Alix & Valerie

by Ingrid Diaz

  “None at all?” Valerie asked, sounding surprised but not in the least bit judgmental.

  “Nope.”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “One, but it only lasted a couple of weeks.”

  “So you’ve never . . . er . . .”

  I looked at her. “Had sex? No.”

  “Hmm.”

  I studied her for a long moment, hoping for further commentary. When none was forthcoming, I said, “What is ‘hmm’?”

  She looked at me and smiled. “Sorry, I’m just surprised.”

  “Why, do I look like a slut or something?” I was trying to keep the mood light because I knew we were getting close to my mom’s house and this was bound to be a conversation that lasted a while. I started giving instructions as we talked.

  Valerie laughed. “Yep. A big whore, that’s what I thought you were.”

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  “I’ll deal with it somehow.”

  I’m not sure why I asked the next question. Perhaps because I was hoping zero would be her answer, though I seriously doubted it. “So what’s your lucky number?”

  I’m not sure if I caught her by surprise or not, but she took a few seconds before responding. She glanced at me quickly then answered, “Six.”

  Six. “All women?” I asked out of morbid curiosity.

  Valerie nodded.

  “Hmm.”

  She looked at me, frowning slightly. “What is ‘hmm’?”

  I shrugged. “Nothing. So were you in love with any of them?” I asked, not sure where I was going with this line of questioning but unable to stop myself from asking.

  “Does this mean I get to question you on the way back?” Valerie asked.

  “Yep. You may fire away.”

  She nodded. “I’ve never been in love.”

  As my street rolled into view, I focused on giving Valerie directions to the house. I wasn’t sure why at the time, but her answer filled me with relief.

  Valerie pulled into my mom’s driveway and I noticed that my sister’s car was already there. Rachel was always on time for everything. I, on the other hand, preferred to be fashionably late.

  “Is there anything I should know before we go in?” Valerie asked, turning off the ignition and sitting back against the seat.

  “My sister’s a bitch and her boyfriend’s a jerk but my mom’s pretty cool when she wants to be.” I smiled and touched her arm. “Don’t worry about it.”

  We were greeted at the front door by my evil twin, whose gaze never left Valerie. It was then I remembered that Valerie didn’t know I was a twin. I studied her expression, but was surprised to see no change. Usually people gaped, staring back and forth between us as though trying to make sure it wasn’t their imagination. My sister was dressed in a short skirt that left little to the imagination and a black V-neck shirt. I thought she looked like a whore.

  “So this is Valerie,” Rachel said, more to herself than to us, and stretched out her hand. “I’m Rachel.”

  Valerie shook my sister’s hand and we stepped inside the house. Rachel led the way to the living room, and I caught Valerie checking her out. I smacked Valerie’s arm without thinking. Then the implication of what I’d just done hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d acted like a jealous girlfriend. Mentally I shook myself. If Valerie wanted to check out my sister then she was more than welcome to. At least, that’s what I told myself. I never said I had to believe it.

  Jonathan Green, my future brother-in-law the way things were going, stood up to greet us. He had a fake smile plastered on his face. The same smile he always used when he had to be nice to people he didn’t particularly like. Needless to say, Jon and I weren’t particularly best friends. “Hello Alix, who’s your friend?”

  “Valerie, meet Satan. Satan, this is Valerie.”

  Jonathan glared at me for a split second, then his fake smile reappeared as he stepped forward to shake hands with Valerie. “Jonathan Green, nice to meet you.”

  “Where’s Mom?” I asked.

  “She stepped out to buy milk,” Rachel responded.

  “I knew I’d forgotten something,” I muttered. “Shit.”

  “Don’t curse, Alix,” Jonathan instructed.

  “I see you have yet to take that stick out of your ass,” I responded.

  “Only your kind of people enjoy that sort of thing,” he answered.

  I was about to lunge at him because God knew he deserved a good beating, but I decided to be the better man. Plus I didn’t feel like getting my ass kicked in front of Valerie. I took a deep breath. “Would you like to see my room?” I asked Valerie.

  She nodded, and I led her up to the second floor. My room was just how I’d left it, if only a little neater. I hadn’t felt like taking down any of the posters when I’d moved out, so the walls and ceiling were still covered with posters of heavy rock and metal bands—mostly Aerosmith of course. The walls were black in the small spaces between posters, and so were the blinds. The bed sheets were black, my desk was black, my closet was black. To make the long story short, my entire room was black.

  I dropped myself on the bed the second we stepped inside. “Sorry, he just gets me so angry I had to get out of there before I punched him.”

  “Guess he’s not a big supporter, huh?” Valerie asked, leaning against my desk.

  I turned over so that I was lying on my side with my head propped on one hand. “No. He comes from a very religious, very conservative family. We put up with each other ’cause we have no other choice. He’s probably going to marry my sister.” I smiled apologetically. “Sorry you had to see that.”

  “I’ve seen worse,” she responded with a smile.

  There was a knock on the door and I quickly shouted, “Come in.” It was my mom, dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt. It always amazed me the way she looked so much younger than she was.

  She greeted Valerie with a smile and if that wasn’t enough, she even hugged her. I tried to keep my jaw from dropping.

  “It’s nice that you could join us, Valerie,” my mom said. She looked at me for the first time. “Stand up, let me see your hair.”

  I’m not sure why I had to stand up for her to see my hair, but I did so anyway and she pulled me in for a big hug. It was then that I was convinced my mother had been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by a pod. Then I remembered she’d started some woman empowerment classes and I figured that had something to do with it.

  “I love the haircut,” my mom informed me as she finally let me go. “Leave it to Jessica to give you a makeover.”

  I wasn’t entirely sure how to take that comment, so I just let it go. “Thanks.”

  “Are you girls hiding from Jonathan?”

  “Yeah, he’s being his usual lovable self.”

  “Come back downstairs. He won’t say anything with me around.” My mom led the way, and we followed her back downstairs. “Did you bring the milk?” she asked, her tone revealing that she already knew the answer.

  “I brought it in spirit,” I responded.

  Rachel and Jonathan were talking in the living room. I’m not sure what their topic of conversation was, but it most likely involved computers. They were both Computer Science majors. In other words, they were both big nerds. My sister got the logic/mathematical genes and I got the artistic ones. It was a fair deal, I thought.

  “So how long have you two been together?” my mom asked Valerie, as she proceeded to work on fixing dinner. “Alix never tells me anything.”

  Valerie glanced at me questioningly, and I shrugged. “Well, we’re not exactly together.”

  I felt my heart sink a little, even though I knew it was true. “We just met last week,” I added as though that explained everything. I kept wondering how many dates we’d have to go on before we’d qualify as a couple. “Do you want any help, Mom?”

  “No need to burn the kitchen, darling.” She smiled at me sweetly, then regarded Valerie, and pointed at me with a wooden spoon. “Can’t cook for her life
.”

  “Hey I cook great spasghetti,” I protested.

  “Spasghetti?” Valerie asked with a smile.

  “It’s my own creation,” I explained. “And I can bake.”

  My mom nodded. “That’s true.”

  “Guess I’ll cook the dinners and you can take care of dessert,” Valerie said.

  Had I been drinking something, that would’ve been my cue to choke or spit. I glanced quickly at Valerie then at my mom to catch her reaction. My mom was smiling to herself. I breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, my sister and her demon-spawn of a boyfriend chose that moment to join us.

  “That smells great, Mrs. Morris,” Jonathan said.

  I rolled my eyes. I’d never seen anyone try so hard to suck up to someone for no apparent reason. Little did he know that my mom didn’t particularly like him. She just pretended, like he pretended to like me whenever she was around. God forbid he show his horns around my mother.

  “Thank you, Jonathan.”

  Halo firmly in place, Jonathan smiled at me. “So Alix, how’s school?”

  It was uncanny how two-faced a person could be. “Well, I haven’t had much time to focus on my schoolwork, Jonathan. I’ve been too busy molesting little girls and sleeping with animals.”

  Valerie started coughing to hide her laughing. My mom gave me one of her warning looks. Rachel simply scowled at me.

  Jonathan continued to smile. “So Valerie, do you go to Baldwin too?”

  “Ah, no, I go to Miami.”

  Jonathan leaned against the kitchen counter so he could get a better look at Valerie. “Really. What are you studying?”

  “Visual Arts.”

  “Two starving artists, how nice,” Rachel commented. “You two are meant for each other.”

  “Rachel,” my mother warned. “You and Jonathan go set the table.”

  I was too shocked to comment. My sister had never been nice to me but she had always been nice to my friends. “Sorry about that,” I apologized to Valerie.

  Valerie shrugged. “I kind of think she’s right. The part about you and me being meant for each other. I have no intention of starving.”

  I smiled at her, and any anger I might have felt toward Jonathan or my sister completely dissipated as I stared into her eyes. “I love how you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better.”

  “It’s a gift,” Valerie responded

  I almost leaned in to kiss her right then and there, but I heard my mom cough.

  “You know I’m still here,” she said.

  Ò

  A few hours later, Valerie pulled the Bronco II into the nearest available spot in the parking lot near my dorm. On the ride back from my house, Valerie had bombarded me with questions ranging from what color underwear I was wearing (black, if you must know) to which was my favorite sport (basketball, but only because Jessica played it).

  Valerie turned off the ignition and regarded me curiously. “I have one more question.”

  I turned so I could devote my entire attention to her. “I’ll take Nosy Women for 500, Alex.”

  Valerie grinned, then turned a bit serious. “Have you ever been in love?”

  I was taken aback by the question, and for a moment I couldn’t even think. When my brain returned to its upright position, I bit my lip and looked anywhere but her face. “Yes I have . . .”

  I heard her sigh quietly. “Are you still?”

  I met her eyes at that moment and felt my entire world flip upside down. Was I still in love with Jessica? When had I not been in love with her? I couldn’t even remember. If I said yes, would Valerie never want to see me again? If I said no, would I be leading her on? It was a complicated question, yet she was expecting me to answer right away. Didn’t she know I never had my feelings in order? “I don’t know what I feel anymore,” I responded, and knew without a doubt that it was the absolute truth.

  Valerie nodded thoughtfully. “I had a lot of fun today.”

  I frowned briefly at the abrupt change of topic, but then welcomed it. “Have you not come up with anything more clever to say by now?”

  “Guess not,” she responded with a smile. “I’m an artist not a writer.”

  “Well, I had a lot of fun too. I bet you’re anxious to get home to Loki.”

  Valerie nodded. “I am, actually.”

  I nodded, taking that as my cue to get out of the car. “Thanks for coming to dinner at my mom’s. I really appreciate you doing that,” I said, not really wanting to part ways.

  “You’re welcome.”

  I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to kiss her goodnight or what, so I waited a couple of seconds for her to make the first move. When she didn’t, I took that as a sign, and opened the car door. I wanted to ask when I’d see her again, but I was afraid I’d sound too pushy so I refrained. If I were a mind reader, my life would’ve been a lot simpler. “Say hi to Loki for me,” I said, then followed it quickly with, “Good night.” I got out and shut the car door before Valerie had much of a chance to respond, then waved as I started down the sidewalk toward my building.

  Chapter 12

  “Alix,” Nicole said, her tone rising over the beat of the music, “if I have to hear that song one more time, I will shove the CD so far up your ass . . .”

  Sighing, I turned over and shut Aerosmith’s “Angel” off. “I’m confused.”

  “When are you not?”

  “I like Valerie,” I said to no one in particular. “I really like Valerie.”

  “But . . . ?”

  I frowned, shaking my head. “That’s the thing, there is no but. I mean, I keep thinking there should be but there isn’t. And it’s strange because it doesn’t feel like anything I’ve ever felt before. With Jessica I was mostly just too busy hiding my feelings, monitoring every look, every word. I was so busy worrying about her getting freaked out that I didn’t get a chance to really feel anything. But it’s different with Valerie . . .”

  “So what are you confused about?”

  “I’m starting to question my feelings for Jessica,” I said, knowing it was true yet completely shocked to hear the words fly out of my mouth. I sat up and faced Nicole who was staring at me expectantly. “What if I was never really in love with her? What if I just told myself that I was because I knew she was safe? Or what if, I was at one point and then I just decided to hide behind the idea of being in love with her because I didn’t want to deal with my own insecurities?”

  Nicole sighed, leaning back against her chair. “Alix, I could’ve told you this a long time ago. You need to let the Jessica thing go already. You’re going to lose Valerie if you don’t.”

  I frowned at the idea of losing Valerie. I’d only just met her but suddenly the idea of not having her in my life seemed terrifying. “I’m gonna go see her,” I decided, rising to my feet.

  Nicole arched an eyebrow. “Don’t you have class in twenty minutes?”

  “Some things are just more important,” I responded, grabbing my keys from the desk. “Thanks for listening, Nicole.”

  “Like I had a choice.”

  I grinned and left the room. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to say when I got to her apartment, but I’d think of something.

  Ò

  Half an hour later I was standing in front of her apartment door wondering what the hell I was doing there. I half expected her to open the door and find me standing there looking clueless. Then the possibility of her not even being home struck me and I almost hoped that was the case.

  Still clueless yet brave, I knocked. When nothing happened, I knocked again.

  She wasn’t home.

  I stood there staring at the number on her door as though willing it to change into an apartment in which Valerie was home. That didn’t work very well. I’d seen in movies how there always seemed to be a spare key hidden above the doorframe, so out of sheer curiosity I reached up to check. I found dust but no key.

  Not exactly sure what to do next, I ended up sittin
g down against the door. I decided that I’d wait for a short while and if Valerie didn’t show up then I’d take it as a sign and leave. But somewhere between me waiting and Valerie showing up, I somehow fell asleep. All I know is that one minute I was sitting there staring at the wall in front of me and the next, I was waking up in a strange room.

  “Long night?” Valerie asked.

  I blinked until my eyes focused on my surroundings. I was lying on Valerie’s bed and she was sitting next to me watching TV on mute with the closed captioning on. I couldn’t decide if I was more exhausted or more embarrassed. “How did I get in here?”

  “I dragged you across the carpet.”

  For a moment I thought she was serious until I caught the smirk on her face. I sat up, running a hand through my hair.

  “Actually I carried you,” she said.

  I looked at her in surprise.

  “Good thing I work out,” she joked.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked, still not fully awake. I kept thinking I was dreaming because the situation seemed so unreal.

  “Hey, I tried, but have you ever tried waking you up? It’s no easy task. Carrying you in here was the easy way out.”

  I laughed. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on your doorstep.”

  She shrugged dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. It happens all the time. Girls fall asleep at my doorstep almost every day.”

  “Yeah I’m sure this is true in the fantasyland in your head,” I teased.

  “Ouch.” Valerie feigned pain to her heart, then turned off the TV and regarded me curiously. “So now that you’re conscious more or less, what can I do for you?”

  I tried to remember if I’d actually come up with anything remotely intelligent before I’d zonked out from boredom, but nothing came to mind. So I decided to wing it. “Well, remember when you asked me last night if I was in love still and I said I didn’t know how I felt?” She nodded, so I continued. “Well, I came to tell you that I know for sure that I’m not . . . in love still.” It seemed like such a silly reason to drive all the way over there and then choose to wait outside for her to come home, but it was important to me.