Alix & Valerie

by Ingrid Diaz

  From somewhere on the other side of the door, we heard, “Come in.”

  Everyone was standing around a table overflowing with presents. Did these people know no bounds? I smiled. “What’s this?” I asked, needlessly.

  “They’re called gifts,” Jade informed me.

  “Never heard of them.”

  Jessica held out a chair. “Come and sit, birthday girl.”

  I complied with her request and stared at the pile of wrapped boxes in front of me. I had no idea where to begin. “Didn’t you guys think the cruise was enough?” I asked. “I’m really not that materialistic.” I picked up one present and shook it. “Unless Aerosmith is in here somewhere.”

  “You wish,” Roxanne said.

  I laughed. “Who is this from?” I referred to the mysterious offering in my hands.

  “Alisha,” Roxanne responded. “She picked it out herself.”

  I smiled at the little girl. “Well, thank you, Alisha.” I ripped through the paper. Inside I found a Winnie the Pooh coloring book, complete with crayons.

  Everyone started laughing.

  “Can I borrow it?” asked the four-year-old.

  “It’s all yours,” I said, handing it over. “Enjoy.”

  She gave me a hug and ran off to the corner to color.

  “Well, then,” I said, grabbing another gift.

  “That’s from me,” Jade announced.

  I glanced at her in surprise. “I thought you gave me yours already?”

  She chuckled. “That was just to throw you off.” She winked. “I’m guessing you’ll still get some good use out of it.”

  I’m sure I blushed. I cleared my throat and turned to the present. Unwrapping it, I blushed even more. “Oh . . . my . . .” It was a vibrator.

  “For when Valerie’s not around,” Jade explained.

  Everyone cracked up. High fives were exchanged. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment.

  My mom coughed from her spot on the couch, making everyone aware of her presence.

  I closed my eyes. Please God, kill me now.

  “Sorry, mum,” Jade mumbled and hid behind Jessica. At least she had the decency to look embarrassed.

  I opened my eyes and grabbed another present. This time I was fearful.

  “It’s from me,” said Mathew. “It’s rated PG.”

  I was grateful. Inside was a brand new chain wallet. “Nice!” I said, holding it up.

  There was a chorus of oooh’s and aaah’s from the smartasses.

  “Thank you very much, Mr. Collins,” I said.

  “You’re very welcome,” he replied.

  I opened the next couple of presents. I got a new watch from my mom. And a gift certificate to Camelot Music from Roxanne.

  Last but not least, was Valerie’s present. I’d been wondering all day what she was going to get me. I saved the best for last.

  I couldn’t tell what it was just from looking at it. But whatever it was, it appeared to be framed. Maybe it was a painting of some sort. Probably something she’d drawn. I smiled in anticipation.

  But it wasn’t anything she’d made. Instead, a framed poster of Steven Tyler stared back at me. Autographed. I shrieked with delight and stood up to hug her. “Where did you get that?”

  She laughed and hugged me back. “Umm, eBay?”

  “You rock,” I informed her.

  “Pretty much.”

  Ò

  I stood on the Sun Deck a short while later, staring out at the invisible night beyond. The Halloween party was in full swing, and I’d left Alix with her friends. For some reason, I felt like I needed to contemplate my existence.

  It wasn’t long before another figure joined me against the railing. But it wasn’t one I’d been expecting. I turned and offered my most polite smile. “Good evening, Mrs. Morris,” I greeted.

  Alix’s mom smiled at me, green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Her long blond hair was tucked behind her ears. She could’ve passed for a twenty-year-old if she wanted. “What are you doing by yourself?” she asked.

  “Just thinking,” I replied honestly, feeling extremely self-conscious. I’d never really talked to any parents before. I barely spoke to mine, save my father who’d just recently rediscovered his humanity.

  She nodded as though understanding. “You make her happy,” she said, not quite looking at me.

  I was surprised by her admission. I didn’t know what to say, so I remained silent, hoping she’d proceed.

  “She hasn’t been happy in a long time,” Mrs. Morris continued, to my relief. “Her father’s death . . . Jessica . . .”

  I was surprised she knew about that.

  It must’ve shown because she smiled. “I know my daughter, Valerie. More than she realizes.” She looked at me for a moment. “Have your parents met her?”

  “My father’s in Boston,” I answered.

  “And your mother?”

  I gazed down at the floor. “I’m not sure,” I replied truthfully.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, not wishing her to feel sorry for me. I’d done quite well for myself without my mother’s help. Sometimes, I even managed to convince myself that I didn’t miss her.

  “I’m glad you two found each other,” Mrs. Morris said. “It seems you need each other.”

  I looked at her, surprised by the comment. I’d never thought of it that way.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to your thinking,” she said. “Good night, Valerie.”

  “Good night,” I replied.

  She patted my shoulder and walked off, leaving me to my thoughts.

  Ò

  I was attempting to hold a conversation with Jessica, while keeping an eye on Valerie. I was very distracted by the fact that my mother was speaking to her. What on earth could my mom be telling her?

  “ . . . and you’re not listening to a word I’m saying,” Jessica stated.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I was sort of listening.”

  Jessica turned her head, in search of the root of my distraction. She found it immediately. “Ooh, what’d she do?”

  “I can’t imagine what Mom could be talking to her about,” I said.

  “Oh, probably the usual,” Jessica said, casually. “Say no to drugs, don’t drink and drive, use dental dams when having oral sex . . .”

  I glared at Jessica sharply. “Like my mom even knows what dental dams are.”

  “What? You think she was born yesterday?”

  “On the contrary,” I said. “She was born way before sex was invented.”

  “Really? And pray tell, just how did you come into being?”

  “The stork brought me,” I replied, matter-of-factly. “And then he cloned my sister, because I was so perfect, there just had to be two of me. Only, I was so perfect there really could only be one of me. That’s why Rachel turned out like she did.”

  Jessica laughed.

  I watched my mom pat Valerie’s shoulder and walk away, toward me. “She’s coming over,” I told Jessica.

  “Which one?”

  “Good evening, girls,” my mother greeted.

  “Hi, Mom,” I said.

  “Hi, Mom,” Jessica echoed.

  I smiled as did my mother. Jessica had been calling her “Mom” for years now. My mother found it endearing. “Can I have a moment alone with the birthday girl?”

  “All yours,” Jessica said. “I’ll go mingle with the masses.”

  I watched Jessica walk away, then turned expectantly to my mother. What did she want to talk about? The vibrator? Please God, no. Anything but that.

  “How does it feeling being twenty-one?”

  I considered. “It feels a lot like being twenty. Only now I can toss the fake ID.”

  She didn’t find this as funny as I did.

  I gave her a crooked grin. “Kidding.” I looked to where Valerie had been standing. She was no longer there. I frowned.

  “You like her a lot?” my mom asked, knowing whe
re my gaze was directed.

  “A lot.”

  “I like her,” she said. “She seems like a good kid.”

  I thought it best to keep Valerie’s past from my mother. And everything else too. There were just some things parents didn’t need to know. “She is,” I agreed, knowing it wasn’t a lie. Whatever Valerie’s past mistakes, they didn’t make her any less of a wonderful person.

  “Are you having a good birthday?”

  “The best,” I answered at once.

  “I’m glad that Jessica invited me. It was quite the surprise.”

  I smiled. “How was Rachel’s day?”

  “Jonathan took her out to dinner.” She sighed. “Jessica invited her too but Jonathan didn’t want any part of it, so she refused the offer.”

  “Oh,” I said, not surprised. My sister and I weren’t particularly best friends, which is odd for twins, I know. But I still loved her and would’ve liked to celebrate our birthdays together. Jonathan just sucked.

  “Don’t let that ruin your night, honey,” my mom said, smiling. “You have a lot to be grateful for.”

  “I do,” I granted, nodding my head. A lot, indeed.

  Mom nodded, as if satisfied with the mother-daughter conversation. “Well, I’m off to bed. You kids have fun.”

  “We will.”

  She gave me a hug. “Happy birthday.”

  “It is,” I assured her. The happiest ever.

  Ò

  “Getting lectures already?”

  I turned to find Jessica walking toward me, carrying a can of Coke in one hand. I’d retreated from the railing, preferring to sit down at one of the abandoned lounge chairs on the side. “She told me I made Alix happy,” I said, still amazed.

  Jessica nodded and took the liberty of sitting beside me. “You do,” she admitted.

  “Does that bother you?” I asked seriously.

  Jessica smiled and sat back. “Perhaps,” she said, looking out thoughtfully at the ocean. “Probably not for the reasons you think.”

  “Enlighten me, then.”

  She took a sip from her drink. “I regret being the cause of her pain for so long. It was frustrating to know that it was all in my hands. Her happiness and unhappiness. All up to me. What bothers me isn’t that you make her happy, it’s the knowledge that I could’ve tried and didn’t.”

  “And why didn’t you?” I asked. I felt a pang of envy at the thought of them together. It could’ve happened so easily, I realized. And Alix and I would’ve never been.

  “I don’t love her that way,” Jessica said. “I love her more than anything and anyone. But not that way. She’s like a sister to me.” She glanced at me as she said the words.

  How ironic. I would’ve laughed had it not been so sad. “Strange how things turn out.”

  She chuckled. “Indeed it is.”

  “You are not what I expected,” I found myself admitting.

  Jessica arched an eyebrow. “What did you expect?”

  I hesitated, knowing I was on dangerous ground. I was willing to give Jessica a chance, but this was starting to get a little too personal and I wasn’t sure I was prepared for that. But . . . what the hell? “When I was little, and Mom and Dad first explained to me about you, I thought it was the greatest thing. I would see you on TV and I’d brag to my friends that you were my sister. And none of them would believe me, of course, but I knew it was true.” I felt embarrassed by my confession, but I’d already opened my big fat mouth, so I might as well keep on. “And one day, I was watching you on one of those interviews you used to do, and they asked you if you had any brothers and sisters and you said no. You said, ‘I’m glad I don’t, ’cause that way I get all the nice stuff.’”

  Jessica cringed. “I really said that?” She shook her head.

  I shrugged. “Well, from that moment on, I stopped telling anyone you were my sister. I didn’t want to talk about it any more. If Mom and Dad brought up the subject, I changed it. I was ashamed of you . . . and I was hurt.” I shrugged again, feeling stupid. “I was young.”

  “So was I,” Jessica said sadly. “I’m really sorry.”

  “It was a long time ago,” I replied. “I guess I just expected you to be that way still. That’s why, in a way, I didn’t feel so bad for wanting to take your money.” I sighed. “But then Alix . . .” I let the rest hang in the air. “You know the rest.”

  Jessica nodded. “I thought you were different too. When everything happened.”

  “Well, I didn’t make a very good first impression,” I agreed, feeling ashamed. “I handled all of that terribly.”

  “Not that many ways to handle it,” Jessica said. “I wasn’t angry about the money. I was angry about you using Alix to get it. The last thing she needed was someone else hurting her.”

  I nodded, my heart aching for what I’d done. “I was desperate. My brother’s life or Alix’s feelings . . .”

  “Seems like a pretty easy answer,” Jessica replied.

  “It was killing me,” I said. “I was angry at Aaron. I was angry at the world. I finally find a girl that I can . . .” I hesitated. “ . . . love . . . and I had to risk throwing it all away.”

  “Do you really love her?” Jessica asked, her tone revealing nothing about her feelings on the subject.

  “More than anything,” I answered at once.

  Jessica considered this, taking another sip of her drink. Finally, she nodded. “I think the two of you complement each other well. And you make her happy. If nothing else, that’s good enough for me.”

  I don’t know why, but her words made me feel a whole lot better. Perhaps I was no longer that little girl who was in awe at seeing her older sister on television, but Jessica’s approval meant more to me than I cared to admit.

  “Strange how fate brought us together,” Jessica remarked. “Through Alix . . . because of Alix.”

  “Maybe she’s the center of the universe,” I suggested, grinning slightly.

  “Don’t tell her that, she’ll believe it,” Jessica joked.

  I laughed.

  Jessica cleared her throat. “So, Valerie,” she started, a bit shyly, “tell me about our family.”

  I blinked at her words, surprised but not at all upset. I smiled. “Um, what would you like to know?”

  “Everything,” she said.

  Ò

  A couple of hours later, I was bored out of my mind. Jade, Roxanne and Mathew had done a swell job of entertaining me, but I really missed my girlfriend. I knew she and Jessica were talking, though, and that was one conversation I wasn’t going to interrupt. I just hoped it was a civil one.

  I turned to Jade. Roxanne had left to check on Alisha and Mathew had retired to bed. So the two of us were alone, watching drunk people in costumes stumble over themselves.

  “I really am sorry about the vibrator,” Jade insisted. “I totally forgot your mum was there.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I said, not wanting to talk about it. It had been embarrassing enough living through it, I didn’t want to have to remember it.

  “Oh, look,” Jade said, looking over my shoulder. “Jessica’s on her way over here. I’m gonna go flirt with some guys.”

  “The one dressed as Leonardo DiCaprio’s definitely a keeper,” I said.

  “Oh, sod off,” she said, shaking her head. She walked off.

  I smiled to myself, then regarded Jessica. “Have a good time?”

  “A promise kept,” she said with a smile. “Here’s your other birthday present.” She handed me a small gift.

  I stared down at the object in my hands. “What’s this?”

  “Well, open it and see.”

  I tore the wrapper off and started laughing. It was a pack of gum. “Watermelon,” I said, nodding in approval. “Thank you.”

  “Happy birthday,” she said with a wink.

  I looked all around, my gaze settling back on her. “So how did it go?”

  “Well. You can’t change the stars in one night but there’s defin
itely progress.”

  I nodded, knowing it was going to take time. “I’m glad you talked to her.”

  Jessica smiled. “So am I.”

  I smiled back. “Your husband went to bed.”

  “Your girlfriend’s waiting for you in your room,” she said.

  “Are you coming up?”

  Jessica nodded thoughtfully. “In a few minutes. I want to stare at the ocean for a little while.”

  I smiled. Some things never changed. I’d never asked her what she thought about when she stared out there. Perhaps she thought the answers to life were hidden in the great beyond. Maybe she just envied its freedom. Or perhaps she just found comfort in its consistency. But I would never ask, and she would never tell. Some things were better left unsaid.

  “I love you,” I said, in a way that made it feel final. Like the last period of the last sentence in a chapter of my life.

  She smiled, if a bit sadly. “I love you, too.”

  I smiled my good bye and headed down to my room. I was dying to see Valerie. It felt like ages since I’d last looked at her. And it had only been a few hours. Jesus, I was in trouble.

  “Valerie,” I called, stepping into the room.

  “Out here.”

  I saw her out on the balcony and joined her a few moments later. “Something interesting out there?” I asked, looking over the railing at the darkness below.

  “Not anymore,” she said, looking at me.

  I smiled and hugged her, if only to feel the closeness of her body. I’d missed her. I’d missed feeling like we were connected. “I love you,” I whispered.

  Her arms tightened around my waist. “I love you, too.”

  When we pulled away, I noticed Valerie was holding something. “What’s that?”

  “Your real present,” she responded. “But before I give it to you, I have to say a few things.”

  “Okay.” I waited patiently for her to continue.

  “Okay, I’m gonna do my best not to sound corny, ’cause I know you hate that,” she began. “But I may fail miserably. Just a warning.”

  I laughed. “All right. I’ll consider myself warned. Proceed.”