by J. L. Drake
Now my head was spinning, so I pushed to my feet and made a lot out of rearranging a few bulbs on the Christmas tree.
“And what if he wants to have children?”
“Well, shit.” Damien set his beer down. “You’ve gone there. You must really like this guy.”
“Then you be honest.” Nix nodded at Damien, who agreed. “But sooner rather than later.”
“That won’t scare him off?”
“Not if he loves you.”
“Jesus,” I felt a lump form in my throat, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know, Nix,” Damien turned away from me to face our brother, “maybe you can shake Tracy onto Carter if Ari’s done with him.”
“Oh, I hate you both.” I raced into the bedroom to get changed, ignoring their laughter. I decided it was time I at least tried to fix this mess.
A short time later, I stood outside the open engine bay staring into the face of a firetruck. A pot of chili was grasped between my hands, and a bag of warm chocolate brownies hung over my shoulder. I was scared, plain and simple. Maybe he’d had time to think it over and now decided he didn’t want to be with me. Was that why he hadn’t come by? Or maybe he was giving me space.
I don’t think I can do this.
I turned on my heel, only to come face to face with Cook, who I thought had been watching me.
“You can’t come all this way and not at least say hello.”
“Hi,” I squeaked and dropped my shoulders in defeat. “Could you take this inside? I was just leaving.”
“No, you weren’t.” He took my arm and led me inside. “He’s just as miserable as you. So, make it better. I need to know he has my back in the next fire.”
The kitchen was full of firemen. Some were playing a game of gin rummy, and a few were watching TV.
“Boys, this is Arizona.” They all waved, and a few gave me an extra-friendly smile. “She brought chili and brownies.”
“Oh, she’s our new favorite.” One came over and slid an arm around my shoulders as he snagged a brownie off the counter. “Have you been given the tour yet?”
“I have.”
“Not a public tour, but a real behind the scenes tour.”
“Ah.” I felt a blush come on as I thought of my tour of the firetruck the last time I was here. He must have mistaken my silence, because his grin spread even further, and he started to drag me out to the hallway.
“Back off, Win. This one,” Carter was suddenly at my side, “is with me.”
I nearly missed a step with how protective he was over me. He stared down the man over my head and placed his warm hand on my hip. Once the man left, Carter glanced down and his eyes softened.
“Hi.”
“Hey.” His hand didn’t move.
“Can we talk?”
“Okay.”
He took my hand and led me to his office, where he shut the door and lowered the blinds.
“They seem nice.” I didn’t know where to start.
“You brought food, and you are very sexy. It’s the way to their hearts,” he said matter-of-factly. “They’re good guys, but Winston can get a little carried away.”
“Good to know.” I played with my fingers and decided to come out with it. “Look, I just need to say it straight. I’m really sorry, Carter. I know I should have spoken up and shared the truth with you. But, well, every time the words were right there on the tip of my tongue, they seemed to stick there. I just couldn’t get them out. The words just dissolved and left me stuck in the moment.”
He moved to sit on the edge of his desk, and he tugged me to stand between his legs. When he didn’t say anything, I let my mouth run even more.
“I let my guard down with you. It wasn’t something I was ready for. It happened so quickly. It just happened.”
“Okay.” He nodded like my explanation was enough for him.
“Okay?”
“Jessi filled me in some at the hospital, so I have a bit more of an understanding of why you didn’t share with me.”
I closed my eyes, loving my best friend for caring, but inside deep down I was a bit annoyed with her. After all, this was my past that I needed to deal with, and I needed to do it in my own way. Jessi was part of my family, and I knew they all wanted the best for me, but I also knew there needed to be a line drawn somewhere. A conversation would have to be had, but it could wait.
“I can tell you’re not happy with Jessi.”
“Having someone speak for me?” I sighed, letting it go. It came from a good place. “I’ve been down that road before, and it gets a tad tiring.”
“Fair enough.” He ran his fingertips down my arm and fiddled with my bracelet. “How about this? I’m off tonight. Why don’t we have dinner at my place and just clear the air, and tomorrow we start fresh.”
“Really?” I couldn’t help my grin. A warmth spread through me, and my chest relaxed, easing the anxiety I held so tight inside.
“Yeah, we can order Chinese.”
“Mm.” I stepped further into him and slipped my hands over his broad shoulders. “I can bring dessert.”
He leaned in and kissed my collarbone, and I felt a jolt of lust in the center of my stomach.
“Maybe we should skip dinner,” he whispered across my sensitive skin. “Just skip the clothes too and crawl under the sheets.”
I chuckled deliriously and moved my hand into his hair. He moaned, giving me the much-needed confidence to keep touching.
“When do you get off?” I grazed over his lap and felt him flinch with a growl.
“Not soon enough.”
Moving backward, I kissed along his jawbone and slowly moved up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He reached over and held my head in his hand and commanded the kiss in the way I loved.
His tongue dove inside my mouth as he stood towering over me, and his hand swiped over the curve of my bottom and squeezed my body to his. His erection dug into my belly, showing me his excitement.
Everything inside me wanted him to tear my clothes off and show me how a woman should be made love to. To show me how he needed me, how he wanted me. Not the way it was with Myles, who would just lie there and, if he could get away with it, occasionally check his phone while I did all the work. It was like sex with a corpse.
A loud knock had us separating like two opposite ends of a magnet. The last thing I wanted was to get Carter in trouble for having me here.
The door opened, and Cook popped his head in. “Sorry to bother you, but you have a certain little someone here to see you.”
“Really?” Carter’s face lit up as he jumped to his feet.
“Who?” I asked as he pulled me out of the office behind him and we hurried toward the common room. Just before I turned the corner behind him, I got a call. “Give me two seconds!”
“Okay.” He disappeared where happy voices could be heard.
“Hey, Mom, would I be able to call you back in fifteen?”
Chapter Twelve
Arizona
“Hey there, buddy,” I heard Carter say to someone as I hung up the phone. “I see you still have the puppy.”
I turned the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.
“Arizona!” Walker screamed and wiggled out of Carter’s arms and threw himself in mine.
“What in the world!” I scooped him up and buried my face into his little neck. Walker was by far my most favorite kid at the rec center. I knew we were not supposed to have favorites, but how could you not fall for such a sweet little guy? “What are you doing here?”
“You two know one another?” Carter looked completely confused but still had on one hell of a grin.
“Yes, Walker visits me at the rec center.” I rubbed his back the way I knew he loved. “He’s my sidekick.”
“I’ve missed you,” he sniffed.
“I’ve missed you, too.” Wait. “How do you know Walker?”
Walker hugged me a little tighter before he reached out his arms to Carter. Carter wasted no time shifting him into his arms.
“I think we have a new dinner topic tonight,” he muttered under his breath, and I knew I wasn’t going to like the story.
“Lieutenant,” Walker’s grandfather, who I had only met once, took a shaky step toward us, his cane wobbling. “My wife has some tests and said you had offered to take him if we needed help. I was wondering if he could spend the next two hours here. I’m not like his grandmother. I can’t keep up with him.”
“Of course. We have movies, brownies, and all the soda you can drink.” He laughed with Walker, whose eyes lit up.
“Thank you. I’ll be back in a bit, okay, Walker? You behave yourself, now.”
“’Kay.” He couldn’t keep his eyes off Carter and me.
Once the place settled back down, and with their new visitor tucked up on the couch, Cook took some time to explain to the little guy how the TV remote worked. Satisfied things were under control, Carter turned to me.
“I have so many questions.” He laughed, and I saw how much Walker’s visit had affected him.
“Me too.” I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time. “But I have to go. I’ll pick us up some wine for dinner and see you tonight?”
He leaned over and kissed my lips gently. “Feel free to come over in just a coat.”
“You can’t say things like that.” I leaned in to whisper into his ear, “I’m nearly soaked.”
“Oh.” He groaned like the next few hours would be torture.
I headed over to the couch and bent down in front of Walker like I always did when I spoke to the kids at the center. Moving down to their eye level made them feel heard and comfortable.
“Okay, Walker, I have to go, but I hope to see you at the center soon.” I covered his small hand with mine and stared into the eyes of this child who had seen too much in his short lifetime.
“Why do you have to go?”
“I have to go the store and get ready to have dinner with a friend tonight.”
“Why can’t you stay and play with me and Carter?”
I smiled warmly, loving the fact that he had taken to me, more so than the other kids. Jessi was gifted in the way she dealt with the difficult kids. She found them a challenge and got a lot of satisfaction from her success with them. I found myself at a bit of a loss with them and happily allowed myself to be drawn to the gentle-hearted ones. The ones who were starved for love needed a lot more hugs and reassurance to know they were loved no matter what.
“Here.” I pulled out one of my cards and scribbled my private cell phone number on the back. “If you ever want to talk or meet up, you know where to call me. Give it to your grandparents so they have it, too. You just can’t tell the other kids, okay?” I winked like it was our own private moment.
“’Kay.” He leaned forward and hugged me tightly, then tucked the card into his jeans pocket.
“See you soon, Walker.” I rubbed his stuffed puppy’s head and stood to leave.
“You’re great with him,” Carter walked me outside, and I shivered at the gust of cool air that found its way into my jacket. “You’re going to be a great mom.”
And there was the elephant in the room.
“Yeah, maybe.” I shrugged and decided that would be one of the top topics we needed to speak about tonight.
“See you tonight.” He leaned in and stopped right at my lips. “I think I’ll save this kiss for later.”
“Tease.” I winked and unlocked my car.
“You’re one to talk.”
His eyes raked down the length of my body before he closed them with a laugh. I slipped in behind the wheel and gave him one last wave then headed to the shops.
I spent way too long in the lingerie section after I made the mistake of calling Jessi and sharing my intentions for tonight. She made it clear I had nothing sexy in my old-lady drawer, as she called it. That wasn’t entirely true. I did enjoy a good set of lacey bra and panties, but the sad reality was I could wear a cotton onesie and Myles wouldn’t have cared as long as I did my part in bed.
I had never felt that he saw me as particularly sexy. He certainly saw me as convenient, and that really had played on me mentally. Our sex life was as dysfunctional as my ability to conceive. Thinking back on what I had witnessed in our bedroom, I shuddered at the thought of what he really did like.
“Hold the camera up, Ari!” Jessi strained to see through the video call. “Yuck, who would wear yellow submarine undies?” I laughed and was grateful for my earpiece. “Move to the right.” She pointed like I didn’t know my left from my right. “Sweet mother of all that is horrendous,” she faked a gag, “is that a cheetah on the crotch?”
“Yes.” I tried to keep my smirk from showing, as the lady at the front desk was watching me. I felt like I was fifteen again sneaking into the store with my friends just to laugh.
“If you so much as look in that direction again, we’re breaking up. No pussy should have a pussy on it.”
“Must we?” I loathed that word.
“If a man needs that much of a road map to your southern states, he shouldn’t be going on a road trip.”
“Sweet Jesus, Jessi.” I laughed out loud and held up a black and red sexy lace set that had ties on the sides. “What about these?”
“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. Come to Mama.” She purred like a cat.
“Good, this is it. I’m done.” She went to say more, but I ended the call and headed to the counter.
With my bag in hand, I hurried to the supermarket to grab some wine and something chocolatey.
Pushing the cart through the aisle, I choose a Francis Coppola and a block of Brix chocolate. My favorite wine paired with my favorite chocolate just confirmed the night would be that much more special. Just as I hit the meat section, I heard a voice call my name.
“Arizona.” The shaky voice came from behind me, I slowly turned around to find Chester, Myles’s assistant, standing with his arms locked at his sides.
“Hey, Chester.” I tried to keep my voice from showing any concern. He seemed like he was strung out on something. Looking at his body language and expression, I knew this was not the man who always had nothing but smiles and jokes every time I talked to him. “How are you?”
“Ah,” his eyes shifted back and forth nervously like he was watching for someone, “I gotta, I mean you need to…” His stammering had me take a step back. “I’m sorry.” He held out a hand. “I’m not trying to frighten you. I’m trying to tell you…” Both hands went up to his face, and he dug his palms into his eyes like his brain wasn’t functioning correctly. “I had no idea, Arizona,” he latched on to my gaze, “no idea that could happen.”
“What could happen?”
“I thought it was a mistake.” He kept going. “But it wasn’t. Now things are so dark.”
“Dark?” I shook my head. “Chester, I’m not following you.”
He stepped forward and roughly took my hand and whispered, “I don’t know how to stop it. No one will listen. When I mentioned it…” His lip quivered, and his eyes were wide and wild. “There’s so much darkness there. If they knew I was speaking to you…” His free hand snapped over his mouth, then he stepped back and dropped my hand so quickly my whole arm fell as though independent from the rest of my body. “You need to be careful, Arizona. You need to watch your back.”
“Chester?” I broke out in goosebumps at his warning and tried to speak again, but he suddenly raced off.
“What the hell?” I whispered out loud. What just happened? I’d never been in such an awkward and frightening situation before, and I had volunteered for the city for years looking after children with God knew what crazy home situations.
“Excuse me, dear.” A little old lady stood patiently waiting to push by me.
“Oh, sorry.” I shook my head to clear the fog and rushed to the front of the market to pay. Chester’s conversation looped in my head on the way home. I hit the call button and called the one person I bounced most of my strange situations off.
“About time you called me. Are you mad I vetted your pet for your brothers?”
I rolled my eyes and made a mental note to pull something dirty on Damien later.
“Grady, I need to bounce something off you.”
“Sure.” His tone changed to a more serious one. “Dylan,” he addressed his wife, “I’ll be right back.” I heard the screen door shut and the chair squeak as I pictured him on the porch in cool California winter air. I really needed to go visit him again. New York winters started getting old after Christmas. When January left and February was showing its dreary face, maybe then would be the perfect time for some California sun. “All right, Ari, you have my attention. What’s up?”
“Honestly, it’s probably nothing—”
“Which means it’s something,” he interrupted, knowing me all too well.
“Perhaps, but I ran into Myles’s assistant, Chester.” I paused. “I’m not sure if you remember him.”
“Vaguely,” he grunted.
“He seemed really squirrelly and upset when he approached me just now in the supermarket and wasn’t making any sense. He told me something was really dark and that if anyone knew he was talking to me it would be bad. And that I needed to watch my back.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he seem like he was on drugs?”
“Maybe. But, Grady, I have to say Chester seemed way off from his usual self. I always liked him. He certainly wasn’t one to ever take drugs before. I can tell he was trying hard to tell me something but didn’t know how, or worse, was afraid to. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” He paused. “I get that feeling sometimes.”
“I don’t know.” I clicked on my blinker to head down into my covered garage. “Should I be nervous?”