A rose should be red: Part 1 - Secrets

by Akaku Red

  “The questions, after the meal!” He stated.

  I stopped talking right away.

  The last time I ate lasagne, was as Rick was still alive. He would make it for me, but the last time he did, that was two years ago.

  I remembered Rick’s warm smile when he watched me proudly eating his food.

  He was such a happy man; I really did love my father.

  My tears wanted to find a way through my eyes, but I forced them back.

  No crying… not now!

  “I hope it matches your taste.” Tyler said softly.

  His voice was quiet again, but I heard him, and because of that, I got back to reality.

  “It does! How did you know? I didn't eat lasagne for a while, and it really is one of my favourite meals. I didn't think that they would have that here… I thought you were going to order me Pies or such…”

  He started laughing again; it even reached his eyes.

  “So you didn’t notice that this is an Italian restaurant?”

  Oh, really? Maybe I overlooked, but also… how would I know the difference between restaurants? It just seemed more noble and fancy than other ones.

  I started to look around again; there was no sign of an Italian flag! Maybe there were some typical Italian things drawn on the walls? Well, I didn't know.

  “You are really doing a great job in lightening up my mood.” He added.

  Well, I wasn't doing anything special.

  “Every time we are together… I feel good. And I can forget about my stressful life.”

  Tyler slowly slid his hand away from mine, and his long fingers took their time with it.

  And his touch was burning hot.

  Even though he had strong hands, it still felt like a feather was brushing over my hand, and it left this tingling sensation all over my body, again.

  Amazing… Yeah… it really was amazing.

  I let these feelings overwhelm me.

  “We should eat before it gets cold.”

  I forced the feelings aside, and then I nodded.

  “Enjoy your meal.”

  I said as I started eating.

  The lasagne tasted good, but it couldn't be compared to the ones my father made.

  Both were delicious, in another way.

  As I was eating up the salad, which was placed next to the lasagne, I noticed that Tyler was watching me.

  I felt shy again.

  “Is there anything?” I asked.

  He didn't look away; it seemed like he didn't care that I caught him staring.

  “No, I just couldn't take my eyes off you.”

  I felt the heat rising, from my toes to my head.

  “S-Stop it! You and your words.”

  “Why? Did I say something wrong again?” His tone teasing!

  “No, you just make me feel… strange!” I uttered.

  “Haha! I am glad that I am not the only one feeling this way.” He said laughingly.

  Was he really teasing me again? Why would he say something like this as a joke?

  Maybe he had other feelings because mine didn't make me laugh!

  I finished my meal and looked out the window.

  It started to darken outside, but there was still enough light to see the river, and a little bit of the city.

  On the other side of the river, there were several street-lamps lined up, with meticulous equal spacing.

  They started turning on slowly, one by one.

  “Jenny… I hope you did enjoy your meal.”

  “Yes, I did. Thank you.”

  “There will be pudding for dessert.”

  I took my gaze away from the window and looked at Tyler.

  “You do spoil me a lot.”

  I smiled.

  “But only you!” He added.

  A short time passed, as the waiters from before, took our plates and placed new ones with our desserts on the table.

  The pudding looked amazing!

  Tyler somehow knew that I wasn't a fan of chocolate. He ordered me a vanilla pudding and God! It tasted so good!

  Today was indeed a good day.

  I took a glimpse at Tyler; he looked out the window with a serious expression.

  He was thinking about something really hard.

  I was concerned because I barely saw him looking like this.

  His hands were made into fists.

  Was he okay?

  Before I could ask, he sighed and loosened his grip.

  This time he was caught off guard, he didn't notice me watching him, that is why he was startled, as he saw me looking at him.

  But it was just for a second before he changed his expression into a smiling face.

  Well, it didn't reach his eyes, and this smile looked forced.

  “Do you want to start the interrogation?” He asked.

  Again, I wasn't sure, if I should ask much because it was clear that his reaction now was because of the questions I would ask.

  He didn't seem happy.

  “I… err… did you always live in London?” This wasn't the real question I had in mind, but somehow I needed to start.

  “Yes, I was born and raised in London. Once I got my A-Levels, I studied law in Germany, before I got back here and got my job as a lawyer. It was hard in Germany, but I could easily get my degree. Well, I also needed to add in an additional certificate due the different Law, but it wasn’t really a problem. It was well recognised too, but it wasn’t easy for me to get a job. Because some people still think that I’m too young to be a good lawyer… But hey, I got a job, didn’t I?! Even though I am starting small, I will gather my experiences, and then I plan to open my own law office.”

  I could imagine that it was hard for him.

  We all needed to fight our obstacles, and if we win, then everything can become easy.

  Because… everything was hard.

  “I guess you weren’t taken seriously since you finished at a young age.” I muttered.

  “Yeah … It was hard, and I always needed to do double than the best. But I am glad I finished.”

  He was right …

  You won’t get anything if you don’t fight for it.

  “Why Germany?”

  He sighed.

  “Well, … I wanted to distance myself from my parents. I wanted to do my own things, and I thought… the fewer people knew me, the better I could concentrate on myself…”

  Hm… I really wanted to know why he mentioned his parents like this, but… his face showed me that he didn't want to talk about it.

  And I did respect that because I knew the feeling of not wanting to talk about sad things.

  “And how did you know my mother?” Tyler flinched.

  “Er… well, I met her for the first time in Germany. I was sixteen when I first entered the uni … And I was twenty-one as I entered my traineeship here in London. And your mother was an interpreter; she attended the university I was in and was staying there for a couple of months. She needed to translate some paperwork and even held some lectures. I met her in my semester years… Elise did know me, and she was the one who approached me first… She was a good friend of my mother, and she must have told her about me.”

  He made a short break before he kept on talking.

  “Elise is a nice person, and her character was the same as my mum. That’s why I stayed in contact with her. And… she helped me out a lot. That is… why I will always help her if she needs me.”

  As he was talking, I noticed a change in his eyes. Also, his voice was… not the usual.

  It sounded like a practised narration.

  Maybe I was overthinking, but I had a feeling that he was partly telling the truth.

  “Did you also know my father?”

  Tyler swallowed hard.

  “Yes, I knew him.”

  “So this means you did know my parents, way before I’ve got to know them.“ I said, smiling.

  He didn't answer.

  “I am sorry… I don't want to make you reme
mber uncomfortable things; I think we should stop here.”

  The silence was a little awkward.

  Somehow, I felt shy again… I brushed my hair behind my ears and looked out the window, to distract myself from his sudden change.

  It was dark outside.

  The streetlights were shining completely, and if you looked at the river, the lights made the water shimmer. It made the darkness of the river fade away.

  And it was beautiful.

  Tyler sighed; he also started to look out the window.

  The time flew by, and even though the mood had changed, I still enjoyed his company.

  After a while, he muttered something that I couldn't understand.

  Then he got up, took two steps, and stood before me.

  “We should go back.”

  He helped me up and enclosed his warm hand with mine.

  We didn't talk at all. It didn’t matter; I enjoyed the silence.

  I was so deep in thoughts that I didn't notice that we reached the car.

  And before I could realise, we already were in front of my house.

  Wow… I really did space out too much.

  Slowly, I reached out to my seatbelt and opened it up.

  “Thank you. Our little date was nice.” I said cheerfully.

  Before I opened the car door, he stopped me by grabbing my arm.

  “Do you… hate me?”

  His voice was quiet and serious, and I was shocked by his question.

  “No, I don't hate you. Why would you think that?“

  Finally, he looked at me.

  “Because I know that you hate my job.”

  I was quite shocked, as he said those words I laid back on my seat and stared down on my hands.

  It was unusual for Tyler to have these thoughts.

  Yet, I needed to admit that there were in fact times when he looked at me… he would give me this feeling, of being in sorrow, as if he had something hidden, which made him look at me with apologetic eyes.

  I didn’t like to be pitied! At first, I thought he did that, but he assured me that it wasn’t the case, which I believed.

  But to see him like this, made me sad.

  Why are you in sorrow?

  The look on his face now gave me the chills, he looked at me with longing, yearning, yet sad eyes.

  Making my whole body tense and confused.

  What made me confused was that I never told him that I hated his job; also, I never said anything to make him think like that.

  He knew about my situation from Elise…

  Maybe he thought, if he were me, he would hate his job.

  But I didn’t think like that.

  I didn’t hate him, and I didn’t hate his work.

  Tyler bit his lip as he was tensely waiting for my answer.

  “Hate is a big word… I wouldn't say that I hate your job, but I dislike the idea of helping people who committed crimes.”

  I sighed.

  “I won’t hate you, just because you do something like this. This is your life, your decision and I respect that.”

  I started to play with the hem of my sweatshirt.

  “Is it because of your past?”

  His voice was low and careful.

  “Yeah… These monsters did bad things to me. Really… bad things! Till today, I still have repercussions! Thankfully, I stopped taking pills because of my anxieties. I do have depression, and I can’t be an average girl, because of what they did to me. This lawyer who helped these monsters – they won! They got stultified! No real punishment and no prison! They only got admitted to an addiction clinic, where they can go in and out as they please. They are under observation for only ten years…”

  My eyes started burning up.

  I barely managed to hold back my tears.

  “She is only nine years old! She won’t understand the difference between propose and mistake! That was so easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one enduring the pain… And I did know the difference! This man Thomas did everything with shrewdness, if they really were mentally incompetent, then how could they act nice in front of people, when they needed to? They hid everything; they lied and had fun with it. In the end, they did win, and I was losing… Oh yes… I did dislike it! I disliked that lawyer.”

  I took a deep breath.

  Tyler raised his hand, he gently touched my cheek, and he got closer with his face.

  “But… this man… he did his job. That is why I won’t hate him! He needed to do it, and he managed to win. So, again!… I will not hate you, just because you have this job.”

  I couldn't control my feelings anymore, without me wanting it, I started to tear up.

  This memory was full of sadness and anger, and it opened up so many wounds.

  One burning tear found its way down my face.

  This one tear was enough to break down my wall, and other drops followed.

  Tyler wiped them away, with his thumb.

  “I-I am sorry, I didn’t…”

  My voice started cracking up.

  Oh no! I didn't want to cry in front of anybody.

  Out of shame, I pushed his arm away. I opened the car door and ran away.

  But Tyler was fast to catch up.

  He was breathing heavily as he wrapped his arms around me.

  “I am sorry. I didn't want to make you cry. Please… I am sorry.” He said.

  I tried to free myself, but he pressed harder.

  He didn't hurt me.

  Even though he held me really tight, he still was careful and gentle.

  This was the first time that we were this close.

  Our bodies were matching together… making my heart beating faster.

  It hammered so hard against my chest that I had the feeling it would jump out of my body.

  The heat started rising.

  My tears stopped.

  His touch made me forget, the reason I cried.

  I tried to control my heartbeat, but how could I do that, when we were this close?

  Slightly, I raised my head to look up at him.

  As I did that, I noticed that he had bent over a little, so his face was very close to mine.

  The atmosphere changed.

  I started to feel dizzy by his gaze.

  My body was aching, as he started moving his hands behind my back. He held me so dearly, and his warmth left me speechless.

  His eyes wandered down to my lips.

  As if he was under a spell, he looked at them intensely.

  I swallowed hard.

  The heat crept up, and his scent made my mind go blank … what were these feelings?

  I parted my lips to say something, but my voice was lost.

  His presence made me weak and trapped.

  Tyler was so… handsome. Not because of his face, it was his character, his manner.

  But this situation now… what was it, that made me so captivated? That made me want him?

  Oh my! Did I really have these thoughts?

  Did I really want him?

  I bit my lower lip.

  Was I going crazy? Maybe I needed to go and see a doctor?

  Tyler got closer and closer.

  Was he going to kiss me?

  Oh my god!

  I wanted to move away, but I couldn’t.

  My body didn't want to listen to me.

  He licked his lip as he looked right into my eyes again.

  Their deep blue gave me the rest.

  He looked at me with a carving hunger, as if he wanted me… as if he waited so long for this moment to happen. His hand moved up to the back of my head.

  Gently he pulled me closer, till I could feel his breath on my lips.

  My eyes widened; I wasn't prepared at all!

  Before his lips could touch mine, he suddenly sighed.

  “You should go in before I do something stupid.“

  This husky voice again, damn!

  I was still too dazed to say anything.

  “Tomorrow, we will see
each other again. And then you can introduce me to your new friend Linette. I really want to know your lucky friend.”

  He said as he moved, till we had some space between us.

  I started to blink fast.

  It took me a moment to realise what happened, and a moment to let his words sink in.

  “Yeah… I will do that. Thank you for today.” I muttered.

  Before he could do something again, I turned away and quickly opened the door to my house.

  I ran the stairs up to my room, without turning back.

  Jumping on my bed, I grabbed my teddy bear and hugged it tightly.

  I tried to recall everything, and I was thinking it over and over again, I was now sure.

  I never mentioned the name of Linette.

  Chapter 3

  “One day… I will get you.’’

  I had woken up from a nightmare, and cold sweat was dripping down my face.

  Yesterday, I had remembered too much of my past, and now I even had a dream about Thomas.

  He had a big grin on his face as he threatened me.

  Sadly, this was more of a memory than a nightmare.

  The entire scene had taken place in court. It was the day where he got his verdict, and on that said day, he slightly past me by.

  In this brief moment, he whispered this sentence, with the coldest voice, with the darkest tone he had.

  And I believed that.

  I didn't know where this guy was, but he always kept his words.

  If he had the chance, I was sure he would get me.

  But… I was safe, right? Maybe he forgot about me?

  If this man gets me again, I was sure I would really die this time.

  I couldn’t take it.

  I got startled, as I heard a knock on my door. Elise opened it and approached me.

  She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  “You had a nightmare.”

  How did she know?

  “Don’t look confused. I heard you screaming.”

  This was a lie…

  I never screamed out loud.

  I couldn’t do that, even if I wanted to.

  She must have looked after me, like all the other times, when I was in bed.

  I just didn't notice the tears, which were pouring down my face.

  Elise sat down next to me and hugged me gently.

  “What was that dream about?” She asked.

  I tightened my arms around her. I missed her warm hugs.

  Her scent that smelled like fresh vanilla with a hint of lemon made me calm down.

  “I just had a nightmare about… Thomas.” I couldn't lie about that, and I didn’t want to.