Kennedy (The Phoenix Club Girl Diaries #1)

by Addison Jane

  When she didn’t answer, I kept talking. “You know the game I’m talking about, right? The ‘I’m gonna protect myself and not let you in so when you walk away, it ain’t gonna hurt as bad’ game.” Her body tensed, and she hugged herself even tighter. “‘Cause that’s what people do, right? Your mom, your dad, boyfriends who think because of what your sister does that you’re just like her, so they use you and then tell all their friends you’re easy.”

  “Stop it,” she snapped, her voice hitching. She threw her hands in the air and pulled away from the fence. “What the hell do you want? Did you come out here just to remind me that I’m fucking worthless?”

  I pushed off the wall and walked forward, reaching out and snatching the smoke from her hand and tossing it over the fence. “No, I’m trying to fucking make you see that you need to have more respect… for yourself and for your fucking sister.”

  She looked up at me, tears shimmering but a fierce look in her eyes. Brooklyn acted tough, she talked hard, but she was still a fucking seventeen-year-old girl who practically lost both her parents before she was able to even comprehend what that meant. She watched one be stolen from her, she watched the other spontaneously combust, and Kennedy had always been the only constant, the protector, the one who never walked away from her.

  Now that’s all changed again.

  And as much as she was trying to keep her head up and roll with this new fucking scenario—she was still just a little girl—a scared fucking little girl.

  She’s always had Kennedy.

  But I needed her to know that whether Kennedy and I became more, or whether these girls decided to keep the club in their life, she had someone else on her side too.

  Me.

  “You want to know something else?” I continued when she stood glaring at me while she tried tirelessly to keep her emotions in check. “It’s not your fucking fault that Kennedy has had to do the shit she had to do.”

  “She did it to protect me!” Brooklyn cried, pounding her hand against her chest.

  “You’re right, she did do it to protect you, but it doesn’t mean that you have to let people treat you like fucking dirt, too. Just because you feel like you deserve to suffer alongside her.”

  She let out a heavy sob, quickly covering her mouth with her hand to try and hold back the wave of emotions. Tears streaked down her cheeks, and her hands shook. She wrapped both arms around her body as she fell back against the wire fence. “You don’t know what it was like, watching her come home every day with the shit beaten out of her. I wanted to help, to somehow maybe even take just half the pain away.”

  “Listen to me…” I told her, stepping closer again and pulling the hoodie back which was covering her face, “… when I was seventeen, I killed a man because he was hurting my little brother. I did five years in jail, but I didn’t care because it was far more fucking important that I kept him safe than it was for me to have my freedom.”

  She stared at me, her eyes wide and listening intently. “You know what my brother did after that happened? He went to college, he married the love of his life, he had kids, and he lived his fucking life to the fullest because if I’d had gotten out of that prison and found that he was destroying himself over what I’d done for him, then what would have been the point?”

  She chewed on her lip and scuffed her pink Converse shoes against the rough ground. I could see it all ticking over in her mind. This path she was on, it was only going to lead to one place—fucking self-destruction, and then everything Kennedy went through to make sure that Brooklyn didn’t have to feel all that pain, it was all suddenly null and void. Everything she went through, it would have been for nothing if Brooklyn didn’t find her feet soon and start to get her head on the right track and fucking make something out of her life.

  She’s strong, there was no way anyone could doubt that, but it was how she applied her strength that was going to change things.

  “You hear what I’m saying, kid?” I asked when she still hadn’t answered.

  She reached back, her hand digging around in her back pocket until she pulled out the packet of smokes. She stood up rolling her shoulders back and standing tall before holding them out to me. I took them with a nod.

  “You think you could help me out with something?” she finally asked as we both stepped out from around the corner of the building. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and her nose was red from rubbing at it, but I saw a sudden determination there where there was simply acceptance.

  I’m not saying that my speech was gonna change her life, or that it was a turning point, but it obviously meant something to her. I may not have derailed this train she was on toward self-destruction and self-loathing, but if I could get her to stop at a couple stations on the way and get her to look around, smell the fucking roses, then maybe one day she’ll get on a train heading the other way.

  “You ask if I can help, I’ll fucking help.”

  “I want to learn how to protect myself,” she responded instantly. “I want to know that I don’t have to rely on anyone else. I want to be able to rely on myself.”

  “I hear you,” I told her honestly as we walked around to the workshop. “Just know, though, it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay sometimes to rely on others. It’s why I joined the club. I don’t have to always keep looking over my back, I know my brothers are there protecting it.”

  She smiled and shook her head. “Is it just the brothers and the Exiled who are like this? Or was Red Riot the odd one out when it came to MC life?”

  “They were the odd one out,” Myth answered for me as he and Spark strolled over. “That wasn’t a club, kid. Ain’t no real brotherhood there.”

  “Hey, man,” I added, patting Myth on the shoulder. “The kid’s looking for some tips on self-defense. You think you could help her out a little?”

  Brooklyn nodded, bouncing on her toes eagerly.

  Maybe this was going to be what she needed.

  Maybe it would help her focus.

  Myth shrugged. “Yeah, for sure. I have some time tomorrow morning?”

  “Yes,” Brooklyn jumped in quickly with a wide grin. “Thanks. That would be awesome.”

  Myth nodded, and he and Spark passed by heading for the bar. “Six in the morning, I’ll meet you here, kid,” he called over his shoulder, but it didn’t seem like the early time dampened her spirits any.

  “Thanks, Repo,” she finally said with a tight smile. “Thanks for the talk. I hear you.”

  “Anytime, kid.”

  She wiggled her fingers at me and grinned as she walked away. “I’d give you a hug, but uhhh…”

  Fucking smartass teenager.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I quickly pulled it out and checked the caller ID. I hit answer as I stepped outside. “What’s up, man?”

  Wrench chuckled. “I catch you in the middle of something?”

  I smirked and leaned back against the wall. “Nah, just giving the teen some advice about life… something I don’t think I was quite prepared for, but I’ll give it good go.”

  “Heard about the old lady, congrats.”

  That was one thing about the clubs, the instant someone takes an old lady, every fucking chapter in the country knows about it.

  “Thanks, man,” I grinned. “I’d really like to keep her around for a while if that’s possible, and I’m hoping you’re gonna have some great news to help me with that.”

  His deep chuckle immediately made me feel more comfortable. Wrench was good at what he did. He was the fucking best at what he did. He wasn’t gonna let me down. “I took the note you gave me about looking into the family trust shit. Basically, it was on the money.”

  I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “Thank fuck,” I cursed, feeling like maybe this was all about to come to a fucking end. “So what is it? Why does he want Kennedy?”

  “He doesn’t.”

  KENNEDY

  I stripped off my clothing and reached for a clean shirt off t
he top of Repo’s clothes pile. He raised his eyebrow, tugging his own shirt over his head and tossing it at the basket in the corner. At the basket. Not in.

  “You know I’m going through twice as many shirts a day, right?”

  I pretended like I hadn’t heard him. It seemed to have become a thing now, and I knew for a fact that he didn’t care, given that the past couple of nights he’d handed me the shirt himself. What we had was different. We didn’t snuggle, we didn’t spoon. Me wearing his shirt had become a part of us. And I liked that our relationship—or whatever it was that we had—was different, it was unusual and weird. But our situation wasn’t normal, so it had to be.

  “I heard you had a chat with Brooklyn today,” I mentioned as I tossed my bra to the side and pulled his shirt over my head, loving the way it fell at the perfect length just under my ass.

  “Yeah,” he answered simply, ditching his jeans and kicking them in the same direction as his shirt.

  I climbed onto the bed, sitting on my knees. “You’re really not gonna tell me what you talked about?” Brooklyn had seemed less tense when I got back to the clubhouse today. I knew she was still struggling with things, still fighting the urge to be happy and content. But when we got back today, she was happy, and when I asked her, all she said was that Repo and her had spoken.

  He looked over at me in all his glory, Calvin Kleins hanging low on his hips, arms folded across his naked and toned body. “The kid hasn’t really had a dad in her life. I just let her know that it was okay to respect herself and fuck everyone else and their opinions.”

  My body slumped a little. “She probably needed to hear that, coming from a guy who wasn’t trying to get in her pants or looking at her like she was a piece of meat.” I shuddered, unable to control it. “I haven’t exactly been the best role model.”

  He was already shaking his head. “No, don’t put that shit back on you. It shouldn’t be on you.”

  I shrugged and forced a smile, but I still believed it was true.

  “Get up,” he ordered, and I sat a little straighter looking over at him with a frown. He raised his brow. “Come on, get up.”

  With my nose screwed up, I crawled over the bed on my hands and knees and got to my feet on his side of the bed. He walked toward me, the swagger and confidence in his walk was sexy and intimidating. Repo didn’t go anywhere without his chin held high, even when he was feeling low. He never gave anyone the opportunity to see him as anything other than strong and self-assured. He stopped just inches from me, and my fingers twitched, wanting to reach out to him, wanting to run my fingers through his hair.

  He was a little tense.

  I wasn’t quite sure what he had in mind, but it was making me nervous.

  “You need to know that you’re fucking amazing, that you were dealt a shitty hand but still came out the other side a good fucking person which is an achievement in itself.”

  I rolled my eyes, and he reached out sliding his hand around the side of my face and into my hair.

  “For every positive thing you say about yourself, you get to touch me,” he announced, his blue eyes staring so deeply into mine that I almost felt lost for a moment. They were warm, they wrapped around me and squeezed me together when I felt like I might fall to pieces.

  “Repo…” I murmured, unsure but maybe a little excited at the prospect of getting to put my hands on him in a way I never had before. I kept shaking my head, though. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

  “Do it.”

  “I just sai—”

  He reached down and grabbed my hand, lifting it up and placing it over his heart. It was warm, and I could feel the soft beat through my palm. A smile lit up my face, and I shuffled forward a little. I watched his face. I knew there would only be a small amount of time before it would become too much, and he’d have to stop. But I wanted him.

  “I protect the people I care about,” I muttered, licking my lips as I moved my hand up over his chest to his neck. My thumb brushed his jawline, the stubble seeming to have become a permanent thing now.

  His hand continued to grasp my wrist, a safety feeling for him I think, just in case it became too much, and he needed to pull my hand away.

  “Keep going,” he ordered like he was perfectly fine, but I could see the way his muscles were tensed.

  I chewed on my lip. “I put others first, always.” Reaching up on my tiptoes, I leaned in, placing my lips against his, something that would never get old, feeling him kiss me. No matter how I approached it, he always took the lead, and I was continually left breathless and dazed for a few moments after.

  I pulled back, breathing heavy and loving the minty taste from him just brushing his teeth. I grinned knowing that my lips were probably already red and swollen.

  “More,” he growled, looking into my eyes like he was hungry, and I was his next meal.

  “I… uh... I’ve never let my past stop me from being a good person at every chance I get.”

  I grinned excitedly, trailing my hand over his chest and the center of his torso, my heart almost stopping as he flexed his muscles as my hand reached his abdominals. I looked up at him, and he smirked. “You better hurry, I’m running out of self-control here.”

  I licked my lips.

  I knew where I was headed next.

  Repo and I were intimate, and it was fucking amazing. But still, when we had sex, I knew he was holding back like he was scared I was going to break, or that I was going to turn on him and accuse him of using me like every other guy.

  I wanted to feel him.

  The real him.

  Not the him that’s worried about hurting me.

  “I haven’t let my past stop me from feeling something,” I whispered, my fingers hooking inside the top of his boxer briefs and pulling them down as I sunk to my knees.

  His eyes widened as his fingers slipped from my hair just as his cock sprung from the waistband. It was hard and stood tall, and I immediately took him into my hand, curling my fingers around him tightly.

  “Kennedy…” he growled, low in his throat, throwing his hands back and hooking them behind his head like he needed to keep them out of the way.

  “I want you to fuck me for real,” I told him as I squeezed firmly and drew my hand up and down his long, hard cock. “I don’t want this gentle, tiptoeing around the bush. I want you and everything you have to give. I want all of you.”

  “Fucking Christ,” he cursed when my tongue snaked out and swiped at the tip of his head before swirling around it. “Fuck,” he hissed, his hands reaching for my hair, pulling it back into a pony that he could hold with one hand.

  I tried to keep my hands on his cock, slowly sliding them up and down as he tugged my head back. His face was tight with an intensity which was a little different than the usual anxiety that I found him walking around with.

  He looked me directly in the eyes and this time, they didn’t cuddle me and warm me, they electrified me. They lit me up, and all I wanted to do was stare into them as he fucked me—hard.

  I kept looking up at him as I directed his cock into my mouth. I kept my hand tightly wrapped around the base, moving up and down with my mouth as I took him deeper and deeper with every movement. I allowed my tongue to tickle the underside of his length as I pulled back, and as it popped from my mouth, I delighted in the shudder that ran through him.

  He threw his head back for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Fuck.”

  Dropping his head down, his hair fell across his face while he tugged on my hair, drawing me to my feet. I reluctantly followed his lead pouting as I continued to run my hand up and down his cock, squeezing it, and using the wetness from my mouth to move at different speeds.

  Repo walked me backward a couple of steps until the back of my legs hit the bed. He pulled me close for a second, stealing a kiss and taking my breath with it before he pulled back suddenly. “Take everything off and lay down.”

  He let me go, and I chewed my bottom lip as I whippe
d his shirt off over my head and tugged off my panties, letting them fall to the floor. Then I did as he ordered, sitting on the bed, before laying back in the cloud-like covers, wiggling my body into them.

  He eyed his cock, looking down at it before looking at me. “You wanted it, use it.”

  My heart was pounding against my chest, and I stalled for a moment before throwing a complete fuck it to the wind, and reaching down between my legs where he had positioned himself, so fucking close to my pussy that I could almost come if he flinched.

  Sitting up, I braced one of my hands behind me. I wrapped my hand around his thickness again and shuffled my hips a little closer to the edge, swiping the head of his cock through my wetness. A soft moan left my lips, and I quickly pressed them closed. I was so fucking turned on already, I was scared I might shoot off like a rocket if I moved again. But that was exactly what he wanted.

  “Make yourself come with my cock,” he demanded, reaching out and brushing my hair back from my face. “You make yourself come, and I’ll give you that hard fucking you want.”

  My heart leaped, and I sucked in a sharp breath. I wanted it.

  Sure, I’d been fucked plenty of times before, but not by him. We were still learning about each other, we were still getting to know what turned the other on, and what it was about him that turned me on. But I think I was starting to realize just how much I was attracted to that confidence and that need for him to take control. And the way I just wanted to give myself to him—let him take over.

  I swiped his cock up through my lips again and back down, gathering some more wetness before moving it back up. I swirled his head around my clit, my hips grinding against it like they had a mind of their own. Back and forth, I pressed hard against the small sensitive bud, using his cock for my pure pleasure, building that sensation inside of me that made it feel like your body was about to explode into tiny little pieces.

  My pussy twitched, it was close, so fucking close as I rubbed harder, part of me hoping I wasn’t hurting him as I squeezed his cock and rubbed it back and forth against my wet pussy. “Oh God,” I groaned, throwing my head back as my entire body lit up, shock waves running through me like they were laced in ecstasy, sending pleasure shooting through my veins.