by Kennedy Fox
I look up, cheeks red with embarrassment, and catch him looking right at me. He flashes me a gorgeous smile and raises his hand in a wave. It’s a damn shame the karma gods haven’t caught up with him yet. He’s still as handsome as ever. I bet women continue to fall under his spell.
“Sorry, Ben, I’m not in the headspace for you today,” I mumble before driving off and heading home.
Ben’s family owns the cabin next door to ours. They never use it during the winter, and it never crossed my mind he’d be here. We met as teenagers and had a summer fling our junior year of high school. Not a day passed that we didn’t talk or text. By the summer of senior year, we were inseparable.
The two of us coordinated our college applications and went off together that fall to Berkley. By junior year, we’d broken up. He wanted to date other people but I only had eyes for him. I ended up taking a sabbatical and traveled for a few months before coming home and working for my dad until the following school year when I transferred to USC.
I pull into our drive slowly, taking in the majestic pines surrounding the house. The sky is dark and looks like it’s going to storm soon. Stacks of wood are arranged neatly on the porch. I’ve never been more thankful for the town firewood delivery program.
The need to stretch overpowers my nostalgia. I open the car door and take a deep breath of pollution-free air. If I weren’t so damn afraid of that mountain, I’d consider moving up here. My parents left me enough to sustain me for a few years, even without a job. If it hadn’t been such a rough year, would I still feel the same relief as I do right now?
Time to do what I came here for and then I can head back to the store for some necessities before it rains.
I jog up to the front door and open it wide. The familiar scent of cinnamon and spice wafts out of the house and hugs my senses. I’m surprised it’s so strong considering we didn’t refresh the air fresheners over the summer.
After propping open the door, I head back to the car and open the passenger side. Unbuckling the seatbelt with care, I hug the urn and walk slowly to my parents’ bedroom.
Placing them on the table in front of the room-length window, I open the curtains and momentarily admire the view of the lake. Every morning they’d wake up slowly and sip coffee at this table in their favorite chairs. Their ritual was to connect with each other before connecting with the world. This was their all-time favorite place, and this is the view they deserve for eternity.
Blinking away tears, I step back and close the door quietly. This is their time to find peace. I’ll say my goodbyes after the holidays. Unlike the past few months, this is a good kind of sadness. It’s the closure we all deserve.
Chapter Two
KARA
A light sprinkle starts on my way back from the store. I’m glad I took a few moments to unload the car and call Donna before shopping. I’ve got groceries for the week, enough wine for a month, and all I need for a charcuterie board tonight. I can’t wait to sit by the fire, listen to Christmas music, and unwind.
A car is parked in the driveway, and my stomach lurches as I pull up next to it. There’s only one person who would stop by. By the time I exit the car and pop the tailgate, the door to the car opens and Ben steps out.
“Kare bear, I’ve missed the hell out of you.”
Goosebumps spread across my skin—not the cold-weather kind either. His voice is the same—a little more mature—and it’s still the sexiest sound on the planet. I’ve never understood why I feel such a connection to Ben, but it’s not something I’ve ever been able to replicate with another man. Maybe that’s for the best. Losing him was the second greatest pain I’ve ever experienced, right behind losing Mom and Dad.
“Don’t call me that. You lost that right years ago.”
I reach into the trunk to unload my groceries as his car door closes with a soft thud.
Good. Hopefully, he’s leaving.
I’ve got three bags balanced precariously in my arms when he reaches out and takes one.
“Excuse you!”
He ignores the venom-laced tone and grins.
Thunder cracks, and the light sprinkles become a downpour.
“Let me help you; it’s the least I can do. Besides, your bags are going to tear before you get inside.”
“Fine, but then you go.”
I race inside with two bags as he follows with the last three. After putting the bags on the kitchen counter, I reach for a hand towel and wipe the rain from my face. I move to pass the towel to him when it dawns on me that neither of us are wearing masks. Pulling the towel back, I reach for a clean one and toss it to him after stepping back a few feet.
“Don’t worry, Kara, I’ve been up here three months and the only person I’ve seen is Earl at the market. I’m safe. I wouldn’t risk your health.”
As much as I dislike him, the information relaxes me.
“Same, except it’s been more like six months for me.”
Ben’s shirt clings to his skin, outlining his six-pack. He’s in better shape now than he was in college. His blue eyes shine as he runs the towel over his curly brown hair, and I long for the days I used to run my fingers through those curls.
“What brings you to town?” He leans against the counter and sets the towel in front of the microwave.
“You know, the holidays as usual.”
He looks around and nods. “Are your parents coming soon?”
“Uh …”
Ben chuckles. “It’s not a complicated question. Unless you’re here with someone else?”
My heart races as he glances down at my ring finger.
Stop, Kara. He doesn’t care about you anymore.
And even if he did, he doesn’t get to break my heart again.
“Follow me,” I whisper and lead him to my parents’ room. After turning on the light, I point to the urn on the table. “They got sick about eight months ago. Died minutes apart in each other’s arms.”
“Kare bear, I’m so sorry.”
A few tears escape and slide down my cheeks. “Thank you.”
I flip off the light and head back to the kitchen with Ben close behind me. As I unload groceries, wipe them down, and put them away, he watches me in silence. Instead of asking him to leave, I wait, although for what, I’m not sure.
Ben clears his throat. “Can I help with anything?”
The only thing left is the bottle of wine I’m about to uncork. “Like what? Drinking the wine?”
A smooth smile spreads across his face. “I’d love a glass of wine. Thank you for offering.”
“You think you’re so slick. Just be honest with me, Ben. Why did you come here?”
“To talk, make amends, try to right the wrongs of our past.”
With a sigh, I pass him the wine and the opener. Thunder shakes the house and the lights flicker. “Open the wine and let it breathe while you start a fire.”
“Deal.”
This is going to be interesting. Ben is the last person I want to spend time with, but it feels really nice to have the company of someone else. Even if it’s him.
Chapter Three
BEN
The first time I saw Kara we were thirteen. She’s just as beautiful now as she was then. My mom was pissed because I wouldn’t stop playing video games long enough to go outside and make some friends. She’d finally had enough and took my games away. I walked over to the lake and stopped in my tracks, barely able to catch my breath. It felt like I’d been tossed inside a magazine photo shoot. Kara was walking out of the water, body glistening in the sun, and looked like she didn’t have a care in the world. When she caught me staring, her big brown eyes locked on mine. I thought for sure she’d be disgusted by me but her ensuing smile was so warm and welcoming she felt like a long-lost friend.
Back then, I was self-conscious and extremely shy. My oversized glasses covered a good portion of my face and my braces didn’t help my case in the slightest. I was small for my age, but we fit well together since sh
e was too. Kara didn’t cringe at my looks or ignore me like other girls did; she treated me like any other person. Without her, I’m not sure I would’ve gotten past my gawkiness. I don’t think she knows how special she is. Kara’s always had a heart of gold and I was a fool to let her go.
I stack the wood in the fireplace while she prepares a large charcuterie board. I light the fire and adjust the logs a bit until it catches well. After closing the screen, I step back, momentarily enjoying the heat.
Kara brings in the food and bends over, placing the platter on the coffee table. She gives me a onceover as she straightens her posture before averting her gaze.
“Can I help you with anything?”
She shakes her head. “I’ve got it.”
As she pivots and walks back into the kitchen, I admire the view. Kara’s ass is as stellar as always.
Kara returns with two wine glasses and the bottle I opened. She pours some into each glass and hands me one before taking a seat.
“Go ahead and take a seat, Ben.” She pops an olive into her mouth.
“Are you expecting anyone else?”
“No, why?”
I motion to the tray of food as I sit on the sofa. “Seems like a lot of food for one.”
Kara shrugs. “It’s dinner and I haven’t eaten much today. Plus, it doesn’t seem like you’re eager to leave. I’m not cruel enough to make you starve.”
She’s nearly finished with her glass of wine and refills it while eyeing me skeptically.
“Thank you for your hospitality.”
“Okay, drop the small talk, Ben. You’ve never been one to beat around the bush, so why start now?” Kara passes me a plate and makes one for herself.
“Would you rather I start with the big questions? Fine. Why did you ghost me, Kara? You left school, blocked my number, ignored my friendship requests on social media. Didn’t I deserve more than that? Didn’t we?”
Dammit, I wasn’t going to go there, but even after six years she still knows how to push my buttons.
“Wow, you’re still the same egotistical ass you turned into in college, aren’t you? You were the one who wanted to break up and date other people. You broke my heart, remember? Now you have the audacity to act like the injured party?”
Fighting with Kara is the worst. Her cheeks flush when she gets worked up. It’s the same look she gets during sex. I know it’s bad but it’s hard to separate the two. Fighting with Kara always turned me on, and now is no exception. She’s only gotten sexier with age.
“We were kids, Kara. We weren’t even old enough to drink but we were talking about marriage and babies. I got scared. Hell, you should’ve been scared. You heard the words ‘date other people’ and you lost your damn mind.”
She tucks herself into the corner of the couch. “Damn straight, I did. I wasn’t afraid of love, Ben, you were. My parents met when they were freshmen in high school. When you know, you know.”
“Mine also met in high school and were divorced by the time we were graduating high school. I didn’t share the same faith in love as you. I couldn’t, not when my family was in shambles. I was terrified we were making the same mistakes.”
“Well, now we know, don’t we?” Kara pops an artichoke into her mouth and refills her glass again. I finish my first glass and take the bottle from her so I can pour some more.
Leaning back on the couch, I kick my feet up on the table. “I knew within a few days it was a mistake. After a few weeks, I was positive I’d fucked up. I called your friends and family and they all said you just needed time. That you’d call when you were ready. Fuck, Kare bear, I’ve still got the same damn phone number.”
She gasps and closes her eyes. “Why are you here, Ben? What do you want from me?”
“A second chance, Kara. I promise I won’t mess it up this time.”
Chapter Four
KARA
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly.” This wine is hitting me harder than I thought. Did Ben just ask me for a second chance?
He places his wine on the table and scoots closer to me. “If you heard me ask for a second chance, you heard me correctly.”
“Why?” My whispered words are barely audible over the thumping of my heart. “Why now?”
“Do you want a list, Kara? I can give you one.”
He can give me a list? Yes, please, I want to hear it all. I nod so I don’t say something stupid until I hear him out.
“I miss you. I’ve never felt for anyone the way I did for you. It’s not just love. It’s something greater, deeper, and it’s hard to explain, but it’s bigger than me, than us. I’m a better person when I’m with you. Without you, my entire world is dim.”
Wow, it’s like my very own animated greeting card. “Go on.”
“I broke up with you so we could be sure. To know the bond between us couldn’t be replicated with someone else. I didn’t want to be my parents. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be your parents. Without breaking up, I couldn’t know for sure. It was wrong, and it didn’t take me long to figure it out.”
He pauses and leans forward, lacing his hands together. When he looks back at me, he looks distraught.
“Kara, you will never know how sorry I am for everything. For breaking your heart, breaking my heart. I wrecked our plans and screwed up your education. We lost six years we can never get back, but …”
“What, Ben?”
His eyes meet mine and all the pain begins to melt away. This is my Ben, the boy I loved, the man I wanted to marry.
“It’s the holidays. If there was a time for second chances, shouldn’t this be it?”
“Is that why you’re here? Were you staying at the cabin so you could run into me?”
Ben scoots a little closer, and his pinky grazes my thigh as he grips the edge of the couch cushion.
“Maybe? My dad had internet installed up here a couple of years ago. When my job went online and people started getting sick, all I wanted to do was get away. I hadn’t come back here since we broke up, but being alone for so long, with the pandemic … I needed to go somewhere that made me happy.”
“And you came up here? You’ve never liked this place.”
I’m tipsy and have no problem calling him out on his BS.
Ben cracks a grin. “All of our memories were made here Kara, and the only place I wanted to be when I was feeling so alone was where I could feel closest to you. I figured this was a better alternative than trying to camp out somewhere on the Berkley campus. Besides, once you left school it wasn’t my happy place any longer.”
Internally, I’m freaking out. Externally, I’m just trying to keep my breathing even and my expression neutral. Next year is supposed to be a better year. Letting Ben back into my life after the pain he caused me seems idiotic.
“We don’t even know each other, Ben. We’re not kids anymore.”
He hooks his pinky through mine and squeezes. It reminds me of our first summer when we pinky swore to meet up the following year. How can such an innocent gesture make me want to forgive him?
“You know me better than anyone, Kare bear. You always have.”
“I won’t argue that we knew each other best until we were twenty, Ben. We’re twenty-six now—we’ve grown up. To assume we haven’t changed is a bit naïve, don’t you think?”
He sips his wine, and all I want to do is taste it on his lips. Ben has amazing lips, but I don’t really want to kiss him, do I? It’s got to be the wine and lack of sex getting to me.
“All right, let’s catch up. I’ll go first. Senior year, I was accepted for an internship at an architecture firm that started after graduation. Three years later, I got my license and was hired on at the same firm. I’m living and working in the Los Angeles area and I love my job.”
Wow, he did everything he set out to do.
“Did you build your dream house yet?”
Ben places his empty glass on the table. “Nah, there’s no point. The biggest part of my
dream isn’t with me.”
He will not romance me back into his arms.
“No girlfriend?”
His stunning blue eyes meet mine and it’s like no time has passed. It was always this way with us when we were younger but after everything that’s happened, it shouldn’t be so easy.
“I’ve dated off and on. Work kicks my ass most of the time. I enjoy my downtime too much to put effort into dating. Besides, my heart has never really been in it.”
The wine is empty and that simply won’t do.
“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”
After a quick trip to the bathroom, I stop off in the kitchen for another bottle of wine. Ben is standing at the fireplace holding a photo of us taken the summer before we left for college. He seems like the same Ben I’ve always known and loved. But that’s also the Ben who broke my heart. Who’s to say he won’t do it again?
He turns and looks right at me. “Uncorking a second bottle. Is it getting a little too intense for you?”
“Not in the slightest. This is the first time I’ve relaxed in months. Even if the conversation is a bit heavy, this is the lightest I’ve felt in ages.”
And it has nothing at all to do with the fact Ben is here.
Keep telling yourself that, Kara.
Chapter Five
BEN
“I guess somethings have changed. I remember when you hated wine.”
She nods as she refills our glasses. “That changed when I went to Italy. I made friends with a Sommelier who gave me a crash course in finding good wine.”
“When did you go to Italy?”