than later.

  He picked up before I even heard it ring on my end. “Hey, did you get my message?”

  “Yeah, and apparently we’re going to head out within the hour. We should be back by morning,” I told him. I let out a heavy sigh, trying to shake off the weight on my chest. “Tell me what in the hell happened. Have you heard from James again? Is there anyone hanging out on the property who shouldn’t be there? If there is, you need to call the cops. I don’t give a damn who it pisses off. They’re not going to intimidate you. I can’t be worried about you when I’m driving through the night.”

  “Dane, I don’t want you doing anything dangerous. You had a long day. Why don’t you wait until morning to drive down here?” Now that Jen and Grady had convinced me I needed to get back to the inn as quickly as possible, waiting was no longer an option.

  “Babe, it’s okay. Jen and the baby are coming with me so we can take turns driving,” I explained to him.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Brook said, and I wondered if there was something else he wasn’t telling me about what was going on back home. “Honestly, I’ve got things handled here for now, and your uncle swore up and down that he’s managing things on his end and no one’s going to bother us.”

  I nearly laughed at the idea of trusting anything James said at this point, when he had already proven how untrustworthy he was. Just becaus
e James said the situation was under control didn’t mean a damn thing to me. No, now that I’d resolved to get home as quickly as possible, that was what was going to happen.

  “It’s time we get the problem taken care of once and for all, Brook. And I know you’re worried about me bringing Jen down there. I was too,” I admitted. “But one thing you’re going to learn about Jen and Grady is they’re even more stubborn than me. Jen has a plan, and it’s a good one. But I need your help. I don’t care what you have to do, but I need you to block off a room for Grady’s family. I’ll text you all the details as soon as I can.”

  “And how exactly am I supposed to do that?” Brook let out a huff, and I could almost picture him with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, glaring at me because we both knew damn well that the inn was booked solid through the summer. Neither of us said anything as Brook typed away at the keyboard on the other end of the line. “Dane, I’m telling you there’s nothing available. The only thing we could do is put them up in your room, but I’m pretty sure you’re going to need a place to stay too. And what about when your dad comes?”

  “We’ll figure all that out. There has to be something we can shuffle around.”

  “I’m looking and I’m telling you there’s nothing,” Brooke shot back, words clipped. I knew he was upset with me, but there was no other way. I’d done everything I could do. Now I needed him to come through for me on this one detail.

  “Hadn’t you blocked off the room for my dad?” At the time he did it, I’d argued that my dad and I could share a room, but now I was grateful that he’d insisted we needed a private place and I needed space to get away when trying to reconnect after a decade apart got to be too much. “If you have to, put them in that room and my dad can stay with James, at least for a little while.”