Scarred

by Tess Thompson

  “Someone make her stop,” Stone mumbled as he planted his forehead in the palm of his hand. The tips of his ears were the color of beets.

  Trey shook with suppressed laughter.

  Pepper frowned at Stone. “I will not stop, Stone Hickman. The only reason we’re together is because you never gave up on me.” She shifted her attention back to Valerie. “Your son knew we were meant to be together. He has this confidence, this unshakable belief in the goodness of most people. How that’s possible, given what he’s seen in his life, I can’t imagine.”

  Valerie’s shoulders hunched.

  Pepper’s eyes narrowed, watching her future mother-in-law. “I didn’t mean you.”

  “You should.” Valerie picked up her wineglass and brought it to her mouth.

  “Mom, she’s talking about my time in the military.” Stone glared at Pepper.

  Pepper lifted her chin, completely devoid of apology.

  Valerie took another sip of wine and stared down at the tabletop. Trey wished he could do something, like wave a magic wand to take her pain away. Guilt was an awful thing, the way it robbed a person of light and joy. It was a weight one could never shed, no matter how many years passed.

  “Baby, what’s your point here?” Stone asked.

  Pepper hesitated, clearly thinking about what to say next. With a defiant lift of one eyebrow, she continued. “I’ll just come right out and say it. I don’t want you to drive around in that beater of a car any longer. Or live in that crap-hole of an apartment or its equivalent. I don’t want you to work unless you want to. I have a proposition.”

  Valerie’s fingers closed around the stem of her wineglass, and she gazed at Pepper with the stunned expression of a bunny facing a mountain lion. She closed her eyes for a second as if she had an enormous headache. “What did you have in mind?” she asked faintly.

  “We’re family, and we want to help you,” Pepper said. “Right, Stone? Autumn?”

  “Sure,” Autumn said.

  Stone remained silent but acquiesced with a slight nod of his head.

  “Valerie, your place burning is a sign that it’s time for you to move to Cliffside Bay. You’re going to let Stone, Kyle, and me buy you a nice little house here in town so you’re close to your grandchildren and your children.” Pepper’s eyes danced. “I’m going to have a baby one of these days, and you already have four grandchildren who adore you.”

  At the mention of the grandchildren, Valerie’s armor seemed to soften a millimeter or two. “It would be nice to help Violet with the children.”

  “Exactly. She needs you,” Pepper said. “Tomorrow, Autumn and I are going to take you to the city and I’m going to buy you beautiful clothes—you have such a nice figure. Then we’re going to a salon to have your hair cut and colored.”

  Valerie placed both hands on the table. “No.”

  Pepper smiled and spoke in a softer, less bossy tone. “You’re young and pretty, but everyone needs a little touch-up every now and then.”

  At the change in tone, tears gathered in Valerie’s eyes and then rolled down her cheeks. Stone leaped forward to offer her a napkin from the stack on the counter. “Mom, don’t cry. This is Pepper’s way of wanting to help you.”

  “Exactly. I’m worthless at most things, but I know how to make the most of my appearance, and I can do the same for you.”

  “That’s just it,” Valerie said. “I don’t deserve any of this. Or any of you.”

  Even though this was not his family and none of his business, Trey felt compelled to speak. “Valerie, no one is perfect. Everyone in this room is like the houses Stone and I fix up. The bones are good, but sometimes they need a little love and attention in order to reach their full potential. Pepper wants to give you this gift. It obviously makes her happy.”

  Autumn moved closer to him, slipping her hand into his. “Mom, he’s right. Just say yes.”

  Valerie’s eyes filled once more. She dabbed at her cheeks with the napkin.

  Stone crossed over to her and knelt next to her chair. “Mom, let us love you.”

  “I’d like to. I would. I’m not sure I know how.”

  Pepper reached across the table and placed her hand around Valerie’s bony wrist. “Let me take you shopping. That’s all. A little shopping and a haircut.”

  Valerie dabbed at the corners of her eyes and gave Pepper a rueful smile. “Okay, I guess. If it makes you happy.”

  Autumn squeezed Trey’s hand and nestled next to him. “I’ll get my shift covered and come too.”

  Pepper clapped her hands together. “Excellent. We’ll have a Hickman family girls’ day. I’m so excited.”

  Trey had to grin at his energetic, sometimes overbearing friend. Pepper Shaker was impossible not to love. Someday, if he had anything to do about it, they would both be married to a Hickman sibling. Please, God.

  8

  Autumn

  * * *

  The next morning, Autumn woke at her usual time and sniffed the air. The scent of coffee filled the house. She rolled over to look at the clock. It was just a little after seven. Her mother must be an early riser. Pepper had said she’d be by to get them at nine for their trip into San Francisco, which left her plenty of time to get ready.

  She crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. As the water heated in the shower, she examined herself in the full-length mirror that hung on the door. In the soft morning light that sneaked through the slats of the wooden shades, her scars weren’t so obvious. Even the dent in her leg seemed less angry. Since she’d shown herself to Trey, she’d been thinking about shame. Her shame. Last night, as they talked with her mother about starting fresh, she’d thought about her own decisions to hide away, to let her shame over her appearance keep her from the pleasure of swimming. She was not physically perfect, but most people weren’t. There were women of all sizes and shapes on the beach every day. They didn’t deprive themselves of the glorious sun and salt water on their skin because they were physically imperfect. What was it that they had that she didn’t? Were they unashamed? Did they embrace the beauty of their imperfections? Did they toss aside their fear of exposure, of being seen, in order to experience life’s bounty?

  She showered, lingering under the warm water for longer than she should. When she was done, she toweled dry and blew out her hair using a round brush.

  The bathroom wasn’t too large but had room for a glass shower and a claw tub. When they’d renovated, Trey had suggested they tear out everything and start over. She hadn’t argued, quite sure there was no salvaging any of the pink decor. Even the bathtub had been pink. She hadn’t known there was such a thing.

  They’d gone with an eggshell-white tile with light yellow accents. Bright and sunny. Clean. They’d found prints of flowers: a white daisy, a yellow rose, a pink peony, and an orange dahlia. They hung two by two on either side of the pedestal sink.

  Crossing into the bedroom, her skin prickled in the air-conditioned room. She went to her large walk-in closet and chose a pair of lacy panties and a matching bra. Why did she bother with such things? It wasn’t as if anyone would see.

  The closet with its drawers and shelves made for various parts of a wardrobe had been a surprise gift from Kyle. Trey had helped her hang the mirror in the closet. He’d joked about renting the space out from her. Pointing to the area where her dresses now hung, he’d said he could put his bed there.

  An image of Trey from the late afternoon at the Mullens’ pool flashed through her mind. His hands with those long, artistic fingers on her skin, running the length of her scars. His damp, warm body when she’d hugged him. Her legs weakened. She slumped into the chair in the corner of the walk-in closet. What would it have felt like to have his hands on every other part of her?

  Then another image came. Her and Trey entwined right here in the confines of the closet. Bodies pressed together, mouths exploring, fingers tracing each other’s skin.

  Oh my.

  She shook it off. I’m lonely, th
at’s all.

  It had been a long time since she’d had any proximity to a man.

  After a few centering breaths, she rose from the chair. She chose a pair of linen pants, a light blue sleeveless blouse, and flat sandals, knowing they might walk a lot while shopping. Her cane was nestled in the corner next to her shoe rack. She would bring it, in case she tired. Lately though, with all the shopping trips and running around with Trey, her legs felt stronger than they had since before the accident. She took one last look at herself in the mirror in the closet.

  Autumn turned out the lights in the closet and bedroom, then headed for the scent of coffee.

  A high-pitched scream jolted through her. She froze for a split second, as her mind caught up with the origin and nature of the noise. Her mother had screamed in what sounded like terror. She ran out of her bedroom and into the main room. Valerie stood by the French doors with one of Autumn’s silver candlesticks in her hand. One blind on the double doors had been lifted partway and now hung crooked.

  “What is it?” Autumn asked.

  “A man. He was standing right outside the doors when I lifted the blinds. I screamed and ran for the candlestick. When I turned back, he was gone.”

  Autumn moved closer to the doors and lifted both blinds. The morning was bright and sunny. No fog to obscure the view today. Still, there was no sign of a man, other than a few joggers passing by on the boardwalk. “What did he look like?”

  “Big with a beer belly. Scruffy face. Baseball cap, pulled low over his eyes, and he had on a gray sweatshirt and jeans. Other than that, I can’t remember.”

  “You haven’t seen him before?”

  “No. I’m sure of it. I usually remember faces because of my job.” Valerie continued to clutch the candlestick in both hands. Her entire body visibly shook.

  Should she tell her this was the second morning in a row? Her instinct was to keep it to herself. Valerie seemed so fragile. However, the need to explore the possibility of a connection to the Millers and the fire won in the end.

  “He was here yesterday too. And he was following Pepper as well.”

  Valerie’s face drained of color. She slumped into the chair. “Who could he be?”

  “Do you think he could be related to the Millers somehow?”

  She pressed the candlestick against her chest. “Their father died years ago. As far as I know, there were no other relatives. Like Kyle said, they were hated by most in town. I don’t think it could be.”

  “We’ll call the police and tell them what we saw. Whoever it is seems to like to look, but maybe he’s harmless. Could just be an old-fashioned voyeur.” Autumn reached out and took the candlestick from her mother. “Regardless, from now on, we keep the security system on, even when we’re here.”

  Pepper had hired a driver to take them into the city. She didn’t drive, having grown up in New York. Plus, she’d told Autumn and Valerie, she wanted a day of total luxury for all three. No traffic or worrying about parking while they were in the busy shopping district of San Francisco. Normally, Autumn would have insisted on driving them, always frugal, but she knew it was no use. Pepper wanted to treat them, so why shouldn’t she let her?

  It took about an hour and a half to get into the city, which passed quickly. The vehicle was essentially a minivan, with four bucket seats arranged in two rows facing each other. Valerie and Autumn took up one row, with Pepper across from them. Her mother seemed surprisingly relaxed in Pepper’s company, asking her all kinds of questions about Hollywood and movies. All the way along the curvy road that rose up and then came down as they neared the freeway to the city, Pepper kept them entertained with tales of movie set antics and insider gossip. Before they knew it, they’d arrived in front of a Nordstrom. Autumn and Valerie stepped out of the car and stood on the sidewalk waiting while Pepper gave instructions to the driver.

  Autumn noticed that Valerie had gone suddenly quiet, and her shoulders sagged as though she wanted to disappear. Valerie tugged on the front of her shirt, pulling it over the waist of her jeans. Autumn had thrown Valerie’s jeans and faded shirt into the washer and dryer the night before, but they looked shabby and worn next to the hordes of shoppers and businesspeople who passed by them.

  Pepper joined them. Perhaps noticing Valerie’s discomfort, she smiled a little too brightly. “Come on, ladies. Let’s go shop until we drop.”

  Valerie turned toward the glass doors of Nordstrom and sighed. A refined woman laden with bags came out of the store and headed toward them, most likely to hail a cab. As she approached, Autumn caught a whiff of her French perfume in the midst of the gas fumes from cars. Valerie had gone completely still, staring at the woman. She was about Valerie’s age, only she had the advantage of elegantly styled hair and designer clothes that draped exactly right. Fortunately, the woman didn’t seem to notice Valerie’s stare as she passed them by.

  Instinctively, Pepper moved closer to Valerie, as if she wanted to protect her.

  “You know, my trouble was I never had anything to start with, other than my looks,” Valerie said softly. “Over time, I didn’t even have that.”

  Pepper linked her arm through Valerie’s. “My mother always says, ‘It’s not what you look like on the outside but the inside that counts.’ Which is true, of course. But heck, there’s no reason why we can’t get them to match a little, right?”

  “I’m not sure there’s much to be done.” Valerie tugged on her blouse in the same self-conscious move from earlier.

  “Let me try, okay?” Pepper asked. “I’d really like to.”

  Autumn placed her hand on her mother’s other arm. “Mom, it’s the least we can do if Pepper’s so keen on showing off her money.” She grinned and winked at Pepper to make sure she knew she was teasing.

  Pepper turned slightly to look at Valerie. “This time last year I was broke. I was basically sponging off Maggie and Lisa and feeling terrible about myself. Think of it this way. You’re doing me a favor by letting me pay it forward.”

  For the first time since they arrived, Valerie gave them both a tremulous smile. “All right. I’m at your mercy.”

  Arms linked, the three of them walked toward the store, only separating when it was time to enter through the glass doors. The scent of perfume and cosmetics permeated the air. They passed by the display counters filled with expensive cosmetics promising youth and beauty at the tip of a bottle or squeeze of a tube. Clerks assisted customers, applying products using brushes they pulled from apron pockets. “We’ll skip this for now,” Pepper said, clearly in her element. “Let’s start upstairs in one of the women’s departments.”

  They took the escalator to the second floor and walked past the designer and couture departments. Pepper gestured toward them and spoke in a low voice. “Lisa’s stylist shops here for when she has interviews and such, but we don’t need to spend two thousand dollars on a dress.”

  Lisa, the “it” girl of Hollywood, apparently did need two-thousand-dollar dresses. Autumn shuddered. Nothing in the world sounded worse than being on television or constantly having your photograph taken as part of your job. She loved nice clothes, but Lisa and Pepper’s work took looking good to another level. Lisa’s fame had risen to a level where no matter where she went, people snapped photos of her. She was often on talk shows or on the red carpet, all the while being scrutinized and judged for what she wore and said and how she fixed her hair. Autumn was just fine with her low-profile job behind the pharmacy counter.

  At the corner of the second floor, they entered a section targeted to the more mature woman. Incongruently, a nubile sales assistant wearing black leggings paired with high pumps and a trendy cropped sweater swooped in on them. “Hello, ladies. Can I help you find anything?”

  Pepper politely declined her offer to help. “We’re just looking right now.”

  “Please let me know if you need anything. My name’s Cello. Like the instrument.” Cello, like the instrument, had black hair styled in a mushroom bob. Blunt bangs
fell to the middle of her forehead. They reminded Autumn of a haircut given to a doll by a child playing hairdresser. Regardless, she had the self-assurance of a young woman who saw herself as the epitome of trendy fashion and beauty.

  “Nice to meet you,” Autumn said. “But we’re fine on our own.”

  Cello’s gaze floated over each of them. She was too good to let her opinion of Valerie’s appearance reflect on her face. “Are you all shopping today?”

  “No. Just my mom,” Autumn said.

  “How wonderful,” Cello said, focusing on Valerie now. “Are you looking for anything in particular? A special occasion? What are you? Size six?”

  “I’m…I’m not sure,” Valerie said.

  “I have a good eye,” Cello said. “I’m almost never wrong. Shall I start to pull things for you?”

  “No, thank you,” Autumn said. She sensed Pepper’s growing irritation. “We’d like to help her pick things out ourselves.”

  Undaunted, Cello snatched a peasant blouse from a nearby rack. “This would be adorable on you.”

  “Cello, thanks so much for your help. We’ll be sure to give you the credit when we check out,” Pepper said. “But really, we’re fine. I used to work retail. I’ve got this.”

  “Perfect. Perfect.” Cello smiled as she gestured with one long, pointy fingernail toward the dressing rooms. “How about if I take that from you and start a room?”

  Pepper nodded. “Great. Thanks.”

  After Cello walked away, she turned to Valerie. “Should we focus on day-to-day clothes for now?”

  “Sure,” Valerie mumbled.

  Unlike the section of the store targeted toward teens or twentysomethings, the clothes here were made for a more sophisticated woman. Skirt hems were longer; blouses covered midriffs; pants were cut wider at the hips and thighs. Prices were in the medium range, as compared to the designer departments from which Lisa’s and Pepper’s stylists dressed them. Still, Valerie balked the instant she saw the price tag on the first sweater Pepper chose for her.