Incomplete

by Eliza Park

  “There,” Mandy whispered, leaning over the table, “Now you have his attention.”

  Mandy had been right, Eli finally deigned to talk to me later that day. He greeted me at my locker with an easy smile, brown eyes warm and forgiving. “You free to hang out tonight?”

  I smiled and nodded, pleasantly surprised at the way my heart fluttered as he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, “Have you forgiven me? I asked.

  He chuckled, touching my arm with his long, tanned fingers, “You haven’t asked to be forgiven.”

  “I’m sorry. I did tell my mom about you and she honestly didn’t care. I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

  A shadow crossed his features, but his happy demeanor remained, “Eh, who needs ‘em? Like you said, if we get married, they’ll send us a really nice gift.”

  I laughed and he draped his arm around my shoulders, leading me to our first class of the day. We walked by the Latin room, where that weird professor with the green eyes had stared at me and I peered curiously around Eli’s frame to catch a glimpse.

  The red-haired professor was leaned back in his chair, a thick stack of stapled papers held in his hand. His gaze was serious, his other hand folded over his mouth. Before we crossed to the other side of his door, he looked up at me and I tore my gaze away, my heart racing.

  There was something familiar about that professor I couldn’t place. Something that scratched at the back of my brain.

  Eli came over that night, sneaking in through my window and shaking the rain from his dark brown curls. I didn’t have a chance to greet him before he started kissing me, his hands under my academy mandated navy sweater, fingers pinching at the clasp of my bra. I peeled the damp clothes from his body, and we fell backwards onto my bed, smiling into each other’s lips.

  “I’m sorry I was such a jerk,” he murmured into my neck.

  “It’s okay,” I gasped, hoping this time was going to be so much better than the first.

  His fingers rubbed at the spot between my legs, and I moaned into his mouth, gently biting down on his bottom lip.

  He pulled back, caramel eyes dark with lust, “Oh that’s how you want to do this?” He smiled down at me, the look predatory, his eyebrows deepened into a V and grabbed me by the hips, flipping me to my stomach with a grunt.

  I bit my lip and closed my eyes, excited for round two. The first time was just a fluke, I kept telling myself. Clearly, he knew what he was doing.

  Eli slipped my underwear down to my ankles and positioned himself at my entrance.

  I jerked forward, looking back at him with astonishment, “Condom?” I said, trying not to sound fearful.

  He smiled, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand, “Sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. Do you have any?”

  I bent forward, reaching into my nightstand for the stack I’d always kept there for Maverick and tossed one to him over my shoulder, wondering why he hadn’t brought one like he had the other night. I watched as he ripped it open and placed it over his dick, feeling a weird sense of DeJa’Vu at the image. Without warning, he was inside of me, and I winced at the impact, not quite ready for him. His fingers gripped my hips, and I counted the thrusts without meaning to.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Four.

  And he was done.

  He grunted, jerking behind me, and then falling to his back on the bed, smiling.

  I let out a breath, unsure if what had just happened between us even fit the description of sex and pulled my underwear back up, rolling onto my back. I felt like I needed to talk to someone about this but didn’t want to offend Eli. Maverick would just laugh, and I wasn’t sure I knew Mandy well enough for this kind of conversation.

  “You’re wild.” Eli said to me then, turning his head to kiss me on the cheek before hopping off the bed and walking to the bathroom.

  Wild? I didn’t even do anything.

  He shut the door behind him, and I stretched out my hand to grab my phone, reopening the conversation I had with Maverick that he’d never responded to.

  I started typing.

  Me: How do you make someone good at sex?

  I paused, my finger hovering over the send button.

  Me: How did you become so good at sex?

  That wasn’t quite right either.

  Me: I miss having sex with you.

  Eli opened the door then and I locked my phone, putting it back on the nightstand before I said something I regretted.

  He smiled at me as he crawled back over my body, inky curls sinking into the soft white pillowcase.

  “I saw you at lunch today with Mandy,” Eli said, his voice soft. His hand rested on my stomach, fingers stretching across the navel, “What were you guys talking about?”

  “Oh,” I tried to come up with a lie, fast, “Nothing, really. Girl…stuff.” I couldn’t even think about a topic that fell under that category. Tampons?

  “We dated freshman year, for a time. I wanted to be the one to tell you first.”

  That was surprising. Did Mandy know how bad in bed he was? Could I ask her?

  “Oh, I don’t care, the past is the past.”

  His wet lips touched my cheek, leaving a smear of saliva behind. I fought the urge to wipe it away. “I wish I could say the same for how I feel about your past,” he said, laughing darkly.

  “What do you mean?”

  His features scrunched into something resembling a snarl, “You know, Lockwood. I’ll never understand why you went out with that guy.”

  “We didn’t—.”

  “Well, you fucked him, Celeste. That’s enough.”

  I kept my mouth shut, remembering that time on the train, nine months ago. Him?

  “Why do you hate him so much?”

  “He’s just another privileged asshole.”

  I’m a privileged asshole too, I thought. At least Maverick got in on merit and not donation.

  “And,” Eli went on, moving over me for a second time, his dick hard. “He got to fuck you before I did.” Long fingers pushed my legs apart and he shoved into me a second time, groaning. “I wish I had been your first,” he grunted.

  I realized with horror that he wasn’t wearing a condom and pushed against his chest, “Wait—Eli!”

  He ignored me, his eyes closed, chin tilted up, pumping once and then twice. And then it was too late.

  My mouth fell open in shock when I felt liquid pool under my butt into the sheets. “You weren’t wearing a condom,” I said, my voice small.

  I felt him soften inside of me and shoved against him again, angry, and scared. The heat of his body left mine as he rolled to the side, a smirk on his face. “It’s no big deal, Celeste.”

  I rushed to the bathroom to turn on the shower, his sperm dripping down the inside of my leg, “It is a big deal, Eli! I don’t want to get pregnant, and the nuns don’t have the morning after pill.”

  He watched me from the bed as I slammed the door to the bathroom, washing myself inside and out, praying I wasn’t going to have to drop out my senior year. I scrubbed my body till the skin was raw, feeling gross and dirty, and emerged a rosy pink. I opened my medicine cabinet, wrapped in a towel, and took out my nightly dose. Normally I had one big and one smaller white pill, but the ones I’d poured out looked identical. I dismissed it, assuming I’d probably just remembered incorrectly, and swallowed them. When I emerged a while later, ready to confront Elliott, he was gone, the window by my bed shut behind him.

  I grabbed my phone and texted my housekeeper. She was a young Norwegian woman, a widow, and she was currently the only other person on the planet I knew that could help me.

  Me: Can you overnight me Plan B?

  She responded back a few minutes later.

  Elin: Yes. I should tell your mother?

  I doubted if Carole cared when and if I took an emergency contraceptive.

  Me: Doesn’t matter. Thank you, Elin.

  Elin: Yes. You use
protection next time.

  If there is a next time, I thought angrily.

  Me: I promise.

  I fell asleep a little while later, feeling unusually tired, and woke up groggy and unclear.

  The package arrived for me less than 24 hours later and I took it as quickly as I could, sighing with relief. Eli found me in the hallway, a sorry look on his face, and he wrapped me up in a warm hug. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. You forgive me?”

  I frowned but was unable to say no to his caramel gaze. He brushed his hand along my cheek, “I’ll make it up to you.”

  He kissed me against my locker, and it felt…good. His lips were urgent against mine, his tongue reaching in tentatively to my mouth and I forgot my anger, letting myself melt into his hard body. “You know I love you, right?” He said, pulling away from me, his eyes meeting mine.

  “I…love you too,” I said, my heart racing.

  He grinned and I felt my stomach flip on its side. He was so devastatingly handsome. We would work through the sex stuff, together. I knew we would. And the condom thing was just a fluke. I knew how it felt to get wrapped up in desire, so I couldn’t blame him.

  I couldn’t blame him.

  Chapter 16

  Maverick

  The first night I hung out with Mia, she invited me to her dorm room to study while her roommate, Ashley, was “out.” We’d gotten coffee a few times after class up until that point and had gone no further than a farewell wave. I’d discovered she was studying journalism, came from an upper middle-class family in Connecticut, and rode horses. I’d offered her as little information about myself as I could. She knew I played football, graduated from a private academy early, and was extremely serious about my education. I emphasized several times that I had no other focus than football and school and definitely wanted to keep it that way and she seemed to understand.

  Mia was average. Her eyes were clear, there was no apparent addiction to prescription medicine or any other drugs, no weird ass family secrets to be discovered, and I could tell right from the beginning that she was into me. Mia didn’t fucking play games. So, when we walked into her tiny dorm room that had absolutely no place to study for two people, I was grateful I’d stuck a box of condoms in my backpack.

  We were sitting on her bed for all of thirty seconds before she tried to smash her thin lips into mine, our bags forgotten on the ground. She was an alright kisser, a little on the peckish side, and she was already making some weird moaning sounds when I held her back by her arms, giving her an easy smile.

  “Mia,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound like I wanted to scold her, “Before we do this, I think I should be clear—.”

  She interrupted me with a high-pitched laugh, “I know, I know, you have to focus on school. I’m not asking for a ring, Maverick.” She rolled her eyes and pulled off her t-shirt, revealing a bra-less chest with two very tiny, pointy boobs. The girl had no curves, but she was sporting a very admirable set of stomach muscles and a belly button ring, so who the fuck was I to say no? She leaned in to kiss me again and I didn’t stop her this time, despite the uneasy feeling growing in my stomach. I ignored it, running my hand up her body to play with her nipples. She stuck her tongue in my mouth and I almost laughed, surprised by the sudden invasion, and feeling like I very much needed a drink if I was going to get through this.

  Mia moved to straddle me, disconnecting her sharp little tongue to push those triangles directly into my face. I took the hint and realized that despite the naked woman on my lap, I wasn’t hard, and as her narrow hips ground against me, I knew she was going to notice sooner or later. She pulled off my shirt and I tried to find something about her that was undeniably attractive as I went through the motions. Touching her body, unbuttoning her jeans, her cold hands in my hair and on my chest. I didn’t want to think of porn, that didn’t seem fair, but neither did thinking of the inevitable. The sounds Mia was making were turning me off even more, and when she leaned into whisper in my ear, “I can’t wait to have you inside me,” I felt almost ill.

  It was her hair that finally did the trick. She pulled it out of her ponytail and let it fall around her shoulders in a thin curtain. I touched the strands at her back and felt myself come to life just in time to have her get off me so we could simultaneously remove the rest of our clothing. I put on the condom, laid back on her small bed, my ankles dangling off her mattress, and let her straddle me, sinking slowly down with her thin lips parted.

  I closed my eyes as Mia bounced up and down on my cock, unable to look at her body or her face without wanting to shove her off. I kept the image of her blonde hair in my mind as she rode me like an untrained bronco, the sounds she made almost comical with how unreal they sounded. My sexual experience consisted of porn and a single, incredible woman. I didn’t know what Mia’s buttons were, I didn’t know what to do other than regular old fashioned clitoral stimulation, and I apparently couldn’t think about her while this was happening. So, I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be in ecstasy, until I gave in and finally just imagined it was Celeste. I saw her perky tits with the taut pink nipples, her long blonde hair curling at the ends as she bent over me, smiling that knowing Celeste smile. I saw her long torso, with the gentle curve of her hips as she gasped quietly and bit her lip, grinding against me to get to her own pleasure.

  And then I was back, horny, and I knew what I would do to Celeste in this situation, so I just did that. I flipped Mia onto her back mid bounce, taking her by surprise, and stuck my thumb between our bodies, rubbing at her nubby little clit. Mia went quiet and I opened my eyes to make sure she was still into what we were doing, but she was wholly and completely lost. She was looking down between our bodies, her mouth gaping open. Her breathing increased and with each inhale she made a new sound, a much more enjoyable, real sound. I used my other arm to keep me propped up, not wanting to ruin my vision by brushing my chest against those extra pointy little boobs she had, and went to town on her vagina, thinking only of Celeste.

  She came a moment later, her thighs trembling at my hips, and I let go of her clit, grabbing the top of her wooden headboard as I pounded my own release into her a few minutes later.

  I rolled off of her and she turned to look at me, sweat beading her forehead. “Oh my god, Maverick, that was like, incredible.”

  I gave her an easy grin, wanting to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure that’s the dumbest I’ve ever sounded.” Her cheeks pinked up and I felt guilty for not liking this girl more. She was smart. And kind. “Did you want to hang out for a bit, maybe watch a shitty movie?”

  I kissed her on the cheek and rolled out of the bed, “I had a good time too, Mia, and you don’t sound dumb. But I have to get back to my own dorm and do some studying.”

  “Right. Child prodigy. Sorry.”

  I winced, “Yeah. Gotta keep up with the reputation.” I pulled on my jeans and t-shirt, noting with satisfaction the way she gawked at my abdomen as the shirt covered my torso. I’d been working out and running every day, despite coach’s warnings about staying on top of academics. I wasn’t falling behind on either front, and for whatever reason, I had more energy than ever before. The only thing I really noticed was the insatiable hunger. I was starving, constantly. I was eating full meals up to eight times a day and my stomach still growled during class.

  “So, when will I see you again?” Mia asked, and covered her face with an embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry, I probably sound desperate.”

  Her insecurity was a turn off, but I smiled to placate her and sat down beside her on the bed. “Listen, Mia,” I started.

  Her eyes widened and she fell back, her head hitting her pillow, “I’m sorry, I know you were very clear with me about what this was.”

  She kept apologizing and it was beginning to irritate me, “Stop apologizing, Mia, you haven’t done anything wrong.” I ran a hand through my hair and took
a deep breath, going for honesty so I didn’t sound like too much of an asshole. “Honestly I’m not over my high school girlfriend, and between football and my class schedule, I haven’t got time to replace her.” I frowned at my own words. It was getting late and the physical exhaustion from the day was beginning to weigh me down. “That isn’t what I meant.”

  “I know what you mean,” Mia said, sitting up. “Let’s remain friends with really good benefits, okay? No pressure.”

  I nodded, “Agreed.”

  She was smiling at me and I felt uncomfortable, “I still need to go study,” I said slowly, standing and grabbing my backpack off the floor.

  “Of course, I’ll see you in class? Maybe earlier?”

  I nodded, “Absolutely.”

  I didn’t answer her question directly, and I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. But I didn’t want to get her hopes up.

  Making my way back to my own dorm room, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and thought about texting Celeste. We’d spoken once more in the last two weeks and then she stopped responding altogether. The last message I’d sent to her was a picture of myself wearing only a shiny new Bulldogs helmet, my hand just covering my junk. I thought she would have found it hilarious, but apparently, I’d been wrong.

  I texted her once again, telling myself this would be the last time.

  Me: Sorry, Ace. You alright?

  I did the quick math in my head. It was 2AM in Switzerland. She was probably sleeping. Hopefully, she was sleeping.

  Brody was awake in our room when I arrived and he looked up at me, eyes red from lack of sleep. “Where you been, I thought you had a report to write.”

  In the last two weeks I’d come to find out that Brody was one of the hardest working individuals I’d ever met. He also had an impeccable memory.

  “I fucked Mia,” I said simply, tossing my bag onto my bed and falling into the chair at my desk.

  He raised one eyebrow and turned back to his open book, head in his hands. “You’re rude, you know that?”