Alex raised her arms and winced as she tried to put on the sweater.
"Here, let me help you." I grabbed the sweater from her and noticed how soft it felt. I brought it down over her head. I helped her get her arms into the sleeves and could tell that was painful too. "I'm sorry, Princess," I whispered, trying to be as gentle as I could. Oksana got in on the other side of the car and started to throw clothes on top of her nurse's outfit. There was not enough space for this. She had the pants up and was shimmying out of her dress without anything being seen. That was some superpower, and I had no idea how all women seemed to be able to accomplish it.
I bent low and helped Alex with her boots; this also felt like I was playing some type of Tetris game. My head was smashed against Shane's seat, and I already knew he was as close to the steering wheel as he could possibly go. Alex placed her hand against my arm, stopping me. She bent low. I knew she was in pain even if she was trying not to show me. She did up the boots with the silky pajama pants tucked into them.
The women were finally dresseded, and it felt like it had been a much bigger ordeal than it needed to be.
We drove down the paved streets that were relatively empty until coming to a sizable off-white hotel. I wanted to carry Alex, but she insisted on walking. She was being stubborn, putting her foot down since she couldn't talk.
The hotel was modest, but I was noticing that most things in this town were. Gunner and Shane took a room with a double, and Oksana, Alex, and I were rooming together. I wanted Oksana close in case something happened to Alex.
No one seemed to look at us differently as we moved through the hotel lobby. I kept my hand linked with Alex's. I needed the connection.
"I can't believe I have to sleep in a twin," Shane mumbled. "Gunner's taking the top bunk. I gotta pull rank when I can."
I nodded, knowing that that would suck. They had one room with a full and a twin, and the other had bunk beds. Gunner wasn't going to be happy about a bunk bed, either. It would be a surprise for him. He was using the restroom while we checked in.
Our rooms were basic without television, and there wasn't even a private restroom. There were two restrooms per floor. At least there were good locks on the doors.
Once we got into our room, I immediately asked. "What can I get you? Are you hungry? Tired?"
She stretched out her hand like she wanted the phone, while Oksana made herself comfortable in her twin bed.
I handed her my phone, and she began to type, "I'd like Oksana to help me in the shower."
I shook my head, "I'll help you."
She shook her head.
"I don't want you to see."
I gritted my teeth, angry because it must be bad. "She won't be able to lift you or hold you up. I need to know what happened to you."
She shook her head again, and I felt angry and helpless. I wanted to be the one to take care of her.
I was about to give in, but then I thought about my scars and all that we had been through. "We don't hide our scars from each other, Princess."
Her eyes flashed with a moment of anger. "Fine," she whispered.
"We're going to shower," I told Oksana.
"Good, stay in there as long as you can. The hot water will be good for her."
"Can you get us some coffee and food?" I asked, handing her one of my credit cards.
I had no reason to trust giving her my card, but I think she needed us as much as we needed her.
"Yes, I can do that. I'll give you a little time."
"Thank you," I replied. I knew she understood what I was about to see and that I'd need some time.
I helped Alex up, grabbed the rest of the things that they bought for her, and we moved down the hall to the tiny bathroom.
Once we were behind closed doors. I kissed her lightly on the lips. "Whatever I see, it won't change anything."
She squared her shoulders and held my eyes then gave me a quick shake of her head, telling me to proceed.
I turned on the water to let it heat up, then bent low to help her take the boots off. I lifted the sweater off of her head, knowing I was causing her pain. "It will be over soon. All of this. One day soon, we'll get to put it all behind us."
She didn't say anything then moved under the spray of the shower while still wearing those damn silk pajamas. She watched me and slowly began to unbutton. Her hair was dripping wet, and water poured over her. I could see her nipples poking through the pajamas. One by one, her chest was exposed more and more. When she was completely unbuttoned, she dropped the shirt against the tiled shower floor. I found it hard to breathe. My chest constricted at what I saw, and I thought maybe she was right, perhaps I shouldn't have seen her.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Alex
I knew it would be too much when he saw me. It was evident on his face that it pained him to see me. I didn't want to cause him any more pain. He'd risked his life for me twice. His brother was shot because of me, and a gun was held to Gun's head. He shouldn't have come. He should've left me there. I was sick of all the pain I continuously caused him, and all because of what? Some novel idea I had about freedom?
I had to keep going, though. If he wanted to see, I would give it all to him. I wasn't Alex. Not really. That was a made-up person he named me to feel better about what I really was.
I shook my head. Man, Sokolov really did a number on me. I felt confused. Why was I angry with Ace? It didn't matter. I had to keep going.
I dropped the bottoms to the shower floor. I didn't have any underwear on, so I was completely nude. I expected it to scare him and that he would storm away. I suppose I wanted him to. I wanted the shock of the bruises that covered my body to disgust him. But that's not what happened, not at all.
He took the two steps into the shower, fully clothed not caring one bit that the water was soaking him, and he wrapped his arms around me. "Princess, what did they do to you?"
I couldn't be sure because the water was on, but it looked like a few tears escaped from his eyes. That was it. That did it for me. Seeing the pain he had for what was done to me. That was what made me break. My legs wobbled beneath me, and I felt myself collapsing to the shower floor. He came down with me, keeping me in his arms.
"I'm so sorry, Princess. I'm so sorry this happened to you," he murmured over and over into the top of my head as he held my shaking body in his arms. I cried.
I sobbed. I wanted to shout but couldn't, which only made me angrier.
"He raped you." He said this. He didn't ask. He knew by the way my body was battered by the bruising between my legs. He knew I'd been through something horrific, and it was then only seeing the pain in his eyes that I really let myself feel how bad it was.
"I hate him. I hate this for you. I wish I would've done something different and not left you that morning." He continued talking into my hair, and I continued to cry, knowing he was wrong. If he had been there that morning, it could've been him who had been shot and not Reggie.
He moved and tilted my face up towards his. He was blurry from my tears and the water, but I knew he wanted me to see him. "There's nothing you did to deserve this. Nothing you did to warrant this. It's on those sick men. Not you, Princess. I'll kill him. I'll kill every single one of them who laid a finger on you. I swear it."
I heard all of his words, but they didn't fully penetrate; none of it really did. "It hurts," I rasped. Perhaps the warm water was making a difference on my throat after all.
"I know it does. I know." He held me, and we sat beneath the spray until the water no longer felt warm, and my skin began to chill.
ACE HELD ME THROUGH the night. Oksana didn't return until much later in the evening. I guessed she wanted to give us time. By the time morning hit, I was exhausted. I was emotionally and physically drained. I found myself sleeping against Ace's shoulder as we drove to the airport.
I was in a daze as we went through Customs and boarded the plane. Ace and the guys talked around me, but I was just a body in motion complet
ely blanked out. I barely remembered the plane taking off, and as soon as we were in the air, I was asleep. We had a few layovers that consisted of me waking up and Ace helping me shuffle about.
We arrived back in Ohio sometime in the middle of the night. Knuckles was there to pick us up in a large SUV.
"Any news?" Shane asked as soon as we were all piled in again.
"No clue where the fucker is," Knuckles said.
"You've got to be kidding me. Men don't just fucking vanish," Shane bellowed. "Ace, find out from your Colombian contacts if he's there."
"On it." Ace replied, pulling out his phone and began to make phone calls. I didn't know who they were talking about, and I couldn't really speak to ask.
More calls were made, but I had stopped paying attention. Thirty minutes or so after landing, we were pulling up in front of Ace's house. The dark driveway illuminated as we pulled into the driveway.
"Charlie will want to see you when you're up to it," Gunner gave me a warm smile. "I'll want to see you too," he added, then looked to Ace, "Call me tomorrow after the doctor's appointment. I want to know what they say."
"Will do, brother," Ace replied, opening his door. I grabbed Oksana's hand, not knowing if I would see her again. They may have discussed where she was going, but I couldn't be sure. I silently thanked her, and she met my eyes. Warmth and relief spread across her features. Maybe helping rescue me somehow also rescued her? I had to hold on to that. I had to hold onto something.
"Take care, honey," Shane said, as I began to step out of the SUV. "We'll be here for anything you need. Got it?" He held my eyes, waiting for me to answer.
I nodded and waved a final goodbye. Ace held my hand as we moved to his opening garage door, but my eyes were still fixed on the fleeting SUV. It occurred to me how fragile they were all treating me. Each one of them spoke to me cautiously in their goodbyes.
Where had my mask gone? I felt a bit of panic at the realization that it was gone. I needed that mask. I didn't need people to see the pain I was in. I was never this woman that people looked upon with pity.
I followed Ace inside, but wasn't really sure of what to do with myself.
"Are you tired? Hungry? Gunner said Charlie left dinner in the fridge."
"I could lay down," I whispered.
"Does that hurt?" he pointed to my throat.
I shrugged non-committedly.
"Do you want to shower first?"
I thought about it, but I didn't want Ace to see me again that way, so I shook my head.
"All right, do you at least want to change? I can get you a T-shirt to wear."
I looked down at my clothing and shrugged again.
Ace walked into his bedroom and handed me a large T-shirt, and I noticed it was the same one I wore that first night I was here. I brought it to my nose and smelled it like I thought that scent would remind me of that first day. It smelled like it was freshly laundered, but even that was nice. It hinted of Ace. I took the shirt and went into the bathroom to change. When I came back, Ace looked to be finishing a bowl of something. I didn't think I was in there that long.
"You're cute in my shirt." he smiled, and I watched all the ways his dark eyes crinkled when he smiled.
I didn't say anything. I just stared.
His bowl clanked against the counter. He approached me slowly like I was some wounded prey. Gently, he brushed the hair away from my face. "I'm going to shower. You sure you don't want anything? There's baked ziti in there, and it's delicious."
I shook my head again.
Ace kissed the top of my forehead. "Lay down. I'll be in soon. You know you're safe here, right?" he asked, stepping back and looking into my eyes.
I didn't really believe in safety. I felt like that was some made up idea. I'd never truly been safe. Safety was perception. How safe was anyone, really? I knew it didn't matter if I was locked up tight in here or on the run; safety wasn't something I truly had.
He eventually gave up searching my eyes. I suppose he was trying to read me, to see if my eyes would give the words my voice failed to deliver. He moved to the bathroom, and I realized I was still just standing there. I went to my room, the one he first showed me and laid down with my back to the door. I don't know why I chose here instead of going to Ace's room, but for some reason, his room felt too intimate. What we were building was in there, and I wasn't sure where that was anymore. I had put so many people in danger. I needed to sort my head out.
I stared at the window, there was just a crack of the outside peeking through the curtain. I faintly heard the bathroom door open, and then a minute later, Ace was there. I didn't turn to look at him, hoping maybe he would think I was sleeping.
"Alex, don't try to shut me out. I'm in this with you."
"Alejandra," I whispered so softly, I wasn't sure if he'd heard me.
Oh, he heard me, all right.
"That's bullshit. You're Alex to me, and you know it." he said angrily. I heard him move away as his footsteps seemed to take him to his room. I was pushing him away, and I knew it; but I didn't know why.
I thought he would stay gone. A minute later, I was surprised to hear him enter the room again. He pulled back the sheets and got in beside me. His arm hooked around my waist, and he pulled me close to him.
"I already lost you to them once, I won't do it again." He kissed the back of my head and held me. I wanted to be the woman I was when I first met him. I thought of him like he was one of the heroes from a romance novel, saving the woman in distress. I thought in some bizarre way that I could be free and a changed woman with him. I had dared to hope that I could live in his world, surrounded by his beauty, but now I knew that I was wrong, and that there's a vast difference between fiction and reality. In this reality, I'd lost hope that I was worth saving.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ace Two months later
"How is she?" Gunner asked the second I stepped foot out of my truck. He always inquired about her. I never really had much to say because the truth was, we may have rescued Alex, but some huge part of her was left behind in Russia.
"Charlie is going to stop and see her after her class today."
I nodded. Charlie had been trying to get through to her for quite some time, but she wasn't getting anywhere. Neither was I. She was distant. From me. From Gunner. From Gun. And from Charlie. Gone.
"Doctor's visit went well. Said her voice is working just fine."
"Then why doesn't she use it?" he snapped.
"That fancy shrink Charlie found just quit. She said it doesn't do any of us any favors for her to come to the house and sit there with Alex in silence for hours at a time."
Gunner nodded his head. "I was afraid that'd be the case."
I shrugged, "So was I, but we had to try."
"Shane's got some news for us. He's in the office."
I hoped they'd located Hades. Hades got wind that Sokolov was after him, and for once in his miserable life, he was running scared. The Hades Runners left in Ohio had all seemed to be on the run or laying low. I was biding my time with killing Sokolov, which hurt me to do, but he was getting rid of our other problem. We still kept Alex hidden, and the way Hades' men ran, I had no question that Sokolov didn't buy the set-up.
I followed Gunner down the hallway to Shane's office, passing Reggie and giving him a chin lift on my way there. He raised his chin back at me, not caring one bit that he had to wear a patch over his left eye. He was on a transplant list for an eye. Who knew there was such a thing? That creeped me the fuck out, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I was just glad he recovered the way he did, and that he hoped to be able to see again as if nothing happened. His attitude about it was very nonchalant. The only real change for him now was that young Gun was following him around, and hanging around him so much more than he had before.
Shane was seated at the desk, a cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. "You want one?" he offered Gunner.
"Nope. Been ten days. Charlie would literally k
ill me."
"Good for you, man. Way to stay strong." He exhaled, stubbed his cigarette in an ashtray then began. "Got word that Hades made it to Colombia and tried to claim the Santos fortune, only Sokolov had men waiting for him. I got reports that he was hit, but not certain if it was fatal or not. Sokolov took him, and my reports say that Sokolov is on his way back to Russia."
"About time," Gunner said, breathing out a long sigh of relief. "Hope he drags out killing that fucker."
"That's not all."
I perked up at this.
"Sokolov didn't take any of it. Santos's men were waiting on an heir. From what I'm hearing, the money is still there. Some of Santos's men are still in place, but the cartels are circling. If we're going to take a shot at getting that money, we need to move, and we need to move fast.
"I'm in," Gunner said quickly.
I looked down. "Don't know if I can leave her."
I watched sympathy cross through both of their eyes. "Maybe it will do her some good for me to go. Maybe she needs a break from me. Do you think you can get Charlie and Gun to hole up in the house with her?"
"Charlie would be all over that."
I felt guilty even as I asked, but the truth was, maybe, I needed a break too.
"Then, we need to bring this to the table. It will be risky, but in the end, I think it will be worth it," Shane said, and we all agreed.
We called Church. The men agreed, and our plan commenced. I worked hard for the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening. I dreaded going back home, but I needed to tell Alex I was leaving for a few days. I didn't think she would actually care, and maybe that's what hurt. I thought that there was this bond between us, but since she's been home, no matter what I do, I can't find her in there. Any notion of us is long gone. I've slept beside her, hoping that she would see that I wasn't going anywhere and that I care, but she pulled away, further and further each night until I'd wake and find her on the couch. I wasn't going to force it, but that burned deep in my soul in a way that was difficult to shake.
Explosive (A Bleeding Scars MC) Page 18