by J. L. Leslie
I wait patiently, dropping my hand to my side, and she slowly rises to her feet. Her green eyes scan over my body as she approaches me, and I notice how her cheeks visibly turn pink the closer she gets. She likes looking at me, having me touch her, and she has no idea how she should feel about that.
“Come with me,” I tell her, and her hand slips into mine.
Helene glances over her shoulder at everyone as we leave them behind. We don’t go far, simply walking around the lake. We’re still in plain view and can see them swimming and chilling on the blankets too.
“It’s nice out here,” Helene comments, looking down at her feet while we walk. “It looked different before.”
“It was kind of cold then, but this is the best time of year. I love it here.”
“Could you imagine having something like this for your family one day?” she asks, and we stop walking. I wrap my arms around her, and she leans back against me, smiling as she stares out over the lake. “To know that it’s yours and you can come here any time you want.”
“Sure, but I can do that now,” I grin. “Unless I piss Kaler off.”
“But what about something that is yours, Tauren. What do you want that belongs only to you?”
“I’m good with having this moment, Helene,” I answer her truthfully. “If this moment is all that can belong only to me, then I’m happy. I don’t need anything else.”
I hear her sigh and then she says, “One day it won’t be so difficult for us to be together.”
“I know.”
“It’s not that, though,” she tells me. “That day will come; I know it will. It’s just that, I get the feeling sometimes that when that day does come, we won’t know how to be together because we’ll be so accustomed to this. All of this lying and hiding. I won’t be what you want anymore.”
“Helene ‒”
“But you will have these moments, Tauren,” she assures me. “And they will belong only to you.”
I kiss her shoulder. “When the day comes for us to be together without lying and hiding, I will tell everyone that you belong with me. That I belong with you. And that we’ve belonged to each other for quite some time now.”
I don’t intend to make that promise to her, but I can’t allow her to stand here with me, in my arms, and believe that I’ll let her go the moment I’m able to have her. This will get easier, and I’ll thank God when that day comes.
Helene gives me a slight nod and breaks free from my hold. She flashes me a smile as she looks back at me and then takes off in a run, jumping into the water. I follow suit and surface right in front of her. She’s laughing and carefree, splashing me as I grab her and pull her to me.
We spend another hour swimming, holding each other close. We lie together on the blanket, drying out in the sun. I kiss her shoulders, her neck, her lips. She runs her fingertips over my skin, tracing my tattoo.
When she leaves, she tells me she loves me.
I almost say it back.
Helene
I sign in at the office and then head down to Jenna’s classroom. Although I’m not at the stage in my degree where I need to start logging observation hours, Jenna offered to let me volunteer in her classroom, and I took her up on it.
I told my daddy it was for school, not entirely a lie. I just won’t be credited for observation hours until next year.
He questioned me pretty heavily on where I’d been when I came in the other day with my hair damp and a slight sunburn. I told him my hair was wet because someone in my class spilled some water on me and that I rode with my windows down to dry it out. That must be how I got sunburned. It was a lame story, but he bought it. Probably because he wanted to. I highly doubt he wanted to entertain the idea that I was being dishonest with him anymore than I wanted to be.
I hear my phone ding in my purse and quickly check it before turning the corner where Jenna’s classroom is. I smile at the picture Tauren has sent me of the two of us. My face is tucked in the crook of his shoulder, but I’m smiling. I gaze at it a moment before deleting it and walking into Jenna’s room.
“It’s way too quiet in here to be a kindergarten classroom,” I tease when I find her classroom empty.
“They’re at P.E. but trust me, when they come back, they will be completely wound up!” Jenna warns with a smile. “You would think it exhausts them, but no, quite the opposite.”
“Yeah, no one has figured out how to bottle the energy of a five-year-old yet.”
She laughs at that and then tells me to get familiar with her room. “You can put your purse in the bottom drawer of my desk. The kids’ cubbies are over in that corner, and that’s where they store their backpacks and lunchboxes. We keep our iPads over at the charging stations, and we have our treasure box over there.”
“Thank you so much for letting me come,” I tell her. “I know it was a little last minute. You only recently offered for me to do this.”
“It’s not a problem,” she assures me. “I’m happy you came!”
She shows me around, pointing out where she keeps everything, and I’m instantly in awe of her classroom. I was in this very same room when Mrs. Colson was a teacher, and it was nothing like this.
“When I was in kindergarten, we had this really ugly brown rug right in the center of the floor, and when we got in trouble we had to come sit on that rug in timeout. I think it was already thirty years old by my first day in here.”
“I figured she probably bought that rug the day she got her teaching degree. I tossed it out my very first day.”
“It was hideous,” I shudder. “But you’ve really turned it around in here.”
“There are still a few things I want to get for the room, but I’m pretty happy with it right now.”
Before I can ask her anything else, the children come in and like she warned me, they are practically bouncing off the walls. Their laughter and chatter fill the room, and it takes Jenna a few moments to calm them down and get them in their seats.
Once they’re settled, she introduces me to them and lets them know I’m her ‘special helper’ for the rest of the day. Willow definitely seems excited about that, waving and smiling at me.
Jenna allows me to pass out some worksheets and even lets me do some hand-over-hand assistance with several of the kids. We sing the alphabet song and the “Baby Shark” song that I’ve learned is not only Willow’s new favorite song but several of the other kids’ favorite song as well. As the day winds down, we pair the kids off to play games on the iPads and then have clean up time before lining them up for dismissal.
“That was amazing,” I sigh, sad the day has come to an end.
“You’re going to do great, Helene,” Jenna assures me. “Teaching is in your nature.”
“I love seeing how excited they are when they get something right. The way their little faces light up,” I tell her. “I know I still have another year of school left, but I’m already looking into jobs. Trying to figure out what grade would be best for me to teach or if I should be at a public or private school.”
“Well, if you stay in Chapelwood, your options could be slightly limited.”
I give her a slight smile. Staying in Chapelwood does limit my options since the elementary, middle, and high school are the only schools aside from the college, and right now, there are no job openings in the foreseeable future.
“Why don’t we go grab an early supper, and we can discuss your options?” Jenna offers.
“That would be great!” I agree, and she grabs her purse and a few worksheets she tells me she’s going to grade. “Willow, time to go.” Willow goes to her cubby and gets her backpack before coming to take Jenna’s hand. “I’m going to drop her off with Kaler and then we can meet at Happy’s if that will work for you.”
“That’s fine. I need to call my daddy and let him know not to cook for me tonight.”
I go put my things in my car and take my time driving over to Happy’s, leaving my daddy a voicemail as I drive. I make
a pitstop in the restroom when I walk inside, and by the time I get out, Jenna is coming in. We find us an empty booth, and she orders loaded nachos while I get a club sandwich.
“Okay, I have to ask,” Jenna begins. “Are you thinking of leaving Chapelwood when you get your degree?”
I swallow, somewhat taken aback by how quickly she started in on questioning me. “I’m not sure. Right now, there aren’t any available jobs in Chapelwood, and I’m not sure what might come open once I graduate.”
“I only ask because I saw how you looked at Tauren and I don’t know that he plans on leaving Chapelwood. He does work in Westmont though, so it’s possible.”
“I’m not really basing my plans around Tauren,” I answer.
That’s not exactly the truth though. I haven’t spoken to him about my plans, but I have somewhat been basing my plans around him. I know that his construction crew is based in Westmont, but they work all over. I have been looking at available jobs in Westmont and the surrounding areas, even Birmingham. I’ve spoken with the superintendent to see if there will be openings when I complete my degree.
Maybe I assume that when the time comes that we will have things between us figured out by then. Would I be holding onto false hope to think we wouldn’t still be sneaking around then?
“I don’t graduate for another year, Jenna. I have plenty of time to figure this all out.”
“You’re right,” she says. “But you brought it up, so that means you’re already thinking of what you want to be doing. There’s nothing wrong with planning ahead.”
“I shouldn’t though,” I admit. “I mean, a lot can happen between now and then. It’s silly of me to think that things will be the same after I graduate. That me and Tauren will still be, um I don’t know, doing whatever it is we’re doing.”
Jenna opens her mouth to respond but closes it when the waitress delivers our food. She waits until she’s gone before she starts talking.
“I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what’s going on between the two of you either, but if it’s important to the both of you, I can tell you from experience, that hiding it won’t do either of you any good.”
I look down at my food, unsure of how much I can tell her. I’ve never had a close girlfriend, and my mama died when I was young, before I had the opportunity to really talk to her about boys.
“I’m pretty sure I love him, and I know how stupid that is because he doesn’t love me back,” I confess. “And my daddy will never approve of him all because of that ridiculous bicycle thing he pulled ‒”
Jenna burst out laughing. “Oh, sweetie, if you think Pastor Jacobs doesn’t approve because he rode a bike in the church all those years ago you are sadly mistaken. He doesn’t approve because he knows Tauren is the man who is going to ruin his sweet, innocent daughter.”
“He’s definitely going to ruin me,” I mutter.
“I don’t mean it that way!” Jenna replies. “I mean ruin in a good way!”
I blush, realization hitting me. “We haven’t done that.”
“Yet,” she smirks, shoving a couple of nachos into her mouth. “But the two of you are all over each other every opportunity you get!”
I start to argue, but I spot Deputy Moulder approaching. He has an empty Styrofoam to-go box in his hand, and he places it on our table.
“Hope you ladies enjoyed your dinner, but it’s time to go, Helene. The chief asked that I escort you home.”
“Evening, Deputy,” Jenna greets him cheerfully. “You can sit and join us if you like. We are almost finished though.”
“I’m good, Miss Winston,” he remarks. “Or is it Holt now?”
“Not married yet.”
“I assumed since you’re living with Mr. Holt that you already tied the knot.”
Jenna shakes her head. “We’re not living together. Not until after the wedding.”
Deputy Moulder doesn’t acknowledge her this time, just turns to me. “Time to go, Helene. Box your sandwich up. You have a nice night, Miss Winston.”
He taps the empty to-go box and walks away without another word, tipping his hat at Jenna. I place my sandwich inside it, much to Jenna’s disbelief.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize to her. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Helene, you can stay. You’re almost finished.”
I take the box and leave some cash on the table to pay for my food. I thank her, and leave her sitting there so that I can get home. Just like I was told to do.
Chapter Six
Tauren
I wash the dirt and grime off me, letting the hot water from the shower rinse it down the drain. We started a new job this week, and I’ve been on a roof for twelve hours straight. Since it’s April, it’s hot as hell on a roof in Alabama. I’m ready to unwind with a game of pool and a few beers down at Happy’s.
I step out of the shower and towel off, walking to my bedroom nude before throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I rub the towel over my wet hair, drying it until it’s damp and don’t bother running a comb through it before sliding on a pair of camo flip-flops and heading out.
Aside from wanting to unwind from my workday, I want to unwind from the fact that all I’ve done is think about my brother’s lecture all damn day. He laid into me again after we were finished swimming.
If you aren’t sure if you love her or not, you need to figure it out and stop fucking around.
I don’t proclaim to be an honorable man. I don’t go around making promises to women that I’ll give them the fucking world or put a ring on their damn finger.
I have no problem admitting that Helene has been different for me. That even though I haven’t made promises to her, in my own way, I’ve kept them. I’ve made them without intending to.
I knew the first moment I saw her that she was different. Of course, it was because I was being held by the collar of my shirt and being told that I was trouble and had ruined her baptism. I was eleven, and I had just interrupted her baptism by riding my bicycle into the church. I did it for her, but no one else knew that.
Helene told me the previous Sunday that she was nervous about getting baptized. Not because she didn’t believe in God, but because everyone in the whole church would be watching her get dunked underneath the water and she wanted to hold her nose. She didn’t think her daddy would hold it good and she didn’t want water to go up her nose.
I didn’t know any other way to get their attention off of her, and I liked riding bikes, so that’s what I did. We were only kids, and I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I rode my bike everywhere at the time.
Helene’s mama was there that day, and I remember her laughing about it. She died the following week and the little redhead who I played with on Sundays after church was no longer allowed to play with me. I had screwed up her special day, and from that point forward, I was labeled a troublemaker.
Pastor Jacobs home-schooled Helene and did his damnedest to ensure the hellion who ruined her baptism stayed out of her life. Pastor Jacobs tried to keep Helene from growing up, but it didn’t work.
She grew up.
And I noticed.
“You want a pitcher?” Happy asks when I walk in, knowing what my usual is.
He knows me too well. I head back to the pool tables and see my brother, Kipton, is already there playing a game with Parker Dellway, one of the deacons at our church. I join them, calling the next game.
The waitress brings my pitcher over, and I pour my beer over into the chilled glass, drinking half of it down in one sip. She lingers, holding her tray underneath her arm, a big smile on her face. This is the very waitress Deputy Moulder was ratting me out about.
I probably shouldn’t have kissed her. I’m an asshole when I’m drunk. What can I say? People make mistakes, and I’ve made my share. I haven’t crossed that line since Helene told me she didn’t want me to.
“You ready for racing season to start again?” Abby asks me.
It honestly feels like it never ended.
Down ‘n’ Dirty’s season went a little late last year, not ending until it was almost October. I spent most of the off season working on my car since it was out of commission the first half of the season and wasn’t in the best of shape the last few races.
“Car’s running good, so yeah,” I answer her.
She runs her fingertip over my shoulder. “Maybe I can ride with you sometime,” she offers, and I know she isn’t meaning a ride in my car. Damn, one kiss and she’s on me like white on rice.
Kipton gives me a look, arching his eyebrow at me. Shit, I don’t need him starting in on me too. He’s already given me enough hell about my busted taillight and how Deputy Moulder is only going to get worse. That he parades around in his uniform even when he’s off duty because he thinks it makes him look powerful or some bullshit.
Do I really want to deal with that for someone I have no long-term intentions for? Especially when I can have a carefree relationship like this?
These are the questions I have been asking myself all fucking day. Why am I putting myself through this with Helene? She won’t even tell her daddy she wants to be with me. I have been pining after this girl for a long ass time, and I still can’t have her.
“Yeah, maybe,” I mumble, finishing off my glass and pouring another.
“That didn’t sound too promising,” she pouts a little.
“That’s game,” Parker says, handing me the pool stick.
I’m not surprised he lost to Kipton. My brother kicks ass at pool about as much as he kicks ass at rodeo, which has me completely dumbfounded as to why he wears a suit and tie to work every day. I’ve told him time and again to quit his job and do rodeo full time. There is no way a cowboy should be locked inside an office building. This year, he’s finally going to go for it.
“Don’t let him lead you on, Abby,” Kipton teases. “He’s got a girlfriend and Henry never lets the drivers bring ride-alongs in the cars.”
I shoot him a glare and nod my head toward Parker. He might play pool and have a few beers with us, but he’s still a deacon and close with Pastor Jacobs.