A criminal at ten years old. What chance did he have?
“What’s your daddy like?” Jake asked suddenly. “I mean your real daddy, the one who left you behind to be raised by a total stranger. Bet he’s a real winner, your old man.”
We’re not that different, you and I.
Jake closed his eyes and dropped his head back. “What should I do, Mama. What should I do?”
“What does your heart tell you to do?” I asked, wondering yet again where the words were coming from.
“Jail.”
“A stepping stone to building your new life,” I said. “Even Jesus descended into hell for a time.”
Jake tucked the butt of the rifle under his right arm, made a half turn, and pressed his left hand against the hand of an ancient.
Before the possibility of doing so even crossed my mind, Veronica rushed forward, grabbed the barrel of the rifle, and yanked it from under Jake’s slackened grip. If I live to be one hundred, I’ll never forget the look she threw my way, one of relief, gratitude, victory—and love.
Then out of nowhere and from everywhere, disembodied voices reverberated within the chamber, blending into one emphatic cry. My children! The sound was high, weird, and powerful, like that of a hurricane-force wind. On hearing them, Jake seemed to lose all strength, or maybe the will to fight. He sank onto the cave floor and covered his face with his hands.
Veronica walked to the mouth of the cave, pointed the rifle into the air, and fired three shots. The sharp cracks of the discharges sounded through the rock shelter like the cracks of a bullwhip. And then came silence, a silence so complete that my ears ached as if caught in a vacuum.
When I looked at Veronica in stunned amazement, she winked and gave me a thumbs up. “That should do the trick.” Then she pointed the rifle at Jake and Tommy Boy, who offered no resistance.
New voices, men’s voices, some familiar, many not, screamed orders and called names from outside the cave.
We’re safe now.
I drew Joshua onto my lap, too dazed to question who was comforting whom.
“Are you okay?” Veronica asked from her position at the mouth of the cave.
I didn’t respond, didn’t dare move, didn’t dare hope. Instead, I started to laugh.
The cave filled with men in DEA jackets armed with searchlights, handguns, and rifles. The excitement was over, but the work had just begun. For one thing, arrests had to be made.
I heard someone call my name but couldn’t answer.
Veronica knelt beside me. “Hey, Sis.”
“They’ll arrest you,” I managed between giggles.
“Nah. I’m working with the DEA. Plan on making it my career. If they’ll have me.”
I laughed even harder.
“They sent me here to chum up with Jake and Tommy Boy, a little test to see if I pass muster.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this,” I stuttered.
“You were wonderful,” Veronica said. “I’m glad I was here to witness the awesomeness pouring out of you.”
I grabbed my stomach and leaned forward but couldn’t stop laughing.
Veronica grasped me by the shoulders. “Don’t whack out on me, Sis.”
“Josh!” Morgan called from the mouth of the cave.
“In here,” the child called back.
At the sound of Joshua’s voice, I stopped laughing and burst into tears. Get hold of yourself. Breathe, I told myself. But I couldn’t. It was okay to let go now. It was okay to laugh and cry as I’d never laughed and cried before.
Joshua wiggled out of my grasp and collided with Morgan as he entered the cave. Morgan crushed the child into an embrace that spoke more effectively than words the emotions he felt on holding his sister’s son for the first time.
Joshua, too, appeared to understand that Morgan was family, given the way he hugged his uncle with a fierceness I’d never seen him express before.
Then to my surprise, Morgan, with Joshua at his side, headed straight for Veronica, his gaze radiating concern. He kissed the top of her head, asked if she was okay, took her into his arms.
With my cheeks wet and sticky with tears, I started laughing again, wondering if I’d live through the pain.
Veronica’s bark of amusement made me wonder if we’d both gone insane. “Morgan, I’m Veronica.”
Morgan pulled back, frowned.
She pointed at me. “I know she looks like hell, but that’s Marjorie over there.”
Joshua grinned as if he found the situation highly comical after what we’d just been through, but Morgan stiffened and came toward me in what appeared to be slow motion, crossing the longest, short distance in the world.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop laughing.
Of course, Morgan hadn’t recognized me, wearing these god-awful skinny jeans and red boots. He ran his fingers through my hair, rubbed my arms, kissed my face, all the while whispering words of comfort. My laughter turned to giggles, then sobs, and while Morgan rocked me like a child, the sobs slowly ceased.
“I’m a farmer, not a hero,” he whispered, “an expert at working up and planting the ground but a failure at fighting evil or protecting you from it. When I heard you’d headed out on your own, I thought I’d lose my mind. Ben and I should’ve taken you with us. What was I thinking?”
“You were trying to protect me. Understandable, but I told you—”
“Yeah, that you could take care of yourself. You don’t know how many times I’ve reminded myself of that over the past forty-eight hours.”
The DEA agents had handcuffed Jake and Tommy Boy and were now leading them out of the cave.
“Your sister’s been helping the authorities,” Morgan said as he helped me to my feet. “She’s been working undercover.”
“I know. She just told me,” I said, finding it hard to talk with my throat raw from laughing and crying and my teeth chattering like a Yakity-Yak-talking-teeth toy. I tried to stand and my knees buckled. If Morgan hadn’t been supporting me, I would have slid to the ground. “How long have you known?”
“We’ve been working together for weeks,” he said. “You walked into a volatile situation. I tried to warn you, but you were drawn like a magnet.”
“Morgan. Your sister . . .”
“I know . . .”
“So, what took you so long?”
“You mean to go after Jake and Tommy Boy? Let’s get out of here. Then I’ll explain.” He turned to Joshua. “Let’s go, buddy.” Morgan took hold of one of the child’s hands, and I took the other. With Gabriel in the lead, we penetrated the veil between darkness and dawn and stepped out into the light.
Only when Joshua let go of our hands to retrieve the cat, did Morgan answer my question. “By the time I found out about Jake and Tommy Boy, it was too late to save Teri. Anyway, thanks to Veronica, they were already subjects of a larger investigation. As it turned out, they were only small fry.”
“Dangerous small fry,” I said, thinking of the damage they’d done.
Morgan nodded. “The DEA was just ‘shaking the trees.’”
“So, Jake and Tommy Boy would’ve been arrested one way or another,” I reasoned.
“That’s how I figured it. Either way, justice would be served.”
“Morgan. Joshua is your . . .” My voice caught and I could get no further. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to blind me.
“I know,” Morgan said again. He bent and peered into the child’s eyes. “Josh, I’m your momma’s brother, your Uncle Morgan.”
It was surprising that I had any tears left, having cried more in the past few weeks than during my entire lifetime.
“I live on a farm,” Morgan said. “We’ve got cows, calves, bulls, and dogs. Would you like to come live with us?”
Joshua started to nod but caught himself and said, “Yes.”
If surprised at the sound of the child’s voice, Morgan didn’t show it
. “Good. Then you can also meet your Opa and Oma. That’s Grandpa and Grandma in Dutch.”
“I don’t have to go back to the group home?” he asked.
“Only to say goodbye to your friends and get your stuff.”
“What about Marjorie?”
Morgan looked at me with those arresting green eyes, and my knees weakened again. “You’ll have to ask her about that.”
“Will you come live with us?” Joshua asked, testing the little strength I had left to deal with all the emotions I hadn’t been aware I possessed. I couldn’t smile due to the hurt in my heart.
“I don’t think that’s what your Uncle Morgan meant, honey, but I’d love to come and visit you.”
Joshua’s expression turned thoughtful.
Until now, I hadn’t had time to face the fact that I’d be losing him. I knew this happy beginning for Joshua marked a sad ending for me. He’d gained a new family and would eventually forget about me. How could I go on without him?
Not my will but your will. I had to do what was best for Joshua and that meant letting him go. I looked away and met Veronica eye-to-eye. “Someday I’ll forgive you for keeping this from me,” I said.
Veronica’s smile suggested a deep-rooted sadness. “Confiding in you would’ve been too risky. You would’ve given all away with that amazingly expressive face of yours. Never, I mean never, play a game of poker. Unless you plan to lose.”
I laughed, though not in the crazed way as before. “I’ll remember that, though I’ve learned a thing or two by watching you.”
“You mean, like how to fail?”
“You didn’t fail.”
“I miscalculated, Sis. I hadn’t counted on the rifle. It wasn’t even his.”
“All was as it was meant to be, Veronica. I was forced to stand up for the ones I loved.”
“It must have been the red boots,” she said with a full-fledged smile. And what a transformation. I had considered her beautiful before, but now she was stunning.
I’d received help in the cave, part of a mystery I would likely never be able to explain.
“Hey Vonnie,” Tommy Boy called. “Tell these guys we didn’t kill anybody. Tell them we’re your friends.”
“Poor bastards,” Veronica said under her breath. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Jake looked at me, then back at Veronica, and I pitied him. A lump formed in my throat and my eyes burned as I recalled the words of one of the voices in the cave: They are your brothers, my beloved sons.
“Don’t,” Morgan said, as though sensing my thoughts. “Because of them, Joshua lost his parents and couldn’t speak for nearly two years.”
One split second, one false move. We’re not that different, you and I.
“Yeah,” I said, silently vowing to pray for them.
Without warning, Joshua left our side and headed for Jake and Tommy Boy. I tried to stop him, but Morgan pulled me back. I held my breath and braced for words of accusation and hatred to spill forth by way of his newly awakened voice. Instead, Joshua said, “Mommy told me not to hate you anymore.”
Neither man spoke. Nothing more needed to be said.
“He’s not very good at hating,” I said, turning to my sister. And this time, I caught tears streaming down her face.
Up to this point, Ben had stayed in the background, but on seeing Veronica’s tears, he stepped forward and placed his hands on her trembling shoulders. “Good job,” he said.
She smiled, turned, and melted into his arms.
“You’re not going to leave us for Washington, are you?” I asked.
Veronica focused her cobalt gaze on Ben. “I’ve got some mighty good reasons for sticking around. Anyway, I promised to help you figure out what our mother’s trying to tell us. I think we’d make a great team.”
Morgan hugged Joshua to him with one arm and me with the other. “Let’s go.”
“Where’s Dr. Mendez?” I asked.
“After he informed us that you were headed for the cave, he decided to stay behind with Pete, said you’d know where to find him if you needed him.”
He’d always be needed, if not as a counselor, then as a friend. Instead of reducing my spirituality to the mind or to some meta-psychological theory, he had helped me heal and grow. He had guided me without killing the mystery, without closing the question.
Chapter Forty-one
THE ONLY EXPLANATION WAS that I’d been exhausted, too exhausted, until now, to question how Morgan had managed to get me back to my room at the Inn so quickly. Where were my supplies? Where was Blondie? And how on earth had I gotten back in less than three hours, when it had taken days to get to the last campsite of our abruptly terminated tour?
While I soaked in the tub, I thought back to what Dr. Mendez had told me about our final stop—that it had only been five miles from the Tassajara Hot Springs. We’d been closer to civilization than I had realized, and for this, I was grateful.
It felt good to be back.
In spite of all that happened, I would never regret my journey into that wilderness of mystery. For one thing, I got to know my sister. And what a remarkable sister she’d turned out to be. Despite her badass appearance and attitude, she was smart, strong, and working with the DEA. I recalled my suspicion and jealousy on seeing Veronica and Morgan together at the concert and again during the Ventana Wilderness tour. Of course, they’d been together. Of course, they’d been secretive. All made sense now. Each had been shouldering an enormous responsibility, complicated even further when Joshua and I arrived on the scene. They’d been trying to protect us, while I’d been busy harboring and feeding my doubts.
Yet in spite of suspecting my sister of dealing drugs and befriending criminals, I’d never stopped loving her. Thank goodness, I’d never stopped loving her. Had Ben been included in Veronica’s undercover ruse? Something told me he’d been in the dark, too. And, like me, he had loved her unconditionally.
My thoughts drifted to Joshua, which, as usual, inspired an inner softening. He was able to speak again and would have a family now, a good family, a loving family. My precious Joshua was going home.
I pulled a large towel from the bathroom rack and rubbed myself dry before making my way to Margarita’s mirror. I had lost weight since coming to Carmel Valley but appeared surprisingly fit. I searched my reflection for a trace of the power I’d felt while pretending to be my sister. I didn’t know how to define that power. Still don’t. Only that it exists and becomes available after you figure out what you want and are determined not to quit until you get it. For an instant, the image of Veronica stared back at me, and I pulled in my breath, pleased. The mirror revealed a new self that no longer caused me to turn away.
Like a fairy tale mirror, it had also revealed to me the man I loved and a family for which I hadn’t known I’d been searching: Margarita, Heather, and a fusion of Veronica and me—possibly even our mother. I had finally found the perfect mirror to fill the void above the mantel in my home.
Between Will and Surrender Page 27