Fresh Start: A Small Town Gay Romance (Cedarwood Beach Book 1)

by Rhys Everly

  My relationship with my brothers would be much better, that was for sure. And I’d be closer to my nephew and nieces. I’d probably be obese with all the homemade food from Yaya too. And I could have been there for everyone when they went through shit in their lives.

  Was it too late to mend my relationship with them now? Was it worth the try?

  Dawson’s words came back and lingered in my head.

  “You deserve to be forgiven just like you forgave me,” he had said.

  Maybe he wasn’t worthy of my forgiveness, but I hoped I still was worthy of my family’s.

  “You’re a good kid, Nathan. I hope we can be friends,” I told him.

  Nathan raised an eyebrow and grinned.

  “Yeah, me too. Might wanna start by not calling me a kid, though,” he said and elbowed my side.

  “Touché,” I said, and we continued our walk until we diverged, him toward the beachfront and me, the family home.

  When I got there, Yaya rushed to make me a cup of tea and my favorite soup despite how late it was.

  “It’s nothing. Just some water, some egg, and a lot of lemons. It’s going to be ready in no time,” she’d said and got to boiling hot water in a pot while I nursed my tea.

  She didn’t ask me what had happened, but I assumed Nathan had called them to let them know how I was feeling because not even Andy bothered to say anything spiteful to me. Instead, when the soup was ready, he sat down next to me, and we slurped together in silence.

  “I’ve made your bed, so whenever you’re ready, you can go to sleep,” Yaya said, and she retreated into her room.

  “You’ve got soup on your shirt.” Andy pointed at me, and I looked down to see how badly I’d stained Dawson’s gift, only for him to flick my nose.

  “Ass,” I laughed.

  “You deserved it,” Andy said and ruffled my hair as he got up to put our bowls in the dishwasher.

  “I’m not twelve anymore,” I said and tried to straighten my hair.

  Andy turned around supporting himself on the counter, and his playful grin turned into a smile, and his face changed to compassionate and understanding.

  “You’ll always be my little brother, little lion. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate that.”

  Andy nodded and pushed himself off the counter, bidding me good night.

  “I’m sorry, you know,” I said, and he stopped in his tracks.

  Maybe it wasn’t the best time to do this, or maybe it was. I didn’t know and didn’t care. But I wanted it out.

  Andy turned to look at me from under the arch of the entryway.

  “That I never called. Or visited. When Lucy... I just—” his stare was so intense on me that I had to catch my breath. Had someone turned up the heat in here? I unbuttoned more buttons of my shirt, but it did nothing to regulate my body temperature.

  “I hadn’t been home in so long and hadn’t spoken to you in so many years that I didn’t know what to say. I was heartbroken and... ashamed. And I didn’t feel I had the right to offer my condolences when I’ve been such a terrible brother to you. To all of you.”

  It was really hard to keep the tears in, and my eyes stung from the effort.

  “I just want you to know, no matter what happens, I’m not gonna walk out of your lives again.”

  Andy stood there, his hands in his pockets looking out the windows instead of at me. Had I ruined our moment by digging up the crap from the past?

  “Do you smoke?” he asked and turned to me after a long pause.

  “Smoke?” I asked.

  “Cigarettes,” he said, and I shook my head. “Me neither. But Yaya does. She thinks no one knows. Do you want one?”

  I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I shrugged and took him up on it.

  He went to the bread box and lifted the lid, then put his hand on the top and removed a packet. There was blu tack attached to one side, which explained how the packet was stashed on the top of the box.

  “She’s an evil genius, isn’t she?” Andy said.

  “Yeah, she’s probably got a secret lair and is scheming to take over the world with her yoga and avgolemono soup,” I said.

  Andy passed me a cigarette and got himself one. He walked outside to the garden, and I followed him to where he sat down on the bamboo chairs on the porch.

  He lit me up and then his and inhaled. We both choked and coughed.

  “Lucy was my everything,” he said when we got used to smoking the damned things without coughing to death. “I had the best years of my life with her. But what I’m most annoyed about is that Summer, Maya, and Nathan didn’t get to spend more time with her. And that she didn’t get to see them grow up.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I focused all my energy on the cigarette. It’d been a while since I last smoked. Rehab had done wonders for my addictions, even the ones I didn’t know I had. And I was surprised to find out smoking was doing nothing for me. In fact, it was making the avgolemono soup threaten to come back up.

  “She missed you, you know. She kept asking me to call you, to put an end to this. She knew you needed a brother, and she told me I had to stop being stubborn and just call you. She even bought me tickets to fly out to see you,” he said.

  “When was that?” That was the first time I’d heard of this.

  “When she read online that you were in rehab. She wanted to come herself, but at that point, her cancer was just biting her in the ass, and she was weak as fuck, so she couldn’t.”

  Lucy had always been like a big sister to me. Even after I moved away from Cedarwood Beach and I started college. She’d send me big boxes with all the local foods I couldn’t get in New York or London, even though shipping cost a fortune. And she’d send me letters, like every month, with all the latest family updates and pictures of the kids. Sometimes, we’d Skype, and she’d tell me all her latest news, which helped me keep my sign language from getting rusty. And when she found out she had cancer, I was in rehab, so I couldn’t talk to her. But she still sent me letters.

  I didn’t realize I was telling Andy all this until he broke in tears, his whole body trembling, the cigarette burning low and hanging limp between his fingers.

  I sat next to him and put my arm around his back, and with my other hand, I took his head on my shoulder.

  “She never told me any of this,” he said in between sniffles.

  “Maybe she wanted us to fix our relationship on our own terms,” I said.

  “Or maybe she knew I’d tell her off. God, Leo. I’ve been such an ass,” he said and sat up.

  “Makes two of us,” I said.

  “I’m sorry, too, for what it’s worth. I should have been there for you too.”

  “She was there for both of us,” I said, and Andy hugged me.

  “She was there for all of us.”

  Nineteen

  Dawson

  How could I have screwed up things so royally? We were fine one moment, more than fine, actually, and the next thing I knew, we were back to square one. In one way it made sense. We had gone from mortal enemies to lovers in a matter of seconds. It only made sense to have things turn again so quickly.

  I didn't know what to do or say to Leo, how to explain this to him, but I needed another chance. A chance to tell my version of the story. Even though I didn't know what that version was.

  I’d screwed this up so much, and now, I couldn’t move for fear of making it all worse. Was there anything worse than losing Leo?

  I ran up the stairs after him, but before I could do anything, Aunt Sally saw me and exclaimed, “Dear darling. Look at you. I hear you’ve got a special friend here with you. When do I get to meet her? Huh?” She put her hand around my arm as she spoke.

  “What? Er, no,” I said, my eyes glued on the back of Leo’s head as he ran out the door.

  “What do you mean ‘no?’” Sally slapped my chest playfully and laughed. “We’ve never met any
of your fiancées. It’s high time we meet at least a girlfriend,” she said and grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the waiters working around the room.

  “I-uhm, Aunt Sally, I can’t do this right now. I need to go,” I said and tried to pull myself away from her, but she pulled me back.

  “Dawson Miles Eldred, don’t you dare leave your aunt hanging,” Sally said and scanned the room around us looking for my special friend. “Do you know how long your mother has been waiting for this moment? And your poor dad. He wants to be a grandfather at some point before he dies. So excuse us if we’re excited you’ve finally brought a girl home.”

  Aunt Sally didn’t usually bother me, she was quite pleasant to be around, but I don’t know if it was the alcohol she’d consumed or my mood, but it took all my willpower to stay calm. Especially when my whole world was crumbling down.

  “I didn’t bring a girl!” I shouted, and a few heads turned to stare at us.

  Sally laughed.

  “What on earth did you bring then,” she said as she took a sip of her drink.

  “A guy. And now if you don’t mind, he’s run out, and I need to stop him, so...” I said, and her jaw dropped.

  She finally let me go, and I rushed the way Leo had gone, wondering if anyone else had heard what I’d just said.

  It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered without him. The realization didn’t even surprise me. All I wanted from life was Leo, and I didn’t care about anything or anyone else.

  I’d made the mistake of letting him go once before. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t survive a second time.

  The fresh night air cooled my overheated body, but it did nothing to appease my worry. Leo wasn’t there. He’d already gone.

  I rushed around all the cars until I got to mine and got in, reversing onto the main road and speeding down to the center.

  When I got to reception, Melody was sitting at the desk with her feet up, reading a novel. She rushed to stand up when she saw me enter and put her book down.

  “Have you seen Leo?” I asked.

  Melody walked around reception.

  “No. What happened? You look—and I never thought I’d say this—terrible,” she said.

  “He...he’s misunderstood. He’s got it all wrong. And I need to explain. I need to make this all go away,” I said.

  Melody took my hand.

  “Sweetie, you’re not making any sense,” she said.

  “I’ve fucked it all up. And now he won’t ever trust me again,” I said.

  She walked me to the corridor and helped me into my room before she closed the door behind her and sat on my bed.

  “Come on.” She patted in front of her. “Tell me everything.”

  I sat down where she indicated and retold what happened. What Leo had seen on the TV, and why he’d gotten upset.

  “And now he thinks you’ve taken his role?”

  I nodded when she finished speaking.

  “But you didn’t?”

  I shook my head this time.

  “So why are they reporting that you did?” she asked.

  “Because I spoke to my agent and asked her to try and get me in the movie as a producer. At least that’s what I thought I did,” I said.

  “And why would you do that?” she asked.

  I looked at Melody, who was staring at me. She wasn’t passing judgment or harassing me. She was being genuine and giving me a chance to explain, and I was so grateful for her.

  “Because. I thought if I became part of the production team, I could help Leo. And help undo all the harm I did him all those years ago,” I said.

  Melody nodded and grabbed my hand.

  “It’s a nice thing that you were trying to do. I know that. But have you ever thought maybe he needed to do this on his own?” she asked.

  I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Yes, I hadn’t thought this through. Obviously, if I had, none of this would have happened. And neither Alice nor Tracy would have caused so much damage.

  Because it had to be them.

  “I think you need to get some rest, and first thing tomorrow morning, you can go and talk to him, once you’ve both cleared your heads,” she said and stood up.

  “Thank you for lending an ear,” I said as she was opening the door.

  She turned around to look at me and smiled.

  “Always. For family,” she said and left me alone.

  Her words hit me right at the heart. I wanted to be her family. I wanted Leo to be mine, and his family to be my family too. But I didn’t know if it’d be possible anymore.

  This was supposed to be a beautiful night and yet had ended up being my worst. Except for that talk with my parents. That had been an unexpected, but pleasant moment.

  I needed to find out what had happened. Get to the bottom of things. I couldn't bear losing Leo. Not on a misunderstanding, of all things.

  I picked up my phone and called Alice. When it went straight to voicemail, I tried Tracy. She didn't pick up, either. Needless to say, by the time I was dialing Karen’s number, I didn't have much hope of getting an answer.

  "I'm gonna kill someone," I muttered under my breath.

  Since they weren’t answering, I went online. I googled my name, a task I didn't normally indulge in. The web was a dark place to be when you were famous.

  Hundreds of results flooded the screen, and I didn't have to scroll far before I found what I was looking for.

  Website after website had already posted about me becoming Death Knight in the first live-action adaptation. There was even a handful of articles about why I was the perfect choice for it. And a thread on Reddit about why I shouldn't portray Death Knight, what it meant for my future in the Detective Strong franchise, and what the role would do to my relationship with the production studio. The breadth of relevant posts shocked me. How was it possible that fake news had deluged the internet so quickly?

  I found an article, an article from a reputable website that always cross-checked their references, and it was citing a source close to the actor. Which confirmed my suspicion.

  Tracy and Alice were behind this bullshit. And I had no idea why.

  All I had asked for was to get me into the production team. Alice had asked me so many times to start producing things and take the next step in my career, and this had been the chance I’d been looking for. The metaphorical kick in the butt. I wanted to be part of a production that meant something to me, and this one had double meaning because not only did I grow up with this character, but the guy I loved was in the running to be that character.

  This was a load full of crap. And I needed to fix it before it was too late.

  I grabbed the phone and tried Tracy's number. Again, it went straight to voicemail.

  "Tracy, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you need to fix this. You are ruining my chance at true love. You guys have ruined everything," I said, and before I said anything I was going to regret, I hung up.

  "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..."

  Leo's words haunted me. I could see it from his point of view how it must look. When he thought we’d sorted out our issues from the past, history had to come and bit him in the ass and made it look like I was trying to steal yet another dream from him. As if I could ever do that.

  Yes, I’d done that when I was twenty-one. But now? I would rather ruin my career than hurt Leo's. Bumping into him here and spending time with him, reliving the past, the good times, it gave me hope for the future. Something I couldn't say I'd had for a long time. Maybe even since I left him to follow my then-agent to LA. If that first agent had achieved something, that was definitely to break any spirit I had.

  Meeting Bryan and finding Alice had definitely given me some semblance of hope and normality, but the truth was, I wasn't happy. I might have had everything in the world: money, cars, houses all over the world, women proposing to me by any means possible on a daily basis. None of that had any mea
ning.

  God, I was so pathetic. I hadn't had such grim thoughts since I was twenty. Back when I’d been foolish and inexperienced and…

  In love.

  I’d screwed up back then. Screwed up so badly that it had destroyed me for the next seventeen years. And now, I’d been given a chance by God to make it right, to make amends, and somehow, I'd still managed to royally fuck it up.

  The room was suffocating me. I desperately needed fresh air and looked at the window, the night so inviting in its darkness that I let it draw me in.

  I opened the balcony door and stepped out onto the beach, taking deep breaths and allowing the cool night breeze to reach me to the core. I had to fix this.

  I looked up to the sky, looking for a star to wish upon, but found none. All of them mocked me with their brightness. Not that I was expecting any wishes made on starry nights to come true. This wasn't a Detective Strong film.

  I made one anyway.

  I wished for... for a fresh start. With Leo. For a way out of this mess and into his arms. Forever.

  The sky remained unresponsive to my request, so with a heavy heart, I returned to my room. Sleep proved impossible.

  My eyes felt heavy, but staring at the clock on the wall ticking away was all I could do. At four fifteen in the morning, I closed my eyes for a moment. Only a moment. I knew nothing would happen. My mind was too busy, my heart too pained to allow me any escape or relief.

  When I opened my eyes a minute later, light had penetrated the room, and I had to shield my face. The clock informed me it was nine.

  I got up and into the shower, feeling old. My body ached all over, the heaviness of last night's events reverberating through my bones.

  Going through the motions, I got dressed in a T-shirt and jeans and headed for Leo’s room, ready to apologize and explain everything.

  “He’s not in,” Melody said when I was still knocking five minutes later. “My grandma said he’s staying at home.”

  “Will you give me the address? I need to explain,” I said, and she picked up a folded piece of paper from the desk and passed it to me.

  “I knew you’d ask,” she said, and I opened it to find directions to the house.