Surrender

by Lisa Renee Jones

  “Do you have to ask? Kayden has offered me a lake retreat near Milan many times. But I don’t plan to die at a beach retreat near Milan. And who would take care of all of you if I’m gone?” She hugs me. “You are my new goddaughter.” She leans back to look at me. “I know it’s not official, but I say you are. So you are.”

  “I’m honored,” I say, meaning it, certain in this moment that Kayden and Adriel are right. She didn’t take the pages from my journal, not unless she was blackmailed or tricked—but I need to know for certain. “A random question for you, Marabella,” I say, digging for my answers. “Do you remember seeing my journal by the bedside?”

  Her brow furrows. “Journal?”

  “A small notebook.”

  “Oh,” she says. “The one you keep by your bed?”

  “Yes. Did you happen to tear a page or two out?”

  Her eyes go wide. “No. Of course not. I wouldn’t do that. What would make you think—”

  “It’s nothing, Marabella. I’m sorry; I should have explained. I’ve been having flashbacks, and I can’t always remember what I do when I have them. I’m pretty sure I tore the pages out and I’m just a little freaked out about that.”

  “Oh.” Concern fills her face. “Oh. I don’t like how that sounds. Have you talked to Nathan?”

  “Talk to me about what?”

  At the sound of Nathan’s voice, Marabella and I turn to see him standing at the top of the landing, looking every bit the Canadian preppy doctor that he is, in black dress pants and a light blue shirt rolled to his elbows, his brown hair neatly trimmed. Even his chin is stubble-free despite the late hour.

  “Tell him what’s going on,” Marabella urges.

  “What’s going on, Ella?” Nathan asks, his brown eyes sharp.

  Marabella gives my arm a quick squeeze. “I’ll let you talk to him and I’ll check on you tomorrow. Kayden ordered me to my tower before this meeting—and you know he likes to be obeyed.”

  I blanch at the statement that fits nothing I know of their relationship, almost thinking there’s a sexual innuendo to those words, but this is Marabella and— Wait. She winks. There is a sexual innuendo.

  “Of course, he’s met his match in you,” she says, her lips curving. She walks past me and I run my hands through my hair, blushing at whatever just happened. Maybe I don’t know Marabella. Or maybe she’s just more comfortable with me now.

  “I didn’t catch all of that,” Nathan says as I close the space between us, “but a little color in your cheeks makes your doctor happy. What was Marabella worried about?”

  “It’s nothing,” I say, certain I didn’t take those pages myself, but if I did, life would be better right now. “Actually . . . when I’m having a flashback, I go very deep into the memory. Could I walk, talk, or write notes, and not realize it at the time?”

  “Depending on the type of event, it’s feasible to think you might,” he confirms. “But are we talking the blackouts you were having before, or some different event?”

  “The same blackouts,” I confirm, and when he uses that word blackout again, as I have in the past myself, suddenly the idea that I pulled out the pages myself gets a little more possible. “Only now I tend to think of them as flashbacks. I guess that’s a good sign.”

  “That depends on the reason. Are you accustomed to them now, so they are less traumatic, or have they improved and lessened in intensity?”

  “Until today, they’ve been less frequent and easier to tolerate. But I’m not worried; I had some triggers, which is good. I’m really filling in the holes now.”

  “The private investigator,” he says, “but that’s another topic. Remembering is good, since we had no guarantees you would. But how do you feel? Did the increased flashbacks today trigger headaches of any kind?”

  “No headaches,” I say. “I just don’t like that I lose time when they occur.”

  “Your brain is resetting, Ella,” he says. “I think all in all, you’ve done very well. But I do want to do another full checkup soon.”

  Male voices sound behind us and I turn to see Adriel exiting the store. Matteo is by his side, his longish curly dark hair slicked back, his black tee imprinted with I’m an Italian Stallion. Which is kind of funny, since Carlo’s the one who gives off that vibe, not Matteo.

  As they cross toward us, Matteo is fully focused on me. “I hear you’re joining us in the War Room. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

  There is a hint of something in his eyes and voice that I can’t decide if I like, and can’t quite name. “I’m with Kayden,” I say. “That means I’m with The Underground, and I don’t like to let Annie get rusty.”

  “Annie?” Matteo asks.

  “My gun,” I say, moving on. “Any update on Chris Merit or Blake Walker?”

  “I’m still digging,” Matteo says, “but so far nothing overly concerning.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Blake Walker has a reputation for being a wild card while in the ATF, but a good man,” he says. “Chris Merit is a star in the art world who seems to keep his nose clean. He was raised in Paris, he moved in some of the same circles as Neuville, but I have no reason to believe that’s intentional.”

  “I don’t like the Paris connection,” I say. “How are we checking that out?”

  “Let’s move this to the War Room,” Adriel interrupts, flexing that second-in-command muscle with ease, a presence I am certain Kayden’s been missing. “Ella will join us with Kayden,” he adds, looking at me. “He’s in the store.”

  I nod and as the three men start to walk away, I snag Matteo’s arm. He stops walking and faces me while the other two men head down the hallway. “Just a quick question,” I say. “Is there any way our security system could be hacked?”

  “Here at the castle?”

  “Yes. Here at the castle.”

  “You obviously don’t know me well yet,” he says, his tone irritated, when I’ve always known him to be far more easygoing. “I don’t get hacked. I do the hacking. It cannot be breached.”

  “But anything you can create or hack, someone else, if good enough, could hack, right?”

  “You do remember that I made you disappear, right?” he asks.

  “I do,” I say, “and I know that creating Rae Eleana Ward, and replacing my picture once Gallo saw it, took skill. I’m not questioning your skill.”

  “It took phenomenal fucking hacking to get into the international database and never be seen. No one gets into the castle that I don’t want to get in here. And if they try, I have ten kinds of trouble set up for them. We’re secure here.”

  “Matteo,” Adriel calls.

  He points at his shirt. “Trust in the Italian Stallion,” he says, giving me my second wink of the day, and a glimpse of the man I know before he takes off down the hallway.

  Still, I stare after him. His mood is odd, but I’ve never questioned his abilities before, and that could be what he’s reacting to.

  Either he failed to protect us or I’m blacking out in ways that are concerning, but at least it should be visible on our security film when I can finally watch it all. Shaking it off for now, I head toward the door of the store, about to enter when Carlo appears. And just as I remember, he has this edgy, dark, Italian Stallion kind of vibe that manages to make you think of leather and chains. His pants are, in fact, black leather. His twin guns are strapped over a black tee that’s poured over his muscled upper body. That long dark hair of his is tied at the nape, while those green, cutting eyes are focused on me with the same all-consuming, too-attentive look I remember from the past.

  “Carlo,” I say, standing my ground, aware he enjoys the skill he has to unsettle people.

  “Who are you exactly, Ella?”

  “Aside from the girl who could draw your guns before you can?”

  “You t
hink you really can?”

  “Try me,” I challenge him before I can stop myself.

  “As tempting an offer as that is, that would displease Kayden.”

  “And you want to please him?”

  “Seems I do.” He gives me an incline of his chin and starts to move before hesitating. “And you wouldn’t need to draw my weapon if you had your own. You need to fix that.”

  With that rather too-observant assessment he steps around me, and my gaze lands on Kayden, who stands only a few feet away. And just like that the room is charged, the air thick, the distance reaching far longer than the few feet between us. But I won’t let it win, not now or ever.

  I cross the threshold and punch the button to shut the door behind me. “I really need to talk to you before this meeting.”

  “As I do you,” he says. “We need to be upfront in this meeting about your past with Neuville and the CIA connection.”

  “I agree. I don’t want them asking me who I really am, like Carlo just did. Kayden. When I was standing on the porch, I realized why I hesitated when you proposed.”

  “Now is not the time for this.”

  “It’s relevant to the meeting, or I wouldn’t do this to you. I’ve been trying to be as convinced as you are that Evil Eye protects me and everyone here.”

  “It does.”

  “Not from a crazy, obsessed billionaire mobster with a personal vendetta. Garner Neuville will come for me and that necklace, and any thought I had that my leaving or hiding would save you and everyone here was a lie I told myself. He will just use the others and you to draw me out of hiding. Whatever decisions you make in that meeting have to take this into consideration. He’s crazy, Kayden, and if he gets the necklace, terrifyingly powerful.”

  I take his hand and turn over his wrist, displaying his second tattoo, the box with a king chess piece inside, reading the English meaning of the Italian words trailing up his arm. “Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.”

  “In death we are equal,” he says, stating the meaning. “Never underestimate your enemy. Garner Neuville and I will never be equal, nor have I underestimated him.”

  “You’re counting on Evil Eye,” I say. “But you don’t want me to go to Paris.”

  “You aren’t going to Paris, Ella.”

  “My point is your point. Evil Eye is revenge for the dead. I’d rather just make him dead before he kills you, Kayden. And he will kill you if you give him the chance.”

  “He would be a fool to cross Evil Eye. His punishment would far exceed death before death followed.”

  “I know that you believe that,” I say. “I also know that you know Europe and The Underground and the mobs in both France and Italy. But I know this man. He’s an insane monster. Please hear me, Kayden. I cannot lose you. And I can’t bear the idea of someone here dying because of me. You told me not to go to Paris and you were right: I was just desperate to protect everyone here. But now, I’m asking you to hear me out.”

  His hands come down on my arms. “Easy, sweetheart. I hear you. I’m listening.”

  My hands go to his forearms. “You can’t wait to maneuver his second-in-command out of the way before dealing with him. He will come for me, and if he gets the necklace, too—”

  “He won’t. I’ll adjust my strategy going into this meeting, and I’ll assume Evil Eye doesn’t exist to him.”

  “And that means what?”

  “It means when you walk into this meeting, Ella, you’re going to understand how brutal I can be. And I’m not sure I want you to experience that right now.”

  “I’m ready for you to stop doubting yourself with me.”

  “I proposed, Ella.”

  “And I made you doubt that decision, but it was about this. It was about him, not you or us.” His eyes are still guarded in a way I hope they’ll never be with me again. “I hate that I did this to us.”

  His chest rises and falls, his face etched with shadows, his eyes shadowed as well. “Ella—”

  There is a sudden pounding on the door. “Let me in!” It’s Sasha.

  “Hurry!” she calls out.

  In another instant, Kayden has his weapon drawn and is at the door ready to open it, and I’m really missing Annie right now.

  eight

  Kayden yanks open the door and Sasha bursts inside, water pouring down her black trench coat, a hood covering her head. “No threat,” she pants out. “No immediate threat.”

  “What the hell happened?” Kayden demands, locking the door before holstering his weapon.

  She tugs down the hood, waves of chestnut hair falling in a beautiful mess around her shoulders. “My God. It’s a nightmare out there. Hi, Ella.”

  “Sasha,” Kayden bites out. “What the hell happened?”

  “Gallo followed me when I left his apartment and I couldn’t take a risk by going directly to the castle. I parked nearly on the damn moon and ran in this cold rain.” She starts unbuttoning her coat. “I need out of this. I’m frozen to the core and it’s soaked.”

  “Are you sure he didn’t follow you?” Kayden asks.

  “If I didn’t lose him, he’s an Olympian,” she says, shrugging out of her coat, revealing black jeans and a black, low-cut sweater, before plopping the coat on the counter and rubbing her hands together. “You know me, Kayden—I’m good at what I do. I covered my tracks.”

  “What made him follow you?” I ask, trying not to think about her entertaining him in bed. “Do you know?”

  “He’s a paranoid, angry person,” she says. “Even when we’re fucking, he’s angry, but at least he lets go of the paranoia then. The man needs to have a week of me naked in his bed to let go of some shit, I swear.”

  When she puts it that way her seducing him sounds a little better, because Gallo absolutely needs to let go of the past and his pain.

  “He followed you, Sasha,” Kayden says. “You’re done. He’s suspicious.”

  “He’s paranoid,” she repeats. “And believe me, that always leads to you. I don’t know the man well, yet he talks about you. We need me in there, watching out for him and you.”

  Another point I hadn’t thought of, and suddenly I’m on her side. “Maybe if he just steps back from things for a while, he’ll check himself,” I say. “Maybe she can help him.”

  Kayden’s jaw sets in a stubborn line. “I’m not sparing one of my best Hunters during a critical time like this to fuck Gallo night and day. Gallo is being dealt with.”

  “If dealing with him includes Chief Donati transferring him,” she says, “he’ll turn in his badge.”

  “And do what?”

  “This is the bombshell,” she says, holding up her hands. “Wait for it . . .”

  “Sasha,” Kayden snaps.

  She smirks and presses her hands to her hips. “He’ll become a Jackal.”

  I gape and Kayden, ever in control, simply looks at her. “A Jackal,” he says flatly.

  “Yes,” she confirms. “Which is why I think I should try and get him to run away with me, until you handle whatever it is this meeting is about.”

  “Has he been talking to Alessandro?” Kayden asks.

  “I’m not sure on that one,” she says. “It’s really a miracle I know what I do. I’ve been in the man’s bed a mere few days, but he runs his mouth after sex. It’s like sex is a gateway drug, and his high is actual communication. I really think I need to stay close to him, Kayden.”

  “Yes,” Kayden concedes. “You do. But right now, War Room, Sasha. We’ll meet you there.”

  “ ‘Get lost, Sasha,’ ” she says. “ ‘I need to talk to Ella, Sasha.’ Got it. War Room. Leaving.” She turns on her heel and heads for the door.

  Kayden and I watch her walk away, neither of us speaking or moving, the implications of Gallo and The Jackals spiking the a
ir. “Don’t slip in the puddle I left behind,” she calls out over her shoulder, and then disappears into the hallway.

  I face Kayden. “Alessandro and Gallo? That’s bad, Kayden. He will influence Gallo in the worst way. What are you going to do?”

  “Alessandro’s connection to Niccolo is relevant.”

  “He said he’d handle Gallo,” I say, following where this is leading. “You think this is part of his plan?”

  “I think it’s an odd coincidence if it’s not,” he concludes, “and since I don’t trust Alessandro, you’re right. It’s a problem that could go badly for Gallo, us, or both. I’ll call Niccolo and Chief Donati tonight, but right now I have a meeting to run and a big picture to navigate.”

  “And I have a meeting to attend. Before you try to warn me again about what I’ll discover there, save your breath. I’m going, Kayden. Not to prove a point, but because I’m in this fight with you now.”

  He doesn’t immediately respond, nor does he reach for me or even offer words of support or otherwise. He doesn’t even give me a look or expression to read. There is just silence, and the thickness of the air, before he says, “I meant what I said. I won’t hold back in this meeting to protect you.”

  “That wouldn’t be protecting me or us, Kayden. Any of us. If you did that, you wouldn’t be the man I know you to be. And if I asked or needed you to do that, I wouldn’t be the woman who’s supposed to be by your side.”

  He gives me the slightest incline of his chin. “Then let’s go.”

  Side by side we exit the store, and Kayden seals it shut behind us. We then cut left down a path I have never traveled, a part of the castle I’ve never explored, the stone beneath our feet. But this long, high hallway is not so unlike the one leading to our bedroom, and identical to the one leading in the opposite direction. So much so that as we pass one wooden arched door after another, I think of the one I’d approached not long ago, to find Enzo lying in a bed while Nathan tried to save him. And failed. Enzo died as I watched the desperate attempt to revive him. It is also in this tower that Kayden’s fiancée and mentor were murdered, and at times I envision what Kayden must have been like on that day. What he would be like if he found me the same way. I think . . . I am strength to him in many ways, a needed partner to fight by his side, but I am a weakness as well, and I don’t know how to reconcile that fact.