Closer to the Edge

by Tara Sivec

  “She got you fired, didn’t she?”

  Olivia doesn’t reply, but the look her face is answer enough. Her jaw clenches and she looks away from me quickly.

  “I made some mistakes, I already told you that,” she tells me in a monotone voice.

  “Bullshit! You don’t make mistakes, Olivia, especially when it comes to your job. I told her to look out for you. The day I left, I made her promise me she’d keep an eye on you. I knew she didn’t like you, but I thought she could put that pettiness aside for once and act like a normal fucking parent. What the hell did she do? How did she manage to get the best nurse with the cleanest fucking record in that entire hospital fired?”

  For a minute I don’t think she’s going to answer me, but I can tell by her body language and facial expression that talking about this is pissing her off. Good. The more pissed she is, the more likely she’ll be to tell me the truth.

  “According to the official termination paperwork, I was stealing meds from the automated med dispenser using someone else’s code. Within a half-hour of the initial allegation, I was being escorted out of the hospital by two security guards and the head of Human Resources.”

  Son of a bitch! Of all the things I expected to come out of her mouth, this wasn’t it. This is my fault. I left her alone to fend for herself, knowing full well that my mother would use the situation to her advantage given half a chance. I was such a dumb fuck for thinking she would do the right thing. I breathe deeply and clench my fists, trying unsuccessfully to control the shame threatening to choke me. I walked away from my woman and left her to be picked apart by fucking vultures.

  “Wipe that guilty look off of your face right now, Cole. It’s finished. It’s in the past and being pissed about it now isn’t going to solve anything,” she tells me firmly.

  “I shouldn’t have left. FUCK! I should have known what they were capable of. I never thought they would stoop to something so low, I swear to God, Olivia,” I plead.

  “I know that,” she tells me softly, running her hands up and down my thighs, trying to comfort me. I should be the one comforting her. It’s my fault that her life became one giant ball of suck after I left.

  “Jesus, when I think about how many times I told my mother what that job meant to you, it makes me sick. I never thought she would use it against you. You’re going to get that job back, Liv. If I have to threaten everything my parents own, it’s going to happen. You are going back to the job you love; the one you were meant to do.”

  She shakes her head at me in disagreement. “I can’t go back there, Cole, even if I wanted to. It just… it doesn’t hold good memories anymore. Even if, by some miracle, they asked me to come back, I wouldn’t go. I’ve moved on. I like what I’m doing now.”

  I don’t care what she says, I’m going to make this right. I’m sickened by the thought that my parents are capable of something like this. Even though we never really saw eye-to-eye, they’re still my parents. This bullshit is like something out of a fucking spy novel. Secrets, conspiracies, sabotage, blah, blah, blah. My family is not some Lifetime movie of the week. We have our issues, just like every other family, but this goes far beyond that. I never thought my parents would resort to ruining Olivia’s career, but clearly I was wrong. I’m already anticipating exactly how my confrontation with my mother will go. She’ll deny any wrongdoing and turn it around on Olivia, because God forbid she’s ever to blame for something.

  I take a few deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down. By some miracle, Olivia can still stand to be in my presence after what my family’s done to her and, regardless of the guilt I feel over their actions, I’m not about to squander that gift. She’s hell bent on getting me up and walking around and maybe, if I’m lucky, she’ll let me back into her life. No matter what happened during the year I was away, I will always side with Olivia. My parents have demonstrated time and time again that they never had my back. The people who raised me were always more concerned with their precious family name than my happiness. Olivia proved from day one that she was nothing like them and maybe that’s why I was initially drawn to her. She represented everything my parents weren’t: honest, caring and selfless. I need her in my life. I need her good to balance their evil. No matter what half-truths my mother tries to spin, I will always choose Olivia. Always. Nothing she could have done will change that.

  “I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t want you to stick up for me, to try and right the wrongs, but I’m a big girl, Cole. I don’t need you to fight my battles, especially with your family. Telling you what happened is probably a little selfish, but I wanted you to hear it from me first, before you heard it elsewhere. There’s more to—”

  The alarm on Olivia’s cell phone goes off, the loud beeping cutting her off mid sentence. Part of me is grateful for the interruption because I don’t know how much more bad fucking news I can handle right now, especially if it has to do with my mother.

  “Alright, I think it’s time to move out to the pool,” Olivia states, silencing the alarm.

  “Please tell me you brought that red bikini from Victoria’s Secret,” I say with a sigh as I close my eyes and picture her wearing the two miniscule pieces of material that barely contained her tits and showed just enough ass to tease me. Thinking about her caramel-colored skin against the bright red bikini pushes all of the murderous thoughts from my mind.

  She laughs and shakes her head at me. “Sorry, tough guy. YOU’RE going in the pool, not me.”

  I frown as she stands, pulling me up from the stool before handing me my crutches. A few minutes later, she’s sitting on the edge of the inground pool, watching me as I float on my back at the deep end. She’s got her scrub pants rolled up to her knees and she’s lazily kicking her feet through the water, leaning back on her hands. Rolling over to my stomach, I make my way over to her, using my arms to cut through the water.

  “Hey, you aren’t finished yet. You have another fifteen minutes of treading water,” she admonishes as I push my body between her legs and rest my hands on the cement next to her hips.

  The smooth skin of her legs brushes against my sides and, when she doesn’t move away, I lean in closer and move my hands up to her hips.

  “As my physical therapist, you should definitely be in this water with me, making sure I don’t do anything wrong,” I tell her with a smirk, running my thumbs back and forth over her hip bones.

  I don’t even think she realizes that she’s sliding her legs back and forth against my ribs. Touching me was always a natural reaction when I was this close to her, and I’m bolstered by the fact that this still holds true.

  “You’re doing just fine on your own,” she tells me with a smile. “And besides, I didn’t bring my suit.”

  I distract her by sliding my hands around her hips to cup her ass. Her breath hitches and I return her smile.

  “Who needs a suit?”

  I yank her towards me as hard as I can, her arms immediately wrapping around my shoulders. I cut off her shrieks of protest with a quick kiss to her lips before I push off the bottom with my good leg, pulling her off the edge of the pool and under the water with me.

  MY HEAD GOES under the water mid-scream and I’m too shocked by the sudden chill of the water seeping through my clothes to give much thought to the feel of Cole’s lips against mine. Shoving my hands against his bare chest, I push out of his grasp and come up for air a few feet away from him, sputtering and coughing as I try to maintain a stern look even though all I want to do is laugh.

  Cole’s head breaks through the surface and he treads water, giving me that signature smirk that screams he’s up to no good. I’m not about to tell him that I needed cooling off and the sudden dunk in the pool was the only thing that stopped me from wrapping my legs around him and pulling him closer. God, it felt so good having him touch me. His hands on my hips and ass made me forget about that moment back in the gym when I came clean about why I was fired. Listening to his theories about his parents pisse
d me off so badly that I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut any more. He’s still operating under the false impression that everything they did for him was out of love. Given their actions during the last year, I suspect the bulk of what they did was for cruelty, spite and their own personal gain. Telling him about what happened in the hospital will probably come back to bite me when Vivien finds out. She doesn’t realize that I’m not afraid of her anymore. She took everything from me. There’s nothing she can do to me that she hasn’t already done.

  “You are in big, BIG trouble, Mr. Vargas,” I threaten as he continues to grin at me. He stands up and I try not to stare openmouthed at the water dripping down his muscular chest. I’m suddenly filled with the need to lick every single drop off of him and, to quell that desire, I shove my hands through the water as hard as I can, splashing his face.

  He laughs, wiping the water out of his eyes before diving beneath the surface. He moves so quickly that I don’t even bother trying to move out of his reach. He’s a Navy SEAL and, even with a bad knee, he’s still a much faster swimmer than I’ll ever be. I scream as he wraps his arms around my waist, lifts me up and tosses me a few feet away like I weigh nothing more than a bag of cotton. When I surface, he’s still laughing.

  “You know, if those wet clothes are getting too cumbersome, you could always take them off,” he suggests with a wag of his eyebrows.

  “Nice try,” I reply, pulling the wet rubber band from my tangled hair before dunking my head backwards to smooth it out in the water.

  I watch as Cole backs up into the shallow end, stopping when the water is waist high. He squats down a little and holds his arms out in front of him.

  “Alright, come on. I know you want to do it,” he teases.

  I laugh when I see the position he’s in and realize what he means.

  “No way! Uh-huh,” I tell him with a shake of my head.

  “Don’t lie, I know you’ve been thinking about this since we first got out here to the pool.”

  I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment and continue to shake my head.

  “Nobody puts the baby in a corner!” He shouts with a laugh.

  Removing my hands from my face, I see him standing in the same position, waiting for me to come at him. I used to force him to do this every single time we swam in the pool when we lived here together. He would grumble and complain but he always did as I asked.

  “Oh, my God and now you just ruined it. It’s not THE baby, it’s Baby. That’s her name,” I giggle.

  “Who the fuck names their kid Baby? That’s like naming your dog, Dog.”

  I take a few steps towards him and put my hands on my hips. “Her real name is Frances Houseman. Were you not paying attention at ALL when we watched that movie?”

  Cole shudders and his mouth turns down in a grimace. “Jesus, no wonder she went by Baby.”

  He claps his hands together twice and holds them back out towards me. “Now, come on, before I change my mind.”

  I know he won’t stop until I do it, so I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I move sluggishly through the deep water until I get into the shallow end and can move a little faster. As soon as I get close enough, I launch myself at him with a mixture of a laugh and a shout. His hands go to my hips and he easily lifts me up and over his head. I’m laughing so hard that I can barely hold my arms and my legs straight out in the signature Dirty Dancing lift. When I start to lean forward to dive behind him, he pulls me backwards, sliding me down the front of his body. My laughter dies as he wraps his arms around me, holding me close as we stand toe-to-toe in the water, staring at each other wordlessly.

  He takes one hand off of my back and uses the tips of his fingers to slide a chunk of wet hair off of my cheek. I shiver even though the air is at least eighty-five degrees and the heated pool even warmer.

  “Jesus, I’ve missed you,” he whispers.

  I stare at his wet lips as he speaks, thinking only about how much I want him to kiss me again. That quick little peck before he pulled me into the water wasn’t enough. I’ve been empty and cold for so long without him. Logic and pain and all the good reasons for not falling back into old habits with Cole go right out the window as he lifts me up and holds me tightly against him.

  My legs wrap around his waist and my arms curl around his shoulders as he moves us through the deep end until my back is pressed up against the side of the pool. One arm firmly around my waist, he slides his hand up to my cheek, rubbing his wet thumb back and forth under my eye. I close my eyes as he leans towards me slowly, holding my breath and waiting for that moment when his lips are against mine.

  As soon as they make contact, my body catches fire. His lips are warm, wet and full and my mouth immediately opens for him. I welcome his tongue into my mouth and he slides it gently against my own. Our mouths move slowly against one another, like we’re trying to memorize every single detail of the kiss. It’s a useless act though; I’ve never forgotten anything about the way Cole kissed me. It’s burned into my brain and into my heart and, as he swirls his tongue against mine, it all comes rushing back to me: The way his kisses could heal me, the way his lips could erase every bad memory and fill my mind with nothing but him and his love for me. I don’t even realize I’m pushing the lower half of my body against him, needing more from him, until I hear him groan into my mouth and feel the hardness of his arousal between my legs. It’s too late to be embarrassed that he still has this affect on me. I’m drunk on the taste of his lips and high on the knowledge that I turn him on. I’m past the point of no return and I don’t even care. I need to feel him, I need to take him inside my body and let him erase all of the bad and replace it with good.

  His hands quickly move to the hem of my scrub top under the water and I pull my lips away from his long enough to let him yank the wet, clinging material off of my body and over my head. He tosses it to the edge of the pool and it lands on the cement with a splat.

  His eyes immediately go to my black lace bra, completely transparent now that it’s wet. He cups both of my breasts in his hands, massaging them and rubbing his thumbs over my hard nipples. I throw my head back against the edge of the pool as he slides one of the lace cups away and latches his lips around my nipple, sucking and tugging it into his mouth while his tongue circles around it.

  My hands fly to the back of his head and I hold him in place, my hips moving faster against him, sliding myself up and down his hard length through his swim trunks. I lift my head when he suddenly moves his mouth away from me, watching as he brings a handful of water up to my breast, tipping his hand so it trickles down over my nipple. I moan when he dips his head back down and licks up every single drop of water.

  “Fuck, I need you Olivia. I need you so much,” he murmurs against my breast before he gently tugs on my nipple with his teeth.

  I yank his head back up to me in response, crashing my lips to his. It doesn’t even cross my mind that we’re in a public area, this pool the property of the housing complex I live in and any one of my neighbors could use their key to unlock the high, wooden privacy fence gate at any moment. Cole’s mouth on mine and his hips moving between my thighs makes me feel reckless.

  His tongue pushes deeper in my mouth, claiming more of me as his hands go to the waistband of my scrubs. I untangle my legs from around his hips so he can slide them down, never once breaking the kiss. My pants are now somewhere at the bottom of the pool, but I couldn’t care less. I wind my legs back around him, pressing myself against his erection as his hands cup my ass and he moves me up and down his length. The only sounds around us are the hum of the pool filter and the water sloshing around our bodies.

  I try not to groan in frustration when he pulls his mouth away from mine, pausing the kiss.

  “I need to be inside you so much it hurts. Please, for the love of God, tell me you’re still on the pill,” he mutters against my lips.

  His words hit me like a bucket of ice water over my head. His hands are still kneading my as
s and he doesn’t realize that whatever spell was cast over us the last few minutes has vanished in the blink of an eye. He leans forward to resume the kiss but I bring my fingers up between our mouths, pressing them against his lips to stop him. He looks at me in confusion, but still kisses my fingertips before pulling his head back.

  “What’s wrong, Liv? Is this too fast? Just say the word and I’ll slow it down,” he whispers with conviction.

  How the hell do I tell him? How do I tell him that I’m not on birth control? I haven’t been on it in a year. There’s no reason for me to be on it anymore. Not only because I’m not sleeping with anyone, nor did I ever plan on it, but because I don’t need it.

  I’ll never need it again.

  “I’m sorry, Olivia, but there was just too much damage. I’m so sorry.”

  The doctor’s words scream through my head and it takes every bit of strength I have not to sob at the unfairness of it all.

  I untangle my legs from Cole’s waist and push myself away from him. There’s so much concern for me in his eyes and I can’t stand to see it. I don’t deserve it. I worked myself too hard and I let depression get the best of me. It’s my fault he’ll never hold his son in his arms and it’s my fault we’ll never get the opportunity to try again.

  I thought I could let him take me away and make me forget, but the past will always come back to haunt you. I wanted more time to build up his strength and learn to trust him again, but that’s not in the cards.

  “I was pregnant,” I blurt out, closing my eyes so I don’t have to see the look on his face. “When you left, I was pregnant.”

  I don’t wait for his response. I take a deep breath and slide under the water, wishing it would swallow me up and take me away.

  ALL SHE’S DONE is apologize since I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up out of the water, carrying her to the edge of the pool and pulling myself out before bundling her in a towel and taking her back to the house to dry off. My heart soared when I heard the word “pregnant” and immediately plummeted when she sunk under the water. The implication of the word was hit me like a tree trunk to the chest. The fact that I’m standing in the middle of our old living room right now and there isn’t one thing lying around that indicates a baby lives here means that something happened. Something that broke her far worse than my leaving ever did.