You Will Be Mine (Forever and Ever #7)

by E. L. Todd

  He looked at me then returned his gaze back to the skirt. He adjusted it under the tree. “Like that?”

  “Yeah.” I turned on Christmas music from my phone then dug into the box. I found the hooks and ornaments then I started to assemble them.

  Arsen watched me.

  “Dig in and help me.” I picked up an ornament then found the right spot to put it on the tree.

  He looked through the box then hooked a hook inside an ornament. Then he studied the tree for a long time before he found a spot. He put it directly next to mine.

  “Spread it out,” I said. “You don’t want it to look too congested.”

  He moved it to another place.

  “Have you never decorated a tree before?” I teased.

  He went back to the box and grabbed another one, leaving my question in the air.

  Together, we decorated the tree with lights, ornaments, and ribbon.

  “It looks great,” I said excitedly. I dug into the box until I found the star that goes on top. “Can you put this up? I can’t reach.”

  He held it in his hands for a long time, just staring at it. Then he looked at the top of the tree like he was confused. Slowly, he inserted it on top then stepped away, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “We did a great job,” I said.

  He stared at the lights like they were far away.

  “Arsen?”

  He ignored me.

  What was wrong with him? “Are you okay?”

  “Huh?” He turned to me, clearly missing every word I said.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Have you…never put up a Christmas tree before?”

  He looked away and put his hands in his pockets. “There’s a first time for everything, right?” He added a light laugh but it was full of sadness.

  My heart broke directly in half.

  He wouldn’t look at me. His eyes seemed to be glued to the star at the top of the tree.

  I came to his side and rested my head on his shoulder and hooked my arm around his waist. “I’m happy I get to spend Christmas with you.”

  He moved his arm around my shoulder but didn’t say anything. Then he dropped it and walked away. He headed out the front door then shut it behind him.

  I stood still, unsure what to do. Maybe he needed a moment alone. Maybe I should talk to him. I understood him well, but this time I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know anything about his past. I gave him twenty minutes before I grabbed my jacket and joined him outside.

  He was sitting on the top step like usual, his back to me.

  I sat by his side and stared straight ahead.

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet.

  “There’s no need to apologize.”

  “I’m not…good at this sort of thing.”

  “Being happy?” I whispered.

  He shrugged. “I’ve never liked the holidays…or celebrated them.”

  I hooked my arm through his and leaned my head on his shoulder. Arsen was complicated and deep. His mind stretched indefinitely. I’d give anything to know what he was thinking, to understand his thoughts and emotions. I could only offer my ear so many times. He would only open up when he was ready to. “What were your holidays like?”

  He rested his head against mine. He was quiet for so long I assumed he wouldn’t respond. “Non-existent,” he whispered. “We never had a tree. We never had presents. On Christmas day, my mom was hardly ever home.”

  I wanted to ask him so many questions but I remained silent, letting him talk. I wanted to know what happened to his dad and if he had any siblings. I wanted to know everything about his life, no matter how painful it was.

  “My mom was a…prostitute.” His voice cracked at the end, like he was embarrassed.

  My heart stopped for a moment in time, soaking in his words. Then it continued onward.

  “I didn’t realize it until I was older. But she would bring strange men to our apartment. She made me stay outside until they were done. And she told me not to knock on the door even if I needed something…”

  I closed my eyes and felt them bubble with tears. Now I understood one aspect of his behavior. And it made me want to break down. I tried not to sniff so he wouldn’t know how sad I was for him.

  “My dad left when he found out she was pregnant. I never knew him. Then one Christmas day, she told me to pack all my belongings because we were going on a trip. I was so excited I gathered all of my things…”

  I didn’t want to hear the end of this. I couldn’t handle it.

  “And she drove me to a building and asked me to get out. Then she told me she would be right back.”

  I sniffed because I couldn’t stop myself.

  “But she never came…” His voice was strained but he didn’t shed a tear. “The building was an orphanage. A lady came outside and told me it was my new home. I never heard from my mother again…”

  I broke down and sobbed. Imagining him as a child standing on a curb with all his toys was too much. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed, my chest heaving with the strength of my sorrow. “I’m so sorry…”

  He said nothing, listening to me cry.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Arsen. Now I understand why you always try to push me away…”

  He kept his silence, sitting still.

  I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me. His eyes were coated with tears, but the emotion was barely distinguishable. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Proud?” he whispered.

  “Yes,” I said firmly. “You came from nothing and you’re so kind and strong.” I kissed his lips gently. “And now I want you even more.”

  “You don’t…think less of me?”

  New tears fell down my cheeks. “Never.” I pressed my face to his and continued to cry quietly. I’d never been in so much pain for another person. It shattered my heart over and over. I was certain I was in more pain over it than Arsen himself.

  “You’re the first person who’s made me feel like I’m worth anything…”

  “You’re worth so much,” I whispered.

  Snow fell to the ground and the night was dead silent. I let my tears escape, and once they were on my cheeks, they felt cold from the frost. It was dark, and the parking lot was barely visible. We sat together, saying nothing. I held him tightly like he might slip out of my grasp.

  “Beauty?” he whispered.

  “Hmm?” I took a deep breath and stilled my tears.

  “Thanks for decorating my first tree with me.”

  My lungs hurt from the strain of my emotions. I was too overcome to say anything. So I said nothing at all.

  ***

  Arsen didn’t go home for a few days. It was the longest he’d ever stayed with me. Normally, he would find a reason to leave. But now it didn’t seem like he wanted to.

  He lay on the couch and held me on his chest. We’d been lounging around since my winter break started. The TV was on but I wasn’t watching it. I was happy, curled up in his lap. We hadn’t discussed the heartbreaking story of his past. It was so painful I didn’t even want to think about it. But I was honored he shared it with me. Now everything made sense. He pretended to be a jerk because he thought he was one. He pushed me away because he feared I would leave.

  I gently kissed his neck while he lay underneath me then moved to his ear. “I like kissing you.”

  “I like it too.” His voice was raspy and deep, like he hadn’t spoken in a long time.

  I sat up and straddled his hips. Then I ran my hands up his chest. “Are you doing anything for Christmas?”

  He shook his head.

  “You want to spend it with me?”

  He smirked. “I’d love to.”

  “Really?” My heart fluttered in happiness. “We have so much fun at the house. You’ll have a great time.”

  He stilled. “We? Sorry?”

  “My family and I. We spend Christmas day with my aunt and uncl
e at the mansion in Connecticut. Snow is everywhere and it’s so beautiful.”

  His smile fell and so did his eyes. “I’m not doing that…”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m not spending Christmas with your family.”

  “Why not?” I demanded.

  “A million reasons,” he said in an annoyed voice. “Forget it.”

  “My family will love you, Arsen.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I fear you have a twisted view of reality. Things aren’t what you assume they are.”

  I didn’t let him insult me. “I’ve known my family my whole life. I know them pretty damn well. They would welcome you and make you feel comfortable.”

  He sighed. “I already told you I don’t want to meet your parents. You can’t make me go.”

  “No, I can’t,” I agreed. “But you’re missing out. I understand why you’re scared, but my parents are really cool people. My dad isn’t one of those overprotective parents that grills every boy his daughter brings home. They understand that people are different, and there’s nothing wrong with being different.”

  He didn’t seem convinced. “You’ve never brought a man home before. Believe me, they’re going to care.”

  I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with him. But I had to keep trying. “Just trust me, okay?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair.

  “Please. I promise you’ll love it.”

  “You can’t keep promises like that.”

  “Yes, I can.” I grabbed both of his hands and held them within my own.

  He pulled away. “I’m not going. End of story.”

  I sighed, feeling defeated. “Then I’m not going either.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

  “I’m spending Christmas with you. If you don’t go, I don’t go.”

  “Don’t be stupid,” he hissed. “Be with your family. That’s where you belong.”

  “You are my family.” I stared him down, silently telling him I wasn’t going anywhere. “And I belong with you.”

  He met my gaze with indecision. “Silke, you should—”

  “Either come with me or I’m staying here.”

  “You don’t have to spend Christmas with me just because you feel bad for me…”

  “I want to spend it with you because I want to be with you. It’s not out of pity.”

  He focused his gaze on the TV even though he wasn’t really watching it.

  “What’s it going to be?” I asked.

  He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “I refuse to keep you from your family.”

  I smiled. “So you’ll come with me?”

  “I guess…” Apprehension was in his eyes.

  “You’ll love it.” I clapped excitedly. “I promise.”

  “I’ll take off the moment they give me shit.”

  “They won’t,” I said firmly.

  “What am I supposed to say to them? What do I do for a living? Should I lie about my Harley?”

  I cupped his face and stared at him. “Tell them the truth.”

  “Then they’ll hate me.”

  “No, they won’t.”

  He sighed. “Fine. I’m trusting you.”

  “It’ll be a wonderful Christmas. Take my word for it.”

  He still didn’t seem convinced but he didn’t mention it again.

  ***

  “Are you sure this is okay?” Arsen asked. He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and his leather jacket. “Should I wear something nicer? Like slacks or something?”

  I pointed at myself. “I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt.”

  “But you aren’t trying to make a good impression.”

  “Just be yourself, Arsen. I said that a million times.” We were standing by my car at the sidewalk. The building to my parents’ apartment was just a few feet away. He was struggling with the final steps, his fear getting to him.

  “I’ve never done this before…”

  “There’s a first time for everything, right?” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my head to his.

  He took a deep breath and kept his eyes closed.

  “I understand why you’re nervous. But I’m telling you, there’s no reason to be scared.”

  “I’m not scared,” he said firmly. “I’m not scared of anything. But I just have a feeling this isn’t going to go well.”

  “It will,” I said firmly.

  “You told them I was coming, right?”

  “Yes. I told them days ago.”

  He rubbed one temple and sighed. “What did they say?”

  “They are excited to meet you.”

  “But what did you tell them I was to you? A friend? A boyfriend?”

  “The truth.”

  “Maybe I should just go…”

  I gripped his shoulders. “We’re doing this. There’s no turning back now.”

  “If this doesn’t go well, I lose you…and I can’t handle that right now.” Emotion filled his voice.

  “You won’t lose me. No matter what happens, I’m here.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he whispered.

  I knew how important that was to him. His mother promised to come back and she never did. Instead, she abandoned him on the sidewalk. He had no one to turn to. He was completely alone and scared. “I never will, Arsen.”

  He was silent for a long time before he gathered his bearings. “What are your parents’ names?”

  “Ryan and Janice.”

  “Your brother?”

  “Slade.”

  “What’s he like?”

  “An asshole.” I smiled. “You two will get along great.”

  He chuckled. “Thanks for the compliment.”

  “Now grab our bags and let’s go.”

  He clenched his fists before he grabbed our bags from the backseat. “Alright. Let’s go.”

  We headed into the building then took the elevator to the top floor. Arsen was quiet. He didn’t look at me, trying to hide the fear he felt. When we walked down the hallway, I spotted my parents’ door. “Here we are.”

  He put the bags down. “Nice place.”

  “You should see the inside.” I knocked on the door and waited.

  Arsen kept a stoic expression but I knew he was terrified.

  The door opened. “My baby girl is home!” My mom came out and practically tackled me. “Honey, you’re so pretty like usual.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said with a laugh.

  “Sorry we hung up on you last week. Your idiotic father broke my phone.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “You already apologized.”

  She gave me another hug before she pulled away. Then she gave Arsen her full attention.

  Arsen held her gaze but didn’t smile. He clearly didn’t know what to do.

  “Wow,” my mom said. “Where did you find him? Because I want one.”

  Arsen smirked slightly.

  “Mom, don’t embarrass me!” I hissed.

  She waved off my words then opened her arms wide and hugged Arsen tightly. “Thank you for spending the holidays with us.”

  Arsen stiffened and didn’t know how to react. He never hugged people. When he and I first got together, he didn’t do it then either. Affection was hard for him to give because he never got it to begin with. Awkwardly, he returned her embrace. “Thank you.”

  She squeezed him tighter before she let go. “Arsen’s your name?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Sisco. Thank you for letting me stay with you.” He said it like he’d been rehearsing those lines for weeks.

  “Awe.” She rubbed his shoulder affectionately. “You’re so sweet. Please call me Janice. My mother-in-law is Mrs. Sisco and I hate her guts.”

  Arsen smiled, appreciating her banter. “I’ll remember that, Janice.”

  “Well, come inside,” Mom said. “We’ve got hot chocolate and everything to make the gingerbread houses.”

  Arsen picked up the bags and carried
them over the threshold.

  “Ryan!” Mom yelled. “Your daughter is home.”

  “Why do you always have to yell?” I asked. “He can hear just fine.”

  “I’ll be there in a second!” Dad yelled back.

  “Hurry your ass up,” Mom hissed. “We have a guest. Don’t be rude!”

  Arsen looked at me and smirked.

  “Shut the hell up. I said I’ll be there in a second,” my dad called back.

  My mom put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. “I apologize. He’s not normally this rude.”

  “It’s okay,” Arsen said. “Don’t worry about it.” He put his hands in his pockets.

  “That’s a nice jacket.” My mom felt the zipper. “Where did you get it? Bloomingdales?”

  “Uh, the flea market,” he blurted.

  She clutched her chest. “I love cheap stuff. I go through clothes so quickly that they need to be cheap.”

  “Yeah…” Arsen didn’t know what else to say.

  “So, are you a model?” Mom asked.

  Arsen blushed again.

  “Mom, stop hitting on my boyfriend,” I snapped.

  “I’m not hitting on him,” Mom said in an offended voice. “It’s obvious he’s a good-looking guy. It’s like having a pink elephant in the room.” She looked over her shoulder. “Slade, your sister is here.”

  “Tell her to go to hell!” Slade yelled from his room.

  She sighed then turned back to me. “You have no idea how glad I am to have another woman in the house. They’ve been driving me crazy.”

  “I can tell,” I said sarcastically.

  My dad finally came down the hallway but he held a remote control in his hands. He was flying a helicopter toward us. “Look what your mom got me for Christmas.”

  “But Christmas isn’t until tomorrow,” I said. “Why do you have it?”

  My mom gave me a pissed look. “Because this asshole opened all my gifts then wrapped them back up! I caught him in the middle of the night.”

  My dad landed the helicopter on the counter. “You can take back that purple turtle neck, by the way…”

  She glared at him.

  My dad put down the remote. “You have to try it. It’s so cool.”

  “Maybe,” I said.

  Now that his toy was down, he gave me his full attention. “Hey, sweetheart.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, Dad.”