Skinny Pants

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  I can’t blow this. Not after everything he’d put her through. She needed to know his past was completely behind him. Not only that, but he’d done it for her. Frankly, he hadn’t been able to see another way forward after he realized how broken he had been. It took the fire and coming to grips with the truth to make him see that he couldn’t be the perfect man for Macie given how much baggage he was still carrying.

  But it had been Macie’s letter that had given him the answer. She didn’t need a perfect man. She just needed the perfect one for her—one who could be honest, love her, and cheer her on. Once he realized that, he started letting go of the past.

  Hand in hand, he led Macie down the street toward the Muddy Duck, a B&B one block from the Happy Pants Café in St. Helena, owned by one of Ms. Luci’s friends. Everything had been booked due to the marathon, so when he’d called in a favor from Luci to find him something, he didn’t shrink from the thousand-dollar-a-night rate. It was worth it for the chance to be with Macie because the way he figured, he either made his declaration now, or she would soon find someone else. The fact she’d agreed to meet Daniel meant she was open to other men, even if, well…yeah, Daniel was really me.

  They went up the staircase of the old Victorian to the bridal suite. He unlocked the door and pushed it open for Macie, allowing the view inside to sink in. The room was filled with red roses.

  “Twenty-six bouquets,” he said. “One for every week I should’ve been with you, telling you how lucky I am that you walked into my exam room.”

  Macie’s eyes were wide. “You did all this, just hoping I’d say yes and come here with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything yet.” He pointed to a bouquet of white roses in the center of the room with a card. “Not until after you read that.”

  He watched with anticipation as Macie slowly walked over and opened the card, her brown eyes scanning.

  “Well?” He couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

  Macie turned to face him. “Are you serious?” She flung the card at him, and not in a happy-wow-you-surprised-me kind of way. “You push me away after I risked my life to save you. You break my heart. And then you catfish me. And now you pop in, say you’re sorry, and ask me to marry you, right here, right now, on the spot?”

  “Errr…yes?”

  “Do I look,” she spat, “like a desperate moron?”

  Uh-oh. This was not going how he imagined.

  “No,” he replied.

  “Good. Because I’m not. And I will absolutely marry you.”

  “What?” He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly.

  “Sorry. That was payback for the catfishing. You deserved it.” She grinned slyly.

  He sighed with relief. “So that’s a yes?”

  “On one condition.”

  “What?” Whatever it was, he’d give it to her. He loved her more than anything.

  “No lies. Not even little ones—okay, except when you ask me if I’m wearing makeup. Then I can lie. You’re also allowed to answer no when I ask if my ass looks big in my jeans.”

  “But I like your ass. Why would I ever want to insult it?”

  Macie’s smile fell away. “God, I love you.” She quickly kicked off her shoes and then pulled off her T-shirt and bib.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, hoping the absolute dirtiest answer would come from her mouth.

  She pushed him back on the bed and slid off her panties, leaving her body completely nude. For the record, he’d seen thousands of bodies. Young, old, broken, perfect, and everything in between. For him, seeing a pair of breasts meant nothing. Unless he absolutely loved what was on the inside.

  “You’re beautiful, Macie. So fucking gorgeous it hurts.”

  She smiled and crinkled her nose. “Stop.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to cry our first time.”

  Macie meant what she’d said. Jack needed to shut the hell up or she’d bawl for the next hour. Maybe the next decade.

  “I’ll make like a surgeon.” He took an invisible needle and thread to sew up his mouth.

  Macie wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. Okay, get yourself together. You only get one first time. She smiled at him and straddled his legs. “You ready?”

  He made the zip, zip, throw away the key gesture.

  With his help, Macie tore off his shirt and shimmied down his shorts, exposing his long, thick erection. Meanwhile Jack’s hungry eyes remained glued to her.

  She absolutely couldn’t believe they were here right now or how it all played out. Because honestly, they weren’t the same two people who’d met seven months ago. Now they were whole and free to move forward together. Plus, they had really gotten to know each other due to his sneaky catfishing.

  I love it. He’d shown her he was willing to bend the rules for the right reasons. He’s not Mr. Perfect anymore. Which, ironically, only made him all the more perfect. God, I so want him.

  She clung to his penetrating gaze while she lifted herself, trying with every ounce of strength to remember each moment vividly. She never wanted to forget this. Him. Her. Epic.

  “I love you, Jack.”

  He bit down on his lips.

  “You can speak now,” she said.

  He shook his head no.

  “Okay. Then I’ll say it for you. I love you, Macie. Skinny, fat, old, young, happy or sad, all I see is you. And I love every inch.”

  Jack smiled. “Well said, Nurse Franklin.” He grabbed her and flipped her beneath him across the bed. He lifted her arms above her head, and with an unapologetic thrust, he sank into her, stealing her breath.

  As he filled her, she released the air in her lungs and clung to his intense gaze. Eyes locked, their hips rocked to a rhythm that tasted better than any dessert, glass of wine, or love cookie she’d ever had. The fullness of him inside her, the heat of his skin on hers, the euphoria didn’t come close to another sinful treat.

  He pressed his mouth to hers, his tongue dancing to the beat of their sensual rhythm. The pulses and sinful pressure building, Macie moaned.

  Covering her with his strong body, Jack pumped his hips between her thighs and worked himself over her, through her, pounding her into a blissful nothing of hunger.

  He threaded his hands into hers, their bodies writhing. “I love you, too,” he whispered in her ear.

  If a heart could break, then a moment like this was the opposite because Macie’s heart filled every corner of her soul. She kissed him hard and breathed deep, inhaling the release that shattered every cell of her being.

  Jack muzzled her moan with his searing hot kisses, and nothing ever felt so good.

  As his hard cock pushed inside her, she breathed into the shockwaves of her orgasm, letting go. Nails dug, toes curled, eyelids clenched. There wasn’t a muscle in her body that wasn’t at his mercy.

  Jack’s head tilted toward the ceiling as he joined her in climaxing. She felt his hot cum drenching her inner walls, and it was a primal reminder that nothing superseded this. Making love versus just having sex.

  Macie melted into the bed, her quivering thighs falling to her sides. “Oh my god. Please tell me you know how to give repeat performances.”

  Jack nuzzled her neck. “Anything for you, Macie. Because now that I’ve caught you, I’m not letting go.”

  Still joined, Macie smiled and her heart glowed. She had never been so happy to be Macie Franklin—not valued by her weight, not encumbered by her past. Just a woman who was loved so completely. Flaws and all, but perfect in his eyes.

  Nothing is sweeter.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  “Don’t you smile like dat, Ms. Luci,” Don Sebastian warned. “You’re not victorious yet.”

  Luci stood in her café with a bouquet of wildflowers clasped in her hands. By Luci’s estimation—and what she’d heard from her little army of love spies—Jack was going to win back Macie today. He’d been
planning it for weeks. And a few hours ago, the B&B confirmed that everything was going according to Jack’s plan. That meant he’d proposed by now, and since Macie hadn’t left the room, Luci could only assume she’d said yes. Soon the two would be exhausted and hungry from an afternoon of lovemaking. Any minute, they’d be walking by, looking for a place to eat since the B&B didn’t serve anything but breakfast. And, of course, they will have to stop in and thank me for bringing them together.

  “Oh, you be quiet,” Luci scoffed. “They’ll be here. I haven’t failed yet.”

  Don Sebastian leaned in. “No. But you promised not to interfere anymore. They are not going to be happy.”

  Luci turned her head, looking at the friends and family of Macie and Jack she’d invited to this small surprise wedding. It had required many personal visits and coaxing to get them to come, but once they understood the true nature of Jack and Macie’s love—true love—they’d were all in.

  As for Luci, Jack and Macie would be the last couple she matched before her retirement, and she wasn’t about to let anything go wrong. The sooner these two tied the knot, the better. Not that there was any risk they wouldn’t work out.

  I’m never wrong about my matches, and I never fail. Plus, Jack and Macie had both eaten cookies. This is in the bag.

  Jack and Macie stepped into the doorway, holding hands. They both looked shocked as hell to see everyone waiting, including a reverend.

  Luci drew a deep breath and grinned. “Nailed it.”

  Harper Branton stood outside the Happy Pants Café, snapping off photos of the wedding party after the most beautiful, heartfelt, teary-eyed ceremony she’d ever witnessed. Kleenex were flowing freely, as were the smiles and laughter from the bride and groom. Even some of the guests were gushing, including the infamous billionaire Bennett Wade and rock icon Colt Young. Ironically, their wives had dry eyes but no shortage of giggles directed at their manly blubbering husbands. In addition, the bride’s best friends had come to bless the wedding along with both couples’ immediate family. It was a cozy ceremony, but Luci said it was the only way to keep her swan song wedding hush-hush.

  “Do you really think this is the end?” Harper looked at her husband, Austin, a man she loved with all her heart and whom she never would’ve fallen in love with had it not been for Ms. Luci’s legendary cunning.

  Austin shrugged. “Knowing Ms. Luci? Not likely.”

  “But she insisted we come to document the last Happy Pants Café love match.” Luci’s exact words were that it was time to write the final chapter and she wouldn’t feel happy unless she died knowing the ending to her own story. An odd way to put it, but Harper supposed she understood. She’d come to know Luci well over the past few years, ever since Luci gave Harper, a reporter, the privilege of documenting the café’s story. And it had been a remarkable one.

  “When it comes to that woman, anything is possible,” Austin said, “but if she expects us to believe she’s really retired, I think she’s got a screw loose.”

  Probably true.

  Harper looked through the plate-glass window, catching Luci’s mischievous dark eyes.

  Harper nodded and smiled.

  The corners of Luci’s wrinkled lips curled up and then bloomed into the biggest smile she’d ever seen.

  Harper couldn’t help smiling back.

  “I wonder what she’s thinking,” Austin asked.

  “I think Luci has a plan.” She always does.

  THE END

  (But keep reading. Free bookmarks lie ahead!)

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  Hello, My Happy Pantsers!

  I hope you enjoyed the final book of the Happy Pants Café series because I know some of you waited eons for it. (Thank you.) I had considered adding a few more stories to the series, but you know what? I keep looking at my pile of series ideas, filled with so many characters awaiting their turn to be a part of your lives. Yes, I know we have gods, unicorns, vampires, librarians, billionaires, nerds, jocks, spies, monks, and mermen. BUT! I’m just getting started! Anyway, I hope you’ll continue keeping tabs on me, because more’s coming, and as I wind down two series this year, I’ll be kicking off new ones.

  • Don’t miss out. Sign up for my sorta-monthly newsletter: Sign up for Mimi’s mailing list and new release news!

  • OR check in here to see what public giveaways I have going on! www.mimijean.net/romance_author_news

  • Or join my fan group on Facebook and get in on the weekly giveaways! facebook.com/groups/MimiJeansJunkies

  As for the story breakdown, I know many of you have read FUGLY, and I know that YOU know how I feel, so I won’t repeat all of it. Self-acceptance is such a tough journey for many of us, and I still believe that love is what keeps us grounded. I, for one, am either too harsh on myself, or have my head up my ass. All I can say is that we’ve all got our challenges, and mine keep me humble. Maybe that makes them a blessing.

  As always, I have FREE signed bookmarks (while supplies last, international OK). For those of you who took the time to show the book-love and post a review, be SURE to mention it in your email! (I usually have cool extra goodies as a thank-you, though I DO RUN OUT, so it’s first come, first get.)

  To get your signed bookmark, follow these important steps:

  #1: Read book and love it! (Or don’t love it and feel free to lie to me! Haha.)

  #2: Email me at mimi@mimijean.net and provide your full name and full shipping address (don’t forget the country!).

  #3: Mention if you posted a REVIEW because you’re an awesome person who does random nice things for the authors in their lives.

  #4: Wait patiently for me to sign a GAZILLION bookmarks!

  With Love,

  Mimi

  P.S. Want to hear which songs I wrote the book to? It’s up on Spotify! (The last song has nothing to do with my book but is hysterical!)

  https://open.spotify.com/user/mimijeanpamfiloff/playlist/3fJRjMPr4nWFwjcGYT5HLv?si=VCAmnjD-QeWYJAURLQM7lA

  STALK MIMI:

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  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A big thank-you to the folks who are always there pitching in, working hard, and cheering me on—Karen, Dali, Ally, Su, Paul, Latoya, and Pauline. Book #32! Yeah, baby!

  To my guys: I know you never read these, but I still have to thank you for being my daily inspiration.

  With Love,

  Mimi

  COMING JULY 2018!

  DIGGING A HOLE

  He’s the meanest boss ever.

  She’s the sweet shy intern.

  They’re about to wreck each other crazy.

  My name is Sydney Lucas. I am smart, deathly shy, and one hundred percent determined to make my own way in the world. Which is why I jumped at the chance to intern for Mr. Nick Brooks despite his reputation. After ten failed interviews at other companies, he was the only one offering. Plus, everyone says he knows his stuff, and surely a man as stunningly handsome as him can’t be “the devil incarnate,” right? Wrong.

  Oh…that man. That freakin’ man has got to go! I’ve been on the job one week, and he’s insulted my mother, wardrobe shamed me, and managed to make me cry. Twice. Underneath that stone-cold, beautiful face is the evilest human being ever.

  But I’m not going to quit. Oh no. For once in my life, I’ve got to make a stand. Only, every time I open my mouth, I can’t quite seem to muster the courage. Perhaps my revenge needs to come in another form: destroying him quietly.

  Because I’ve got a secret. I’m not really just an intern, and Sydney Lucas isn’t my real name.

  FOR EXTRAS, BUY LINKS, and MORE, GO TO:

  www.mimijean.net/diggingahole.html

  CHECK

  Get ready for BOOK THREE of Mr. Rook’s Island!

  (You won’t guess the ending, unless you’re completely d
evious like Mimi.)

  For Excerpts, Buy Links, and More:

  www.mimijean.net/check.html

  Looking for More Comedies by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff?

  He’s the hot college quarterback all the girls want.

  She’s the smart girl he loves to pick on.

  And now that they’re all grown up, things are about to get geekin’ ugly…

  My name is Tass. I’m smart, I’m driven, and I am determined not to let prankster Hunter Johnson continue raining on my parade. When we were little, he’d pull my hair and call me names. When we were teenagers, he’d throw food and tease me for being a flat-chested virgin.

  But now that we’ve ended up at the same college, he’s out of his hot head if he thinks he can keep messing with my life. It’s like he’s fixated on me or something. Well, guess what, Mr. Amazefootball? I’m not that geeky little girl anymore and you do not screw with a smart woman.

  So what’s my plan?

  It’s definitely wild, and he’s about to find out…

  EXCERPT FROM SMART TASS

  CHAPTER ONE

  “Jesus, Hunter. You’re a bigger piece of shit than I thought,” I snap, standing in the middle of the library at Austin U, with the star quarterback kneeling in front of me, his beefy arms wrapped around my legs.

  What is he even asking for? Because he hasn’t said and I don’t know.

  “I’m not leaving until you say yes, Tass,” he mumbles with his head pressed into my kneecaps. Okay, really his mouth is wedged between my thighs—not cool!—so I just pretend we’re engaging in kneecap contact.

  “Come on, Tassie. It’s just one little yes, and I’m gone.” His sky-blue eyes gaze up at me with the sincerity of a blow-up doll while the student body chuckles and snaps off pictures.

  Wonderful. Let’s make a historical record of this mortifying moment.