by Kay Mares
After a couple of hours, Georgina taps lightly on the door. A maid accompanies her along with a tray of warm food. As Darcy consumes his meal, he tells his sister about the fire and reassures her that he has not suffered unduly. After Georgiana departs to her chambers, Lizzy and Darcy still sit in the sitting room. Lizzy senses something else is nagging at her spouse beyond the physical discomfort he suffered earlier. She sees the discontent and agitation on his face and a stony coldness in his eyes, but she is unsure of its origin. Finally, she can bear it no longer, and she kneels before him, putting her hands on his legs. “Fitzwilliam, something else is still amiss. Please share with me what is distressing you.”
Darcy slowly pulls his gaze from the flames leaping in the hearth. When his sight alights on Elizabeth, there is a melting of some of the tension from him. His right hand fists and he covers it with his left as he brings both hands to his mouth and presses them against his lips in thought. His gaze never leaves Lizzy’s face as he puts his hands down to his lap and draws a deep breath as he sits farther back in the chair with his brows drawn. At length he speaks, “you are aware I had spoken with Mr. Dixon regarding his drinking and mistreatment of his wife. He promised me to seek counsel from Reverend Palliser, the gentleman I gave the living to. I thought Mr. Dixon to be sincere in his desire to change, but as tonight proved, he is not.” Elizabeth gently injects a comment that Darcy cannot possibly hold himself responsible for another’s poor decisions. Darcy replies, “No Lizzy I do not. What is troubling me is that I am no better than Mr. Dixon. When I thought you lost to me, I turned to brandy as a way to ease the pain. How can I judge and condemn a man who did no worse than I once did?”
Lizzy jumps to her feet. “No! No! You are in error. I cannot be silent. You must understand the two scenarios are completely different. First, you never were cruel nor raised a hand to anyone. In reality, the only person you punished was yourself. Mr. Dixon’s insensibility resulted in the loss of his home and possessions. You still maintained Pemberley, and it continued to thrive. You took care of your family in spite of the angst you felt.” Lizzy sits on his lap as she puts her hands on his cheeks while staring deep into his eyes. “You admitted to me you had a time when you used brandy to bury your pain. Your self-chastisement was great.” Lizzy cries as she feels the remorse he carries. “Please do not doubt your own worth. You are an honorable man who sees to the requirements of everyone connected to you without flaw. I know of no other who could do what you do so admirably.”
“I still will have to release Mr. Dixon from his farm. I cannot allow what occurred not to be punished.” Darcy whispers softly. “I suppose that is what gives me the most distress. I do not enjoy taking away a man’s living. When I stumbled, no one came to replace me as Master of Pemberley.”
“That is because you merely stumbled. Mr. Dixon destroyed his physical home as well as his happy home with his wife when he chose to strike her. You cannot compare the two.” Lizzy strokes his cheeks with feather soft touches as she still holds his gaze. “Please,” she pleads, “do not torment yourself any further, please. Fitzwilliam, you forgive others, but you never forgive yourself. At the risk of angering you, I must tell you it is a certain form of arrogance to believe that the forgiveness of your family, friends and most importantly the Almighty Himself is not enough. You must let go and forgive yourself.”
Darcy peers at his wife as he ponders the enormity of what she said. The truth staggers him a bit. She has the right of it, while he does forgive others quickly and certainly, he does not allow himself the same latitude. Lizzy can tell he is mulling over her words. He knows when she needs him, his confidence and his humor. She can do no less than to succor him now. Lizzy stands while reaching out her hand to him, “come,” she beckons. Once in their bedchamber, Lizzy undresses him. He smiles a little but says nothing as he allows her to continue. Lizzy loves him while speaking of her undying love and devotion to him. The following morning, Darcy awakens in a better frame of mind. While at church services during the prayers, Darcy slides from the pew to kneel and bows his head to pray.
Returning home, Darcy is almost back to his usual confident self. Luncheon is lively and delicious. Elizabeth is confident he reconciled himself with the past and his responsibilities regarding Mr. Dixon. Lizzy laughs easily when he reports he indeed ruined yet another shirt and a waistcoat to boot! Her Fitzwilliam as always works everything out. Later he is sorting mail in his study when Elizabeth enters. The awaited letter from Kitty arrived, and Elizabeth begins to read the letter. The wedding will take place in another month. Elizabeth frowns as she glances over at Darcy. He will not be easy about her traveling far in her condition, for that matter, Bingley will not be too pleased to return to Hertfordshire either, especially with Jane with child.
Elizabeth calculates in her head she will be in her fifth month of pregnancy. Women do travel when that far along but most women do not have the extremely protective Mr. Darcy as their husbands. Her mouth twists wryly. How she loves him, but at times he is a bit taxing when he fusses over her. Then again, after the losses he suffered, she understands his wariness. Darcy senses her gaze upon him, and he launches a stunning smile in her direction. The disorder of the last few days a thing of the past. “Very handsome,” she states then continues, “But I am afraid I will cause that smile to be erased from your face. I have a letter from Kitty indicating her wedding is to take place in a month, and I would dearly like to attend, but I know you and your justifiable concerns regarding travel.”
“Oh no, you and I will be attending,” he replies as he taps a long finger on a folded letter, “Bingley blotted and smeared this note which stated he and Jane will stay at Netherfield until the nuptials. You and I will be departing in about two weeks to stay with them as we await Jonesy and Miss Kitty’s big day. I have everything already planned and set,” he finishes smugly with a wider grin yet.
“Aren’t you the clever one?” Lizzy teases him with a tilt of her head. “Here I was worried you would be fussing like an old brooding hen.”
Darcy frowns dramatically, “brooding hen? I think I prefer being a kitten as you called me a while ago. Then again neither is particularly flattering.”
“I will regret asking this, but what animal would you assign me? I remember reading in your journal about you fellows giving each other an animal which shared common traits with the recipient. Now be kind, Fitzwilliam, remember I am a lady in a delicate condition.”
“Hmm, let me think. You have placed me in a very precarious position. If I assign an animal, not to your liking, I could be an unhappy fellow as you take your ire out on me. However, I know you would see through false flattery and pandering. I do not see how I can possibly come out of this unscathed.” He mugs and tries his best to put on a thoughtful mien, “jellyfish, no; horse? No that will not do; porcupine?” that earns him a slap on the arm. “I am at a loss, and already I have felt your wrath, so I will propose a change, I will not assign you an animal. Instead, I shall chronicle your beauty. It is like the most delicate of orchids. Rare and exotic, with lush colors and only with the proper love and devotion to its every desire does the flower open and bloom gifting us all with a small taste of heaven.”
“Well done Mr. Darcy. You maneuvered yourself out of trouble most admirably.” Lizzy returns a dazzling smile.
“Since you seem to be amused, perhaps you would like to read this,” he indicates a folded newsprint. Lizzy takes the paper from him and sees the social column which had contained short paragraphs about her and Darcy before.
The wedding of Henry Fitzwilliam to Anne de Bourgh was the event of the month. Many people of note were on hand including Darcy of Pemberley. It appears Elizabeth Darcy has tamed the dark and brooding Fitzwilliam Darcy as reportedly he was seen smiling and even laughing with ease at the wedding breakfast. One can only wonder what life is like being Mrs. Darcy especially after the kiss he bestowed upon his bride. Before anyone thinks Mr. Darcy has softened in any way, be warned in his bus
iness dealings he is as shrewd and calculating as ever. In fact, one of his business associates and close friends, none other than Francis Xavier Theodore Jones attended the wedding and celebration. Interestingly to all the single ladies, Mr. Jones was seen in the company of a fine young woman who is rumored to be a younger sister of none other than Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Darcy! It seems another gentleman is about to fall for the charms of the ladies found in Hertfordshire. More to come.
“This is that scheming Miss Polmear, isn’t it? You recall the brash question she asked me about married life with you? She is insufferable. I am glad I saw through her guise or else this paragraph could have been most embarrassing.” Elizabeth’s lip lifts into a tiny snarl. She does not care for Miss Polmear especially after what the lady attempted to do at the wedding breakfast.
“I believe she is one of those who reports to the paper but she is not the only one. She is a member of the ton, her family being moneyed and well connected. She has had some suitors, but she has never made a match. I believe the reason for this is because she prefers to remain single so she can ferret out information on people which she then reports to the papers. Miss Polmear flirts and titters, feigning interest especially with the gentlemen, so they whisper secrets in her ear. I should not repeat gossip, but I have heard she has had some lovers. Her reputation is mostly in tatters, but because her family is a part of the realm, she is tolerated. The hypocrisy of the ton has revolted me. Of all my responsibilities as Master of Pemberley, it is the dealings with the ton which I despise the most. But I must do so. To ignore them would be detrimental for Georgiana. As a Darcy, she has certain expectations which must be met.”
Darcy smiles then at Lizzy. “Let us not worry anymore about the scheming Miss Polmear. I have dealt with these people and their disingenuous ways for most of my life. I prefer to spend my time with you in more pleasant pursuits.” Darcy stands and strides to the door then locks it. “Can I interest you in something other than idle chatter,” he says as he saunters towards her. Lizzy gasps as he claims her mouth and sweeps her over to the settee. Elizabeth is more than agreeable with his diversion.
Elizabeth spent the time before departing to Hertfordshire by expanding her duties as Mistress, learning more of how the estate generates its revenue and taking some walks outside when the weather permits. She hosted some dinner parties and luncheons with those in the area who she has befriended. Naturally, Geneve is a frequent guest. Between Darcy and Geneve’s guidance, Lizzy is able to avoid interactions with those who will only try to befriend her for their own personal gain. Lizzy is not as suspicious as Darcy learned to be so she relies on others’ opinions as to who will be loyal friends. Even with the acceptance Lizzy largely has, she still has some nagging doubts as to her capabilities as Pemberley’s Mistress. It is with this thought she approaches Darcy with the idea to host a formal ball. Darcy points out they will be departing soon so a ball cannot be planned before their leaving. Elizabeth wishes to have a ball shortly after their return, but Darcy merely refuses to settle on the possibility. His reluctance leaves Lizzy agitated and doubtful.
The trip to Hertfordshire is uneventful, and the stay at Netherfield is comfortable and welcoming. Jane’s pregnancy has been confirmed, so Lizzy and Jane tend to talk all things baby. Kitty and Georgiana are consumed with the wedding planning, so they do not mind being left out of the baby talk. The gentlemen go on rides, play billiards and even manage to do a little fencing. The wedding ends up being tasteful and refined. The bride and groom depart to London for a honeymoon anticipating their new life together. Other than Mr. Collins following Darcy about with his sycophantic ways, the event is joyful. Darcy and Elizabeth tarry another week at Netherfield before they decide to return to Pemberley.
Chapter 33
Once the Darcys return to Pemberley and settle in again, Lizzy began to bring up the subject of a ball. Darcy’s reluctance stems from worry over Elizabeth taking on too much while pregnant and frankly he admits to himself his own selfish desire to not have any more guests or responsibilities as the winter wears down. The spring planting will be busy as well as business dealings which force him to go to London. He hopes he can take Lizzy with him if he leaves for London a little earlier than he has in the past. What he is unaware of is Lizzy’s doubts which are beginning to erode at her confidence, and she wishes to have the ball to prove to herself her own competence.
Elizabeth had enjoyed her visit at home, spending time with her beloved father and seeing some of her old friends. She spent time with Mary and Mrs. Bennet in the kitchen going over last-minute meal planning for the guests and the wedding breakfast. All of Lizzy’s interactions with family and friends were positive up until the wedding and the breakfast. As with Henry and Anne’s wedding, certain people had to be invited due to rank and privilege. Jonesy’s family is well connected, so there were those from the ton who came out of curiosity to see what kind of lady captured Jonesy. Luckily Mrs. Bennet was intimidated, so she was not her usual vulgar self. That blessing was appreciated by the newly-weds as well as the Darcys and Bingleys. Finding no fodder on that front, the gossips sought other ways to create problems.
But one of the encounters during Kitty and Jonesy wedding had Elizabeth beginning to question her competency. Elizabeth was circulating among the guests, and she was accosted by a Miss Exter who had tried to ensnare Darcy since her own coming out. She is as mercenary as Caroline but far crueler. Darcy gave her the cold icy stare, and whenever she addressed him, he bordered on rude with his quick replies. At times he even deigned not to respond to one of her observations or questions. His abrupt manners did little to discourage her, but she became spiteful. Miss Exter having failed at ensnaring Darcy now wished to entice him away from his wife for a tryst. Darcy rebuffed her advances quickly and effectively, so Miss Exter set her evil eyes on Elizabeth. Being Darcy proved to be impervious, Miss Exter wants to hurt him through Lizzy.
“Mrs. Darcy, it is good to make your acquaintance. I have heard so much about you, and I must say your home shire is charming.” Miss Exter says with false sincerity. Lizzy already figures this lady is similar to Caroline, but she is unsure of her motives. Lizzy watched her talking to Darcy, and she noted Miss Exter is a very attractive young woman with a full figure and bountiful breasts which are on display in a daring gown. Most every man had given her an oblique inspection as she strolled past them. Lizzy did not witness Darcy’s total rejection of the woman assuming he entered the conversation with her as he appeared easy and delighted with the company now surrounding him. In addition to Lizzy’s qualms about her Mistress duties, she now feels heavy and ungainly in Miss Exter’s presence. Miss Exter addresses Lizzy’s new station in life. “As I look about at your home shire, I am struck with how quaint and provincial it is. The changes in your life have been marked if I may say. How do you manage such a manor as Pemberley? It must be daunting considering your origins.”
Lizzy knows there would be those who speak out of jealousy or spite, so it is easy to respond. “You are quite mistaken. I have found I have managed the duties well. The tenants’ visits have resumed, and the staff has been easy to work with. There have not been any difficulties.” Lizzy starts to turn away, but she is stopped again by Miss Exter’s next remark.
“Oh yes, with a competent staff like Pemberley’s it would be easy to attend to the day to day running of the household. But as of yet, you have not held a true soiree or ball. That is my understanding. It is those premier events which make a Mistress well respected.” Miss Exter stares over at Darcy as she continues, “such a handsome man. His wife must bring honor upon him and his house so his rank remains the same or elevates in Society. A man such as your husband also has many needs which should be met. In your condition, I would image this to be a challenge.” Miss Exter smirks and with a toss of her head left Lizzy without so much as a goodbye. Elizabeth is taken aback, but she did not wish to make a scene on Kitty’s day, so she buried the negative feelings inside until she and Darcy retu
rned to Pemberley. Once home, these insecurities caused Lizzy to become impatient with Darcy at times. She was curt with him when he inquired about her wellbeing or if he shows concern when a bout of morning sickness overtakes her. Lizzy’s fatigue makes her curtailed some of her walking which leads to more irritation on her part.
Darcy asks some of his married friends regarding what their wives felt during pregnancy, and he read what books he could find on the topic. Also, a fortuitous encounter with Dr. Linnington helps to clarify for Darcy some of what Lizzy may be feeling. So he does not question her change in behavior instead he blames the pregnancy. Darcy has no idea, as close as he is to Lizzy, that she is feeling inadequate and a bit depressed. Lizzy asks him about Miss Exter, and he tells her briefly that Miss Exter is another Caroline and not to fret. He is rather nonchalant about seeing her at the breakfast which makes Lizzy think he is not being forthright.
At a small gathering a week later with Geneve and Harland, Lizzy asks Geneve about Miss Exter. Seeing Lizzy’s turmoil, Geneve tries to give Lizzy some comfort. “You are not worried about Miss Exter’s attention to Darcy, are you?” When Lizzy nods slightly, Geneve takes her hand in hers. “Oh Elizabeth, you have nothing to fear. Darcy is radiant when he is with you. You are radiant yourself. Anyone can see you both are deeply in love. Believe me when I tell you your pregnancy will play these tricks on you. I had all kinds of doubts. The changes to my body frightened me and made me feel unattractive. I talked with Harland, and he removed my anxiety. You should speak your fears to Darcy. Never doubt him or his love for you. He is a most loyal companion. Harland has often said there is no one more loyal than Darcy. He is consistent and true to those he affects and those he calls friends. He loves you most of all, do not doubt him.” Lady Geneve laughs as she says, “This is probably blasphemous, but Darcy would come back from the dead for you.”