by Kennedy Fox
“After I left Berkley. Mom and I went to Rome, Paris, Italy, and Greece. We had the best time. She returned home, and I stayed a few extra weeks in Italy. When I came back, Dad and I helped build some houses with Habitat for Humanity and then I worked with him until I started at USC.”
Of course, she had a life without me, but it stings to hear about her adventures.
“You didn’t waste any time doing all the things we planned, did you?” Dammit, I shouldn’t have said that. Being argumentative isn’t a good path to reconciliation.
“Life waits for no one, Ben. I’m thankful every day for that time with my parents. I guess, in a way, you did me a favor. If we hadn’t broken up, I’d have never gotten the experience.”
“I’m happy you had that time with them. What about after college?”
“I’ve worked at a few different non-profits, done a lot of grant writing, and volunteered with different causes that are important to me. When the pandemic hit, I was let go from my most recent job, but I think that was a sign because it allowed me to have extra time with my parents when it mattered most.”
Her eyes fill with tears, but she blinks until they disappear. I can’t imagine how difficult this year has been for her.
“So, what now?”
She pulls a knitted blanket into her lap and runs her hand across it.
“Try to enjoy the holidays. My tree is being delivered tomorrow and I’ll play the rest by ear. I didn’t visit this summer and it gnawed at me, but I wasn’t ready. Now it’s time to leave this year in the past and hope for a better future.”
The fire crackles and fills the silence between us. There are so many things I want to ask her.
“Just say it, Ben. Whatever’s on your mind, get it out into the open. Who knows, this may be your last chance.”
“Are you dating?”
“Not currently. I got out of a long-term relationship about a year ago.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat. “What happened?”
Kara shrugs. “He just wasn’t the one.”
“How do you know?”
Our eyes meet, and it feels like no time has passed at all.
“The same way I’ve always known. I’ve tried a few times, settled for less, hoped the spark would ignite, but it never does. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some hot sex, but sex is superficial. My body needs a deeper connection for love.”
I shake my head and groan. “Kara, I don’t need to know about your sex life.”
She laughs, and I can’t believe how much I’ve missed that sound. “Please, Ben, we’re adults. I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of good sex.”
“I may have picked up a few tricks.”
She inches closer. “Is that so?”
“Kara,” I lean in, “I want to kiss you.”
“I …”
“What, Kare bear?”
“What if the spark isn’t there anymore?”
I slip my hand behind her head and thread her hair through my fingers. “What if it is?”
“If it’s gone, we drop this. You go home and we go back to our lives.”
“If it’s still there, we spend the holidays together. I’ll come over tomorrow and decorate your tree with you.”
“Deal–”
The instant the word leaves her lips, my mouth is on hers. Time disappears under the bond of our connection. She nips my lip with her teeth and opens to me. As our tongues meet, she sighs softly into my mouth. She tastes of Cabernet and heaven. With a good grip on her hair, I tug her head backward. She gasps at the sudden shift, and my mouth descends to the nape of her neck.
“Ben.”
One ragged word escapes her lips before I thrust my tongue back into her mouth and kiss her relentlessly. Kara squirms until she’s lying beneath me with her arms around my neck. There’s no way she can deny what we had is still there.
Our kisses slow, and when she cups my cheeks and places one final soft kiss on my lips, I open my eyes. Her lips are red and swollen, and I want to make it my mission to keep them looking like this for the rest of our lives.
“Ben,” she whispers breathlessly. It’s the sweetest fucking sound.
“Yes, Kara.”
Her eyes flutter softly before she looks back at me.
“What time are you coming over tomorrow?”
Chapter Six
KARA
I’ve been lying awake in bed for an hour going over the events of last night. I wanted to stay angry with Ben for what happened between us. At the very least, I should’ve made him grovel more. I’m just so tired of the pain and suffering this year has brought into my life—into the entire world—that I didn’t have it in me to hold on to the anger any longer. It was nice to have someone to sit with and talk to after spending so many months all alone. I didn’t want to admit it last night, but I’m glad Ben’s here and I don’t have to spend the holidays alone.
It’s ten a.m. by the time I get out of bed, but I feel completely refreshed. I brew a pot of coffee and take two cups to my parents’ bedroom. I question my sanity momentarily, but it was their tradition and I think I should honor that one last time today.
The view from their bedroom is incredible. With a fresh layer of snow on the ground and snow-covered trees, the world looks ready for a fresh start. Maybe I am too.
As I make my way back into the kitchen, I turn on a playlist of my favorite Christmas music. While my toast gets to the perfect level of toastiness, I make my coffee peppermint-mocha style and even add a candy cane to stir it with.
Today will be sad. It’s the beginning of new traditions many years before I should’ve had to create them. I thought I’d have plenty of holidays with my parents, husband, and children before saying goodbye. In a million years, I’d never have imagined I’d lose them both at the same time. Enough dwelling on what I can’t change. I swore I’d limit the time I feel sorry for myself because I’m still here and I’m going to make the best of everything.
There’s a knock at the door. I hope it’s the tree delivery guy because I’m a hot mess and Ben doesn’t need to see me in my pajamas.
“Coming,” I call out and look out the peephole. Of course, it’s Ben. “Go home and come back in an hour. I need to shower and get presentable.”
His laughter rumbles through the door. “Open up, Kare bear, I’ve got something for you and you’re not going to want to miss out.”
Grumbling, I open the door and am greeted with a killer smile. “It better be good.”
He steps inside carrying an insulated pizza box and looking casually stylish in a pair of jeans, boots, and a sweater. “Have you eaten yet?”
Leading the way into the kitchen, I point to my now cold toast. “Not exactly.”
“Good, this is much better anyway.” He opens his pizza carrier and pulls out a pink box.
“Is that what I think it is?”
“If you think it’s a dozen of Mrs. J’s glazed donuts hot from the oven, you’d be right.”
Squealing. I do a happy dance and kiss him on the cheek. “I haven’t had these in years. Not since the last time we went and got them together. I can’t believe you drove all the way down the mountain in the snow to get them.”
“You’re welcome. Can I have some coffee?”
“Help yourself.” I motion to the coffee pot and get us a couple of saucers and napkins before dumping my cold toast in the trash. “I can’t believe you still drive that mountain like it’s no big deal.”
Ben sits across from me and reaches for a donut. “Aren’t you over your fear? You came up here alone.”
I shake my head. “No, Donna talked to me until the phone cut out and then I white knuckled it the rest of the way. I was terrified and don’t even want to think about how I’m going to get back down.”
“I can drive you, if you want. Coordinate with Earl to bring me back up. Who’s Donna?”
I take a warm, gooey bite of the freshest donut on the planet and moan my appreciation. “Thank you, Ben. This is e
xactly what I needed.”
He’s still looking at me, and it dawns on me he was serious. Ben doesn’t know my best friend.
“Wow, Donna has been a part of my life for so long now. I forgot you don’t know each other. Donna was my roommate for the last two years of college and two years after that until she married her husband Jose. They have an adorable one-year-old, my niece Natalie. We call her Natti.”
Ben sips his coffee in quiet contemplation. “I’d love to meet them sometime.”
“You don’t have to say that just because of last night. We were both drinking and …”
His eyes narrow. “Don’t you dare say it was a one-time thing. We had a deal, Kara, and I don’t intend to let you out of it.”
“Well then, let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? That kiss was off the charts, and the spark is definitely still there. What now? How do we do this?”
Ben grins, “We start by eating donuts and decorating your tree.”
“That simple?”
“Why not? You’re the love of my life, Kara, and that’s not going to change. If you want to make it hard, to test me or punish me, that’s fine. I’ll still be here.”
He’s so frustrating, but it’s also difficult to be mad at him when he brought me donuts and smiles at me like I’ve done something to brighten his day.
“We’ve missed a lot.”
“Six years,” he states matter of factly.
“You don’t see that as an issue?” I spin my candy cane around in my coffee as he mulls over his answer. Ben’s funny that way. He’d rather not talk until he’s figured it all out in his head. Unlike me. I speak first and regret not filtering it later.
“Does it suck? Maybe. But it’s also an opportunity. We know what it was like to be together and we got to experience life apart. Life was better for me when you were in mine. Was yours better or worse without me?”
I get up and bring the coffee pot to the table to refill my cup and he holds his out for more, eyeing my candy cane. Once I put the pot back, I bring him a candy cane.
“When we broke up, I was so angry with you. Losing you opened a lot of doors for me though. I was gifted precious time with my parents, I met Donna and Jose, gained my beautiful niece Natti, was able to travel the world and give my time to important causes.”
His expression falls, and I reach for his hand. “You were always taking up space in my head. No matter where I went, I would remind myself that we were supposed to go there together. When my parents died, you were the only one I wanted to call. When Natti was born, I wondered if we would’ve already had kids of our own. I wouldn’t give up anything I have now if it meant I could go back. But thinking about the opportunity for a future with you … that makes me happier than I’ve been in a very long time. It also scares the fuck out of me.”
Ben stands, pulls me from my chair, and wraps me in a hug. I’ve missed the comfort and safety of his embrace most of all.
“I won’t leave you again, Kara. If this doesn’t work, you’ll have to walk away from me. Otherwise, you’re stuck with me for life.” He moves in for a kiss but I push him away.
“No, I need to brush my teeth and take a shower.”
Ben chuckles. “Aren’t we past that?”
“Absolutely not! That’s a comfort level we’re going to have to build up to again, but we’re not there yet. I’ll be back in a flash. Listen for the door, please. The tree should be here soon.”
Chapter Seven
BEN
Kara has been showering and getting ready for over an hour. I’ve had time to bring in her tree, put it in the stand, and water it already.
“Ben, you should’ve waited so I could help you. That tree is huge!”
Kara looks comfortable in a form fitting pair of leggings and an oversized sweater with a pair of fuzzy socks. She’s never been more beautiful.
“I’m not the weak thirteen-year-old boy you took pity on anymore. Putting a tree in a stand isn’t hard.”
She eyes it skeptically. “Thank you. I’m not sure I could’ve done it alone. I was a bit worried about ordering a tree online, but I think I’d do it again. It’s gorgeous.”
“They also left these.” I pick up a couple of packages of mistletoe.
“Nice touch.”
I hook my arm around her waist and pull her close. “I agree. Do I get to kiss you now?”
She rises to her tiptoes and throws her arms around my neck. “Yes, please.”
Our kiss is just as passionate as last night. I lift her, and she wraps her legs around my waist.
“Ben,” she gasps as I lower my lips to her neck.
With careful precision, I walk backward and lower both of us to the couch. Straddling me, Kara grinds against my dick with a moan.
I slide my hands under her sweater, but she leans back and pushes them away. “Let’s take it slow. I don’t want to just hop back into bed with you; I want to enjoy reconnecting.”
She shifts her weight against my cock, and I groan.
“Okay, but you need to stop doing that or I’m going to embarrass myself.”
Kara chuckles and jumps off of me. “I’ve got to get dinner going and then we can start decorating the tree and making cookies.”
“Kare bear, you realize it’s only noon, right?”
“Yes, but I’m making beef stew in the crock pot and homemade biscuits. It needs to cook for six to eight hours. It’s going to be a late dinner.”
My stomach grumbles and I’m not even hungry. Kara makes the best stew. “Can I help with anything?”
“Would you mind going to the garage and pulling out all the red and green plastic storage tubs? I’ll help you bring them in when I’m finished.”
I stand and pull her in for one more kiss. “I’ve got it covered, you just focus on making the best stew you can.”
When I step into the garage and turn on the lights, I’m shocked at how many red and green tubs she has. I’ve never been up here with Kara for the holidays and have only seen pictures. Apparently, it takes fifteen tubs of decorations to make the Christmas magic happen. It wouldn’t matter if it were fifty; for Kara, I’d lug them all to the North Pole and back if she asked me to.
Chapter Eight
KARA
I’m chopping vegetables for the stew and pause to look out the window. Beautiful snowflakes fall from the sky with no end in sight. We’re definitely going to have a white Christmas. I can hear Ben moving boxes around in the garage and feel a slight twinge of guilt for asking him to take on such a big job alone, but I need a few minutes alone to think.
It feels so odd to let him back into my life this easily after being angry with him for so long. The thing about Ben is that he’s pretty transparent. I’ve always been able to tell when he’s lying, and I don’t think that’s changed.
It’s also easier being here when he’s around. I was prepared to celebrate the holiday alone but I’m beyond thankful I don’t have to.
After turning on the slow cooker, I line up all the dry ingredients for cookies and take the butter and eggs from the fridge to allow them to reach room temperature.
Ben props open the door and carries in two boxes at once. “Kara, are you decorating outside too?”
“No, I should’ve mentioned that. We stopped a couple of years ago. The weather is just too unpredictable, and it’s not worth the hassle if I’m only going to be here a few weeks.”
“Cool.” He makes quick work of bringing the boxes inside. “That makes it seven boxes instead of fifteen. Do you use all seven?”
I flash him a grin. “Every last one. Don’t be scared, mom was organized. Lights are in a box of their own, ornaments are in at least two or three. Most of the time is spent decorating the tree.”
He scoffs. “As if I’m afraid of a holiday decorating challenge.”
“You heard me say we’re making cookies afterward, right?”
Ben pauses and narrows his eyes at me. “First of all, we were fourteen. Second, I
wasn’t wearing my glasses and salt and sugar were right next to each other on the recipe—it was an easy mistake. And most importantly, I would do it all over again to see my dad’s face contort in pain as he choked down that huge bite. That was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”
We both laugh at the memory. It was pretty funny.
“Have your cookie skills improved since then?”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. “Actually, yes. I dated a woman who owned a bakery. During the month we were together, Lindsey managed to teach me how to make peanut butter cookies. They’re pretty good, if I do say so myself.”
“Perfect, you can make the peanut butter cookies and I’ll make the sugar cookies.”
Ben pushes a wayward curl off his forehead. “May the best cookie maker win. Until then, how do we do this?”
“One box at a time, my friend.”
“Ugh,” he mimics a dagger through the heart, “already putting me in the friend zone.”
I drop to my knees and begin popping off the lids to the plastic bins so we can sort them. “Friends is the best place to start, don’t you think? It worked pretty well for us last time.”
He arches a brow. “Does that mean you’ll finally accept my social media requests?”
“Meh, if you’re lucky.”
He stands behind me and bends down, kissing the top of my head. “I’m already luckier than I deserve, Kara.”
“This is true.” I tilt my head back and look him in the eyes and smile.
“Where are we starting, smartass?”
I point to the first bucket I opened. “That one has the lights and those go on first.”
“I’d hate to see what would happen if you tried putting them on last.”
“Who’s the smartass now?”
Ben chuckles and carries the lights into the living room. I push the three buckets of ornaments to the side so they’re separated from and the inside decorations.
Ben holds out his hand and helps me up from the floor. “Are you ready for this?”