The Light of Our Yesterdays

by Ken Hansen

  “Still, you are a loose end. How’d you find Fine?”

  Sonatina perked up. “Just luck. I went on my usual run by the Colosseum and down Via dei Fori Imperiali next to the ancient Forum. I saw an older man with a hoodie covering his head walking suspiciously down the sidewalk toward Piazza Venezia. He kept checking behind him like he thought he was being tailed. Seemed strange. I thought of Fine hiding and I took a chance and followed him. He pretended to take in a view of the Vittorio Emanuelle II statue and I stopped to watch him. When he turned around a few minutes later, I recognized him and called you.”

  Huxley nodded a few times with his lips tight. What was the probability that his girlfriend, who seemed to be caught up in this terrorist plot in some way, would be the one person to spot the cardinal—and all by chance? “You have any reason to suspect he would be there?”

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “Oh, just trying to figure out how lucky I am.” Or whether I should keep my guard up—way up. She’s still alive, but why? “Hey, I’m worried about you. Pardus doesn’t leave loose ends, and you have seen too much.” Huxley stopped and sent a message to Patismio requesting a security detail for Sonatina’s hospital room. He looked back up. “You mentioned a package Fine gave to the Arab he met. What was it?”

  “Non lo so,” she said. “It was small, not bigger than a pack of cigarettes. I could not see it very well.”

  What about the Arab man—you ID him?”

  “No, I tried to give the nice lieutenant a description—told him the Arab had a bloated face—but he said it would be best if I could look at some pictures tomorrow after I am discharged. I feel ok except for the headache, but they want to keep me under observation.”

  “Makes sense,” Huxley said. “Been there. You feel a bit fuzzy?”

  “Not a bit. He must not have hit me that hard.”

  “He? Did you see your assailant?”

  “No, no. I just assumed…”

  “Uh huh,” he replied blandly. There was that strange tingle that would not leave the back of his neck. Something doesn’t add up. What are you holding back, Sonatina? You go unconscious from a blow to the head and you feel fine?

  It was only later, after an awkward silence or two and an equally awkward farewell kiss, that the attending physician told him she had suffered no symptoms of a concussion whatsoever, though she had presented with a small bump on her head. It seemed almost a minor miracle, but then Sonatina had always seemed quite capable of producing those.

  Chapter 76

  Jochi sat on the bench in the flower garden, staring at ripples of water flowing down the Sequana. It had been her habit in Parisius to come here alone after Isa finished speaking to the crowds. Tomadus watched Jochi’s gaze and saw her twirl the waves of hair by her ear over and over again. She must be deep in thought. How do I know that? A tingle swept down his spine. Sonatina. Could she and Jochi be the one and the same? Ever since he had met Jochi at Yohanan’s shack, he had felt the strange sense of déjà vu. But Jochi said she had seen no visions. Perhaps there were those who somehow appeared in both worlds but never knew of their other selves. Hell, very few had even had visions of the other world. Sometimes it all felt like nonsense, like the other world existed only in his own mind. Do I dream of Sonatina because my psyche wants Jochi to love me? But then why does my alter ego harbor his suspicions? Do I distrust my love of Jochi as well? Tomadus shook his head. Peregrine’s story had proven this world existed outside of his own mind. Of course, Peregrine still did not see the visions clearly, but with time? Maybe Jochi will see it someday. Maybe then she will understand.

  Tomadus took a few steps forward and whistled a song so that she would not be startled by his approach. She seemed not to notice until he came around her left flank and appeared before the bench. When he nodded and smiled, she looked up and smiled back. When he motioned toward the bench, she nodded. “Hey, sorry about the other day,” he said. “I can be such a clod sometimes. I didn’t mean to make you think… These visions get to me sometimes.”

  She nodded with a slight smile.

  “Great,” he added. “I noticed you were in deep thought. Care to share?”

  “It was nothing…and everything.”

  Tomadus’s eyes narrowed. “Well that answer reveals a great deal.”

  “I am sorry, Tomadus.” She looked down. “You have been so good to me. I wish I could return the favor right now.”

  Tomadus waved his hand in dismissal. “Hey, it was stupid. I don’t know what I feel anymore. You have seemed to be avoiding me these past few days.”

  She looked at him, now studying his face, then dropped her chin to her chest and closed her eyes gently. “I have.”

  Tomadus nodded. “That’s ok. I’d probably avoid me, too.”

  “No.” She smiled sadly. “It isn’t what you said the other day.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Whenever I see you, I remember that day in Jerusalem. You were so good to me, but the memory of Yoh—of Yohanan—on that…that thing, I…I can’t…it still…” Tears fell down her cheeks.

  “I am sorry, Jochi. I wish I could help.”

  “You are kind. Your friendship means a great deal. I wish I could return your…affection, but I can’t right now.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder. Tomadus saw another tear roll down her cheek.

  “It’s all right,” he said softly, petting her hair. “I’m here as a friend.”

  She wiped her eyes and then laughed. “Thanks. It should be so easy. I’ve always had this unusual connection with you, and I must admit you are pretty gentle on the eyes.”

  He stiffened. That little spinal tingle again. He had heard that before. “Have I told you about Sonatina?”

  “Sonatina? Is she the one from the other world, the one this Huxley…”

  “Yes. How stupid of me. I shouldn’t say anything, but you just used the exact words she had said to Huxley. I’m sure of it.”

  “I am not her, Tomadus. I’m just Jochi.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “Will you be going with us to the Aegyptian Province?” she asked.

  “I think so.”

  “Good. Isa needs you. He really is amazing, isn’t he?”

  Tomadus nodded slowly. His heart began pounding. “Do you love him?”

  “Of course, don’t we all? But there is something more, something…special. It has me all confused and excited at the same time.”

  Tomadus bit his cheeks, his chin falling to his chest. “I see.”

  “There are times—don’t take this wrong—there are times when I am with Isa and it is like there are rockets bursting and stars gleaming—all while my eyes are open.”

  Tomadus perked up. “Have you seen the Light?”

  “You said that the other day. I…I don’t know. I have not had any visions, just this burst of sunshine.”

  Tomadus’s voice betrayed his excitement. “That could be it. I saw only glimpses of visions at first.”

  “Tomadus, stop hoping that I’ll be Sonatina. I don’t know her. This whole thing is just too strange, too personal. I don’t think I saw any visions, not really. Let’s not talk about it.”

  “Well, if it isn’t the Light, then what would it be?”

  Jochi looked up at Tomadus with a hopeful smile.

  “Oh,” he said. He kissed her gently on the forehead and stood up. “I’m heading back to camp. Care to join me?”

  “Thanks, but I think I’ll sit here a bit longer.”

  “As you wish,” he said. “If you don’t mind, let’s talk again. Maybe we can help each other.”

  “I’d like that,” Jochi said. “Thanks for listening, Tomadus.” He smiled, nodded and walked away.

  Chapter 77

  “You speak with an air of authority that I have seen only among kings and emperors,” said the distinguished looking man bowing gently toward Isa as the crowds dispersed on the Alexandrian shore. He was dressed luxuriously in gold and platinum-laced
silken robes accented with various pieces of fine jewelry filled with precious gems.

  Isa shaded his eyes from rays bouncing off of the Mare Internum, nodded briefly to the man, and said, “There is only one true authority.”

  “So you have said, although I have many masters,” replied the man. “I am Aujani. Perhaps you have heard of me? Some say I am one of the wealthiest men in this empire.”

  Isa replied with a surprisingly sarcastic tone: “Interesting, but I am not familiar with either your name or your worldly wealth.”

  Though the visitor initially seemed upset by the insolence of this lowly preacher, he managed to swallow hard and force a thin smile in return. “I see,” he said. “Well, sir, I have been following your movement for some time. Your words and your works amaze me. You have done wonders. Allah has blessed me with much wealth, and I wish to repay him. I would very much like to help you.”

  “All the help I need comes from the Father.” He looked deeply into the man’s eyes. “But I do have a suggestion for you if you truly wish to repay God.”

  “And what is that, teacher?”

  “Sell everything you own and give it to the many poor who look only for a mouthful of bread each day. Then follow me, and your soul will find the freedom it needs to truly live.”

  The man looked down and shook his head. “What you ask is impossible! I cannot throw my riches away on those…people. I cannot follow this path you suggest. Isa, I offer you my financial help to promote your message. We could market you and your speeches. You could become rich. I would ask for only a small percentage. Allah would certainly be well pleased with that.”

  Isa replied quickly and sternly, “You understand nothing of His will. We seek only one treasure, Aujani, and you have now told me you are unwilling to pursue it. Return when you are prepared to open your heart.”

  After the man had walked away, Isa turned to his followers and noticed a few disappointed faces. “What would you have had me do,” he asked them, “accept his assistance?”

  Several of the Ten chimed in, saying such things as, “We could have taken his money and given it to the poor. Now he will just hoard it all the more,” and “It would have been nice to eat well for a change,” and “He could have helped us so much—why would you turn his help away?”

  Now frowning, Isa shook his head. “My friends, where is your faith? Our father in Heaven will provide for us just as he provides for the birds of the sky. We do not need his money. This man wished to turn us into a commercial enterprise. He does not believe. He thinks he can buy his way to faith.”

  Many of the Ten shook their heads or looked down.

  “I tell you now: worry not about the coin of the empire but about the coin of my Father’s realm. What would happen if I left you all with a legacy of Earthly wealth? How long would you truly follow me? Would my words be written in your hearts or would they be abused for the sake of personal gain? Do not fool yourselves: you cannot truly follow my Father and me in your heart while yearning for gold. No, the coin your soul seeks cannot be minted by any government but only by your kindness, your charity, and your devotion to God.”

  The followers looked away silently. After a few seconds, Tomadus broke the silence. “Look, all of you, this man Aujani cannot be trusted. I know of him. He is an oil magnate, a facilitator in the Sunni Muslim Emperor who sells oil to parts of the world deemed unworthy of contact to believers of the Muslim Faith. I suspect he wanted Isa to accept his proposal so they could discredit you all for corruption. Beware my friends, for there may be other attempts at such subterfuge. Isa is becoming a target of those in power.”

  Simeon began a slow, mock applause, his hands slapping each other hard once every few seconds. “Good. Very good,” he said slowly, nodding to Tomadus. “You speak a truth, but it hides your own lies. Like this Aujani character, you too are wealthy and connected, Tomadus. Should we suspect you of a subterfuge as well?”

  Others joined in the fray, hurling insults at Tomadus about his wealth and powerful connections. Until that moment, he had never quite understood how much he remained an outsider to the Ten. Only Peregrine and Adin spoke in his defense.

  Isa raised his hand to silence them all. “Listen to yourselves! You feed at the trough of hate and threaten to swallow one of your own brothers. Your hate blackens your souls, your jealousy closes your hearts, your anger dampens your reason. This man has done nothing but act as our friend. He must play his own role as all of you must, can you not see that?”

  “But he is an infidel, without faith,” shouted Atuf. “He can be no brother to us!”

  Isa lowered his voice. “Atuf, you do not understand him, and if you hate him, you never will, and hatred leads to nothing but evil. What does it hurt you if someone does not believe as you do? Who are you to judge their beliefs? They will be judged on the last day. Do you think our Father in Heaven needs your help to make that judgment? No! Look to yourselves and damn the evil within you wherever you find it, but do not try to be God’s judge on Earth.”

  “But you said money was evil, and he has money! Should we not try to destroy evil?” said one of the Ten.

  “You have ears, but you cannot hear,” responded Isa. “You have eyes, but you cannot see. You see only black and white, good and evil, friend and foe. Such simplistic views cheapen the beautiful intricacy and complexities of the world the Father has created. I tell you no tangible thing is either good or evil in itself. Anything susceptible to evil can also be good, and anything that can be good is also susceptible to evil. This applies to nearly every person as well. For even the kindest, gentlest creature can harbor a deep darkness in their hearts, and no person, no matter how evil, totally lacks even a kernel of goodness.”

  Simeon looked confused. “I do not understand this, master.”

  “Listen, all of you. During your lives, you have come to think of many things as purely evil. But objects are only evil when we make them so. Everything that can be used for evil purposes can also be a tool for the promotion of good. Do you doubt me? Take fire. Could we seriously live in our society without it? Yet the flames of war and shaitaanism have wreaked death and destruction on millions.”

  “But surely there are things that are always evil or always good.”

  “Are there? Name one, then.”

  “Money,” Simeon responded glancing in Tomadus’s direction. “It is the root of all evil.”

  “An oversimplification, perhaps, but yes, money has been at the crux of many an evil act in this world. However, it is greed that taints money, not money itself. When money is used to help feed the poor, is this not good? When money is used to bring our message to the people, is this not good?”

  “All right, then. How about death? When is death ever good?”

  Isa shook his head. “Death is not a tangible thing but an event. Nevertheless, you speak with some insight, Simeon, for true death is the most horrible fate awaiting anyone. However, if you have ears, you know what the Father promises—what I have promised you—and soon true death will no longer hold power over you.”

  “Then how about something good?” asked Anders. “How could the sun ever be used for evil?”

  “You might as well ask how the Light of the World can be used for evil, but I assure you that He can and will by those who abuse His love. The sun’s rays may easily be redirected and focused to kill. Recall when you were a boy and you or your brother used a small magnifying glass to kill an innocent ant for no purpose. Were you accomplishing good through this action? What worse could men armed with such weapons do to destroy their foes? And what of the secrets to its power to shine and heat our world? Could those, too, be used to for evil?”

  Tomadus shuddered. The secrets of the sun. He knew that Huxley sought those who would unleash that power to kill millions. And what an evil that could be.

  Isa continued, “And let us consider the opposite—darkness. We have always used darkness as a metaphor for evil because it is so much easier for evil to thrive i
n the absence of the light. But cannot the darkness sometimes hide a good person from harm? Has not darkness even sometimes brought an end to military battles?”

  Diego asked, “But if there is no distinction between good and evil, then why do we bother?”

  “Let me be clear,” said Isa. “Good and evil both exist and are mutually exclusive in themselves. But many things are neither. And just because good and evil are opposed to one another, it does not follow that things or people or even philosophies and religions cannot be filled with or capable of both.”

  “Like your words?” Tomadus asked.

  “My words?” asked Isa.

  “You speak in parables and with vague pronouncements, and generally we think we understand you, but what if we do not? Or what if we are confused and you are not around to explain? Could not someone misinterpret even these words for evil purposes?”

  A smile slowly appeared on Isa’s face. “Of course, my words and those of the prophets before me.”

  “Then why do you not speak more clearly to us?” Tomadus asked. “Why do you use parables?”

  Isa looked around at each of his closest followers. “I have explained many of my parables to you, my disciples. And so knowledge of the mysteries of the kingdom of God has been granted to you; but to the rest, they are made known only through parables so that I may fulfill the prophecy that ‘they may look but not see, and hear but not understand.’ But why, you ask, when this confusion could allow evil to flourish? Let me ask you this: even if I teach all with utter clarity, do you think my words will never be abused?”

  “I do not know,” answered Tomadus.

  “I do,” said Isa. “Evil will always find a way to accomplish its ends as long as there are men and women willing to accept it into their lives. I am sorry, Tomadus, but evil shall survive until the last day. I cannot change that. What I can do is tell you this: If each of you can remember only one thing I have taught you, then remember to love everyone including God, and do this with all of your heart, all of your mind, and all of your strength. And if you truly understand this, if you can lose your hatred for others—even for your enemies—and if you can comprehend that there is some good worth saving in nearly everyone, then perhaps a little good can prevail on this Earth awhile, even if only within your own soul.” Isa nodded slowly, smiled gently, and walked away.