Alix & Valerie

by Ingrid Diaz

  “I’ll do my best.” Jessica stared down at the cup in her hand.

  “I’ll drink it if you don’t want it,” I offered.

  “No, no. I will get this. It’ll be like a milestone in my life.”

  “‘The Night Jessica Heart Drank Dr. Pepper,’” I teased. “They’ll make a Broadway musical about it.”

  “It’ll be a hit.”

  I smiled and watched her drink the remainder of the liquid. “You know, you’re missing your party.”

  “They’re having a bit too much fun with the stripper,” Jessica said, shrugging slightly. “I didn’t feel like being there.”

  “Know the feeling,” I said. I hadn’t meant to say that aloud, but it was too late to rein in the words.

  Jessica stared at me for a long moment. “This is killing you, isn’t it?” she asked finally, softly, perhaps even sadly.

  My heart started beating faster. I didn’t want to get into this now. Not ever for that matter. “Is what killing me?”

  Jessica sighed, wearing an expression that let me know we were in for a serious discussion. “My getting married.”

  I felt like running, running right through the balcony doors, down to the pool deck, then straight down the steps to the beach. I didn’t want to think about it, or talk about it, or face it. But I didn’t move. I also didn’t say anything.

  “Can I tell you something?” she asked. “And I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this.”

  I nodded, suddenly fearful.

  She paused, and I could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. I could feel her hesitation. Was she scared? “When I found out . . . about you. The day that Lynn posted your diary, and you ran out of the school and I ran after you and you were crying and everything felt like it was falling apart. I almost told you that . . . I’ve been with a girl.”

  The plastic cup slipped from my fingers, spilling ice cubes across the comforter. “Shit,” I muttered, and started scooping them up, unable to meet Jessica’s gaze. I felt her hands on mine before I saw them. I dared, somehow, to look up into her eyes. She was waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t even remember my own name let alone form a coherent sentence expressing my feelings. I tried to flash back to that day, out in the canal by Baldwin High, where sixteen-year-old me had sat across from eighteen-year-old Jessica, praying to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in not to let her hate me. Had she told me then what she’d just told me, my reaction would have been much different; I would’ve felt hope. As it happened, five years later, sitting on her bed, the night before her wedding, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and scatter over my soul.

  “Please say something,” Jessica whispered.

  “Who?” was all I managed to say.

  Jessica hesitated, drawing in a long breath, and I could tell she hadn’t wanted me to ask that question. She looked around, unable to answer for a minute. Finally, she said, “Lynn.”

  The world stopped. Everything around me went mute, and I was about to pass out. “Wow. If I thought my heart was broken before . . .” I shouldn’t have said that. I could tell my words caused her pain, and I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her. “I’m sorry, Jess. That wasn’t fair of me.”

  “Don’t apologize, Alix. It was stupid of me to tell you this now.”

  She was lost, I realized. Torn between not wanting to hurt me, and not knowing how to keep from doing so. There wasn’t much she could do to make everything better, short of professing her undying love for me. How could I have been so selfish? All these years, blaming her unconsciously for not feeling the same way. Pretending I understood, while secretly hoping to get what I wanted in the end. She hadn’t told me five years ago because she’d known it would have given me a false sense of hope. She hadn’t wanted to lead me on.

  I looked right into her dark blue eyes, rimmed with tears, and did the only thing I could think of doing to put some closure between us: I kissed her. I leaned forward, over a sea of melting ice cubes, and pressed my lips to hers. It lasted all of three seconds, if that, but in that short span of time, five years of silent longing came to a screeching halt. My heart felt complete again; wounded but not broken.

  When I pulled away, I waited for her reaction, worried suddenly that I’d made a huge mistake.

  “I thought you promised never to do that?”

  I smiled, ’cause I could tell she was teasing. “If you weren’t getting married tomorrow, Ms. Jessica, a lot of my promises would be flying out the window.”

  Jessica laughed and grabbed my hands, pulling me in for a hug. “I love you. I hope you know that.”

  I hugged her tightly, letting her words coat my spirit. “I love you too.” Then I pulled away and looked at her. “All right. Now you’re going to have to backtrack on this. You said you slept with Lynn Hauffman?”

  “I don’t know if I’d go that far. She was my best friend at the time and we were just . . . curious.”

  “Ugh.” I stuck out my tongue. Lynn of all people. I shouldn’t have asked. Lynn had been my greatest tormentor during high school. Loathing was a mild word for what I felt for her. “How old were you?”

  Jessica thought about it for a moment. “Fifteen.”

  I’d heard enough for now. I’d torture myself with all of this information later. Maybe I’d even bring up the subject again, someday, when all my wounds had healed. Or maybe not. Maybe it was better to leave the past buried. “So, last night of singlehood,” I said, needing a change of subject.

  “I know,” Jessica said thoughtfully. “It seems so unreal.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to miss you while you’re off honeymooning in Europe.”

  “I’ll send a postcard.” She laughed when she saw my raised eyebrow. “I’ll send a few.”

  “A little better.” I bit my lip, and my thoughts drifted suddenly to Val.

  Jessica watched me. “What’s up?”

  It was unnerving that she could read me so easily. I had to stop biting my lip. “I met someone last night.”

  That caught Jessica’s attention. “Oh? Like a someone, someone?”

  “Like a girl someone.” I watched for her reaction. She was waiting for me to go on, so I did. “Her name is Valerie. She’s a bartender at this club in Ft. Lauderdale.”

  “Cute?”

  I sighed. “Beautiful,” I admitted.

  Jessica nodded. “So . . .”

  “So should I call her?”

  Jessica started laughing. “Well, you should if you want to.” She grabbed the phone and pointed it at me. “Call her now. Invite her to the wedding. Your invitation does say ‘plus guest.’”

  I stared at her. “Are you crazy?”

  “Some may think so. Here.” She handed me the phone.

  I stared down at the receiver in my hand, actually considering the idea. I’d memorized Valerie’s phone number. I still don’t know why. I hit the “talk” button and dialed the number. After three rings, the machine picked up and I quickly hung up. “She’s not home.” I was both relieved and disappointed.

  Jessica shrugged. “Try again later.”

  I knew I wouldn’t.

  Ò

  I must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing I knew I was waking up to the sound of the ringing phone, and Jessica’s groggy voice muttering a tired, “Hello?”

  I kept my eyes closed, curious to know who was calling, but too tired to get up. So I just listened instead.

  “Alix?” I heard Jessica say. “She’s sleeping. Who’s this?” Pause. “Valerie?”

  I jolted awake at the sound of her name.

  “Oh, wait, she just woke up,” Jessica said, handing over the receiver. She gave me a funny look and lay back down, watching intently.

  I took a deep breath and said, “Hello?”

  “Hey, you called?”

  I was confused. Had I left a message without realizing it? “Yes I did. How did you know?”

  Valerie laughed. “Caller ID. I knew it would
come in handy some day.”

  “But I don’t live here. How did you know it was me?”

  “Well, the address read Baldwin, and I only know one person from Baldwin. I put two and two together, and that’s what I got.”

  “Most people get four,” I joked.

  She laughed. “Well, I never was good at math. I’m glad you called.”

  “You are?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think you would. So . . . uh, why did you?”

  I turned to Jessica. “Why did I call?” I asked. Jessica nudged me with her knee. “Well, my best friend is getting married tomorrow and she thought—I mean, I thought that maybe you’d like to come to the wedding.” This was such a stupid idea. Why would she want to come to Jessica’s wedding? She didn’t know her. She barely knew me.

  “Dammit. I have to work at two.”

  My heart sank. “That’s all right. Another time then.”

  “I get off work at nine, do you think you’ll be free by ten?”

  I tried to think logically for a moment, but my mind failed me. “What time do you think the reception will be over?” I whispered to Jessica.

  She shrugged. “Our flight is at ten.”

  “I should be,” I told Valerie. “But I will be at my friend’s house.”

  “Hmm.” Valerie paused. “All right, how about I pick you up there?”

  “Here?” I looked at Jessica, and she arched an eyebrow. “All right. Sounds good.” I gave Valerie instructions on how to get to Jessica’s and hung up. I sat there silently for a moment trying to digest what just happened. Finally, I looked at my best friend, the woman I loved more than breathing, and said, “I guess I have a date.”

  She sighed dramatically. “At last. Some competition.”

  I laughed, placing the receiver back on its base. I wondered if Jessica could ever have competition, and if so, if Valerie could be it. I lay down and glanced at the time. It was only eleven. Jessica had basically missed her entire party, and I was touched that she’d done so to spend time with me. “Do you think everyone went home by now?” I asked.

  “I doubt it, but I’ll bet you twenty dollars that someone goes home with the stripper.”

  I smiled at the thought. “Probably my sister. She needs to get some badly.”

  Jessica turned over and poked me in the ribs. “You’re one to talk.”

  “Hey! How dare you compare my lack of a sex life to my sister’s? There’s a difference you see.”

  Jessica laughed. “Enlighten me, please.”

  I looked at her, quite defiantly in fact, and said, “I could get laid. I just choose not to. She wants to get laid, she just can’t.”

  “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?”

  “Yes, that’s the problem. Saint Jonathan must wait for the marriage vows before he can examine anyone’s no-no special place.”

  Jessica burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re kidding? I didn’t think there were people like that left in the world. Guys anyway.”

  “Leave it to my sister.”

  “Well, I think it’s sweet.”

  It was my turn to laugh. “And you and Mathew waited how long?” I held up my hands. “Wait. Forget I asked. I really don’t want to know.” I turned on my side so I was facing her. “Speaking of sleeping together, can I sleep here tonight? I’m too exhausted to drive back to school.”

  “Yeah, just don’t kick me like you usually do.”

  “Just for that I’ll kick you twice as hard.”

  Jessica arched an eyebrow. “Do you want to sleep on the couch?”

  “Ouch. Fine. I’ll be good.” I rolled out of bed to use the bathroom. I was suddenly feeling better than I had in a long time. I had a date. A date. Me. I was nervous and I was scared, but most of all, I realized, I was really excited.

  Chapter 4

  My eyes opened slowly and my gaze finally focused on Jessica’s form silhouetted in the balcony. I glanced at the alarm clock next to me and read 5:56 before easing out of bed.

  Jessica had her back to me. She was staring at the ocean in a way I’d seen her do so many times before. I wondered if this would be the last time I’d see her standing there without Mathew by her side, and my heart flooded with conflicting emotions.

  I leaned against the frame of the sliding glass doors, not wanting to disturb her. Before us, the ocean roared, its surface reflecting the sky’s golden colors of dawn, and I wondered what she was thinking.

  “I love how you do that,” she said without turning.

  Her voice startled me. “Do what?”

  She turned to me, and I took that as an invitation to join her on the balcony. I walked outside, feeling the salty morning breeze on my face. I leaned against the railing, waiting for her to answer my question.

  “I love how you always wait for me to say something first,” Jessica told me. “Like you’re scared you’d be interrupting something important.”

  I sighed to myself. She had no idea how well I knew her. “You’re up early,” I said, changing the subject.

  Jessica shrugged, turning her attention back to the view. “I couldn’t sleep. Alix, do you think I’m too young to get married?”

  I stared at her. “What?”

  “You know. Should Mathew and I wait a few more years?”

  I shrugged. “What’s the point? You could wait ten more years and you know you’ll still be with him.” I touched her arm. “Look, Jess, I couldn’t think of a better couple than you and Mathew. You’re perfect for each other.”

  Jessica let out a long breath and smiled. “Yeah. It’s just, I feel like I’m about to grow up, you know?”

  “At least you get to grow up with the one you love.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Okay, enough emotional talk,” Roxanne muttered, walking out into the balcony. “That’s all you two do. Blah blah blah, I love you Jessica. Blah blah blah, I love you too Alix but not in that way. Give me a break.” She straightened out her bouncing brown curls and put her arms around both of us. “Girls, today is the end of an era.”

  The end of an era, I thought. I looked from Jessica to Roxanne to the rising sun on the horizon. It occurred to me that the end of an era marked the beginning of something new.

  I put my arm around Roxanne’s waist and leaned my head on her shoulder. Jessica did the same. And the three of us looked over the balcony railing to where the ocean met the sky, each of us lost in thoughts of our uncertain futures.

  Ò

  I’ve had this recurring dream for years now, where I’m standing at the altar, and Jessica is walking toward me, wearing a beautiful wedding gown, and looking happier than she’s ever looked in her entire life.

  My dream came true.

  Only I was wearing a bridesmaid’s dress and when Jessica stopped walking, she was standing beside Mathew and not me.

  But that was close enough, I think.

  I looked around the church where people were gathered on both sides. The groom’s side was occupied in the front by Mathew’s parents and his two sisters, Nina and Sarah. Then there were other people I didn’t really recognize. Jessica’s side consisted of the mansion’s staff. Maurice, the butler, gave Jessica away and took his place beside Rosa, the housekeeper. Jessica’s grandparents had phoned in that morning to announce they couldn’t make it. Jessica’s parents . . . well . . . that’s a whole different story. So as far as family, only Jessica’s cousin, Amber, had made it. And she stood beside me as a bridesmaid.

  “Dearly beloved . . .” The priest’s voice rose over the silent crowd, echoing across the large expanses of the church, and I suddenly felt like I was trapped in my worst nightmare. Although, had it been my worst nightmare Jessica would’ve been marrying Steven Tyler instead of Mathew, so I knew this had to be real. “ . . . If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace . . .”

  That would’ve been my big chance to make an ass of myself, so thankfully I stayed quiet. I really didn’t know o
f any unselfish reason why Jessica and Mathew shouldn’t be together. Still, I looked around, waiting for someone to say something. Nobody did.

  Then, before I knew it, I heard Jessica say, “I do,” and as those words filtered through my hazy consciousness, I realized that nothing in my life would ever be the same.

  Ò

  A few hours later I was working on my fourth piece of wedding cake, looking around as the wedding reception went on around me.

  The happy couple had decided to have it at the mansion, and I couldn’t think of a more beautiful place for it. Especially seeing it decorated as it was. Jessica and Mathew had hired a decorator named Dominique who’d been hitting on Mathew since day one. Jessica found it amusing; Mathew not so much.

  “Good cake?”

  I looked up to find the groom smiling down at me. “I hate cake,” I muttered, stuffing a big piece into my mouth. Well, I generally hate cake. But this one was good.

  Mathew pulled up a chair and joined me at the table. “I’m hiding from Dominique.”

  I shook my head. “You should be hiding from his assistant. I think he’s not too happy Dominique’s got the hots for you, if you know what I mean.”

  Mathew shrugged and batted his eyes. “Why do I have to be so gorgeous?”

  I choked on my mouthful of cake and managed to swallow before bursting into laughter. I smiled at him. “I don’t know, Matt. I think you just got lucky. I mean, I’m having trouble containing my own lust for you.”

  “I guess that’s why you’re drowning your sorrows in cake.” Mathew nodded. “I’m sorry that I have broken your heart, Alix dear.”

  I patted his hand. “That’s all right. I’ll get over you some day.”

  He chuckled and looked around. “I can’t believe we’re married.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, feeling melancholic all of a sudden. Mathew and I had never really talked about my feelings for Jessica. We joked around about it, but it was understood that there wasn’t anything either of us could discuss that would change anything, so we kept the topic off-limits. “It was about damn time you took her off the market.” I winked at him.