Nights With Fitzwilliam Darcy

by Sophia Grace

  Elizabeth stood and straightened her skirts, silently chastising herself. It did no good to think about it when there was nothing she could do. Mr. Bingley and Jane were to host a ball. She would have to attend. Mr. Darcy would be there and that was that. Now, if she didn't go down to tell her mother what exactly was in the letter from her sister, she would never hear the end of it from Mrs. Bennet. Which in turn would set Mr. Bennet off, and it would be a day of walking in the park for her again.

  She took a deep breath and walked toward her chamber door, reminding herself to act unaffected once her mother stated her opinions like she was the Queen of England.

  Chapter 2

  Her mother's exclaims could be heard all the way upstairs. Elizabeth poised herself and straightened her shoulders. The ball at Netherfield would start the same as every other social event that happened.

  Mrs. Bennet talked of nothing but Elizabeth making an advantageous marriage. It was as if the years never passed, or her mother never noticed the new age marks on her once creamy skin. Loudly, from downstairs, her mother exclaimed, “I wonder if George Grisham will be there tonight. I know he likes our Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet. If he does not propose to her tonight, I will be astonished.

  Luckily, Mr. Bennet's response could not be heard. Whether he even lowered himself to answer his wife at all was another mystery added to the most confounding one of why Mrs. Bennet thought George Grisham even liked Elizabeth at all. Mr. Grisham was clearly courting Abigail Talbot. Elizabeth, five years his senior, was not a speck of dust on his mind. They enjoyed one another's conversation, but that was all it had been and all that it would ever be. However, it did not matter who Elizabeth spoke to. If he was a gentleman, Mrs. Bennet declared them to be engaged soon, sometimes very loudly and publicly, much to Elizabeth’s dismay.

  So as not to prolong the night, Elizabeth descended the stairs. The sooner they arrived at Netherfield, the sooner she would be able to see Jane, and it was rare that she got much pleasure from anything else.

  Nerves tightened her stomach. Her father told her how handsome she looked while her mother appraised her with one eyebrow raised above the other. She must have passed the inspection because within half a breath, they were out the door and stepping into the carriage.

  She sat next to her mother, the carriage jostling them to and fro. Elizabeth's dress pooled over her legs in a very pretty green muslin. Her dark curls framed her face. She had taken particular pains this evening to look how she may have looked years ago. Since this was the first time she was to see Mr. Darcy again in quite some time, she did not want for him to see any signs of aging—or any fault in her at all for that matter. He was always so good at pointing out her missteps, and back then, she had many.

  “You are quite to yourself this evening, Lizzy,” Mr. Bennet mused. “Are you feeling well?”

  “I am—”

  “Of course she is quiet,” Mrs. Bennet admonished. “A woman always keeps to herself when she is on the brink of getting engaged.”

  Elizabeth swallowed. “Mother, I can assure you I will not be getting engaged this evening.”

  Her mother looked worried. “Is Mr. Grisham not to come then?”

  “I have no idea of the whereabouts of Mr. Grisham, Mama. I do not know if he plans on attending. I do not know what he will wear, who he will talk to, or who he will dance with. I do know, however, that you should not expect a proposal from Mr. Grisham. He is to marry Miss Talbot, Mama. Everyone can see that.”

  “Everyone can see that?” she exclaimed. “I do not see that. If he marries her, I will say something. I will. How can he pay you such attention, but mean to marry someone else?” She looked out the window. “No, you are very wrong, Lizzy. You do not know his mind like I do, and really, I thought you were more sensible than that. Your father has always told me how you have the best mind out of all our daughters and yet, I have never seen it.”

  Elizabeth looked at her father who raised his eyebrows in response. She loved her mother dearly, but sometimes...

  The carriage came to a stop and Elizabeth let out a breath as she looked out the window. Torches lit Netherfield up both from the inside and outside. It had always been a handsome house, but whenever a ball was held here, it was as if there was a magical quality to it. For a moment, she could almost forget that she was about to see Mr. Darcy again after a number of years. Almost.

  Mr. Bennet exited the carriage and held his hand back first for Mrs. Bennet and then for herself. They walked up the stone steps like she had done so many times before with far less grand attire. Butterflies erupted in her stomach as they neared the entrance. Every step took her closer and closer to her first sighting of the man who had crowded her thoughts for these past several years. How would she act? How would he act? Would he see how she had aged? What would he think?

  Those thoughts flew from her mind as soon as she spotted Jane and little Charles by her side. Elizabeth cocked her head at the boy who looked sheepishly at her. “Mama said I could stay up for a little while.”

  Mr. Bingley laughed as he greeted them. Elizabeth gave Jane a quick kiss on the cheek and then bent over to hug her nephew. “I am very glad she did.”

  “You look very pretty Aunt Elizabeth.”

  “Did your Mama tell you to say that as well?”

  His little forehead furrowed, which made Elizabeth laugh even harder and gather little Charles into a hug. His slight body squeezed her back.

  It was then, enveloped in the warmth of her nephew that Elizabeth heard Jane’s sweet voice, “Mama, here comes Mr. Darcy. Please be nice.”

  Her blood ran cold. She closed her eyes, unwilling to give little Charles up even though the boy squirmed in her arms. Finally, she let him go and stood to her full height. Jane was already reintroducing her mother and father to Mr. Darcy. All she had to do was turn around.

  “Elizabeth?” Jane questioned, her now sure voice filtered through the space between them and echoed in her ears.

  Elizabeth turned. Her face grew hot, and for a moment, the figure before her was blurry. She teetered and then rested her hand on little Charles's shoulder to ground her. At once, the scene before her began to focus.

  Elizabeth's mouth dropped. Mr. Darcy was as handsome as he had ever been. He smiled at her and the warmth in his brown eyes drew her in more than it ever had. He bowed his head, a gracious act that looked far less formal than she remembered it. When he stood to his full height, his lips moved. She blinked, took a deep breath, and realized she had not heard a word he said. Believing he must have greeted her, she reconciled to doing the same. Elizabeth curtsied, “Hello, Mr. Darcy. It's very good to see you again.”

  She could feel the heat of Jane's gaze on her. Her sister knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.

  Mr. Darcy held his arm out for Elizabeth. “May I escort you in, Miss Bennet?”

  A smile overtook her lips, spreading them wide open. She had not dreamed that their first meeting after such a long absence would go as well as this. She started to walk forward to place her arm around his, but a tiny hand held her back. “Aunt Elizabeth, I wanted to escort you in.”

  Immediately, Jane crouched next to her son. “Charles, I think it's time you go off to bed now.”

  “But-”

  A stern look from Jane silenced his rebuttal. Mr. Darcy stepped forward. “Well, young Charles, I'll let you escort Elizabeth if you do what your mother says and...” he paused, Elizabeth's breath stuttering out of her the whole time. “If Miss Elizabeth consents to dance with me later.”

  Charles looked up at Elizabeth, his brown eyes wide and pleading. Like she would say no to Darcy’s proposal, anyway. Her stomach squeezed. “I believe I can make that promise.”

  Little Charles squared his shoulders and walked to her side before holding his arm out. Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh as he did his best to appear older than he was. Here she was trying to erase years from her age while he wanted nothing more than to grow up. She looped her arm through hi
s and with Mr. Darcy at her other side, they walked into the main room.

  The music was already playing, and couples had gathered to dance in the middle of the floor. With her guidance, Charles escorted her to a place along the wall. When they stopped, she stooped down once more to give her nephew a hug and urge him to bed after thanking him for his gentlemanly behavior. He and Mr. Darcy both bowed at one another and then little Charles maneuvered through the room then back into the foyer and hopefully upstairs to bed.

  “He'll grow up to be a respectable young man,” Mr. Darcy said.

  She agreed with him wholeheartedly, but the hesitation grew in Elizabeth's chest as soon as she realized there was no one else around but the two of them. It had been easy to meet him with Jane, Bingley, and her parents there, but now that it was them alone, she suddenly lost herself. She merely only nodded her head.

  Mr. Darcy smiled down at her, making her toes curl. As fearful as she felt, she was also excited to be this close to him again. She chastised herself for putting this off for so long. Their initial encounter had gone better than she could have imagined. There was no reason for her to have put it off for so long.

  “I am glad you were able to attend the ball, Miss Bennet,” Mr. Darcy said. “It seems that every time I am visiting your sister and Mr. Bingley, you are indisposed.” He gave her a smirk.

  “I believe you're right, Mr. Darcy. We have not seen one another in quite some time.”

  “Many years,” he said, his gaze darkening. Between them both, the lightheartedness began to feel heavy.

  She looked away, but she could still feel his eyes on her. She froze, hoping he would not notice the years that had etched themselves into her skin. She wanted him to still think of that woman of twenty with her whole life ahead of her.

  “Though, seeing you again is almost like it was yesterday.”

  She stilled. Slowly, she turned toward him. “You are too kind, Mr. Darcy.” Surely he could not believe his own words.

  He laughed, wholly. “No one has ever said that of me, Miss Bennet. I believe I can even remember you saying the exact opposite of me once upon a time.”

  She bit her lip, the teasing nature between them giving her courage. “That is not fair. You cannot bring up my old transgressions as you know I have aged and grown wiser since we have last met.”

  “As have I,” he said.

  She liked this game they were playing. It made it easy to talk with him as if the years had never passed.

  “I know myself a great deal more than I did then,” he admitted, his smile never wavering.

  “That is the beauty of age. We understand more than we ever did.”

  The music around them suddenly ended and the next dance was called. Mr. Darcy held his arm out. “May I have that dance you promised now?”

  She nodded and slipped her hand through his. He escorted her onto the dance floor and suddenly, it was as if no time had passed. She’d once promised herself she would never dance with Mr. Darcy. How wrong she had been. Now, she wanted nothing more.

  “How long are you staying at Netherfield, Mr. Darcy?”

  “Charles has promised me a great deal of shooting, so I believe I will be staying some weeks at least,” he answered.

  Her chest expanded. Perhaps she could find more reasons to visit Jane…

  “I hope you are not feeling indisposed, Miss Bennet, now, or at any time in the future, because I would very much like to rekindle our acquaintance.”

  This she had to tease him about. “Our acquaintance? You speak as if we were always on the best of terms, but I believe there was a time when you suffered in my presence, Mr. Darcy. Is that what you would like to rekindle?”

  His expression turned serious. “I have suffered in your presence, Miss Bennet, but not in the way you perceive. It was for a very different reason indeed.”

  They broke apart in the dance, letting the other couples dance between them before coming together again. This time, however, Elizabeth did not know what to say. She hoped she knew what he meant, but she did not. And she did not want her mind to run away with itself and make something out of nothing.

  They danced the rest of the dance in silence, each one staring at the other through a veil that hid their true feelings on the other side.

  Chapter 3

  Over the course of the night, Mr. Darcy’s demeanor changed. He went from playful and eager to laugh to nervous and curt. While their conversation had once seemed fluid, now it was like pulling teeth. He would spend long moments just staring at her, a wistful look in his eyes. Over dinner, she found him many times looking away just as she was to look at him.

  Elizabeth’s stomach had returned to twisting into knots. She did not know what had come over him, but as the night progressed, whatever she hoped was between them had been increasingly unlikely. Had she really seen a spark in his eyes? Had he really meant he wanted to see her when he spoke of her not being indisposed? Perhaps she had made it all up in her head.

  With a sigh, she let herself out into the back garden. The air was crisp. She ran her hands over her arms to keep the bite of the cold night air from her. Goosebumps sprouted, but she needed to clear her head so she would brave it, anyway.

  Within a couple minutes of thinking things through, the door opened behind her. She turned to see Mr. Darcy himself making his way toward her. Again, the smile that had come so easily before was hidden behind the thin line of his lips. Her stomach lurched at the sight of him. She had wanted so badly for him to miss her as much as she missed him that she had, in fact, invented things in her mind. How could he love her now if he had never loved her then? She was a spinster by anyone's definition.

  She turned away.

  “Miss Bennet,” Darcy called out to her.

  Tears stung her eyes. She refused to look around to see him, to see the uncaring look in his eyes. She steeled her voice, “Yes, Mr. Darcy?”

  “What are you doing out here? It is freezing.”

  After a moment, the warmth of his jacket being lowered over her shoulders surprised her. She turned, looking at first down to the black fabric draping over her arms and then to him, his expression now softened. Confusion riddled her thoughts.

  He turned to the side, his jaw ticking. “I am sorry, Miss Bennet. I have not acted how I meant to since learning you were going to be here. I had hoped to rekindle our acquaintance as I said. Instead, I'm afraid I have been acting foolishly.”

  Elizabeth's eyebrows drew together.

  He chanced a peek at her and he seemed more determined than ever. “You know I am not good with words. However, I'm afraid what I need now are words more than anything because society dictates I not show you my feelings. Words are all I have.”

  Her breath halted in her chest. As she waited for him to go on, she also felt as if she was tumbling down a hill.

  “From the moment I saw you again, I knew I had found everything I had been missing. I am—was—a proud man, Miss Bennet, but I do not believe anyone would call me a fool. I have known my true feelings for you for quite some time. I had held them in. I had gathered them to me with every visit here when you were miles away, yet not close enough. You can never be close enough, Elizabeth.

  Stop me from what I am about to say if you do not feel the same. I will never speak a word of it again, but you are too smart to not understand where my feelings have led me. I love you, Elizabeth. I have loved you all these years and the time, the distance between us, has done nothing but strengthen these feelings for you even though I am not positive of your own affection for me. When I was proud, I never would have uttered these feelings for fear you would not return them. I understand now that it does not matter. I cannot keep them repressed. I want you to be my wife, Elizabeth. Wholly and truly, there has never been anyone else but you for me.”

  When he finished, his shoulders sagged and his breath rushed out of him. Elizabeth took a moment to go through it all. Had he just said what she thought he did? Had he just said what she'd waite
d all these years for him to say?

  “I beg of you do not keep me waiting, Elizabeth. Haven't we waited long enough?”

  Her fingers clutched at his jacket around her shoulders. There was no time to even think her response. Instead, she swallowed. “Yes. Yes, we have.”

  He blinked, his gaze meeting hers once again.

  Awkwardly, they moved together. She stepped forward, hesitant to do so until she caught his hand. “I have been in love with you all this time,” she whispered for fear her voice would wake her from this dream.

  Relief flooded his face. “Say that again.”

  “It's true,” she said, allowing herself to smile. “I have loved you all this time. I was indisposed when you visited Netherfield because I was too afraid to see you. You said no one could call you a fool, but we both were.”

  He chuckled. “I suppose you're correct. But where love is concerned, we can forgive those things.”

  She held her lips together to keep from smiling and crying or maybe both. He reached up to run his thumb over her cheek. She shivered at the contact. He fondled a curl from her hair and then dropped his hand to her shoulder, squeezing her there. Her skin sprouted goosebumps.

  Without realizing what she was doing, she moved closer. She craved his touch as much if not more than she craved the words he'd just said. He told her society dictated they not show one another what they felt, but surely with all the years apart, no one would find fault in their wanting it so badly now.

  “Oh, Elizabeth,” he said.

  His hand trembled over her arm until he snaked it under his jacket and held her waist. Her heart beat so loudly it sounded like a drum inside her ears. He tilted his head and his lips came closer and closer. He squeezed her hip, and in one moment, she gasped. In the next, his lips were on hers. She molded to him easily. Hungrily, they kissed one another, making up for all the time that had passed. He grabbed the back of her neck and deepened the kiss, stealing her breath. He already had her heart. He might as well take everything.