Alix & Valerie

by Ingrid Diaz

  “Well, if you want to meet Valerie, then we’re going to South Beach.”

  “Great. I’ll pick you up once I get everything settled over here.”

  “Sounds good. See you then.” I said good bye and hung up the phone, wondering why I had just offered to introduce Valerie to Roxanne. I didn’t even know where Valerie was. What if she wasn’t at work? Would I go as far as showing up at her doorstep again?

  Sighing, I leaned back against the wall. Only one way to find out.

  Ò

  An hour and a half later Roxanne and I arrived at Whispers. It was about twice as crowded as I’d ever seen it so finding an available table took a while. As we walked through the mobs of people I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of Valerie but didn’t catch sight of her.

  “So which one’s yours?” Roxanne asked, surveying the crowd.

  “I don’t see her,” I answered, unsure of whether I was disappointed or relieved. “I wasn’t sure if she worked tonight or not.” In fact I had no idea when she worked. Although I thought I remembered her saying she was off Tuesdays and Thursdays. So did that mean she worked all other days?

  Roxanne shook her head then continued looking around, tapping her fingers on the tabletop to the beat of the music. “I like this place. It’s got atmosphere.”

  Atmosphere? I looked around again, trying to observe the so-called atmosphere Roxanne was referring to. All I saw were sweaty people jumping up and down and drinking and laughing while red, green and blue lights flashed above their heads. The Whispers logo was a pretty blue color and I liked that, but as far as atmosphere was concerned I couldn’t very well attest to its existence. A pleasant one anyway. Loud people, loud techno music . . . not my scene at all. But I was a girl on a mission. Sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.

  Bestowing my undivided attention on Roxanne, I was about to open my mouth to suggest we try Valerie’s apartment when I suddenly took notice of the song that had just started. It was one of those bands that Valerie liked. I turned in my seat to glance around one more time. Chances were I’d missed her in the crowd.

  Then I saw her.

  And the music stopped, the lights stopped, the time stopped, my breath caught in my throat and I’m sure my heart stopped beating as well. It was as if the world had stopped spinning and all that existed was Valerie and whomever it was she was kissing.

  I blinked a few times, willing it to be an illusion, a trick of the lights. Perhaps it was just someone who looked like Valerie.

  The music returned at full blast, startling me. And I heard a distant voice calling my name. It took me a second to register what was happening. I felt a hand on my arm, and I turned slowly to face a concerned Roxanne.

  “Are you okay?”

  I shook my head and went back to staring at Valerie. They’d stopped kissing. Valerie was laughing at something the woman had said.

  I had to get out of there. Otherwise I’d start crying and I didn’t want to cry. “Let’s go,” I told Roxanne and walked out without waiting for her to catch up.

  Valerie never saw me.

  Chapter 14

  It had taken me forever to fall asleep that night and I probably would have slept through my entire Sunday had the phone not awakened me around one. I grabbed the receiver from its base, not bothering to open my eyes, and murmured a groggy, “Hello?”

  From the other end of the line, I heard a breath and knew who it was instantly. By the time she said, “Hey,” I’d already hung up the phone.

  When it rang again a few seconds later, I turned off the ringer and slammed the receiver down on the base, making a noise which caused Nicole to lift her head from her latest novel.

  “Everything all right?” she asked.

  “No,” I answered harshly, turning over in my bed so that my back was to Nicole. I didn’t want to talk about it.

  “Suit yourself,” muttered Nicole.

  I lay there for a while, staring at the wall and pouting to myself. I’m not sure what I was feeling exactly. It was a mixture of things, jealousy and anger to name just a couple. In the midst of my introspection, I remembered what Roxanne had said about me not talking about my feelings and turning into a shell. I bit my lip, then turned over so I was facing my roommate. She looked up as I did so. “I caught Valerie with another girl last night.”

  The book was put away in a matter of seconds, and her full attention was bestowed on me. “Tell me everything,” she said.

  And so I recapped the events of the previous night as best I could.

  “Wow,” Nicole muttered when I was through, “I didn’t see that one coming. How long were they kissing for?”

  I shrugged, shaking my head. “I don’t know. It all happened so fast . . .” I shrugged again. “I just got out of there as fast as I could.”

  Nicole nodded. “Wow. I really don’t know what to tell you, Al. That really sucks.”

  Yeah, it really sucks, I remember thinking. It sucked a lot. I grabbed my bathrobe and headed off to the bathroom to take a shower. There was no point in going back to sleep, I’d never manage it.

  Ò

  Later, after a few hours of non-productivity, I sat in front of my computer and booted it up. I hadn’t checked my email in days and I wanted to see if I had mail from Jessica.

  My box was full, as expected, but most of it was junk mail. I deleted everything except four emails. Three of them were from Jessica. The fourth one was from Valerie. I stared at it for a long time, debating whether or not to open it. She was probably confused as to why I was ignoring her . . . but I was too hurt to care.

  Still unsure about reading it, I decided to read Jessica’s emails first. I opened the first one.

  Alix,

  All right so I decided to stop buying stupid things, and decided to get you tee shirts instead. Now, before you start whining that you will never wear a shirt that says Paris or Rome on it, let me just say that you won’t be disappointed at all. Intrigued yet? Well, you’ll see what I mean when I get back. Anyway, I hope that everything is going well over there with you and your new woman. How is she?

  Mathew and I leave for Athens tonight. So I have to get going. See you Saturday!

  Always,

  Jess

  I didn’t reply, and instead hit next to read the following message.

  Alix,

  Hey I haven’t heard from you. I hope everything’s okay. Well, Mathew and I are now in Greece. It is beautiful here. For the Holidays we should plan a trip back here so I can show it to you. I think you’ll love it in spite of your stubborn nature. What do you think? If you and Valerie are still together then she can come too. We’ll double! It’ll be fun. Anyway, we’re off to do some more sightseeing and buy more tee shirts. Haha! Write me back, it’s weird not hearing from you right away.

  Love you,

  Jess

  Next.

  Alix,

  Okay, where are you?? I’m probably worrying for absolutely no reason but write me back and put me out of my misery. You know how paranoid I am about these things. I miss you.

  Love,

  Jess

  I sat back in my chair, smiling slightly. Jessica really was a paranoid being.

  Sitting up, I hit reply to the last message.

  Jessica,

  I’m sorry I hadn’t responded to you sooner. I just hadn’t checked my email the past few days. Everything’s fine. You can resume breathing now. I’m sure that Greece is beautiful and I’ll think about your offer to go for the holidays. But I’d prefer going somewhere more interesting. Like Australia. They have kangaroos. You can’t beat seeing a real live kangaroo, Jess. And Koala bears. I mean, really. Greece just has rocks.

  Say hi to Mathew for me. I can’t wait to see you guys when you get back on Saturday. I’m very excited about these mysterious tee-shirts of yours. Do they get up and dance or something? Well, anyway . . . Have fun.

  Forever,

  Alix

  Once that email was sent, I stared at my i
nbox and let the cursor hover over Valerie’s email. To read it or not to read it, that was the question. I slid the mouse down the mouse pad, dragging the cursor over the delete button, and double-clicked.

  Not to read it was the answer.

  Ò

  The following afternoon, I was sitting at the student center with Jade, working on a junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy’s and a Biggie Dr. Pepper. Jade had turned vegan on me and so her lunch consisted of unidentifiable goop and a bottle of water. We were both equally disgusted with the other’s meal choices and had no other choice but to agree to disagree.

  “So anyway,” Jade was saying, “Did you and Valerie ever establish that you were in a monogamous relationship?”

  I glanced up from my burger. “Well, not really. No. Why?”

  Jade shook her head. “Are you even together?”

  I frowned. “Well, I don’t know . . .”

  She rolled her eyes and took a sip of water. “You can’t be mad at her for kissing someone else if you guys aren’t even together. If you want to be in a relationship with her then you should tell her so.”

  Why did Jade have to make sense all the time. It was unnerving.

  “Look, did it hurt you a lot to see your woman with that other chick?” Jade asked.

  I nodded.

  She shrugged as though the answer was totally obvious. “Well, there you go. It was sign.”

  “A sign?”

  “Yeah a sign that you should get your butt over there and tell the girl that you want to be with her. Otherwise you’re gonna lose her to that other chick and you’ll be back on square one. Lusting over a now married woman. How pathetic is that?”

  Very pathetic, I acknowledged, though not aloud. I sighed. “I just don’t know if I want to be with her anymore. I mean, I thought we had something going, and although we never officially signed any monogamous relationship papers, I thought we were . . . something.” I put my burger down. I’d suddenly lost my appetite. “If she was kissing someone else then obviously she wants to be with other people. I can’t just swing over there on a vine and dub myself queen of her jungle.”

  Jade shrugged. “All’s I’m saying is that you should at least talk to her. Just because she was kissing somebody else doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings for you.”

  “If she has feelings for me she shouldn’t be kissing other people,” I argued.

  “Ideally, no. But this is the real world.”

  “Well, the real world sucks.”

  “I kind of liked the London cast,” Jade joked. She caught the look I sent her and became serious again. “Look, Alix, I know where you’re coming from but you have to remember that Valerie is probably not the sexual hermit that you are.”

  First a shell, then a hermit. Did my friends discuss these things with each other when I wasn’t around? “I’m not a hermit. But I’m not a sexual vending machine either. A person can’t stick their tongue down my throat and expect me to put out. I don’t work that way.” I was angry and I didn’t want to be. “And anyway, that has nothing to do with it.”

  “Talk to her,” Jade advised me.

  I didn’t respond. Instead I grabbed my tray, got up, and walked away. I wanted to get my hermit-self back into its shell before I turned into queen crab.

  Ò

  Hours later I found myself standing before door number 413. Jade had been right of course, but it took me a while to come to terms with what she’d said. In the end, there was only the bottom line: I didn’t want to lose Valerie.

  And so there I was. Except that as I’d gone to knock I’d been hit with a horrible thought, which had caused my arm to lower back to my side and my feet to take a step backward.

  What if she was with someone?

  Seeing her kiss someone else had hurt enough without me having to interrupt her in the middle of something more . . . elaborate.

  I bit my lip, torn between actions. I decided to think logically. It was Monday night, she was probably at work. And if she was at work then she wasn’t at home. And if she wasn’t home, then I had nothing to worry about.

  “Isn’t it beautiful?”

  I turned to find Valerie studying her door in mock-appreciation. Then she smiled at me and continued, “When I first saw it I thought, ‘That’s the door I want to live behind.’”

  She was carrying a few grocery bags and as a reflex I grabbed a couple of bags so she could her keys. “I wasn’t sure if you were home.”

  “So you were using your X-ray vision to determine whether or not I was in?” she asked, unlocking the door and kicking it open.

  Under different circumstances I would have laughed. Or I would have come up with something witty to come back at her with. As it happened, I barely managed a smile as I walked inside the apartment and closed the door. “You don’t work on Mondays?” I put the bags on her kitchen table and stepped back, giving her room.

  She was putting groceries away as she answered. “I work in the mornings.”

  “I didn’t realize people went to nightclubs during the day.”

  “Well, Whispers is a restaurant-slash-night club. The bar is open during the day, however, and that’s where I come in.”

  “Oh,” was my reply.

  Her back was to me as she said, “I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.”

  Her comment caught me by surprise and I was suddenly at a loss. She chose that moment to turn around and I could see the pain in her eyes. I remained silent.

  “Any reason why you’ve been avoiding me?” she continued. “If you didn’t like my cooking, I’m sorry. I’ll take some classes.”

  I felt like crying. I wanted nothing more than to forget I’d seen anything and just throw my arms around her and kiss her . . . but I couldn’t. “I saw you,” I found myself saying. “At Whispers on Saturday night, with that other woman . . .” I studied her face for a reaction. Expecting to see guilt or shame . . . something to let me know she felt bad about it. I wanted her to say she was sorry and that she’d never do it again. That it had been a moment of weakness or something corny like that. I would’ve accepted that excuse because I wanted to. However, she did none of the above.

  Valerie started laughing. Then she took a seat at the table and shook her head, her laughter shifting into an angry sigh. “You saw that? Of course. She called you didn’t she?”

  Needless to say she’d lost me. My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at her. “Did who call me?”

  “Robin. She probably plotted the whole thing.” The last part was said more to herself than to me.

  I blinked. “Who the hell is Robin?”

  Her eyes snapped up. “You mean she didn’t call you?”

  “Valerie, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I went to Whispers to introduce you to my friend, and then I saw you . . . and—”

  “So she had nothing to do with it?” she asked incredulously.

  “What? No. Who’s Robin?” Somehow this conversation had turned weird. And it wasn’t supposed to be weird. At least, I didn’t think it was. I made a note to watch more romance movies instead of action and horror ones. I’d obviously missed something.

  Valerie stood up suddenly, grabbed my hand, and pulled me to the living room where she sat me down on the couch. “Okay, it’s not what you think.”

  Well, this line I knew. “It never is,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Robin Graham is my ex,” Valerie explained, obviously ignoring my comment. “That’s who you saw me with on Saturday. And I wasn’t kissing her—”

  “Could’ve fooled me—”

  “Look, the woman is insane. She came to Whispers on Saturday and pulled me aside, claiming she had something important to talk to me about. Out of the blue she starts kissing me and I pushed her away—”

  I frowned. I didn’t see her push her away, although I had looked away to talk to Roxanne. Then I remembered the second bit of information. “But I saw you laughing with her.”

  “She said she knew I s
till had feelings for her. I was laughing at her not with her.” Valerie sat down next to me. “Look, Alix, I know it must have looked bad but I swear it’s not how it looked—at all!”

  Psycho stalker ex girlfriends. This is where we started running for our lives. I had no idea what to believe. “This is awfully bizarre.”

  Valerie sighed and nodded. “I know. But why would I lie?”

  Why indeed. “Well, I still don’t know you very well. You could be a player for all I know.”

  “Want me to take a lie detector test?”

  Not a bad idea, extreme, but not a bad idea at all. I sighed to myself and searched her eyes, finding all the truth I needed right there. “I didn’t really come here to demand an explanation from you . . .”

  She seemed surprised and a bit confused.

  I ran a hand through my hair and begged my mind to form the correct sentences in expressing what I’d come to say. “I’m sorry that I hung up on you when you called and then turned off the ringer and refused to respond to your messages or your emails. I was angry, but then I realized I had no right to be because we’ve never really discussed our relationship, or lack thereof. So what I came to tell you was that . . . I would very much like . . . the right.” I looked into her eyes, waiting for her to say something.

  She was quiet for a moment, then ventured a small smile. “Do you have rules for relationships too?”

  I laughed. “I’ve never really been in one so I guess I’ll have to play it by ear.”