by J. L. Leslie
“Good Lord, Tauren, nearly everyone in town knows you like Helene,” Parker grins. “Why do you think Pastor Jacobs harps on you so much in his sermons?”
“Helene Jacobs? Seriously?” Abby laughs. “Have fun with that one, Tauren. Poor thing can’t even eat supper without getting escorted home by a deputy.”
“What does that mean?”
“She was in here earlier tonight with Jenna, and Deputy Moulder came in and escorted her home. It was sad really. Like she couldn’t get home on her own. It was like she had to be home before dark or something.”
I clench my jaw, frustrated that Helene was being treated like that. Then again, it’s the norm for her. She’s expected to go to church, school, and home. We’re lucky we get any time together. She’s twenty-two years old and has no freedom.
“Pastor Jacobs is very protective of his daughter. Always has been,” Parker says. “She’s all he has since her mama died.”
I’ve heard Helene say this before too and I wonder if this is what he tells her when he wants her to bend to his will. When she makes any attempt to be her own person if he reminds her of the loss they both endured, filling her with guilt. It’s a shit move, and he needs to be called out on it.
Maybe she has tried to tell him she wants to be with me, and he won’t hear it. I may not be honorable or a knight in shining armor, but I’ve never been one to walk away from a fight either. I can’t see myself walking away from this one, no matter how much of an uphill battle I have with Helene.
If she’s willing to fight for her freedom, why shouldn’t I show her I’m willing to fight with her? I promise to give her a taste of freedom Friday night. To show her what a night without worries is like. Without looking over her shoulder. Without worrying about getting caught.
We can have one night like that.
Just one.
Helene
I slip down to the kitchen to finish off my sandwich from Happy’s. After Deputy Moulder followed me home earlier, I was so annoyed with him that I took a shower and told him I was going to study. I closed the door to my room and haven’t come down since.
“Avoiding me?”
I jump at the sound of his voice and find him sitting at the kitchen table, his bible open in front of him. It’s obvious he’s working on a sermon because he has notes scribbled in a notebook.
“No, sir. I’ve been studying and decided to take a break.”
“Helene, what were you doing at Happy’s with Jenna Winston?” he asks me, placing his pencil down on the table.
“I observed her class today like we discussed, and when school let out, she asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. I left you a message that I was going with her.”
“Are you two friends now?” he asks me.
I shrug a little. “I don’t know her all that well, but she did offer to help me with the observation hours, and I think she can be a good person to talk to since she’s a teacher and that’s the career path I’m headed toward.”
I take my to-go box and place it opposite him at the table, knowing there’s no use in trying to take the sandwich to my room since he’s engaged in an interrogation now. I pour myself a glass of sweet tea and go sit down.
“I’ve already made the exception of you tutoring Willow because I believe that child needs your assistance, but I will not make the exception of you befriending Jenna Winston just so you can get close to Tauren Holt. Am I making myself clear?”
“Daddy, do you hear what you’re saying right now? That you’ve made exceptions for what I can and cannot do? I am an adult, and at some point, I need you to treat me like one. I haven’t given you any reason not to trust me.” That you know of.
“My roof, my rules.”
“Please remind me of them. There are so many,” I reply, dryly.
“Tone, Helene,” he warns.
I chew my food slowly, wanting to take a few seconds to compose my response. “Daddy, I want what you and mama had one day. A happy marriage and a family. I hope you want that for me as well. I need to know one thing. Is there any male in this town you would allow me to date?”
“Do not take that tone with me young lady.”
I frown. “I mean no disrespect and do not believe I am taking a tone,” I reply calmly. “I am simply asking you a question, and I hope that you will answer me.”
“He’s trouble, Helene. He always has been.”
I don’t call him out on not answering my question, but instead reply, “He was eleven years old, Daddy, and I’m pretty certain he did that so that I would be comfortable. You know that I wanted a private baptism, not to be in front of the entire church. Tauren knew that, and he was trying to give me what I wanted. Mama thought it was funny, but you’re still punishing him for something he did when he was a kid!”
“You think I’m punishing that boy for that ridiculous and humiliating bicycle stunt he pulled?” he raises his voice just slightly. “Do you know that he has come to church inebriated? That I’ve caught him in the choir loft with his hand up Cynthia Capps skirt? And let’s not forget that he urinated outside at the church picnic last year!”
I roll my eyes. “Several of our deacons have come to church inebriated, let’s not leave them out. That whole business with Cynthia Capps was about six years ago when he was in high school, and he urinated outside because the church was locked, and he didn’t have access to a bathroom. I thought God taught us to forgive? And what was that story about casting the first stone?”
“That young man has not once asked me for forgiveness, Helene!” he grits out.
My eyes widen. “Asked? I didn’t realize he was supposed to ask.”
My daddy’s hand slams down onto the table. “You will not see him, and that is final! He does not respect what you stand for and the way you were raised!”
“You don’t know that.”
“If he did, he would ask my permission to take you on a proper date instead of sneaking around in choir rooms!” his voice booms in the kitchen as he closes his bible and stands from our table.
“If he were to ask, showing you the respect you demand, would you ever tell him yes?” I ask him, challenging him while ignoring his jibe about the choir room.
“If he respected me, Helene, he would have already asked.” His response is short and clipped, not revealing what his answer would be because we both know what it is. No, he would not give Tauren permission to take me out on a date.
Chapter Seven
Tauren
My mama stands with her hands on her hips, but I can see that she’s going to give in. She might be giving me a frustrated look, but I know my mama. I flash her a smile and tilt my head a little, staring at her with my dark, brown eyes that match my daddy’s. She’s a sucker for them.
“I’m already doing you a favor by leading choir tonight,” she gripes. “Now, you want me to cook you a meal? Don’t you have a freezer full of meals I’ve already made for you?”
“You don’t have to go all out, Mama,” I assure her. “Just some fried chicken and biscuits. Put it in some containers, please, so I can take it with me. I want fresh meals, not frozen ones.”
“And where do you plan on going with these ‘fresh meals,’ huh?” she questions me.
I put my arm around her. “I’ll bring your containers back, I promise.”
She huffs a little, but finally tells me she’ll have them ready when I get off work. She grumbles about me coming through at six in the morning to ask her for a favor.
“Love you, Mama,” I tell her and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Yeah, you can help your daddy deliver meals tomorrow!” she calls out, and I promise her I will as I hurry out.
I am back on a roof for a hardware store in Westmont for the majority of the day, but since it’s Friday I know we’ll be shutting down a little earlier than usual. I know I’ve been counting the damn minutes.
I haven’t told Helene my plans. The way my luck is, I figured some bullshit would go down, and he
r daddy wouldn’t go to Montgomery like he’s been planning to. I didn’t want to jinx us in any way. If everything falls into place, I’ll pick her up from the church so that her car will be seen there, and I’ll bring her back there too. Her daddy will never be the wiser.
“Quitting time!” Alex says, patting my back. “The old lady is working tonight, so me and the guys are hitting a new bar opening. You want in?”
“No, I’m good.”
It’s funny to hear Alex refer to his ‘old lady’ when it wasn’t too long ago that he was making moves on Jenna. Turns out, his old lady was in Westmont and as long as Jenna stayed in Chapelwood, he didn’t mind juggling the two. I suppose Jenna didn’t get too mad seeing as how she was sleeping with my brother anyway. Alex was cover for the busybodies in Chapelwood.
“Alright, see you Monday,” he calls out, and I give him a wave before climbing down from the roof.
The entire one-hour drive to Chapelwood I’m anxious and excited. Helene and I have only shared a few stolen moments alone, and they haven’t been longer than a few minutes. Aside from our first date, we’ve spent a few hours together only two other times, but both times my brothers were there as well as Jenna, Brynn, and Willow.
Over the past year of flirting and sneaking time together, our moments have always been overshadowed by others. Always had someone in the other room or in earshot. Someone watching or knowing our every move. Every word.
Tonight will be different.
Tonight will just be the two of us.
Even if it will only be for a couple of hours.
I swing by and pick up the food from my mama, thanking her for cooking it for me. She even threw in a couple of pieces of pound cake. When I get home, I shower and change into a nice button-up and jeans. Not the same button-up I’ve had tossed in my car for the past couple of weeks. I decide on my Clark’s instead of flip-flops, figuring they’re a bit nicer looking and I want to look nice for Helene.
I run a comb through my dark locks and then head out, knowing Helene will be arriving at the church any minute. I know her well enough to know she’ll get there early for the practice, wanting to set everything up before everyone else gets there.
I park my car and wait for her to get there. When I see her little Corolla pull up, I get out and lean against my car. She gets out and immediately she’s looking around. We’re the only ones in the parking lot for now.
“You mean to tell me you came to watch choir practice instead of going down to Happy’s?” she jokes.
I smile at her. “I came to take you with me.”
Her beautiful green eyes widen. “Tauren, you know we can’t do that!”
“Mama is coming to lead choir practice, Helene,” I promise her. “We have the next couple of hours to ourselves. I will have you back here before your daddy returns from Montgomery.”
She bites her bottom lip, clearly nervous. “What if he calls?”
“Why would he? You’re here leading choir practice. Lord knows those ladies need it.”
She glances around the parking lot again, and I see her clenching her purse. She looks back to me and a smile breaks out on her face. “Okay.”
She practically runs to me, and flings herself into my arms. I catch her, spinning her around as I lift her up, crashing my mouth to hers.
Yes, tonight will be different.
Tonight is ours.
Helene
I lean against Tauren’s chest, the two of us crammed in his backseat, watching a movie on his phone. Our shoes are on the floorboard beside a half-empty jar of lemon-drop moonshine, my feet are tucked between his.
He fed me fried chicken and biscuits, and I know we each have a piece of pound cake waiting for us too, but I’m too full to even think of eating it. I’m certain his mama cooked it, but that doesn’t matter to me. It’s clear he wanted tonight to be special.
I want tonight to be special too.
Tauren chuckles at the movie, and I feel his breath on my shoulder. If I’m being completely honest, I’m not paying too much attention to the movie. I’ve seen it before, and it’s one of my favorites. He let me pick it out, and you can’t go wrong with Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Only I don’t want to watch the movie anymore. I slowly turn to face him, doing my best not to fall off his seat.
“You okay?” he asks me.
I nod, reaching up with shaky fingers to unbutton his shirt. I lean forward and press my lips to his. He returns my kiss, but puts his hands over mine, stopping me. I let him stop me, but only so I can focus on kissing him.
When I’m breathless and resting my forehead against his, he pushes my hands down to my lap, holding them in his.
“That’s not what tonight is about,” he tells me. “It was at first. I won’t lie about that. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about touching you, fucking you, but once I got you here, I realized I only wanted us to have this time together. Just the two of us.”
“I’m ready,” I whisper to him, reaching back up to his shirt.
“Helene, baby, maybe you’ve had a little too much to drink.” He stops me again, but this time, I take his hand and place it over my heart.
“Do you feel my heart racing?” I ask him. I know it’s not because of the moonshine because I barely had any of it at all. Although it’s half-empty, it was already almost to that point when we sipped on it.
His brow furrows. “Yes, and that’s why we ‒”
“It isn’t because I’m afraid, Tauren,” I promise him. “It’s because I’m with the man I love and because I know I’m ready to do this with you. Right here. Right now.”
“But we’re in a car,” he argues, which is silly to me because he’s performed oral sex to me on a car and fingered me in a library.
“And that doesn’t matter. We are here together, and we have tonight,” I tell him. “I love you.”
It’s the second time I’ve said it tonight, and he doesn’t say it back. I want to say that his lack of verbal response changes my decision, but I can see it in his eyes, this man loves me.
Tauren Holt loves me.
He raises his hands and cups my face, bringing me close to him. He brushes his lips over mine. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll be gentle, easy. I promise you. I promise, I will make your first time good for you, Helene.”
I nod, holding onto his wrists. “I trust you.”
I slide over a little, and this time when I go to unbutton his shirt, he doesn’t stop me. My hands shake with each button, but I manage to get the job done and push the fabric off his shoulders. He shrugs out of it and leaves it bunched behind him. He takes care of his jeans, shoving them down along with his underwear before scooting over so that he’s sitting in the middle of the seat.
I swallow at the sight of his penis, never having seen one in person before. I’ve felt his through his jeans but seeing it like this, right before me, I can’t describe the feeling it gives me. I want to touch it, see if it is hard or soft. See what the skin tastes like. I blush at the thought.
“You can touch it, Helene,” he says as if reading my thoughts. “Take it in your hand and stroke my cock, baby.”
I hesitate though, not sure if I run my fingers over it or wrap them around it. He takes my hand and guides it to him, curling my fingers around him. I’m not sure how it’s possible that he’s both hard and soft at the same time. He pumps my hand up and down a few times and a drop of liquid beads at his tip.
“I need to touch you,” he groans. “Let me see how wet you are.”
“Um, I…” my voice trails when he releases my hand and grips my waist, pulling me onto him so that I’m straddling him. I let go of him and hold onto his shoulders, somewhat bewildered.
The skirt of my dress covers his nakedness, but I can feel the warmth from his thighs against my legs. The hardness of his length pressing against the soft cotton of my panties. He pushes upward, grinding his hips against me and I gasp.
“You’re wet, Helene,” he whispers. “I can fee
l how fucking soaked you are.”
Tauren unzips my dress and glides his hands along my back. I feel his smile on my neck when he realizes I’m not wearing a bra. My breasts are small enough that I don’t really need to with this dress. He tugs the straps of my dress down, and I ease my arms out, helping him push it down my sides.
I thread my fingers through his hair, unsure of what I’m supposed to do but giving in to instinct. I rock my body over his, allowing my core to brush over his hardness. I must be doing something right because he groans again and then covers one of my nipples with his mouth.
“Oh my!” I utter, and he squeezes my behind with his hands. “Oh, God!”
He moves me on him, turning my gentle rocking motion into a faster rhythm while he flicks his tongue over my nipples and kisses my breasts. My head is swimming, full of emotions that I can’t seem to control. None of this feels wrong though. Everything we’re doing feels one hundred percent right.
Tauren plunges a finger inside me, somewhat shocking me since I hadn’t realized his hands had moved from my backside, and I moan his name, asking him what I should do.
“Keep moving, baby,” he urges me. “I’m going to make you come like this first.”
I know what he means. I know he was making me come those other times. When the tension builds inside me, and I lose control. That incredible feeling. He adds a second finger inside me, and it starts to happen.
I hold onto him and let go.
Chapter Eight
Tauren
I could stop this right now. Helene has had her orgasm, and she’s content. Sated. I could put an end to this and tell her this is enough. I never really intended for things to get this far. We should leave.
But I can’t.
We’re parked on Kaler’s land with a beautiful view of his favorite fishing pond. There is no one near us to interrupt. No one to ruin this moment for us.
And fuck it, I want this moment with Helene.
I want to be her first. I want to be the man she gives her virginity to. I want to be the only man she allows inside her.