Skinny Pants

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “Macie, are you all right?” he asked. “You look flushed.”

  “Oh. Sorry, I was just rushing around, doing some cleaning. You want to come in?” For sex?

  “No. Thank you. I have some errands to run, but I hope you like the gift. It’s for the next time we run.”

  Oh God. He’s so sweet. Her heart felt all limp and squishy inside her chest. It’s melting. Literally melting.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I can’t wait.” To have sex with you.

  “See you tomorrow.” He turned and almost bumped right into Grace. “Oh. Excuse me.”

  “Oh, no. Excuuuse me,” she said with a big fat smile. “Hey, Moo!” she said to Macie.

  Jack’s smile melted away, and he looked over his shoulder at Macie. Clearly he was irritated by the Moo nickname.

  “Hi, Goo!” Macie said quickly. “Where’s Foo?”

  Jack’s frown turned into a weird smirk, but he likely caught on because he headed out.

  Macie stepped aside to let Grace in.

  “Who the hell was that fucktastic hump treat?” Grace asked.

  Macie shook her head. “He’s not a hump treat. He’s a coworker.” And he’s mine. At least she wanted him to be.

  Grace raised a brow. “If he’s just a coworker, then why’d he come to your house to deliver that gift you’re holding in your hand?”

  A very good question. “I have a lot to tell you, but let’s wait until Fiona gets here. In the meantime, how about we crack open a bottle of wine.”

  “It’s going to be that kind of conversation, huh?”

  “It’s more of a tequila conversation, but I’m out of that.”

  An hour later, Macie stared at Fiona’s and Grace’s flabbergasted faces from across the glass coffee table, where she sat in her jeans and her “Don’t mess with nurses. We know how to paddle” defibrillator T-shirt.

  “Well?” Macie urged, wiggling in her rose-colored armchair and staring at her two friends seated on the overstuffed couch.

  Fiona and Grace, both in shorts and T-shirts, just sort of sat there staring, holding their nearly untouched glasses of wine.

  “Well, say something,” Macie said.

  Fiona cleared her throat. “Well, ummm…it’s a lot to take in.”

  “Which part?” Macie asked. “The one about me never really being honest with you or the catfishing thing?”

  “Both. Definitely both.” Grace ran her hands over the top of her blonde head and down the back of her ponytail, twirling the end as she digested. “So, all these years, you felt like you couldn’t tell us when you were hurting or sad because you thought we only liked you as our happy fat friend—your words, not mine.”

  Macie nodded. “In a nutshell. Yes.”

  Grace blinked. “That’s awful.”

  “Whatever gave you that impression?” Fiona asked.

  “I don’t know. I think it’s something I told myself when I was young and first became friends with you. I just carried it all these years. Honestly, I didn’t realize I’d been doing it until we fought and I realized you guys were hiding stuff from me.”

  Fiona and Grace both nodded, but Fiona spoke up. “We realize how wrong that was, Macie. We thought we were protecting you in some ridiculous way.”

  “I understand that now,” Macie replied. “And I take part of the blame for never being completely honest with you guys.”

  “We love you, Mace,” Grace said. “And we think the world of you. We just want to see you happy.”

  “I love you guys, too.” Macie’s eyes teared. “You’re like sisters to me.”

  “Good,” said Fiona. “So now that we’ve established we were all acting like complete turds and promise never to let that happen again, what are you going to do about Dr. J-Love?”

  “She has to come clean,” Grace said gently.

  “Damned straight,” said Fiona. Grace was always the more nurturing one of the three. Fiery redheaded Fiona was more direct.

  “What? No. I can’t.” Macie shook her palms at them.

  “Macie, honey,” Fiona said sternly, “look at the big picture. The man likes you.”

  “As a friend,” Macie pointed out.

  “You don’t know that,” Fiona replied.

  “I do,” Macie said. “He asked me for dating advice. Guys only ask their sisters or female friends for that.”

  “Or he was fishing,” Grace offered.

  “Grace, you saw the man,” Macie argued. “In which alternate universe does someone like him—a smart, kind, gorgeous surgeon—fall instantly and madly in love with an overweight nurse? Which is why I need your help. I’m going to seduce him.”

  Grace blew out a breath. “I think you’re missing the point, Macie. You are a good person, and whether he likes you romantically or not, you’re always going to feel guilty until you come clean. It’s who you are.” Grace looked at Fiona. “Remember that time Macie forgot to tip the cab driver when we took that girls’ trip to San Diego?”

  Fiona nodded. “It took her two weeks to track him down, but she did, just to send him ten dollars.”

  Well, the poor guy worked for a living, and it wasn’t fair not to earn a tip simply because she’d been distracted by her friends, who’d had too much to drink on the plane.

  “This is different,” Macie said. “If I tell him I’m Catrina, he’ll be wrecked. And then he’ll hate me, and that would feel worse than feeling guilty.”

  “If you don’t tell him,” Fiona said, “you’ll feel miserable the rest of your life.”

  Macie groaned and covered her face. “If I tell him, then I’m just doing it to make myself feel better, and that’s selfish. I need to suck it up and live with the shame. It’s my penance.”

  “Macie, honey,” Grace said, “just think it over. You don’t need to decide now, but explaining everything to him, like you did to us, is best. He might understand.”

  Maybe they were right.

  Grace added, “I recommend working up to it though. Start with an email and come clean there first. Have Catrina tell him that the picture isn’t her and that she or you meant no harm. If he takes that well—”

  “Or once he stops being pissed,” Fiona added.

  “Right,” Grace continued, “then you can work up to telling him who you really are.”

  “I don’t know.” Macie sighed.

  “Macie,” Fiona leaned forward on the couch, “a man doesn’t stop by your apartment at eight o’clock at night to say he’s sorry and bring you a gift if he just wants to be friends.”

  “You’re both off your rockers,” Macie said. He didn’t like her in the romantic sense. Not yet. But she hoped they could get there.

  “Maybe we are,” Fiona crossed her arms, “but you’ll never know if you don’t try to work this out with him.”

  “She’s right.” Grace leaned back on the couch, mimicking Fiona with crossed arms to present a united front. “And what if we’re also right, and he’s really into you? How are you going to feel about keeping this secret from him then?”

  But he wasn’t interested in her. Was he? No. No. She didn’t want to get her hopes up.

  “I’m going to sleep on it. Thank you for listening, Foo and Goo.”

  Fiona and Grace exchanged looks.

  “What?” Macie asked.

  “We were thinking it might be time to put Moo, Foo, and Goo in the past. Turn over a new leaf in our friendships.”

  Macie smiled. “I love that idea.” A new leaf was what they all needed, and she really never liked being called Moo anyway. It had merely been part of her whole “the happy, easygoing fat friend” persona, to which she no longer subscribed. Going forward, she wouldn’t swallow down cruel nicknames just to show the world they couldn’t hurt her either. From now on, she’d come out swinging—nonviolently of course, because she was a nurse—and tell the Chadsters of the world to fuck off.

  A short while after Fiona and Grace left, since they both had early starts in the morning, Macie spotte
d the unopened gift sitting on her dining room table.

  She went to it, untied the bow, and lifted the lid.

  Inside was a runner’s belt, like the one Jack had worn, and a water bottle with her name on it. The small card inside read “Never stop trying to climb that mountain.”

  She stared at the thing and let out a sigh. I love it. And I think I love him. However, this was clearly a friend-zone gift. On the other hand, Grace and Fiona had a point; he’d gone the extra mile to give it to her and say sorry about his less than delicate style today. Then there was the whole Chad incident—defending her. Friend move? Or romantic gesture?

  Can your behavior possibly be any vaguer, Jack? Still, there were signs that he liked her, though she would never know for sure until she laid it out on the line. But she couldn’t do that until she came clean. If on the off chance he had feelings or their relationship grew to more, the guilt would eat her up.

  I’m falling in love with him. I have to be honest. If there was any chance of being forgiven, it was now, not later.

  She blew out a breath, grabbed her laptop, and went to her room to draft her email—phase one of coming clean. After he responded, she would figure out the next step. Dear Dr. J-Love, that photo isn’t me…

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  By Thursday morning, Macie had not heard back from Dr. J-Love, and she had not seen Jack around the hospital. She assumed he’d been busy with his usual doctoring, but he did text to let her know he would pick her up at home around six to head into San Francisco for the game. They would arrive a little late, but he had an emergency to deal with.

  While she waited in her apartment, she decided she would try to be especially observant tonight to see if Jack gave her any firmer signs of what he felt.

  At five forty-five, Macie sat on her couch, fidgeting. She’d gone to the gym before and after work and still had way, way too much nervous energy.

  She glanced at her purse sitting on the coffee table. Her phones were inside.

  Maybe I’ll check my email one more time. But there was still no response from Dr. J-Love.

  She slid her phone back inside and caught sight of the little golden box that had been sitting in her purse since last week. Oh. Cookie. Well, she had worked out for a total of two hours today, and she hadn’t eaten anything so she could have a few beers and hotdogs tonight.

  Maybe I’ll just have one beer instead. She opened the box, unwrapped the sugar cookie with the big yellow smiley face, and gave it a whiff. Ummm…delicious. Butter, cinnamon, and a hint of some other spice. Perhaps nutmeg?

  She broke off a piece, took a bite, and it melted in her mouth. “Wow.” She looked at the thing. That tastes amazing. Like love and friendship and the warmth of home on a cold winter day, all baked right into a cookie. “Where have you been all my life?”

  The doorbell rang, and she looked at the clock on her wall. He was early. She quickly wrapped up the cookie, put it back in the box, and returned it to her purse. She would definitely finish it later.

  She went to the door to find Jack looking hotter than hell in a pair of worn cargo shorts, a snug-fitting Giants T-shirt, and a baseball cap.

  She held in a swoon. “Hi.”

  “Hi. You look nice.”

  She had on a black low-cut tank top that showed plenty of top-tit but left lots to the imagination. She’d also put on her favorite pair of worn jeans and tennis shoes. The stadium in San Francisco could get really windy and chilly even in the summer since it was right on the water.

  “Sorry I’m early,” he said, “but my surgery went a little faster than I’d planned, and I thought we could miss less of the game.”

  Or…you couldn’t wait to see me? One point went into the romantic bucket.

  “Great. Let me grab my purse,” she said.

  “I brought a sweatshirt in the limo in case you get cold, or you can bring your own if you like.”

  With her back to him she stopped. Limo? She slowly grabbed her purse and turned. “You hired a limo?”

  “Not a stretch, but a regular town car. I thought we might want to have more than one beer, and I had a long day. I don’t like driving tired.”

  Wow. Wow. This was definitely a romantically interested move. Or was it? Friends didn’t let friends drink and drive. Dammit. I don’t know.

  “That was really nice of you. Thanks,” she said.

  “No problem.” They left her apartment and headed toward the street to the waiting car.

  “Hey, so what did you think of the gift?” Jack asked.

  “Oh, shoot. I completely forgot to thank you.”

  “So you liked it?” he said, sounding eager.

  Oh, he wants to please me. Romantic move.

  “Yes. It was very, very thoughtful.” They got to the car, and he opened the door for her. Romantic move! Yes!

  She slid in and greeted the driver, an older gentleman, while Jack came around to the other side.

  For the next hour and twenty minutes, Macie watched Jack’s every move while he talked about a few funny patients he’d had this week and about how much he missed getting his runs in due to his stitches. “I feel my ass growing larger by the minute,” he said.

  Macie laughed. “You’re too funny.”

  “I mean it in a good way. I can’t run, but I’ve been doing lots of ass work—yoga poses.”

  Macie cracked up. She loved seeing this side of him—relaxed, a few more smiles than usual, just happy. It made her want him all the more, of course. “You like yoga?”

  “I like a lot of things that would surprise you,” he said proudly.

  Please don’t tell me it’s anything that will make him even more attractive. “Such as?”

  “Cooking. I love cooking.”

  Dammit, no! I looove a man who can cook. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I stopped for a while after my divorce because it was something she and I used to do together—taking classes—but these past few weeks, I’ve started up again. It’s something I enjoy, so why give it up because of her?”

  He’s talking ex-wife. That’s friend-zone stuff.

  “Good for you,” Macie said. “And now that you mention it, I can actually see you being a foodie. You have an adventurous palate, but you also take good care of yourself. I declare it as not a surprise.”

  “No?” He scratched his stubbly chin. “Hmmm… Okay, would it surprise you to know that when I was little, I wanted to be a race car driver?”

  Macie smiled. “Like your dad and older brother? Nope. Not a surprise.”

  “You knew that?”

  “I may have looked you up on the internet.”

  “You spied on me?” he asked, feigning shock.

  “Googling is not spying—it’s what people do in this day and age, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

  He smiled and looked out the window to his side. “Well, then, I guess there will be no surprising you.”

  “Guess not.” She grinned.

  “How about you? What would surprise me to learn about you?” he asked.

  Loaded gun right there. Only one thing would surprise you, but now is not the time. She needed to know how J-Love reacted to the first confession—that he’d been catfished.

  “I’m fairly tame when it comes to the family and friends department,” she replied. “Both my parents live in Santa Rosa. I have an older sister who is a realtor. She’s married, but no kids. My best friends are Fiona and Grace, who you met briefly the other night.”

  “And the Moo thing?” Jack asked.

  “Ah. That.” She nodded. “It started in kindergarten when some idiot boy started calling me Moo. I got so mad, I mooed in his face and called him a motherfucker.”

  Jack laughed. “I can somehow see that.”

  “From then on, it was my nickname, but mostly because I was too determined not to let anyone put me down, so I told my teachers one day that I wanted to be called Moo because cows were cool and I wasn’t ashamed of my size.”

  “Ballsy.
”

  “Yeah. Well, in hindsight, it was just a self-defense mechanism, but it did open the door for telling people to suck my udders without getting into trouble.”

  “I like it.” He chuckled.

  “Like what?”

  “How you take control. Something isn’t fair, you level the playing field. You take away their power over you. Very Zen.”

  “Zen?” She smiled.

  He grinned but didn’t explain further. That was when Macie noticed the warm, romantic buzz in the air, like the two of them were simply basking in each other. She so wanted to kiss him and just jump in with both feet—into his life, into love.

  “I think this conversation surprised me,” she finally said.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “At first, you don’t come across as the warmest person, but now I’m learning there are many layers to you.”

  “I only peel them back for a special few.” He grinned. “Like a fine onion.”

  “Or a shy stripper.” That one took a moment to sink in before he burst out laughing.

  She watched in awe as that smile, the one that stopped hearts, turned into an atom bomb capable of destroying any female hearts within a hundred-mile radius.

  Goddammit. He’s so wonderful.

  And now she was beginning to understand what was really at stake if she came clean. This. A growing friendship. His warmth. Being with a man who understood her, or, at the very least, wanted to, even if it was at the companionship level.

  I can’t risk it. I can’t. With every passing moment, she was falling deeper in love. Even if he didn’t see her as girlfriend material, he valued her, and that felt better than anything she’d ever had with any man. Because the truth was, she looked up to him, too. He was strong and honest. He cared, but wasn’t needy. He stood up for others and didn’t put himself first, though he clearly respected himself and his body. He was everything she wanted in a man and everything she admired in a person.

  There. It was decided. No more yo-yoing. I can’t let him go. I can’t. Even if he ended up having feelings for her, she would never tell him about Catrina.