Incomplete

by Eliza Park

  “Not that I can think of right now,” I said to Bohanan, “But would it be alright if I stopped by again?”

  Bohanan nodded, “It would seem you’re the closest I’m going to get to my niece for a while.”

  I stood from my desk and held out my hand to him. He shook it lightly. “I’m sorry, Professor,” was all I could manage.

  He tilted his chin down once in dismissal and I left the room, armed with just a sliver more of information, but I couldn’t prolong the inevitable with Celeste, as badly as I wanted to.

  I took a deep breath and walked out of the academy to my dorm, enjoying the cold slice of wind that ripped through my clothing, and knowing it was probably the warmest I was going to feel for a long time.

  Chapter 9

  Celeste

  Maverick’s dorm room had his mother’s loving personality written all over it and mirrored the bedroom he had back in Greenwich Village with a few modifications. The bed was huge, rustic and metal, but somehow still cozy, with gray sheets and pillows that were always piled on the ground. His desk was modern, with two simple wooden drawers and a small stone pencil holder. He had a bookshelf to match the rest of his furniture, all metal and wood, with the classics and other required reading from the last few years. The couch he had was my favorite part of his room. It reminded me of the couch in the Lockwood’s study. Dark gray, huge fluffy cushions and big round arms that invited you in like a hug. I always chose to do our homework on this couch. Mrs. Lockwood had even sent Maverick with a cream-colored knitted blanket the last semester that I loved to drape around my shoulders. It felt like a room should. Comfortable. But Maverick’s family was like that. Despite his dad’s profession as a cutthroat lawyer, he was one of the nicest men I’d ever met. And Mrs. Lockwood was a state judge for New York, but absolutely unparalleled in her kindness and unending love.

  I would miss them when Maverick went off to college and became a lawyer. Eventually he would grow up, find a wife, stop coming to our joint family vacations and start his own. I knew I didn’t fit into his long-term scenario as anything more than an old childhood friend. We both would move on, if he hadn’t already.

  The door to his room opened then and I turned sharply, surprised to see him come through the door with reddened cheeks and windblown hair. He took off his coat and tossed it over the back of the couch before joining me. He was leaned all the way back, his dirty blonde hair at my shoulders, and he looked up at me with sad blue eyes. “You’re here early.” He offered.

  I smiled, “You’ve never complained before.”

  He reached a hand up to cup my cheek bringing my mouth down to his. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed me but guessed it had been a few weeks now. I wasn’t sure why he’d stopped touching me all of a sudden. Stress, or maybe he’d met someone else to occupy his time in the library. We didn’t talk about that much. He sat up, deepening the kiss and I moved to straddle him, my legs framing his thighs. His hands roamed up my stockings, bunching the plaid skirt up around my waist. “So,” he said, “You leaving me for Ramirez?”

  “Can you really call it leaving if we’re not together?” I didn’t know why he hated Eli so much, but it was kind of amusing to watch.

  His blue eyes darkened, “My hands are on your ass, Celeste. I’d call that a relationship.”

  I laughed and lifted his chin up to bring his mouth back to mine. He lifted me, twisting our bodies to lay me on my back. The icy coldness of his hand on the skin under my sweater made me jump, but his touch soon warmed as he explored the curves of my body. Maverick was an incredible kisser. Not that I had much to compare it to, but even our first kiss had been nice. Sweet, gentle, reserved. He managed to know what my body wanted before I did, which was a pretty remarkable skill for a 17-year-old. I thought of Eli then, wondering what kind of a kisser he would be. We’d come close a few times in the hallway. His eyes would watch my lips, my heart would race, and I would think for a split second that maybe he was going to kiss me, but he never did.

  I sighed as Maverick’s fingers brushed under my bra, but not in pleasure. “I’m not even sure he likes me,” I said out loud.

  Maverick stopped, pulling his mouth from my neck to look at me, “What?”

  “Eli,” I responded simply, “I’m not even sure he likes me.”

  He groaned and removed his hands from under my shirt. “Are you serious?”

  I looked up at him, confused.

  “Okay, I think it’s pretty fucking obvious that he at least wants to fuck you,” Maverick said, his voice low with anger. “Can we not talk about him while I’m trying to fuck you?”

  I sat up in disbelief, shoving away from him and standing. “Wow, thanks, Mav. I think you just made the status of our ‘relationship’ incredibly clear.” I grabbed all of my books, fighting back the strange emotion welling behind my eyes.

  “Celeste,” He sighed, standing from the couch, and holding out his hands, “I’m sorry.”

  I shoved my bags into my backpack, dreading the night alone I was about to spend in my own room. I didn’t want to go, and I didn’t know why I was reacting so horribly to this. Why was I offended? Because he compared himself to Eli? Because he made it seem like fucking was all I was good for? “Eli may just want to fuck me like you do, but at least he’s kind.”

  I watched the incredulity explode behind his expression, “He’s kind?” He nearly shouted, hand clenching with fury. “Sure, Celeste, go ahead and tell yourself that. And the next time you’re barfing up the tiny piece of lettuce you managed to eat for lunch, and there’s no one there to hold your fucking hair, don’t call me.”

  That unknown emotion I was holding back behind my gaze leaked forward and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

  “Fuck,” Maverick said as I wove around him and went over to the window, throwing it open to a nice gust of freezing cold air. “I’m sorry, Ace. Don’t…don’t go. Please.”

  I glared at him, hardening my features, “Sorry I’ve been such a burden to you, Mav. But don’t worry, I promise not to call you anymore.” I slipped out the window, slamming it closed behind me and made my way angrily over to the girls’ dorm. Had it been any colder, I think the water leaking from my eyes would have frozen on spot, but somehow, they escaped, trailing down my cheeks before being blown away by the unforgiving wind.

  My room was quiet and dark, and I realized with a groan that I only had one or two uniforms in my closet, the rest were over at Maverick’s in his laundry bin. I threw my books on the table and sat on the creaking leather couch, hating how stiff it felt under the weight of my body, wishing I had a warm blanket to wrap around my body. Even with the single overhead light on, the room felt cold and dark. I stood, walking around, and turning on every lamp and light I could find. It was far from homey, but it was what I had.

  I focused on schoolwork, propping open my textbooks and notebooks and trying to find where I’d left off from the night before. I had a hard time remembering anything from that day, but I was getting better at taking notes, one day at a time.

  My phone buzzed in my backpack and I reached for it, wondering if Maverick was going to apologize again.

  It was a text from Eli, above a few missed texts from my psychiatrist I would continue to ignore.

  Eli: Going into St. Moritz tomorrow with some friends, want to come?

  St. Moritz was the luxury resort town at the base of the mountains. We could see the town from the side of the mountain we were on, glittering in glowing yellow orbs. Students, with parental permission, could visit the town any time they wanted and go the shops, cafes, the lake, or even to one of the ski resorts.

  I didn’t usually leave campus unless it was to go home, but my parents signed the permission slip every year regardless.

  Me: Sure, when are you leaving?

  Eli: 10, I’ll stop by and get you. It’s a date.

  I set my phone down on the coffee table. A date. Not just any date, but a date with Elliott Ramirez. I scoffed. Maveri
ck had never asked me on a date.

  I set to work on my homework, staying up way past my bedtime to avoid going to sleep in that nightmare of a bed.

  ——————————

  The next morning Eli showed up at my door at 9:45, a broad grin on his tanned face. I was groggier than usual, but I’d managed to shower and throw on one of the many sweaters and jeans my mom had sent for me, and wrapped my coat around my figure tightly, shoving some random pills into the leather handbag I never used.

  “Good morning,” He said brightly, caramel eyes warming me all the way down to my toes. He glanced behind me into my room as I closed my door, whistling. “Wow, that’s quite the space.”

  I frowned, “It’s definitely there,” I grumbled, taking the small cup of coffee he held out to me.

  “Sorry,” He shrugged, “I don’t know how you take it.”

  I didn’t really drink coffee, or tea, or…water. I thanked him anyway and tried to take a sip without wincing at the bitterness. “So, what’s the plan today?” I asked as we left the dorm and walked across the wide yard to the small train station.

  Eli took a long gulp of coffee and beamed down at me. If I could gather any of my brain cells, I’d be sharing in his enthusiasm. “We just like to walk around every now and then, brush up on our Swiss.” He nudged me jokingly with an elbow.

  I smiled weakly. His warm honey gaze wasn’t doing much to brush out the chill of winter air invading the thin fabric of the sweater I’d chosen.

  “Are you feeling okay today?” He asked after I was quiet a moment too long.

  Nodding, I took another sip of the bitter liquid in my cup and tried to gather my wits, “Yeah, I was up late doing homework” I said sheepishly, “Sorry.”

  “Doing homework with Maverick?” He asked, his voice bright and curious, not at all the way Mav sounded when he questioned be about Eli.

  “Oh, no.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “You guys spend a lot of time together for two people who aren’t in a relationship.”

  I smiled at him, hoping I looked like I was flirting, “You jealous, Ramirez?”

  He raised a thick eyebrow, the dimple returning to his cheek, “Extremely.”

  My heart picked up its pace and I looked away from him, grateful to be nearing the train station and a group of fellow students. Spending the entire day next to Eli was going to take every ounce of energy I had. I took a long drink of hot coffee, wincing, and prayed it would give me the strength to make it through this day unscathed. When we approached the gaggle of students, Eli introduced me to two boys and two girls, none of whom I recognized. The boys were on his soccer team, and as soon as they said their names, I forgot them. One of the girls, a tall brunette with long, silky hair looked at my hand like it was made of acid when I offered it to her, and she let out a scoff.

  “We have a class together, actually. I’ve known you since freshman year.”

  I’d been through this before and reacted almost instantly, “Oh my gosh, of course! I’m so sorry, I can’t seem to remember anything but carbon bonds and World War II statistics.”

  The girl, who I think was named Tiffany or Amanda, smiled easily, and took me by the arm, leading me into the train with the other girl, a freckled red head so tiny I felt like I could put her in my pocket. The brunette gushed about Organic Chemistry for a while, complaining about how ridiculous it was and how much she hated anything to do with a science she didn’t consider necessary to her future career.

  “What are you going to be?” I asked.

  She took a seat on the train and I sat next to her, the red head on the other side while the boys sat across from us in a row. Her long fingers, manicured to perfection, splayed out and she widened her brown eyes, “A wedding planner. The best wedding planner in LA.”

  “Wow,” was all I could say before she went on, business ideas pouring out of her like a waterfall.

  I glanced at Eli, who was watching me from the corner of his eye as his guy buddies talked about whatever it is guys talk about. His mouth twitched up into a warm smile and I could have sworn I saw a little bit of red creep up into his cheeks. Tiffany/Amanda didn’t seem to notice when I turned my gaze back on her. She talked like she was telling the entire train her story, and maybe she was.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d really talked to a girl my own age. There was Amy, the recovering anorexic, and there was always a girl in one of my classes that I knew to partner up with for projects, but I couldn’t recall a time I’d sat down and actually had a conversation with another girl. Maverick was a really good friend, for the most part, and we talked about everything from movies to music to food, and I knew his aspirations and his family pretty well. But Maverick was different. It was easy with him, it always had been. It was difficult to focus on Tiffany/Amanda droning endlessly about the potentials of cake testing and bridal gowns on the West Coast.

  “Why LA?” I asked when she’d taken a breath.

  The red head leaned forward then, and I liked her just from the onslaught of pretty freckles on her pale skin. I had some on my shoulders and nose, but otherwise my skin was completely clear of any kind of beauty mark and I envied them. Freckles like hers gave a person character and heritage. “Mandy loves celebrities. She wants to cater specifically to the Hollywood crowd.” She rolled her eyes in exasperation and I smiled, loving her even more.

  Mandy’s brown eyes glimmered with the potential of her dream. “They have all the money, and all the status.”

  “That sounds really daunting. Don’t most celebrities get divorced after like a year anyway?”

  Mandy shrugged her thin shoulders. “I’m not concerned with what happens after the wedding.”

  The redhead laughed, “Always the humanitarian.”

  Mandy turned to me then, her entire face in an open-mouthed beam, “I bet you will have the wedding of the century.”

  Confused, I stared at her.

  She glanced around at everyone else, “I mean doesn’t your dad like, own New York?”

  The redhead looked at me with curiosity and I realized that even the boys were giving me that same look. The one that implied I had everything. And they had nothing. I took a casual sip of my coffee, “He would never own something so dirty.”

  To my surprise, they all laughed. I was being completely serious. My dad would never buy anything covered in grime without paying to have it polished first.

  “I can literally picture your wedding, especially if you marry Maverick Lockwood. Oh my god the splendor.”

  My body froze, “Why would I marry Mav?”

  The redhead piped up then, “Why would anyone marry him? He’s such an entitled prick.”

  “Major understatement,” offered one of the boys. The taller one with blue eyes. Grant?

  Mandy was watching me with narrowed eyebrows, “Haven’t you guys been together for forever? I thought you had like an arranged marriage or something.” She laughed like it was a joke, but I could tell the way the others looked at me that it was a common assumption.

  “No,” I said, hoping it sounded like a statement rather than a question.

  “You should really tell him that,” Eli said then, caramel eyes teasing.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He kind of acts like he owns you.” Eli said with a wry smile, “I always thought you two were siblings or something, but we’ve seen you climbing in and out of his window.”

  Mandy gasped then, covering her mouth with her palm, “You guys sleep in the same dorm?”

  My mind was racing too quickly, forming whirring blanks in the spaces of my conscious thought. “He helps me with homework.” I offered lamely.

  The train whirred to a stop then, and I gripped the armrest, feeling suddenly a little dizzy. Mandy and the redhead stood, along with the boys, and I rose to my feet slowly, exiting into the aisle as Mandy continued talking, “I didn’t even know that was allowed! You really can get away with anything.”

&nb
sp; I glanced back at her over my shoulder, making my way warily to the exit. I wanted to ask her what she meant but was interrupted by a massive cold gush of air stepping out onto the train platform. A long, warm arm wound around my shoulders then, and Eli’s soft voice sounded in my ear, “If you say you’re just doing homework, I believe you,” he said with a smile.

  It wasn’t exactly a lie. We did just do homework the last couple of weeks, although I’d been hoping last night would turn into more, Maverick had to go and be a dick for absolutely no reason. “I won’t be studying with him again, anyway.” I said then as we walked towards town. The others were ahead of us by a few feet, huddled against each other in the cold.

  Eli’s smile turned into a grin, “Oh?” He asked, eyebrows raised. His grin was infectious, turning my insides into warm honey.

  “Yeah,” I said simply.

  He kept his arm around me, pulling me into his side, “I’m happy to hear that. Maybe we could study together instead? I mean, I’m no genius and I don’t have a private room, but I’d be happy to meet you in the library.”

  I laughed, “That would be nice.”

  St. Moritz was commonly frequently by celebrities and constantly littered with tourists from other countries. The town itself was small, with high end shops down the main roads, little cafe’s pocketed in between for people escaping the cold. The architecture of the buildings were identical, with triangular, snow covered roofs, and pale slated walls. We stopped at a small cafe just on the inside of town, sitting down at a rounded table with metal chairs and draping our coats over behind us. Eli sat close to me, and kept his body angled in my direction, bending his curly head to talk to me or listen to what I was saying. He was so easy going, so naturally calm and put-together. He had no annoying habits that I could find, like tapping his finger on the table or bouncing his leg up and down. I tried not to stare at him too much while he spoke, attempting to appear like my body wasn’t in its own brand of civil war. It was hard to take my eyes off of him, even when the girls directed a question directly at me, I liked watching the way he reacted to everything. His curly hair looked so soft to the touch, dark tanned skin radiating warmth. Everything about him was everything I wasn’t, and I wanted to crawl into his calmness and curl up into a tiny ball.